Mil, dementia and asset liquidation

[Walt34]

And agreeing with others, that the promise to keep her out of a nursing home may not be possible.

Another one in total agreement. FIL was wheelchair-bound and later bedridden for the last nine months of his life. There was no way that family could have physically taken care of him, let alone deal with the fading mental issues. Fortunately he did have the wherewithal to get into and stay in a very good NH until he passed.

 

[youbet]

Mil has rather substantial investments and 50k income with pensions and SS.

It doesn't sound like Medicaid is a likely part of your MIL's future.

My wife and I aren’t counting on an inheritance but the others are.

MIL's assets should be deployed to provide her with the maximum level of comfort possible under the circumstances without a thought regarding preserving assets for inheritances. If there are assets remaining at MIL's death, they should be distributed with regard to the most going to those who spent the most time caring for MIL.

 

[pb4uski]

It is no wonder that people don't want to be "sent to one of Those Places." ...

My grandmother and two of her sisters all ended up in the same nursing home and while the facilities were ok and the staff was good, it was nonetheless a dreadful place. I went and visited regularly because they were kin, but it was still depressing... it is just the nature of such things IMO.

 

[MrsHaloFIRE]

It is actually a rather impractical promise for most people to make, no matter how they empathize, and want to believe it's possible to keep.

People with dementia, if they live long enough, eventually require round-the-clock monitoring and care for every little thing, much like an infant (except they can get into even more trouble than an infant could). They need a full-time caregiving staff, and unless a family member knows this is going to be possible, the patient is going to have to go to a facility.

Agree. Its truly 24/7/365 with no days off. Huge burden in staffing if you try to manage it yourself at home. Hard to be awake alert on your feet all day everyday and also pay bills, clean, shop and prepare foid, wipe bottoms etc. I always find it yo be extremely naive when I hear proclamations of "never me and mine."

 

[SonofCohoes]

Thanks again for all the input. I guess sil will have to deal with her commitment. We had the discussion again today “I’ll keep her here as long as I can get some help”