Divorce: Ever the Optimist

[robnplunder]

A good DR. with a willing patient is worth a lot more than any attorney. IMHO.
MRG

They are rarely willing (in my limited experience with people with diagnosed/perceived personality disorders). One has to drag him/her to a Dr.

 

[Meadbh]

+1
Does you estranged wife take her meds and condition seriously? Some folks with disorders refuse proper treatment, making life very difficult for those around them.

A good DR. with a willing patient is worth a lot more than any attorney. IMHO.
Best wishes,
MRG

Medication doesn't cure personality disorders.

 

[robnplunder]

Medication doesn't cure personality disorders.

Nor would they take them unless closely monitored.

If one is married to a person with a PD, his/her marriage is going to be severely tested. Narcissistic personality disorder is the worst according to the experts. The OP's SO may have NPD (need attention, use others for her gain, feels no empathy toward others' feeling, drug abuse, depression, etc.) in which case, divorce may be the only sane recourse the OP had. If I sound like an expert, I am not. I had to study NPD and other PDs b/c I ran into a few of them, up close and personal in recent years.

 

[Meadbh]

Nor would they take them unless closely monitored.

If one is married to a person with a PD, his/her marriage is going to be severely tested. Narcissistic personality disorder is the worst according to the experts. The OP's SO may have NPD (need attention, use others for her gain, feels no empathy toward others' feeling, etc.) in which case, divorce may be the only sane recourse the OP has. If I sound like an expert, I am not. I had to study NPD and other PDs b/c I ran into a few of them, up close and personal in recent years.

Very true, and this reminds me that another forum member, marathoner, went through a similar experience with a narcissistic spouse and was much happier after the divorce. The OP might want to search for the threads she started.

 

[haha]

We should also remember that the "evidence" for this diagnosis, if indeed a diagnosis was ever made is nothing more than OP saying " I have also learned that....narcissistic personality disorder, etc."

Most of the prisoners in the Gulag were also under some sort of ersatz psychiatric diagnosis. My guess is even if professionally made, these diagnoses are a long way from as secure and reliable as pulmonary TB for example. Go to the average public elementary school, and meet a frightening number of little boys with all kinds of dangerous sounding psychiatric diagnoses. A major purpose of psychiatry is to demonize and control personalities that society does not like or cannot easily control. One thing is clear- this woman is no dummy, to juggle all this for so many years, and not have DH or any of the boyfriends figure out what was going on.

Ha

 

[Letj]

A major purpose of psychiatry is to demonize and control personalities that society does not like or cannot easily control.
Ha

Ha, your wisdom is endless. Absolutely true. What's considered a personality disorder in the US, can simply be a cultural norm in some other places. I've seen women crying, arguing, praying, shouting, singing loudly in public places in my travels. That would be considered schizophrenic in the US.

 

[MooreBonds]

We should also remember that the "evidence" for this diagnosis, if indeed a diagnosis was ever made is nothing more than OP saying " I have also learned that....narcissistic personality disorder, etc."

Most of the prisoners in the Gulag were also under some sort of ersatz psychiatric diagnosis. My guess is even if professionally made, these diagnoses are a long way from as secure and reliable as pulmonary TB for example. Go to the average public elementary school, and meet a frightening number of little boys with all kinds of dangerous sounding psychiatric diagnoses. A major purpose of psychiatry is to demonize and control personalities that society does not like or cannot easily control. One thing is clear- this woman is no dummy, to juggle all this for so many years, and not have DH or any of the boyfriends figure out what was going on.

Ha

I understand your point about inaccurately pegging people with different disorders - but you have to realize that just because someone may have a PD does NOT mean that they're somehow unable to function or live on a daily basis. From a casual observer's distance, they appear fine - and perhaps even seem to have some gravitational quality about them that makes them interesting in a completely normal way.

I was engaged to a woman who has histrionic personality disorder. I never sat down with a psychiatrist with her to get an official diagnosis, but I dated a woman (after the engagement) who diagnosed her in just 10 seconds of seeing her, given how 'unique' her behavior was.

She was able to do so because the ex-fiance was on tv. 8 years after we broke up. Using our engagement 'story' and the break-up to get any attention she could, anywhere she could. It doesn't matter if she has to manipulate or tell bold-faced lies to get attention - she'll do it any way she can. And reading the clinical descriptors of histrionic personality disorder, it fit her to a capital T.

Some people might be in a rush to label someone with some description that may or may not be completely true - but realize that there are quite a few more people out there in the world than we may first assume that have truly difficult personality disorders....and it doesn't mean that they're schizophrenic types that walk around mumbling to things that only exist in their mind, and are unable to function by themselves.

 

[robnplunder]

but you have to realize that just because someone may have a PD does NOT mean that they're somehow unable to function or live on a daily basis. From a casual observer's distance, they appear fine - and perhaps even seem to have some gravitational quality about them that makes them interesting in a completely normal way.

+1. They are among us and we would not know until we get up and personal with them. As part of management training, I had to study different personalities. Even with training, more often than not, I don't recognize them until something causes them to come out in the open with their disorder. In my life, I had to put two restraining orders on people - one had known bipolar disorder, and the other had NPD. There were no reasoning with them despite all of our trying.

Back to OP & OT ... I am not saying the OP has correctly diagnosed his SO's personality. But it isn't too difficult to figure that out.

 

[Bert Cooper]

Evr,

That's a tough hand. I won't pretend I know what's it's like, but I've got friends and family who've gone through it with young ones and it can test ever fiber of your being. You've got what will be a winning attitude if you can hold on to it through the trials ahead.

 

[Chuckanut]

I would advise anybody going through divorce to get into a good divorce support group, preferably one that includes men and women. It's tough, but you will survive and come out of it stronger, better, and with a few scars.

Oh, the divorce group will give you some great stories to tell later in life.

 

[LoneAspen]

However, you must pay that for the length of her life unless she remarries. BTW, his wife has not remarried in the 20 years they have been divorced so he has paid a ton (but it is still a tax deduction). This goes on even after the children are adults.

I would NEVER get married without a prenup for exactly those kind of reasons. Once the relationship is over, I would refuse to support another adult who's perfectly capable of supporting themselves.

If some court told me I had to support an ex for the rest of their life, I'd liquidate every asset I had, go underground, and get a new identity (and no, I'm not joking).