Staying Happy during the Long Slog to ER

[ShortInSeattle]

Hi All,


I enjoy learning from the already retired folks here, but I'm also curious to hear from those like me who are 10+ years our from ER. (In my case, it might be as much as 15 years....)

So here is a question: for those of us who are a long way off from retirement, how do you keep yourself happy/balanced/sane during the long slog? When you really value your freedom but it's not funded yet, how do you hang in there?

Here are a few things that work for me and DH:

1) this year we've been taking one 4 day weekend per month, instead of regular vacations. It took some adjustment but has turned out to be a good stress reliever to always have something "on the books" to look forward to.

2) I'm self employed, and so I've been getting more efficient with my time so I can take the occasional afternoon to work on side projects/hobbies. On these days I can pretend I am semi-retired.

3) We've started using "fitbit" pedometers to track our activity levels, and myfitnesspal to track food, to make sure we are still healthy when we ER.

4) I've started dropping all the stuff I used to do because I felt I "should." Committee meetings, etc. I say "no" more often and with less guilt.

Plus we plan and invest and talk about our future.

How about the rest of you?

SIS

 

[chris2008]

I like to study happiness science and literature, like Gretchen Rubin. Lots of useful ideas there.

 

[ClockWatcher]

My wife and I are 8 to 16 years from retirement (AKA sometime between when I turn 55 and 63). My wife and I met 4 years ago and have been married for the past 1 ½ years. During that time we have done a lot of negotiating what our lifestyle should be, with her gradually coming to appreciate the need to transition from a spend-everything lifestyle to a simpler, do-a-lot-of-saving lifestyle. It hasn’t been easy for her. I do a lot of reading, web-surfing, and enjoy taking low or no-cost college classes. My favorite subjects have to do with history, science, finance/economics, and various aspects of psychology. For ten years, I did a lot of volunteering, but after a while it began to feel too much like work, so I let that lapse a couple years before meeting my wife. She enjoys playing video games, web-surfing, and reading, typically fantasy.

One year ago, we both began going to the gym in an effort to stay healthy as we get older. After getting home and having dinner together, we watch a movie on Netflix 4 to 5 nights a week. Living in the middle of downtown, during the weekends we go for long walks to the edge of the different suburbs and back. We have a quiet social life, going to visit with friends or family 1 to 2 times a week, typically on weekends. We have both recently built our own computers, component by component. We have been accumulating credit card points toward hotels stays, and after our budget settles down from replacing our 12-year-old car last month, we hope to begin taking small vacations, possibly next year. I do a lot of planning for retirement, and my wife has caught some of my enthusiasm. It’s something we both are eagerly anticipating, and we enjoy talking out the different possibilities that we could create for ourselves.

 

[Arifriekinel]

I'm lucky if I'm 21 years out from retirement and can make the jump at 40, so waiting is unbelievably difficult.

I'm not eating incredibly healthy yet, I've decided to take full advantage of my teenage metabolism while I can and fill myself up on the stuff I won't be able to shovel down so guiltlessly in a couple years.

Boyfriend and I take a trip out of the city at least once a month. We're also self-employed, so we make sure to have time for our side projects too. He's finished his first novel and I've taken to art and woodcraft.

We've made saving into something really fun, and we also watch a LOT of shows and movies. As long as Doctor Who isn't cancelled by the time I retire, the journey will be that much easier

We joined up on Saveup.com, which is a fun little savings website that gives away small cash prizes regularly to encourage saving. They also give little savings challenges, $100 this week or $200 that week. It encourages us to try and spend a couple hundred less each month, which can be hard when we already only spend a couple hundred outside of rent and utilities.

 

[BigNick]

I'm not eating incredibly healthy yet, I've decided to take full advantage of my teenage metabolism while I can and fill myself up on the stuff I won't be able to shovel down so guiltlessly in a couple years.

It's not as simple as that. Firstly, damage accumulates, and secondly, reversing habits is harder the longer you've had them. So if you intend to make healthy eating a central part of your lifestyle, do it now. (It's also cheaper than unhealthy eating, if done right.)

 

[Caoineag]

When you have another 10+ years (we are right around there too), you do have to remember to enjoy life now as well as save enough for later. It helps us that we know we value our vices and our savings plan so both get some of our money in accordance with our priorities.

Since both our vices and our savings make us happy, we live a pretty good life. We do try to keep the balance between the two and recognize that plans are useless but planning is indispensable, aka we tend not to take it to badly when things change, good or bad.

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

It's not as simple as that. Firstly, damage accumulates, and secondly, reversing habits is harder the longer you've had them. So if you intend to make healthy eating a central part of your lifestyle, do it now. (It's also cheaper than unhealthy eating, if done right.)

Agreed, but you can have the once-a-week "cheat" meal without harboring any guilt. Like the once a month 4-day weekend mentioned by the OP, a "cheat" meal once a week gives you something to look forward to after being so good.

 

[Arifriekinel]

Agreed, but you can have the once-a-week "cheat" meal without harboring any guilt. Like the once a month 4-day weekend mentioned by the OP, a "cheat" meal once a week gives you something to look forward to after being so good.

I was working at the PGA Tour this weekend with a personal trainer whose diet involves being very strict with her meals and meal times, 5 times a day, all week, with one hour a week where she can eat as much as she wants of whatever she wants. I thought that sounded good, but her diet was so regimented, she couldn't even have any of the fruit smoothies we were making for people who came by.

Food is one of my favorite things in life. I'm going to have a hard time seeing it worth living for 50 years without being able to eat what I want! I never eat a lot, but I always love having a little of whatever I want.

 

[HFWR]

I just lived my life. But I find that the closer I get to FIRE (my version, anyway), the harder it is to endure the encroachment of w*rk on my time...

 

[Sniggle]

Great question...wish I had an answer. I am 11-13 years, and spend way too much time thinking about where I want to be, financially, than I really should. Checking the 401K and Roth balances daily is a bit of an obsession...maybe not a healthy one. Maybe if I worked harder, I would an additional promotion or 2 and get to the end of the race faster...there is a thought!

I

 

[Arifriekinel]

Maybe if I worked harder, I would an additional promotion or 2 and get to the end of the race faster...there is a thought!

Setting tons of goals along the way definitely helps too. I like my beginning of the year checklist of how much I want to have in my ROTH and various savings accounts. Lots and lots of milestones makes me feel like I'm getting there quicker, and gives me something to hang onto in the meantime. It turns retirement from something abstract and far off into something I'm preparing right now.

 

[Meadbh]

Lots of good ideas here. I worked at an all consuming career which involved working most weekends, often away from home. One strategy that worked for me was to take regular breaks 4-5 times a year. I forced myself to do that by purchasing a fractional ownership in a resort property. Every twelve weeks, I owned a week there, and I made sure to use it unless there was a really good reason, like a family wedding. I would return rejuvenated and refreshed, and the next break was only 3 months away. Of course this will only work if you have a lot of control over your schedule.

 

[ShortInSeattle]

When you have another 10+ years (we are right around there too), you do have to remember to enjoy life now as well as save enough for later. It helps us that we know we value our vices and our savings plan so both get some of our money in accordance with our priorities.

I think the having vices "now" part is so important. Sometimes I am tempted to push our savings rate up even higher, but then we'd be delaying all gratification for a future that isn't guaranteed.

Besides, if we don't allow ourselves some fun/play today, by the time we ER we may have forgotten how.

SIS

 

[BigNick]

Agreed, but you can have the once-a-week "cheat" meal without harboring any guilt. Like the once a month 4-day weekend mentioned by the OP, a "cheat" meal once a week gives you something to look forward to after being so good.

I didn't say that health eating was part of my plan.

Although in fact we do OK. We eat out twice a week max, and our BMIs are 25 (me) and 29 (DW, but she gets way more exercise than me).

 

[Arifriekinel]

I didn't say that health eating was part of my plan.

Although in fact we do OK. We eat out twice a week max, and our BMIs are 25 (me) and 29 (DW, but she gets way more exercise than me).

I'm the same way. Healthy eating isn't necessarily something I want to do, beyond the point of just feeling happy and comfortable with myself.

Luckily I come from some pretty great genes. My mother is in her 30s with a good metabolism, with diet and exercise, and my dad is around 40 and his metabolism hasn't slowed yet.

We're a family of great bodies even though we all chose jobs sitting behind a desk, with video games as our leisure My older brother is following their pattern, so hopefully I'm not a freak accident and I get pretty lucky too.

 

[anethum]

I FIREd last year, but throughout my life, I've pursued various interests. Two of them are travel and bicycle touring. I often asked for some leave without pay to supplement my accrued leave. Most of the time, my request was granted. The upshot is that by the time I FIREd last year, I had already traveled extensively throughout the world. Since my travel wasn't luxurious, the enjoyment I got from it more than offset the cost and the decrease in earnings from the leave without pay. Planning and looking forward to these trips helped keep me going the rest of the time when I was in the real world.

 

[HillCountry]

It is going to be 10 years before my little one goes to college. And that is the date I will be free. In the mean time, I am enjoying helping them set a good foothold for life.

 

[iam21177]

We are 10-15 years away but I can say I don't think about fulfilling my waiting time. I have a very active healthy life as is. yes work gets in the way at times, but I don't view it as a burden right now.

I volunteer for several non-profit organizations. We go on vacation every month (either a weekend away or longer). I have lots of weekend hobbies that I enjoy (mountain biking, backcountry skiing, hiking). I do agility with my dog. I take Spanish lessons (to brush up on that minor in college).

I think I'm too busy to worry about how to spend my time!

 

[tkopel]

I'm the same way. Healthy eating isn't necessarily something I want to do, beyond the point of just feeling happy and comfortable with myself.

Luckily I come from some pretty great genes. My mother is in her 30s with a good metabolism, with diet and exercise, and my dad is around 40 and his metabolism hasn't slowed yet.

We're a family of great bodies even though we all chose jobs sitting behind a desk, with video games as our leisure My older brother is following their pattern, so hopefully I'm not a freak accident and I get pretty lucky too.

Careful, you don't want to be a skinny fat person. Just because your metabolism is high dosen't mean that you are not at risk of high cholesterol, high blood pressure and other diseases, if all you eat is Big Macs. Eating healthy and exercising is so much more important to your overall health than just staying skinny.

 

[iam21177]

I just watched this video which made me think of this post.

"This is water."
THIS IS WATER - YouTube

 

[aida2003]

All posters seem to be DINKs (or SINKs) on this thread. Not us. We've got two children to raise, so we're living our lives while dreaming about the RE. I think I dream/think much more than my DH. The reason I come here or bogleheads and M* forums is because they inspire my dreams. I read business & personal finance related material and also about healthy eating/recipes/exercises. I stopped reading novels because I don't get enough sleep then and I need 7-8 hours of sleep before my 5.15 am work-outs 3-5x week.

I don't stress out about RE, but I love dreaming about it

 

[Arifriekinel]

Careful, you don't want to be a skinny fat person. Just because your metabolism is high dosen't mean that you are not at risk of high cholesterol, high blood pressure and other diseases, if all you eat is Big Macs. Eating healthy and exercising is so much more important to your overall health than just staying skinny.

If I ever do get an issue, I'll do what I need to to fix it, until then, I'm not going to live like I'm dead

If it makes you feel better, I don't eat fast food because it seems to taste like I imagine a butt would taste. I don't eat many burgers either, but I'm just not a meat person I make my food at home except for our lunches out to Japanese restaurants I don't like making sushi at home, but I don't think I could go without it It did wonders for my former iron deficiency though, so I guess I'll write my sushi splurges off as health investments

 

[Amethyst]

Keep in mind, some posters may "seem" to have no kids b/c they don't particularly want to discuss underage youngsters on the Internet. Even on a nice forum like this one, there are lurkers whose motives are unknown...I get quite a few "hits" on my ER page from screen names with Zero posts and Zero personal info.

Enjoy your RE dreams! It's always nice when people aren't thinking of "retirement" as a dream rather than "the fate of old people who can't do anything any more."

Amethyst

All posters seem to be DINKs (or SINKs) on this thread.

I don't stress out about RE, but I love dreaming about it

 

[Lucky13]

All posters seem to be DINKs (or SINKs) on this thread. Not us. We've got two children to raise, so we're living our lives while dreaming about the RE. I think I dream/think much more than my DH. The reason I come here or bogleheads and M* forums is because they inspire my dreams. I read business & personal finance related material and also about healthy eating/recipes/exercises. I stopped reading novels because I don't get enough sleep then and I need 7-8 hours of sleep before my 5.15 am work-outs 3-5x week.

I don't stress out about RE, but I love dreaming about it

I've been lurking for a couple of years now I think. We have a couple of kids and one income, so you're not alone. We're hoping to have my spouse retire sometime in the next 12-15 years, but we'll see where we are at that time. What happens with health care over the next several years and future college costs play into when my spouse will be able to retire.

Until then, I spend a lot of time on budgeting, reading this forum, projecting future savings, etc.... I'm a bit obsessed with the whole thing, and even though we still have a ways to go, I'm getting excited that it really does seem possible for us in about 12 more years or so.

 

[Moscyn]

This thread makes me think back of those times I was slogging away at work. I think what got me through are (1) the vacations (make sure you take your vacation days and spend them away from work), (2) my hobbies/exercise - I look forward to golf each week-end, a movie as and when I have time to watch one, good food and wine - one has to eat, right? (3) family and good friends. In a nutshell, I think these really helped me through the years.