Communities' thoughts on handling an inheritance?

[AnotherDreamer]

Hmm.

So despite what he promised your father, and despite what his previous will said (which your sister thinks is still in effect) your uncle has decided to leave everything to you and none to your sister. Wow.

And it sounds like the inheritance would be considerable. And that if your sister got nothing, you would retire?

It was one thought of many. The general consensus of advice from what I gather is it wouldn't be wise to consider ER for my situation.

If it were me, I'd get sis involved now, rather than wait. I would talk to uncle and be stern that he must deal with this now so that the entire burden doesn't fall on you. Without that, your sister will certainly hire an attorney to challenge the will and suggest that you exerted undo influence on him to stiff your sister. The only people who win when surprises like this happen are the battling attorneys. You stand to lose a ton in attorney fees, as well as losing any connection you may have with your sister.

His attorney was right. He is wrong. Perhaps you can convince him to deal with it now. He has a right to dispose of his money any way he chooses. But dropping the bomb on your sister with no warning is a huge mistake.

I'd love to get my sister involved but I'm not prepared to jeopardize my uncle's trust for future potential havoc. At this point, given my uncle's explicit wishes, I think it's best to let him decide how to disclose to my sister.

 

[TrvlBug]

Can the will be changed to first 'pay' you for your taking care of your uncle. My father did something to this effect willing his home in the SF Bay Area to a sibling for taking care of him until passing. Small remainder of funds if not spent would be split among the siblings. I had no issues and thought it was a great idea. I have no idea what my DB (deadbeat brother) thought. We were all advised of the change in the will.

I agree with the comments that things could get real ugly if sis is not advised of the change.

 

[AnotherDreamer]

Not to mention, don't count your chickens yet. Your uncle might live longer than the two years you have forecast, and he might need full time care in a nursing home for much of it.

Do you live with him?

I live in a small bachelor apartment, and considerable time is lost commuting to take care of my uncle. We've discussed placing him in a nursing home or retirement community, but he seems quite opposed to it and keeps saying he would rather die. I'm not sure how to persuade him that it is probably for the best as they would have trained professionals to care for him.

Also, I've tried several times to get local community workers to come help alleviate the burden, but he never gets along with them and just insists I keep doing it since it seems to be working.

I don't think he really grasps how hard my studies are and I'm genuinely concerned his care is quickly going to exceed my abilities. But I'm holding strong for now and will continue as long as I can.

You're right of course regarding the old saying, it's all speculative money right now, but I can't help but think about it and wanted some objective perspectives from people not directly involved, which is why I'm so grateful for the responses.

 

[AnotherDreamer]

I respectfully disagree. The old guy deserves to live in peace and if there is trouble, that is on the sister, who apparently done nothing but breathe for the last decade to deserve an inheritance.

I would not withdraw 4% in my mid 30's, that is not how the rule is set up.

Oh, sorry for misunderstanding the rule. I thought I read somewhere it should also work for more prolonged retirements, even up to 50 years instead of 30, but perhaps I misunderstood it. Also, there is no urgency to retire, it was simply one option that crossed my mind.

 

[ivinsfan]

I don't understand all the people telling you to tell your sister or talk to your sister about this. It's not your job to tell or explain right now. It's your Uncle's money, your Uncle's will and your Uncle's call as to who knows what. I don't get it when people get older and somewhat infirm that some people seem to think people such as your Uncle can't make their own decisions about this stuff. Your Uncle told you because he wanted you to know he values and appreciates your care for him, he didn't tell you so that you could start worrying about your sister or go tell her something private between you and your Uncle.

 

[AnotherDreamer]

I don't understand all the people telling you to tell your sister or talk to your sister about this. It's not your job to tell or explain right now. It's your Uncle's money, your Uncle's will and your Uncle's call as to who knows what. I don't get it when people get older and somewhat infirm that some people seem to think people such as your Uncle can't make their own decisions about this stuff. Your Uncle told you because he wanted you to know he values and appreciates your care for him, he didn't tell you so that you could start worrying about your sister or go tell her something private between you and your Uncle.

Yeah I agree. Mentally my uncle is entirely there. The problems are more pertaining to his cardiac health, mobility, and arthritic pain.

 

[travelover]

Oh, sorry for misunderstanding the rule. I thought I read somewhere it should also work for more prolonged retirements, even up to 50 years instead of 30, but perhaps I misunderstood it. Also, there is no urgency to retire, it was simply one option that crossed my mind.

You can use FIRECALC to determine a safe rate of withdrawal for your age, I just did not want you to be mislead into thinking that a 4% rate works at any age.

 

[joeea]

Really a promise someone made to a dead relative 10 years ago is set in stone? Life happens and people are free to change their minds about anything. The sister is not having something "taken" from her. You can't sue dead people for changing their minds and not giving you their money.

Sure, people change their mind every day. Sometimes more than once per day. Now imagine dear sister comes to visit dear uncle a month before his death and - surprise! - the will is changed yet again leaving everything to her. Could happen.

It's not hard to find an attorney to fight such a will. Happens every day. Odd that you would think otherwise.

Telling the sister now may head off the eventual battle. Keeping surprises is a bad idea.

 

[joeea]

I'd love to get my sister involved but I'm not prepared to jeopardize my uncle's trust for future potential havoc. At this point, given my uncle's explicit wishes, I think it's best to let him decide how to disclose to my sister.

I understand, although I think that's unfortunate and a mistake for you and your uncle.

Hopefully you have a good attorney. You might wish to have a quick consult now to determine what you can do now to minimize the inevitable pain later.

 

[joeea]

The old guy deserves to live in peace and if there is trouble, that is on the sister, who apparently done nothing but breathe for the last decade to deserve an inheritance.

I haven't said that the sister deserves anything.

Saying "that is on the sister" is fine. But it will become both siblings' trouble if the sister decides to challenge the surprise will.

IMHO, planning a surprise gotcha will is a huge mistake. Oh well, so it goes.

 

[ivinsfan]

Sure, people change their mind every day. Sometimes more than once per day. Now imagine dear sister comes to visit dear uncle a month before his death and - surprise! - the will is changed yet again leaving everything to her. Could happen.

It's not hard to find an attorney to fight such a will. Happens every day. Odd that you would think otherwise.

Telling the sister now may head off the eventual battle. Keeping surprises is a bad idea.

Well I'd like to have a better opinion of both lawyers and sisters but you may be right. But I'm not sure why you think telling the sister now might cause less trouble...I know for sure you can't make someone change their will or sue over a will before the person dies.

 

[Midpack]

I'd love to get my sister involved but I'm not prepared to jeopardize my uncle's trust for future potential havoc. At this point, given my uncle's explicit wishes, I think it's best to let him decide how to disclose to my sister.

+1000. I hope you’re not wavering on that, it’s the uncles estate and his wishes trump all others. Getting the sister involved before, during or after can all play out badly. There’s no guarantee bringing her in now, especially against the uncles wishes, would play out better than letting the chips fall after the uncle passes away.

 

[HI Bill]

We've discussed placing him in a nursing home or retirement community, but he seems quite opposed to it and keeps saying he would rather die.

That's what my mom said. After breaking her pelvis and being moved to a LTC memory care unit, she basically stopped eating and drinking, and only lived 7 weeks.

Maybe I missed it, but did you say whether your uncle set up a Trust, and not a will? Also, if any of his assets that have beneficiaries assigned will generally not be subject to probate, so the will doesn't apply to them. Also, any accounts with your name on them (like joint checking/savings accounts), won't be subject to probate (at least in CA).

 

[joeea]

But I'm not sure why you think telling the sister now might cause less trouble...

It avoids the surprise. Surprises in wills are always a bad thing, IMHO. And surprises like these tend to get lawyers involved. I've seen that happen close up - it was an expensive battle.

It may not matter, but having it not be a surprise may save a sibling relationship as well.

I know for sure you can't make someone change their will or sue over a will before the person dies.

I agree. You cannot make someone change their will. And you cannot make someone disclose what is in their will if they choose not to do so.

 

[Midpack]

Oh, sorry for misunderstanding the rule. I thought I read somewhere it should also work for more prolonged retirements, even up to 50 years instead of 30, but perhaps I misunderstood it. Also, there is no urgency to retire, it was simply one option that crossed my mind.

The indefinite length retirement SWR was closer to 3%, might even be less now.

 

[Midpack]

It avoids the surprise. Surprises in wills are always a bad thing, IMHO. And surprises like these tend to get lawyers involved. I've seen that happen close up - it was an expensive battle.

If “surprising” the sister when the will is disclosed turns out to be “a bad thing” - and it certainly could, why would you expect any less fuss by telling her now? If the sister is going to act badly, it doesn't matter when or how she learns about the uncles choices. You’ll just make things worse for the uncle, against his wishes.

 

[RunningBum]

If “surprising” the sister when the will is disclosed turns out to be “a bad thing” - and it certainly could, why would you expect any less fuss by telling her now? If the sister is going to act badly, it doesn't matter when or how she learns about the uncles choices. You’ll just make things worse for the uncle, against his wishes.

My thought was that if the sister finds out after the fact, she may very well think that her brother manipulated him into redoing the will. Grounds for contesting. If she hears it from the uncle, she'll know it's his wish and would have to accept it. No legal issues later.

OTOH, I'm realizing that the sister could question his competency now, or hound him to change it back, which would be a stress on the already unhealthy uncle.

In any case, the uncle made it clear that the sister is not be informed, so that option is off the table.

 

[joeea]

If “surprising” the sister when the will is disclosed turns out to be “a bad thing” - and it certainly could, why would you expect any less fuss by telling her now? If the sister is going to act badly, it doesn't matter when or how she learns about the uncles choices.

It gives sis more time to get over the surprise ad hurt, and lessens the chance of a lawyer being involved. Plus it makes it more clear that this was uncle's wish, and not undo influence.

I've personally seen the case where a sister living outside of her mother's home was convinced that her deceased dad wanted her to have the home when mom passed away. But when mom passed, the will surprisingly stated that the live-in brother got the home at a low pre-determined price.

That threw sis into a frenzy of lawsuits which were costly to defend. It still ended up with brother getting the house at the same price, but the rest of the estate was depleted due to lawsuits and defense of lawsuits. Very sad.

I'm convinced mom could have settled the matter before her passing, but chose not to bother. While I agree that was her mistake to make, I think she would have been saddened by the end result.

You’ll just make things worse for the uncle, against his wishes.

You misunderstand.

If uncle truly wants sis to be surprised, then you cannot disclose now. If I were the sibling, I'd try very hard to convince uncle not to do this, and explain why. (Apparently, uncle's lawyer has already given it a shot - if I were the sibling, I'd try myself.) But if uncle insists, then sis cannot be notified.

And if that remains uncle's stance, then I'd get a lawyer now to try and find ways to avoid a legal battle later on.

 

[joeea]

My thought was that if the sister finds out after the fact, she may very well think that her brother manipulated him into redoing the will. Grounds for contesting. If she hears it from the uncle, she'll know it's his wish and would have to accept it. No legal issues later.

Bingo!

 

[RetireAge50]

I would let your uncle do whatever he wants and then you do whatever you want.

Personally I would want to split it with my sister especially knowing this is what my dad wanted.

 

[ivinsfan]

I would let your uncle do whatever he wants and then you do whatever you want.

Personally I would want to split it with my sister especially knowing this is what my dad wanted.

Well Dad wasn't around to see how the Uncle care evolved and who ended up with 99 percent of his care. I'm not a fan of invoking the wishes of dead people to pressure living people. You might want to split it, but have you walked in the OP's shoes or had his stress level?

 

[youbet]

He's recognized my sacrifice and recently changed his will leaving me everything.

Was this act completely spontaneous on the part of your uncle and a complete surprise to you or perhaps did you give a small hint encouraging him to reward you for your efforts? Did you help the change happen by assisting in making the appointment with the attorney or some other similar action?

The fact that the change writing your sister out of the will was shared with you and not with your sister will make interesting testimony in court. Good luck!

 

[Closet_Gamer]

Or you could direct her to read this thread...

LMAO. Very witty.

 

[AnotherDreamer]

Was this act completely spontaneous on the part of your uncle and a complete surprise to you or perhaps did you give a small hint encouraging him to reward you for your efforts? Did you help the change happen by assisting in making the appointment with the attorney or some other similar action?

The fact that the change writing your sister out of the will was shared with you and not with your sister will make interesting testimony in court. Good luck!

He mentioned it initially a few years ago spontaneously. I told him at the time to tell my sister and he said he would eventually, but so far hasn't told her. Only recently has he actually gone ahead and made the change. He asked me to call to make the appointment and drive him to the attorney, yes, but that isn't surprising as I mentioned earlier he relies on me for everything. I never encouraged it. I've never even hinted as to how he should use his money, whether it be on large or small purchases. Frankly it's none of my business how he choses to use his money, or whom he decides to leave it to. In this case, it turns out I'm the lucky recipient if all things remain as they currently are.

Sure, should he have chosen, for example, to leave everything to my sister, I would have felt slighted, but I would have continued to help as I think it's the right thing to do. He took very good care of my dad, in sickness and health, so in a way I see it as my duty to care for him, since I obviously can't take care of my dad. Similarly, I did feel a 50/50 split between my sister and I wasn't entirely fair, but I never questioned the old will or suggested it ought to be otherwise. I always said I would humbly take whatever, if anything, was given to me.

PS: this forum goes pretty deep. I never expected so pointed questions

 

[joeea]

He mentioned it initially a few years ago spontaneously. I told him at the time to tell my sister and he said he would eventually, but so far hasn't told her.

Perhaps he'll tell her eventually. As I indicated, if I were my uncle's confidant, I'd suggest that he do so more than a few times.

In this case, it turns out I'm the lucky recipient if all things remain as they currently are.

Do you actually know that? Have you seen the will? Is it possible he is telling you what he thinks you'd like to hear so that you will continue to help him?

(One of the tenets of "undue influence" is when the elder is afraid if he doesn't leave everything to the caregiver, that the caregiver will withhold care.)

PS: this forum goes pretty deep. I never expected so pointed questions

I wish you well and hope things work out for everyone. Hopefully, your sister will understand when the time comes.

Good luck.