Openness regarding finances.

[pb4uski]

...I sense him trying to make up for my siblings' lower earning potential (and I'll say poor financial habits). I got my law school tuition paid for. My siblings got an equal amount to put towards new homes, home renovations, and cars because neither went to college....

This is one I struggle with a bit. For me and my 4 siblings, we all went education beyond high school.. some 4 year degrees and others 2 year or a year of trade school and I don't think our parents ever did any 'make-up' even though in all other respect they treated us equally including their wills.

We paid for 4 years of college for DD and she is doing well, earning almost six figures at 31 yo. DS decided not to go to college and is working in manufacturing at a barely living wage but still able to cover his modest LBYM lifestyle and save some for retirement. I have told him that like his sister, we would pay for up to four years of college for him should he ever decide that we wants more education.

If he doesn't take advantage of that offer, DW leans to using that money to help him someday with a house or newer car since he decided not to to college... I'm less sure and am somewhat of the mind that if he decides not to go then that money is our to do with what we please though I have no objection to helping him out here or there.

Since we haven't had to face the question yet, my attitude is as Ted Kennedy would say 'I'll drive off that bridge when I get to it.'

 

[mickeyd]

Ted Kennedy would say 'I'll drive off that bridge when I get to it.'

I love it when history can creep into a post.

 

[ponyboy]

There is nothing positive to be gained by disclosing finances to anyone other than spouse. And if you do have a family member or friend who would actually be happy for you and pat you on the back...you may want to work on your self esteem. There are better ways of boosting your ego. Im 32 and recently told my parents im shooting for retirement at the age of 50. Just that info alone made their jaws drop.

 

[redduck]

ponyboy, Given your above post, why did you tell your parents your plans to retire at the age of 50?

 

[Ronstar]

I share next to nothing. Although I generally know our net worth and know our expenses in detail, I never had a clue what our yearly income was unless I looked at our tax return. So if anyone asks, I generally say I don't know. That usually stops the questions.

 

[ponyboy]

ponyboy, Given your above post, why did you tell your parents your plans to retire at the age of 50?

I didnt give them any financials...only the fact that im trying to retire at age 50. They know im frugal and a really good saver...they just dont know exactly how much.

 

[poorcarver]

Hmm, that's an interesting way of looking at it. What would this mean for an adult heir who chose to remain child-free? Would they be effectively cut out of any potential inheritance?

Nope, what I mean to say and will admit that I was rather obtuse was that family (sons and daughters) who contribute to overall forward progress share in rewards and those who don't, don't. I have two children and one plans to have children and the other has no interest. Plan full 50% to each when we croak.

The point is to use the wealth that has been generated to enable future generations to continue to grow both in the wealth sense and in the personal development sense. I went to engineering school because it was free and I could get a good job, I have no interest in it but did well. My children were able to think about what they were good at, what would provide some personal satisfaction as well as finding potential for good income.

 

[Theseus]

Always felt when discussing money matters vague generalities were the best way to go when talking to anyone outside of immediate family. If anyone got inquisitive, I'd reply with percentages or some other nondescript response, which would usually end the conversation. Even when discussing money with "financial professionals" e.g bankers, brokers, unless there was clear reason for them to know specifics bits and pieces are all they get too. That was ingrained into me by DM, she always considered discretion was best concerning financial matters. Within family, other than DW only DM has ever been privy to our NW. Funny when I think of it too, all of my siblings, when discussing retirement plans bring up having utilized an FA for their plans while I've done it pretty much solo. DM let me know that she has named me as executor of her estate, so I guess she prefers the apple that did't fall so far from the tree to handle matters.

 

[bclover]

different levels of openness

With my sons (25 and 21) I am letting them know more and more, mainly because I am a widow and if some thing should happen to me I want them to know exactly who to contact and what information they will need.

Now in general they don't know dollars figures but being greedy little college students lol, they've figured out that we are some what above average. they spend holiday's at Disney annually and they know graduating without student loans is unusual.

One of my siblings unfortunately became an alcoholic/addict, love him but not he's not even allowed in my house unattended.

My sister knows quite a bit but she's a successful interior designer and way more financially literate than moi.

my coworkers know my salary mainly because like the military my job paygrades so it's not rocket science to figure out who makes what but that's pretty much it. We do discuss 401k plan and stuff like that.

 

[Urchina]

We operate on a need-to-know basis only. We give necessary information to those that need it. So, our pyramid of knowledge looks like this:
Us
Our mortgage broker (who's seen us financially naked, as it were)
Our CPA (doesn't know about our assets, but gets annual updates on our income)
My parents (who know only what accounts we have, not how much is in them. They know this because they are the fiscal/physical guardians of our kids)

Everyone else is welcome to use their powers of reasoning to arrive at a guess should they choose to try. The only answer we will confirm is "we're OK and plan to continue that way."

 

[meierlde]

Actually the best way to figure out accounts would be to look at schedule B of the tax return. It is supposed to list all the financial institutions which payed more that $10 in a year.
Now this converstation raises an interesting question of how much info you keep in a sealed envelope, or on your computer to help whoever has to figure out what happened.
I have folders with old tax returns and the 1099s etc as well as scanning the 1099s into the computer. Then I have an envelope that contains the passwords to the computers (not to the online accounts however, since one should either show the poa or the letter testimentary to get access to the accounts)
Every year I do prepare a balance sheet that resides on the computer also.

 

[Greencheese]

It depends for me. Typically I'll give vague answers unless I'm talking with friends on or near the same level as me work wise. Personally I've benefitted from knowing what my peers make in my industry with similar credentials to me. Of course I've only been in the work world for about 3.5 years and the differences are starting to compound. At what point those differences start to make for awkward conversations... who knows.

 

[Sunset]

I recall Richard Burton saying how he told his children they would get nothing from his estate, because he wanted them to learn and develop saving skills, vs rely on inheriting their retirement.

So I don't talk amounts to the kids or other relatives/friends as why set them up for feeling superior/inferior/jealous/pitying of us.

I did years ago mention to my sister how I had "lost" xxxxxx , and even years later I still see the resentment she feels for my being so lucky to work hard/save/be frugal, as she has nothing since she blows it all immediately.

 

[kcowan]

What other people think about my success is none of my business! So I keep the details to myself (and spouse).

 

[CaliforniaMan]

What other people think about my success is none of my business! So I keep the details to myself (and spouse).

nicely put

 

[ESRwannabe]

I'm curious what others' approach and rationale is when it comes to the level of detail about your finances you share with family and friends.

I'm pretty open about it. My immediate family knows the big picture, I don't bother them with the details like what I am invested in specifically. They all know that I am working towards early semi-retirement and that I'll probably get there in the next five years.

A few people at work also know the big picture. Be careful with that though, in general its probably a bad idea.