Psychotherapy helpful?

[Scratchy]

I'm in my early fifties and reasonably happy with life but find myself in a bit of a mental rut in some ways-spending a lot of time thinking about my finances and existential musings about what will be drivers of happiness (and unhappiness) in the future for me. I never had psychotherapy and was thinking of giving it a try. Anyone who has gone through psychotherapy care to share their personal experiences?

 

[athena53]

I've been through therapy several times in my life when I needed mid-course corrections- mostly related to my first husband. Haven't needed it since I divorced him! In 2out of 3 cases it helped- the one that didn't help just wasn't very effective. She didn't make things worse. In any case, I had specific issues I wanted to address.

You might need a Life Coach although what would be tricky is that anyone can put up a Web site and call themselves a Life Coach so you'd have to look really carefully to fine one who could help.

 

[Katsmeow]

Yes, I have done it a few times. Usually about specific time limited issues. It was very helpful all but one time. On the one time it wasn't helpful it wasn't bad. That time I was mostly talking about child related factors with the therapist. She was also a mom of a similar aged child and was very sympathetic to my point of view. For that reason, I don't think she challenged me enough. Of course, I want someone who can understand my point of view and who I feel has empathy. On the other hand, one of the things I want a therapist to do is to gently challenge me where my thinking has perhaps gone awry or who can help me to see things in a different light. This can be gently done with a light touch, but it is important.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

I'm in my early fifties and reasonably happy with life but find myself in a bit of a mental rut in some ways-spending a lot of time thinking about my finances and existential musings about what will be drivers of happiness (and unhappiness) in the future for me. I never had psychotherapy and was thinking of giving it a try. Anyone who has gone through psychotherapy care to share their personal experiences?

Try scream therapy, no co-pays , no-deductibles, and you can practice it at your neighbor that has the huge pension that you mentioned, and at the people that dont yield to pedestrians that was one of your pet peeves.. Film it if you can ,I bet it will be hilarious. I bet you will feel better.

 

[timo2]

my experience was that psychotherapy helped me burst specific personal bubbles that were negatively affecting my interactions with others. As for happiness, that is the eternal question, isn't it?

 

[GravitySucks]

I had a therapist, Ph.D., MS, some other certs,that told me many things I wanted to hear and made things much worse. Hope she gets her certifications revoked.
Have had the current one, MSW, for four years now. It's slow going,but then again it's a big job. She rarely gives advice, but moves the conversation in ways I realize where my thinking is not jiving with reality. It is definitely worth the time and money. She says I'm getting better, but I think she wants to retire without the open case on her mind. HA!
So yes I'd recommend trying it, but I'd be careful on who I was seeing. More advanced degrees did not mean a better therapist in my case.
Another thing-I'd be real careful of starting a medication regimen. With DW I asked at what point, what progress would need to be shown, before they would consider stopping the pills. It was a foreign concept to her Doctor that medications may someday be unnecessary.

 

[Senator]

I was a bartender for a long time. I used to give psychotherapy for free. Tips and alcohol excluded.

 

[brewer12345]

Save your money.

 

[athena53]

Another thing-I'd be real careful of starting a medication regimen. With DW I asked at what point, what progress would need to be shown, before they would consider stopping the pills. It was a foreign concept to her Doctor that medications may someday be unnecessary.

Good point. I know some people for whom meds are a lifetime thing- they need them to manage depression or bipolar disorder and it just puts their brain chemistry on a level playing field with everyone's else's. I never had meds, never felt the need. DS used Adderall while he was working with a good therapist to manage his ADD. He quit taking them years ago and holds down a very good job and is happily married. Sometimes you just need them to tide you over, sometimes not at all.

 

[MRG]

It depends on the person, their willingness and the relationship between the therapist and patient.

When I first started developing and supporting code I noticed an interesting thing. I would start explaining an unsolvable problem to a cow*rker and before they understood my question, pow! The answer was obvious, at least to me. I walked away happy, they hadn't a clue what I was asking.

Another person noticed the same thing, we actually named it ICRR(Intuitive Cognitive Response Recognition).

There was a class that was mandatory at a certain level. It was bizzare, a secret class, no one would talk about it. Weird location outside DC; no phones, tv, radio, alarm clocks.

People would come back all messed up in the head, wearing half of two different pair of shoes, dying their hair multicolored(this was 1986). Out of the box thinking was the object.

It was actually pretty good. The instructor was way more bizzare than the class, it was his baby. He knew of the ICRR phenomenon and called it the "teddy bear syndrome". One of his graduates explained how he'd used the class to exploit the phenomenon.

He was a technical leader and frequently questioned about a particular area of expertise. He put a teddy bear outside his office and asked his team to first explain their problems to the teddy bear. Guy claimed the bear had a 60% success rate.

Point is, talking can be powerful, for the right people under the correct situations.

Maybe a teddy bear, or a guy at a drinking establishment, or a professional can help. Obviously YMMV!


Good luck to you.

 

[Meadbh]

There were two occasions when I felt completely overwhelmed and needed more moral support than I could get from friends and family. I was working, and used the confidential employee assistance program available to me at no charge. The first time, I saw a clinical psychologist for two sessions. It was very helpful to get all my worries off my chest, and she helped me to come up with coping strategies, chiefly involving just saying "no" to unreasonable expectations. The second time I consulted with a male counsellor over the Internet. I can't even remember what the issue was, but I felt that method was less effective.

I have not needed any psychological help since ER.

 

[FlaGator]

Save your money.

Generally agree with this.

Been through 3 rounds of counseling as an adult:
1. As a driven, mostly angry late 20's adult in the aftermath of my DM's break down, divorce, and bipolar diagnosis. Was helpful to sort out the family issues many people take into adulthood.

2. A few years later with DW as she was sorting out the impact of her upbringing (her version of my #1)

3. After DW's passing, with the kids. This was only a few months, and I decided it was better to ensure I kept a close and open relationship with my kids. Also thought some of the issues were best dealt with as they got older. Three years on, it's still going well.

Some experiences were better than others, and a few of the therapists should have been fired sooner - IME there is a tendency in that profession to tell people what they want to hear instead of challenging one's thinking. Saw that with the last GF as well, and I think it did her more harm than good. Part of why she's the ex-GF.

From those experiences, I've concluded it is generally better to have spouse or a close friend or two to bounce ideas off of, and I'm fortunate to have a few.

Absent people like that, or a situation that wasn't appropriate for a close friend or spouse, I would do it again, but be very clear about what I wanted from the time and discussion, and ruthless in bringing it to an end if it wasn't taking me where I wanted to go.

 

[BigNick]

Having spent the past few years researching in psychology, I would differentiate between several "levels" of psychotherapy, or perhaps widening things a bit, "talking therapies".

If you have a reasonably clearly defined mental health problem such as addiction, OCD, or anxiety/depression then an evidence-based therapy with a clinical psychologist can help.

If you have long-term emotional issues then a good psychotherapist can help. Shop around. Ask your potential therapist to give you a short introduction to their theoretical position. If it sounds like a cult then walk away.

If you have a personality disorder or a severe psychosis then you probably need a psychiatrist, who can prescribe medication. Clinical psychologists typically cannot do that, although they will work with your regular doctor for things like antidepressants.

If you have a transient but major life issue (death of a close family member, divorce, etc) then there is a form of short-term psychotherapy that is often called "counseling" that can help. (But the word "counseling" is also often used to mean many other things. Carl Rogers invented this word because he couldn't get accepted as a "psychotherapist" because he rejected Freud's ideas.)

Finally, if you have some difficulties in seeing ahead clearly, perhaps as described by the OP, you can find yourself an existential coach. This is simultaneously a disclaimer and a shameless plug, because I work (a little - I'm FIREd, after all!) as an existential coach.

Note that all of the above categories can overlap and interact. None of this should be considered as professional advice. I can try and answer more questions by DM.

 

[Maenad]

From those experiences, I've concluded it is generally better to have spouse or a close friend or two to bounce ideas off of, and I'm fortunate to have a few.

Be careful of this (general comment, not directed at FlaGator). Being someone's sounding board can be some pretty major emotional work, and if the effort isn't reciprocated, it's unfair to put a lot of that on someone's shoulders. That's why we pay professionals, after all.

Absent people like that, or a situation that wasn't appropriate for a close friend or spouse, I would do it again, but be very clear about what I wanted from the time and discussion, and ruthless in bringing it to an end if it wasn't taking me where I wanted to go.

Totally agree with this - know what your goal is, or your end state, and discuss it with the professional up front. Be prepared to do the vast majority of the work yourself (it is your brain, after all), and end it if it isn't working for you.

I've done therapy a few times for some issues, and it was helpful in learning some good mental tools. If you want a quick fix or an easy way out, don't waste your money or time.

 

[UtahSkier]

I never had psychotherapy, but in the interest of a frugal approach, I am going to suggest Eckhart Tolle's "Power of Now".

My brother had some issues and was helped by the audio book.

I have listened to the audio book as well and found the ideas to be like an operator manual for your mind. In essence, the material helps you to understand and to perceive how people live in the past, live in the future and live in the now.

 

[nash031]

I've been working with a clinical psychologist for stress and anxiety issues for the past few months. It's been very helpful for me. While I can talk to my wife and a couple of colleagues about various issues, I didn't feel comfortable sharing the overwhelming confluence of issues that has been causing me issues for the last 18 months or so. She is conducting counseling and therapy with no medical diagnosis, so that's probably along the lines of "psychotherapy" that you're talking about.

Bottom line for me is that if you think you might want help, don't be afraid to seek it. Once stress or anxiety, etc., subsume you, you're not able to think clearly enough to resolve it on your own. That's tough for us engineering types, but my attempts to try to rationalize and solve my way out of everything was part of my problem. Two months of weekly meetings have me in much better shape.

Disclosure: I don't have to pay for it.

 

[FlaGator]

Originally Posted by FlaGator View Post
From those experiences, I've concluded it is generally better to have spouse or a close friend or two to bounce ideas off of, and I'm fortunate to have a few.

Be careful of this (general comment, not directed at FlaGator). Being someone's sounding board can be some pretty major emotional work, and if the effort isn't reciprocated, it's unfair to put a lot of that on someone's shoulders. That's why we pay professionals, after all.

This is true, thanks for pointing that out. Should have been more specific originally.

Even if it is reciprocated, it can be emotionally exhausting for the other party and affect the relationship. In my case, friends/family were helpful for transient situations. Professionals were better when sorting out the bigger issues with my upbringing.

 

[Scratchy]

Wow! So many honest, thoughtful, and well informed comments! The replies have shown a variety of perspectives and experiences with this but in sum are convincing to me that I should look for a good psychotherapist with the idea this may take a while. Heartfelt thanks to each person who replied!

 

[Zuamba]

Depends on what type of psychotherapy. Cognitive talk therapies will proffer superficial solutions to low level psychological problems. If you're deeply suffering you will need therapies that go past the corticol brain level.

 

[Richard4444]

After practicing Dentistry for 20 years until an eyesight problem prevented me from continuing, I returned to school and became a psychotherapist (MSW, LCSW) in 2001. People come for help when they are "stuck" for various reasons and to have the best psychotherapeutic alliance, there needs to be a "goodness of fit" between patient and therapist. You would know within a few visits if a particular therapist (of any degree) is helpful or not. My only recommendation is not to become dependent on your therapist; your therapist should give you the tools to be able to function well on your own.

Rich

 

[ER Eddie]

Agree with much that has been written. My additional two cents would be:

1. Apart from the "fit" issue Richard mentioned, therapists vary widely in experience, skill, and humanity. If you get a bad/ineffective one (or two), that doesn't mean "therapy doesn't work." Don't be reluctant to quit one therapist and try another. It can sometimes take a while to find a good therapist.

2. Therapists are better at dealing with defined problems (e.g., depression, anxiety, relationship struggles, trauma, etc.) than they are at handling broad existential concerns like the ones you expressed. Don't think of therapists as some kind of gurus who can light the way. Some of them have life wisdom, but many do not. Most of them (and I know quite a few) are just fumbling through life like the rest of us, with no special wisdom. They have skills and experience in dealing with clinical problems, but not necessarily in handling existential or philosophical issues deftly. So I don't know if it's going to be a good fit for you.

3. You might look for a more seasoned therapist. I wouldn't want to be getting advice on adjusting to retirement (if you're retired; it's not clear) from someone who's in their 30s. I'd look for someone 50+.

4. Tell them what you're struggling with and ask how much experience they have in dealing with that sort of thing in someone your age and gender. If the therapist bumbles around, seems to give too pat an answer, too generic a response, or otherwise gives you an answer that makes you uncomfortable, move on. I actually think this is a bit of a specialty area, so many therapists will not have had much experience with it.

 

[googily]

I am currently seeing an MSW in the aftermath of DH's illness and death. Trying to get a handle on my vastly changed world, with a brain that had a hard time dealing with things that can't truly be "fixed." As mentioned above, a lot of the stuff I talk about are things that I would not want to burden friends with, and also, they wouldn't understand a lot of my current feelings. It just gives me a place to talk once a week, and she is doing a great job zeroing in on areas where I need to be nudged - more giving myself a break and not being so hard on myself, mainly.

I saw someone else for a few sessions while DH was sick, and that woman was a disaster. Totally not up to the task. Was better to cut it off and not see anyone than to keep seeing her.

No real advice, just giving you my perspective.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

I am currently seeing an MSW in the aftermath of DH's illness and death. Trying to get a handle on my vastly changed world, with a brain that had a hard time dealing with things that can't truly be "fixed." As mentioned above, a lot of the stuff I talk about are things that I would not want to burden friends with, and also, they wouldn't understand a lot of my current feelings. It just gives me a place to talk once a week, and she is doing a great job zeroing in on areas where I need to be nudged - more giving myself a break and not being so hard on myself, mainly.

I saw someone else for a few sessions while DH was sick, and that woman was a disaster. Totally not up to the task. Was better to cut it off and not see anyone than to keep seeing her.

No real advice, just giving you my perspective.

Wow, thanks for sharing some personal stuff, I wish you well on your healing.

 

[Ted_Shepherd]

It depends on the person, their willingness and the relationship between the therapist and patient.

When I first started developing and supporting code I noticed an interesting thing. I would start explaining an unsolvable problem to a cow*rker and before they understood my question, pow! The answer was obvious, at least to me. I walked away happy, they hadn't a clue what I was asking.

Another person noticed the same thing, we actually named it ICRR(Intuitive Cognitive Response Recognition).

There was a class that was mandatory at a certain level. It was bizzare, a secret class, no one would talk about it. Weird location outside DC; no phones, tv, radio, alarm clocks.

People would come back all messed up in the head, wearing half of two different pair of shoes, dying their hair multicolored(this was 1986). Out of the box thinking was the object.

It was actually pretty good. The instructor was way more bizzare than the class, it was his baby. He knew of the ICRR phenomenon and called it the "teddy bear syndrome". One of his graduates explained how he'd used the class to exploit the phenomenon.

He was a technical leader and frequently questioned about a particular area of expertise. He put a teddy bear outside his office and asked his team to first explain their problems to the teddy bear. Guy claimed the bear had a 60% success rate.

Point is, talking can be powerful, for the right people under the correct situations.

Maybe a teddy bear, or a guy at a drinking establishment, or a professional can help. Obviously YMMV!


Good luck to you.

Right, I recognize the teddy bear syndrome. In college math classes, I sometimes had a homework problem where the answer was in the back of the text. When my solution did not match the text solution, I sometimes sought the help of a classmate, someone I knew to be a math wizard. I did not want him to solve the problem for me, but if possible to help me prove the text wrong and me correct. In explaining my reasoning, step by step, to this intelligent and knowledgeable listener, I found my error, corrected it, and found the text was correct after all. The math wiz had not had to say anything.

Some years later, some people I knew were astounded that I was spending so much effort, time, and money on my psychoanalysis. (The monthly bill was a little bigger than a week's take-home pay though medical insurance helped.) I recount these events from the math classes to explain how psychotherapy can be helpful in focusing someone's own mental abilities. In my psychoanalysis, it worked that way in purely conversational therapy with no medications and no advice from the doctor on how to live my life. I would not have continued the therapy if the doctor had been directive or if he had offered to be my guru and "show me the way." What mattered was that I knew he was listening, understood what I was saying, and cared about my well-being. The therapy ended after "only" five years.

Edit: In talking with my psychiatrist, the subjects were not math problems, but Liebe und Arbeit, love and work, as Freud said. Those are the issues in life where reality makes its most powerful demands for attention.

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

It's always worth a try. In my case it didn't help too much. But like most things, it just depends on what the problem is and the treatment that is put in place. Just keep in mind, sometimes there is nothing anyone can do to help.