Can I Go Live In A Cave Now?

[Amethyst]

That's right. What a great excuse to hang around a cute boy - "Oh, I just love your little [-]monster[/-] brother...can I help you watch him?"

I bet they did like it Ha. You're such a ladies man. This is clearly a skill you learned in your youth and honed to perfection in adulthood.

 

[haha]

I bet they did like it Ha. You're such a ladies man. This is clearly a skill you learned in your youth and honed to perfection in adulthood.

That is kind of you to say, but it also makes me feel a little queasy, as if it might be a manipulative skill that I worked on. I don't think I ever honed anything. What I really think is that I just like women and I can often see things from their points of view. This also requires that I have try to understand their outlook, which I usually don’t find difficult.


Likely the community I grew up in, with large families and tight social structure shaped my attitudes, like you suggest. Neighborhhods were full of children, we were all out, everyone had sisters and brothers, so we interacted with our own and the opposire sex, older, younger. Perhaps this creates a balanced viewpoint?

Ha

 

[Purron]

That is kind of you to say, but it also makes me feel a little queasy, as if it might be a manipulative skill that I worked on. I don't think I ever honed anything. What I really think is that I just like women and I can often see things from their points of view. This also requires that I have try to understand their outlook, which I usually don’t find difficult.


Likely the community I grew up in, with large families and tight social structure shaped my attitudes, like you suggest. Neighborhhods were full of children, we were all out, everyone had sisters and brothers, so we interacted with our own and the opposire sex, older, younger. Perhaps this creates a balanced viewpoint?

Ha

I don't think it's a manipulative skill at all. You have an ability to understand women. As you matured, this natural ability became better as you had more diverse relationships. It's based on respecting women and being interested in their viewpoints. You're the kind of guy who can enjoy a relationship with a woman you're not romantically involved with. My DH is much the same way. One of the main reasons I fell in love with him.

I had a similiar childhood. We all played ball, rode our bikes and sleds and generally hung out together. Back in the days when parents didn't worry about their kids paying outside. Seems now most kids have such a controlled life. I can understand parents being protective, but kids are missing out by not have free and creative play time with a more diverse set of friends.

 

[Brat]

OK guys, back to Brewer's problem. My thought is that he knows a lot more than those around him so they are throwing *** his way all the while they tie up his talent to excess. This is causing stress at work which is brought home. Wife, with young children, is exhausted from her domestic responsibilities and needs Brewer contributing as husband and father. We now have a stress circle.

Ultimately Brewer needs a different job but in the short term he needs some relief. Domestic life might be easier if they could hire help at home, maybe find some one who will look after the kids one day a week and who might be able to carry that load overnight so that they could get away without the kids.

What I found to be the most effective employment stress management strategy was to plan an escape, then work the plan. You may be ducking flying *** while looking for the exit but the fact that this will cease enables survival. Don't consider offers within the same department, odds are it is dysfunctional from top to bottom.

 

[brewer12345]

Here is the problem with all proposed fixes: they don't appear feasible. The job I am stuck with, ditto the 3+ hour daily commute. Full stop. The spousal/family responsibilities appear fixed. A nanny or whatever isn't in the budget, help from family is not forthcoming, and whenever I can get DW to talk about me getting a break it is in terms of stopgap/emergency solutions to the current crisis (me about to fall over). Willingness/ability on DW's part to make a significant structural change isn't readily apparent, plus I would not want to miss out on time with my kids.

So I think I am fcuked, at least until I can put together my ESR plan (3 years, if things go well).

 

[haha]

Best of luck to you.

Ha

 

[DblDoc]

^^
Ditto

Any chance for a weekend family trip with your trailer?

DD

 

[brewer12345]

Trailer is winterized and that is it until April.

Maybe I will have a few swigs of leftover prescription cough syrup and go dance with the fairies for a while...

 

[Purron]

I hear you Brewer. Focusing on your ESR plan will help. I think your orginial plan of a day off from the world is a good idea. Combining a focus on a happy future with the occasional mental health day could be the best way to go. I also think it's a good idea to find some buddies for a hunting or fishing trip out in the woods.

Peace

 

[walkinwood]

Best of luck!

 

[Brat]

You do have a plan to exit, 3 years will fly by sooner than you know. Stay healthy.

 

[lucija]

... Part of what is pushing m to the edge of the cliffis that just as I drag my thoroughly chewed ass to the weekend, I know that I have full-time kid care duties to deal with because DW is a member of a fairly serious choir which be performing on Sunday. Sorry dear; its nice you lead a full life, but I have needs too.

Brew, I don't get this... If the above is true, how could she possibly be opposed to you having a few hours to yourself? Perhaps you simply crossed signals. She can't be singing away the whole weekend, could you swap out the duties at some point and you can take the evening off?

BTW, do you want to run away and be alone or do you just want to get away from stress? You mentioned somewhere you do not want to miss time with kids, could you take a day off, take your kids somewhere and goof off (if they are not already in school)? Perhaps in the evening, she can be with the little ones and you can disappear for an additional hour or two on your own?

I get what you're saying about being on your own - we're in the similar boat, two young kids, stressful jobs and no family help at all (ever). I do not think humans are designed to go-go-go from one obligation to another checking things off the to do list... one has to have a break - so take one, you will function much better and be more useful to the family. We struggled with the same problem and found out (the hard way) that the quality of all of our lives is much better when we each take some time to ourselves and each other.

 

[fisherman]

Could you invite your Boss that is the PITA on the hunting trip? A Dick Cheney incident might help the situation!

 

[brewer12345]

Could you invite your Boss that is the PITA on the hunting trip? A Dick Cheney incident might help the situation!

My direct boss and his boss I get along with well. The organization which employs me has more layers of bureaucracy than any I have ever seen (and I once worked for a 10,000+ employee consulting firm). Every time I get another email from someone unfamiliar, my first response is a trip to the org chart to figure out who the hell they are.

 

[Brat]

Perhaps you and your boss could agree on a filter, try to limit the scope of those who can demand your attention. Get the bureaucracy to work for you.

 

[Bimmerbill]

I have the same problem. When at home I have a long "TO DO" list, and it just eats at me to let it sit there and add more stuff to it without doing some of it. Throw in the single dad routine and I'm pretty maxed out as well.

I would suggest taking a day off from work and leaving your house at your regular time and just relaxing somewhere. Heck, you could even do a half day and catch a movie or something.

I guess it is a bit deceptive tho.

If you plan is causing this kind of angst you may have to rethink it. Is it worth it to live like this for 3+ more years? Can you add 1 year to the plan and hire a part time nanny?

 

[Fireup2020]

This FRIDAY, call in sick, go to the school, sign out the kids, and take them to Great Adventure before it closes for the season! Whoop and holler with them! Nothing better than playing unexpected hooky with Dad! Priceless!

 

[Pete]

Any suggestions on how to recharge?

With a name like Brewer, I would've thought you'da figured that out already.

 

[brewer12345]

These days I just feel like i am going through the motions as a slog from one task tothe next. I brought flowers home for DW last night (anniversary) more because I was not interested in an argument than anything else. DW started to get all lovey-dovey, and I just did not have it in me to reciprocate or have much interest. Yeah, yeah, take a number...

 

[haha]

These days I just feel like i am going through the motions as a slog from one task tothe next. I brought flowers home for DW last night (anniversary) more because I was not interested in an argument than anything else. DW started to get all lovey-dovey, and I just did not have it in me to reciprocate or have much interest. Yeah, yeah, take a number...

Brew, you might should get some help. It is easy to think things will just drag along until the external situation improves, but then one day you get off the train at work and there is a process server. You will not necessarily get a warning from her that the end is near.

Like you, I figured the problems were temporary, and external, but women can have a different time function, and a different definition of what can be borne.

Marriage counseling can be risky, because if she is near to making the decision to leave, sometimes counseling will push her over the edge and she is gone. But therapy for you might help a lot. It isn't always only or even mostly the other party, and a good therapist might be able to open your eyes. A bad therapist is a disaster, so ask around.

That she gets horny when you bring flowers is a very good sign that the ship is still more or less upright. But if it were me, I wouldn't screw around. If you get an attitude adjustment, you will perhaps begin to look different in her eyes, and things can start improving again.

Ha

 

[brewer12345]

Appreciate the thought, Ha, but counseling is not an option I would ever pursue. Ditto drugs, etc. Not an option.

In any case, DW is a counselor by trade and training and I already have a hard time keeping the (infrequent) fights from turning into a counseling session. Cannot imagine what an actual counseling session with a third party would be like.

 

[bbbamI]

I've endured my fair share of shizz storms...as a matter of fact I'm going through one of the worst ones now.

But one thing I have learned is to focus on the positive. Yeah..it sounds too easy and corny but it works for me.

You have a job that not only puts food on the table, but will allow you to ESR in a few years. You have a home, your bride and two healthy children. You have strangers on a forum doing their best to help you with heartfelt suggestions.

I'm not downplaying what you are going through right now...I'm just trying to remind you of what is right in your world.

My best to you Brew....

 

[Hobo]

Appreciate the thought, Ha, but counseling is not an option I would ever pursue. Ditto drugs, etc. Not an option.

In any case, DW is a counselor by trade and training and I already have a hard time keeping the (infrequent) fights from turning into a counseling session. Cannot imagine what an actual counseling session with a third party would be like.

Counseling or therapy SUCK. Stay away from that quackery. It ain't your wife's problem... it's yours.

A 15-min. visit to a Psychiatrist (a real doctor), by yourself, who listens but doesn't talk absolutely changed my life from the pits to pretty good in a very short time.

If you work in a brewery, then you know that modern science has improved the taste, the shelf life, and the ingredients that go into making great beer.

What do you think thousands of scientists working in laboratories all day in bio-medical companies? They make new medicine based on research and tests. If you don't need this medicine, then you can swallow 10 and at most it will make you sleepy.

BUT, if your brain is pumping out the wrong signals, this medicine can fix things just like an aspirin can stop a headache. You may benefit greatly by this medicine, but you can't be so pig headed as not to try.

Listen. I am the kind of guy who would rather piss in a bush next to the garage than go inside the house and use a toilet. I have no use for vitamins, health foods, or any of that kind of nonsense. I don't go to the dentist until I have a toothache. And I wouldn't go to a psychiatrist unless my life depended on it.

But finally, I realized my life depended on it!!! All I can tell you is two types of this medicine - given to me by a psychiatrist - changed my life from one like yours to something a heck of a lot better almost overnight.

But hey, it's your life. If you are not sick and tired of being sick and tired, then that is your choice.

All am saying is it doesn't hurt to try. If it doesn't work, then flush the bottle of meds down the toilet. You can try some of the "walk in the park" suggestions posted previously. But if your brain is broken, then you need the right tool to fix it.

 

[DblDoc]

Counseling or therapy SUCK. Stay away from that quackery. It ain't your wife's problem... it's yours.

A 15-min. visit to a Psychiatrist (a real doctor), by yourself, who listens but doesn't talk absolutely changed my life from the pits to pretty good in a very short time.

If you work in a brewery, then you know that modern science has improved the taste, the shelf life, and the ingredients that go into making great beer.

What do you think thousands of scientists working in laboratories all day in bio-medical companies? They make new medicine based on research and tests. If you don't need this medicine, then you can swallow 10 and at most it will make you sleepy.

BUT, if your brain is pumping out the wrong signals, this medicine can fix things just like an aspirin can stop a headache. You may benefit greatly by this medicine, but you can't be so pig headed as not to try.

Listen. I am the kind of guy who would rather piss in a bush next to the garage than go inside the house and use a toilet. I have no use for vitamins, health foods, or any of that kind of nonsense. I don't go to the dentist until I have a toothache. And I wouldn't go to a psychiatrist unless my life depended on it.

But finally, I realized my life depended on it!!! All I can tell you is two types of this medicine - given to me by a psychiatrist - changed my life from one like yours to something a heck of a lot better almost overnight.

But hey, it's your life. If you are not sick and tired of being sick and tired, then that is your choice.

All am saying is it doesn't hurt to try. If it doesn't work, then flush the bottle of meds down the toilet. You can try some of the "walk in the park" suggestions posted previously. But if your brain is broken, then you need the right tool to fix it.

Nothing that Brewer has posted makes me think he is clinically depressed, just stressed out by life. Stressful job, no downtime at home and not enough hours in the day. They don't make a pill/"med" for that, despite what many may think...

DD

 

[MichaelB]

It isn’t as easy as some want to believe.

I remember a night when I came home from work (a very high pressure job). We were all sitting at the dinner table (something that did not happen ‘till right before I stopped working) and all the talk was about who didn’t do what, stuff they wanted me to do, school issues, money. All problems, neverending, all looking at me for solutions. At one point I just looked around at everybody and [-]yelled[/-] said – “If I wanted more $hit or more problems I would have just stayed at work”. I just unloaded on all of them. A real shocker for someone who always kept work and personal separate and never brought my work or work problems home. I left work less than 2 years later.

After a certain point in my career I was never able to fully reconcile work, home and self, but I did deal with it more effectively by focusing on my relationship with DW and the kids. For us it was just doing little things that let us relate and spend a bit of time together without having to think or talk about life’s stresses. Kind of rebuilding the friendship part.

Not recommending, just saying. But Brewer’s work environment looks stressful and uncompromising. A break right now may help - but I suspect over time it's gonna take someone else to help find a way to cope.

I have a good friend who deals with this at the firing range, and it seems to work for him.