Talk me into it

[boilerman]

Forum members directed me to one of my favorite books: Ernie Zelinski "How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free". The entire book is great, but the Get a Life exercise really opened my eyes.
Best of Luck to you. Come back and keep us updated.

Order this book and his other one “The Joy of not working”.

I could have written your original post but these books changed everything for me. It takes effort to plan a happy retirement - get started!

 

[dmva]

Speaking as one who has been there - if your life is your work, or rather if you define yourself by what you do, your choice is 1/make the break yourself or 2/wait until it is done to you. If you wait for 2 you will have the added stress of being rejected by the very thing that defined you. Better to take control: since money isn’t the issue, you have the luxury of imagination - take the time to plan, explore your inner interests and even fantasies about what you’d do with freedom from the day to do, explore with your family what would be important to them. There are different answers for everyone, from simply putting the feet up and dozing through the days, to active volunteering, to long-delayed projects or learning interests, to reconnecting with a spouse who has been sidelined in the rush to success, to etc and etc.

Great thoughts thank you for sharing.

 

[dmva]

I had the same problem before I semi retired, my way out was easy, even though my career defined me as a person, I feel like I’m losing out on things that I would really enjoy more like watching my daughter grow up, spend more time with my family, travel more etc. I’m in the medical field and retired last year at the age of 44, also with 10M plus, I kept only about 5% of work that I was doing before, 15-20 hrs per month, enough to keep my license, and found out that work has become more enjoyable, I can still have the status that defined me and also enjoy my time off, at some point i found out money isn’t everything, we all have a limited amount of time on earth and it is up to us what we want to do with it. Good luck to you

I like the idea of still working a little. Thank you.

 

[dmva]

Well said, and this is EXACTLY what I've struggled with since also giving up a very high paying, Silicon Valley Tech Job ~a year and a half ago.

It's been tough, no doubt, and most days I really do miss the prestige, the pay, the sense of "self-worth" and achievement/accomplishment. My job WAS a very big part of me. And the pay was heavy six figures, plus RSUs. I walked away from what today would probably be worth ~$500K+ of RSUs that hadn't yet vested. Boy, that'd be nice to have now, especially after the recent market volatility. In short, I've felt like a total idiot many times (at least half if not 3/4 of the days since) for giving it all up.

All that said, my dear wife has reminded me that the job was absolutely killing me - and it was. The stress was off the charts unmanageable and something I really can't describe adequately. Suffice it to say, if I had stayed, I may very well have been carried out of there in a horizontal position, feet first. BUT - I essentially traded that stress for a DIFFERENT kind of stress, and as "street" wrote, the stress of not having the status or the identity is perhaps slowly killing me in a different but related way because I haven't coped with it well AT ALL.

We have a pretty solid financial plan (OK, HAD a pretty solid financial plan - my CD dividends have been pulverized to pretty much zero, stock dividends have been cut, and equities have gotten hammered..aside from that, it's just swell), and I do miss the days when I didn't have to worry about what something cost. DW and I are thinking about building our retirement home and have a signed agreement on a vacant parcel of land to do it on (still in our due diligence period), and I'm stressing beyond words about the cost - which has more than doubled since we last built in 2000. That means we'll need 100% of the equity in our current home, PLUS another pretty big chunk of cash (well into six figures) or so to do it. Yeah, that's a big deal when there's no paychecks coming in. So, even though we probably are just fine financially, it's a whole different ballgame when you look at big expenditures and think "crap..there's no W-2 income coming in now to replenish whatever I pull out of the piggy bank". Don't underestimate that..it's a very scary feeling to know that the piggy bank is not infinite or inexhaustible. Add in what could be Great Depression 2.0 due to the impact of COVID, and if I had it to do all over again knowing this was all coming, I would have toughed it out a couple more years..

Anyway..we're roughly the same age and both in Tech (although like you, I long stopped being "technical") so I totally get it. Only you can decide, but I feel your pain and empathize completely.

Wow thanks for sharing your story. I can see myself feeling similar to you. My wife and I aren’t spenders and I am hopeful that I won’t miss the W2 income. But I’ll need something to replace my career. I’m not sure how I’ll cope either with the identity stress. That’s an unknown and I’ll just have to see how it plays out.

Congrats on the idea of vaca home. Building a home will be a project to manage and probably fun and stressful in a good way too.

 

[dmva]

As a piece of advice to the OP, I'd guess this is probably true. He/she seems like a very driven person, who derives a great deal of personal identity from work. As a piece of general advice, it's probably true for most people, but it certainly didn't apply to me. Apologies for what may appear to be a willfully contrarian post, but I really do take exception to the notion that we need to "retire to something", mainly because that wasn't my experience at all.

Admittedly, I entered retirement via a layoff, so the transition wasn't my choice. However, adjusting to the change was easy. My first day off work felt like a regular day off. So did the second, and the next one, and the next one. It just felt like being off work all the time. Sure, I missed the job and my co-workers, but there was no big existential crisis. I got back into my old hobby of ham radio, and spent the next few years building radio gear. I had never had the time to do it properly before, so I was able to "prove" to myself that I could do it, and do it quite well. I also adopted 3 cats along the way. That was it. When I wasn't building radios and enjoying the company of my kitties, I was riding my bicycle around town. It doesn't take much to fill a day. I also revived and indulged my interest in photography. I never retired to any of these things though. I simply stopped working, and naturally began doing other things. However - and I think this is key - I am not a "doing" person. I don't think I have to be doing something in order to be content or worthy.

Perhaps this is fairly unique to what I think is my rather specific personality type, but isn't simply being alive enough? There are so many wonderful things about simply existing, and experiencing the sights and sounds of our world, that just being alive feels like a great gift to me. One of the nice things about being retired, is that I can go to bed when I want, and get up when I want. A few days ago, I stayed up rather late working on a project. It was still dark when I went to bed, but only just. A few birds were already beginning to get wind of the impending new day. It's quite a wonderful thing to hear them gradually beginning to wake up, before most of the rest of us. This morning, I woke up early, at about 4am, and realized that my little blind kitty was curled up next to my head. As I woke and moved a little, she began quietly purring. It was just her and myself, together in the silence of the night. Such a lovely moment.

If I were still working, I wouldn't have the time to enjoy these, and many, many more moments. And no - I am not one of those new-agey spiritual types who does astrology, has a collection of crystals, and "knows" all sorts of things about my chakras, whatever they might be. I am very much a pragmatist. I just happen to think the world is an endlessly wonderful place, and I like being in it.

I had a girlfriend in college who said, "Tom. There are two types of people. There are do'ers, and be'ers. I think you're a be'er." She had a point. I do do things - quite a lot of them, in fact. However, I don't feel that I have to do anything in particular in order to justify my existence.

Thanks for listening, and I know that almost no-one here will relate. However, I just gotta be me

Awesome! Thank you. I need to try out life as a be’er. I suspect that be’ers are people who slow down to learn who their true selves are. As a chronic do’er I let my career etc. define me.

 

[chris2008]

I ER'ed 7 years ago at 55. The books mentioned in #26 were good to prepare for the mental change.
Friends and family warned me as they knew I was a "do'er". But I knew I am a "be'er" inside.
Have not been bored yet.
Good luck to you!

 

[DrRoy]

When I retired, I had travel, photography, reading, music, and home projects to keep me completely occupied. I also had the opportunity to assist and/or lead photography workshops, but didn't want the hassle of catering to the clients.

 

[NameTaken2]

Most would love to have this "problem".

Your work defines you -therefore keep working.
You're a leader, therefore a Problem Solver -you'll know when you're ready to retire.


Good Luck!

 

[Midpack]

I don’t have any kind of plan for how I’ll spend my days in retirement. That is keeping me from quitting work. I’m very afraid that I’d instantly and forever regret giving up my great but somewhat overwhelming job for boredom and meaningless days.

My question is what did you do to proactively plan your retirement before you quit? Did you have similar concerns about leaving the working world when your self image is wrapped up in your career etc? How do you spend time now in retirement to give back to the world and have real impact?

You should NOT let anyone “talk you into it,” especially a bunch of strangers online. Giving up a well paying job is a big life milestone and usually irreversible. IMO you should NOT retire until you’re comfortably FI (evidently check) and you really can’t bear your career anymore (only you can draw that line).

Aside from not reaching $ FI, not knowing “what you will do all day” in retirement can be a serious issue. Yes, some people naturally transition into an active, fulfilling life after work without a plan, but not everyone. The more wrapped up in your work (nothing wrong with that BTW), the less certain you can be. Some unprepared retirees fall into (some degree of) boredom and depression without the structure and/or social aspects of work.

“What will I do all day” was the final hurdle before I retired. In his book, How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free, author Ernie Zelinski talks about creating a "Get-a-Life Tree” - example below, not mine. For me, completing that exercise was very helpful - an epiphany. The idea is simply to brainstorm about all the things you used to like to do, currently like to do, or think you would like to do, plus fitness activities you enjoy. He challenges us to keep going until we’ve identified 50 activities. It only took me about 10 minutes to identify about 40 activities with a few follow up adds over the next few days to surpass 50. Made me realize how many other things I’d enjoy doing, and I retired a few months later. And I haven’t had to refer to it after all, but it satisfied my concerns about retirement life.

It only takes a few minutes of your 700,000 +/- hour life so I highly recommend it for anyone who has any doubts about what they will do all day...

 

[Bryan Barnfellow]

You're 57, in Tech, and no longer actually technical. Unless you've reached whatever 3 steps above your standard VP level is, your days are already numbered.

But no one can talk you into this. You don't seem remotely ready (emotionally) but you're probably overly-ready financially. You can only do that work yourself. What do you want to do? If you were RIF'd tomorrow I don't think you'd adapt well, so start planning that way - as if the decision might be forced on you, vs. yours to make.

My self-image was never "wrapped up" in my career, but it was certainly a part of it. It faded pretty quickly, probably because I was planning to ER for years and overly ready for it, so I knew I'd never have regrets. And I ER'd more than 10 years younger than you are now. Less assets, but probably less than 20% of us here have over 10m when we retired.

So to this part:


Proactively, I asked myself years ago - if you won the lottery today what would you do? I started a small creative business - the kind of thing 7 year old me would have said I wanted to do, without worrying about income. Was a "side gig" while working, and is now a part time hobby business. I have a "I'm a this" answer to what I do. If you want to give back to the world support a charity or your religious organization or feed stray cats, wherever your passion lies.

+1 An important comment on changing perspective.

 

[Closet_Gamer]

OP, I'm about 7 years behind you in age and assets.

I do not intend to make it to where you are. Three years and I'm out.

Life is short and corporate life only has so much to offer. How much schwing will you get out of the next budget season? P&L review? Product launch? Re-org? Big public speech?

When you're 85 and looking back, will you be happy that years 56-60 were filled with more-of-the-same corporate drama and your stash went to $15M, or will you wish that you had taken a different road?

My last boss was a good role model in many respects. He was passionately committed to traveling with his family. One day he said to me "After all, there may come a day when we can't do it." I corrected him and said "No, there WILL come a day when you can't do it"

There WILL come a day when this is no longer your choice. In your circumstance, if you're doing what you do everyday and not affirmatively choosing that is what you want to do...well, that's on you. It seems like you're running on momentum. More than for 99.99% of the people on the planet, the world is your oyster. Seize it.

My suggestions:
1) Create purpose beyond the business...decide what you want to do with the next $5M b/c you certainly don't need it (or even much appear to want it). Ditto for people at the office. Your situation may afford you the opportunity to really invest in people in ways you haven't before.

2) Tape a note to your bathroom mirror that says "Every day is a choice"

3) Tape a second note that says "Nothing ventured, nothing gained"

You probably got to where you are in corporate life by taking a lot risks. Feels like time for risk of a completely different kind.

My $0.02.

 

[Bryan Barnfellow]

When you're 85 and looking back, will you be happy that years 56-60 were filled with more-of-the-same corporate drama and your stash went to $15M, or will you wish that you had taken a different road?

Sometimes even looking back can elude you. My, now deceased, father-in-law, had been a highly regarded professor of electrical engineering, with several very important patents and discoveries to his credit. His dementia left him with no recollection of these achievements, nor that he had earned a PHD, taught numerous students in a prestigious university, helped found EE societies and journals, etc.

What he did remember was the time spent with his loving family.

 

[CRLLS]

Maybe, just maybe, OP is a good candidate for the infamous OMY syndrome. Maybe OMM? (One More Month) Figure out what makes sense for you as to what periods you want to review your future path. In the mean time, resist any thoughts of such during that period. Relax a bit. Slack off (slightly) at work. Don't volunteer for any more responsibility. In fact, try to delegate more. Take some time off. You know the time is coming. It will be here when it is time. Before it does, try to make work less stressful for yourself. Try some hobbies, take some adult classes, or whatever. Life during work or life afterwards is not a single choice. It is a series of choices. Some may work out. Some may not. Retirement is like work in that the only thing constant is change. You still have time to make a few wrong choices in retirement.

 

[nvestysly]

As others have mentioned, we're not here to talk you into retirement. As a community we are here to discuss ideas, financial and otherwise, related to retirement. With that in mind a few comments that may be helpful...

Retire to something, not from something

In retirement, have one thing to do every day. Walking out to pick up the newspaper doesn't count. Something productive, something that takes thought, planning, time, energy. One thing for me often expands to many days, even weeks, as I plan the "thing" I'm doing, buy the parts/materials, etc.

Figure out how to make your retired life look a little bit like w*rk. By that, I mean do all your projects, planning, etc. during the week - much like a j*b. Keep your weekends for you - a little downtime.

Arrange your cash flow to resemble a paycheck - arrange for money to come into your life much a paycheck - weekly, twice monthly, whatever works for you.

Think about the things that will make you happy. It's different for everyone so there is no single answer. A good book about retiree happiness came out a few years ago - You Can Retire Sooner Than You Think by Wes Moss. Take a look at his book or something like it. Link to Amazon listed below:

https://smile.amazon.com/You-Retire...id=1593354878&sprefix=wes+moss,aps,143&sr=8-2

Best wishes with your decision.

 

[Chuckanut]

Like many people I had planned to work until at least the FRA of 66.

Then reality struck in many unhappy ways. In my mid 50's over a period of about 5 years, I lost three family members to diseases including my one and only sibling. I also lost five good friends. At one point I remember walking down the street and wondering when a bolt of lightning from the clouds would strike me down. When it didn't, I decided to retire as soon as possible.

For the first six months I luxuriated in not setting an alarm, reading the morning paper, and a few other trivial things. I did make a conscious choice to work on my health. I improved my diet by cutting way back on sugar and cheap processed carbs. I lost 25 pounds in a few months. I also started a regular exercise program, which while modest compared to the gym rats on this site, is still far better than no exercise.

In time I got a bit bored reading the morning paper decided to be a bit more productive. I started visiting and helping out my children more, spent a bit more times with friends, and decided to throw off the sad mantle of being a 'wretched lonely divorced guy' and find a good girl friend. That was/is the hardest part. There are lots of great women out there, but finding one that is the right one has been the hardest 'work' of my retirement. It is, however, very enjoyable work most of the time.

I've traveled quite a bit off-season, doing one domestic and one international trip a year (except for 2020, it seems). I improved my already descent cooking skills. I helped others who needed help mid week. I started to learn Italian since Italy is the home of my parents. Overall, my time has filled up with useful activities, but not the the point that I often feel rushed. Having control of one's time is a huge benefit of retirement. It's freedom.

Oh, did I mention grandchildren? I am blessed to be able to spend large amounts of time with them. It's like being injected with youth serum.

My favorite FIRE cartoon of all time is below.

 

[woodosgood]

What to do in retirement

We've met a lot of retired folks who say "how did I ever find the time to go to work?". Others are probably wondering what they are going to do all day.

We know someone who was a high level executive who lost his job due to a re-org and found himself "retired". He thought about finding another position (he had been defined by his job), but decided to just consult with others in his industry and help out a few start ups. After a few months of doing this, for free, he decided that a real job would be too stressful and he was enjoying retirement more than he thought (more golf, cooking, etc.). He continues to consult on projects that interest him, but never for a fee. "If they pay me, they will start imposing deadlines, and expect email responses 24/7."

So, whether you know what you want to retire to, not from, or will figure it out in the next few months, there are lots of good resources to help you find your next passion.

BTW - we sold our house and most of our belongings and have been living and travelling in a motorhome since May 2016.

 

[dmva]

You should NOT let anyone “talk you into it,” especially a bunch of strangers online. Giving up a well paying job is a big life milestone and usually irreversible. IMO you should NOT retire until you’re comfortably FI (evidently check) and you really can’t bear your career anymore (only you can draw that line).

Aside from not reaching $ FI, not knowing “what you will do all day” in retirement can be a serious issue. Yes, some people naturally transition into an active, fulfilling life after work without a plan, but not everyone. The more wrapped up in your work (nothing wrong with that BTW), the less certain you can be. Some unprepared retirees fall into (some degree of) boredom and depression without the structure and/or social aspects of work.

“What will I do all day” was the final hurdle before I retired. In his book, How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free, author Ernie Zelinski talks about creating a "Get-a-Life Tree” - example below, not mine. For me, completing that exercise was very helpful - an epiphany. The idea is simply to brainstorm about all the things you used to like to do, currently like to do, or think you would like to do, plus fitness activities you enjoy. He challenges us to keep going until we’ve identified 50 activities. It only took me about 10 minutes to identify about 40 activities with a few follow up adds over the next few days to surpass 50. Made me realize how many other things I’d enjoy doing, and I retired a few months later. And I haven’t had to refer to it after all, but it satisfied my concerns about retirement life.

It only takes a few minutes of your 700,000 +/- hour life so I highly recommend it for anyone who has any doubts about what they will do all day...

Amazing post. Thanks for sharing you thoughts and book recommendation. I have made the list and am starting to really think this through in detail now. Much appreciated.

 

[MRG]

I left the field seven years ago when I "retired" a year ahead of my poorly planned escape. I'd spent 14 hours on a call helping fix a client's DB on a rare work from home day. My office was open to the rest of the house and DW got to hear the nonsense. Especially when my VP decided, without any information, this was a hardware problem and why hadn't I called in the vendor?

That night I saw in my wife's eyes I never wanted to. I knew my job was full of things some technical some emotional but it was becoming more insane and it was hurting her! I saw fear and anxiety in her eyes and I knew I could change that. Working for a paycheck was optional. I gave my notice a few weeks later.

We didn't have the assets you do. It is a personal choice, perhaps only second to when is the best time to start SS.[emoji848]

I wish you the best and to find where you stop the merry-go-round. It stops irregardless if you give permission or not.

ETA: I said poorly planned because it was. I wish I had the advice @Midpack gave you. For me it was a process not an event. There's a number of great things that can happen post retirement. Me I lost 70 pounds and a bunch of prescription medications. My BP is normal now, I sleep the best I ever have. DW is down 50 pounds we walk daily and before Covid-19 were at the gym 3-4x weekly.

 

[Eucerin]

OP -
may be a good idea to asking yourself - what is the purpose of living? what is your life goal? why are you in this universe?
If your answer is "work", then you just answer your own question; if it is not, its a good time to digging deep.