Spouse not wanting to travel?

[anothercog]

So it doesn't sound like DW and I are on the same page with post retirement travel plans.

I was kind of hoping to travel nearly full time during our early years of retirement, occasionally returning home for family visits, medical needs, etc. We would keep the house so we always have a home base. Eventually that travel would wind down and we would stay home more as we aged.

However, DW is not too keen on travelling more than a few weeks at a time because she likes coming home to her nest. I'm thinking there won't be much to do at home once the kids move out or otherwise gain more independence.

My travel preference would be to buy one way tickets and then explore a region for awhile until we got bored of it and then fly home or to another continent when were ready. It's going to take long time to see the world if we can only go a few weeks every few months.

I imagine there are other couples are in this predicament and wonder how you have compromised.

 

[braumeister]

DW is not too keen on traveling more than a few weeks at a time because she likes coming home to her nest.

Kind of similar here. I've managed to get DW to go for up to a month at a time, but that's about her limit. However, she's happy to go home and let me stay as long as I like. You might consider doing that. We also take solo trips now and then, centered on our different hobbies.

 

[anothercog]

Kind of similar here. I've managed to get DW to go for up to a month at a time, but that's about her limit. However, she's happy to go home and let me stay as long as I like. You might consider doing that. We also take solo trips now and then, centered on our different hobbies.

Thanks. Not sure if I'm up for solo travel. Plus I don't think DW would leave me behind the Philippines. She'd be concerned I would take on a second wife.

 

[Rocket Man]

Your situation is similar to mine. My DW is also a nester, and on top of that, she does not like to fly. The last three years we spent one month in Florida (not this winter due to Covid), but that seems to be the max for her at the present time. International travel will probably always be a no go. That is mainly why I still work part time in my self employment. I would prefer to move to a low or no tax state somewhere south. We live in Illinois where the state taxes will probably go through the roof in the near future. Maybe if we get hit really hard in the pocketbook DW will consider moving, but at that point our house would probably be unsellable. LOL. The only other way is if one of our two children move south, she might want to be closer. I wish I had the answer for you.

 

[skyking1]

Covid has thrown a wrench into our travel right now, but it is also an excuse DW uses to not take PTO.
I'd be happy to work longer if she would take the PTO she has and go with me, but they do not have a good backup for her and she gets guilted out or does not want to come home to a mess at work.
It is a dilemma we have to find a way through.
My work has natural breaks to it, where I could just go for a week or two and it would be no problem. If we could take advantage of that, we would have some of that time we all value so much.

 

[brett]

Same here.

We started with 7 months post retirement international travel. It was wonderful but DW found it too long. My preference would be 4 months out or more, twice per year. But compromise is required.

Bottom line was that we settled on two 2 month international trips a year. Combos of independent travel and the occasional last minute cruise. One in the winter and one in the fall. Plus shorter road trips, domestic travel, or AI's with our daughter and family.

This has worked well for the nine years prior to covid. Now, we are both itching to travel again and have several tentative land trip in line for post covid travel. I suspect post covid we will do three 2 months trips.

Works for us because one of my pension benefits is out of country medical for sixty days duration. No limit on how often. Theoretically we could come home for a day and leave the following day.

I would be quite willing to sell up again and travel for 2 years.

 

[skyking1]

^ I think my wife would be onboard with the above schedule post-retirement. What would suit me right now is a 3 week europe trip each year until retirement. We pulled it off exactly once, and the last cruise was 2 weeks. It seems like her tolerance for being away from work is getting worse, while her available PTO gets higher!!

 

[brett]

There are some places where my spouse has no desire to travel. India is one.

So, pre covid the plan was for me to join a 14-18 day group tour of India in early January. After that I would fly to Bangkok to meet up with her and we would do our usual snowbird bit.

Covid interrupted that for now but it will be back on at some point. But we are quite willing to do separate jaunts here and there when one of us is not keen.

 

[anothercog]

There are some places where my spouse has no desire to travel. India is one.

So, pre covid the plan was for me to join a 14-18 day group tour of India in early January. After that I would fly to Bangkok to meet up with her and we would do our usual snowbird bit.

Covid interrupted that for now but it will be back on at some point. But we are quite willing to do separate jaunts here and there when one of us is not keen.

Funny you mention India. I have a stack of rupees from my last India trip that I kept assuming I would be returning soon enough. Since Covid, I doubt I’ll go back for a few more years. I tried to cash in my rupees at the bank today but they would not take them!

I’m pretty sure DW would be okay with a tour around the golden triangle including the Taj Mahal but she’s not down for budget backpacking travel.

I think I could potentially get her on board with two 2-month trips a year, as long as I can keep her from getting another dog.

 

[Souschef]

When DW and I were dating, she opened a fortune cookie that said ,"You will set foot on many lands". She still has that fortune in her passport wallet. She never needed a passport until she met me.

2 days after I retired we were on a trip to South America.

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]However, after 12 years, 41 countries, 51 trips, 500 travel days, and 17 cruises, we are done with lengthy travels[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]And of course, Covid has thrown a wrench into any plans we had.
[/FONT]

 

[skyking1]

There are some places where my spouse has no desire to travel. India is one.

So, pre covid the plan was for me to join a 14-18 day group tour of India in early January. After that I would fly to Bangkok to meet up with her and we would do our usual snowbird bit.

Covid interrupted that for now but it will be back on at some point. But we are quite willing to do separate jaunts here and there when one of us is not keen.

My wife and I are not interested in India either, nor do we fare well in the really hot climes that many people like. I have always wanted to go to Thailand but there is really no cool time to do it.

 

[Freedom56]

I really don't blame your wife. Travelling by plane is not the most pleasant experience right now. Before this pandemic we travelled quite a lot but now my wife refuses to fly anywhere. I flew last October from LAX to FLL to check on our condo (my wife did not want to go). It's not that pleasant flying with a N95 mask on your face for 8 hours or more from the moment you reach the departure airport to leaving your destination airport. The only consolation is that first class tickets are relatively inexpensive. Airlines are flying fewer flights so they are trying to fill up the planes as much as possible. Many people were coughing, not wearing their masks correctly (i.e. under their nose). The airports were deserted for the most part and pretty depressing. I can't see us travelling overseas until things return to normal.

 

[tb001]

I wonder if you might have better luck renting in an area for several months and doing shorter trips from there. I’m a homebody and this definitely has more appeal to me than being constantly on the move. We moved to an area with hot summers with the thought that if it’s too much, we’ll find a short term rental in another area for a few months. That seems totally doable for me.

The potential dog is an issue though, unless you have family or good friends who can dog sit... I love having a home with animals, but it makes it very hard to be gone for extended periods of time. It’s even hard with just a house where a pipe might burst or something else goes wrong!

 

[brett]

When we travelled for seven months we rented a condo in Costa Rica for one month. Our son flew down and joined us for a week. We plan to do this again at some point.

We often stay in one place for 5 days, often more if we like it. It is not unusual for us to pick a last minute cruise-anywhere from 7-21 days.

 

[DrRoy]

We go off on 6 day to 6 week trips several times per year. Never open ended though. We are both happy with the pace and like being home too.

 

[Dtail]

Perhaps over time, she will loosen up on the longer travel adventures.
DGF and I are fortunately on the same page, but will not fly with Covid currently.

 

[Ronstar]

Same here, but DW isn't against travel - she just doesn't want to go where I want to go or do what I want to do. And the the current Covid deal is holding her back , as well her desire to be 10 minutes from her mother when she needs something.


In the past, I've taken 3-4 day trips to places where she doesn't want to go. My plan is to do the short trips again after Covid lightens up.

 

[Aerides]

In normal times I'm always the one to initiate and plan travel. DH enjoys himself on trips, but would rarely push to leave home. I take 1 trip myself each year (I'm a very comfortable solo traveler) and might increase that post covid.

But neither of us has appetites to be away for more than 2 weeks at a time. I'd miss the cats too much!

 

[pjigar]

Kind of similar here. I've managed to get DW to go for up to a month at a time, but that's about her limit. However, she's happy to go home and let me stay as long as I like. You might consider doing that. We also take solo trips now and then, centered on our different hobbies.

I am the one who likes home in our case and DW likes to travel. She hates traveling alone (or with strangers) so I encourage DW to take "girl trips". Thankfully she has a lot of friends who would gladly join her on a trip she planned. Look in to this option.

 

[The Cosmic Avenger]

anothercog, what kind of traveling have you done up until now? I have a similar problem, although right now I can't get my spouse to go anywhere for more than 10 days at a time, but they say it's because of responsibilities at work. I would advise aiming for 4-5 weeks, stretching what you've done so far, but say it's open-ended and you can come back any time they feel like it. They may need a few "shorter" trips before they feel ready for one measured in months. Once you have gone through the travel routine of planning for mail pickup/house sitting, etc. a couple of times, those will be much easier to think of as handled rather than as uncertainties.

 

[Chuckanut]

If one spouse is a 'nester' would some long term stays help? For example, rent a small apartment or house for four weeks on the outskirts of Szootsengrad in Lower Slobovia. Since its the capital city there are plenty of train and bus routes all over the country and even to neighboring countries. Decorate it with some local flowers and a few things brought from home. Make a point of visiting the neighborhood café grocery store and get chummy with the owner and staff. Then few days of travel to the Slobovian wine country is followed by a few days in your Szootsengrad 'nest'. Rinse and repeat with another natural/historic/cultural site.

I did this for two weeks in Germany, making a point of visiting the local café twice a day for the first few days and then almost daily after that. The waiter, a chatty fellow with excellent English skills, soon knew my morning order (cheese pastry and a cappuccino). Hey, it's tough work, but the sacrifice was worth it.

Maybe that would help. Maybe not.

 

[Koogie]

Count yourselves lucky. DW and I had planned to do fairly extensive travel when we retired but her health now precludes that.

Might be something you want to mention to your spouses. Do it while you're able because once it's gone, it's gone.

 

[brett]

DW was not keen to go to Thailand. Sitting at home we decided to go. She was bored. Ten days later we were there. It not what she expected and we both loved it.

For the next five winters Thailand and SW Asia was DW's first choice for a few months of snowbirding. Combined with detours to other countries in the area and to Australia.

And now, when we are stuck at home during a cold snowy winter what does DW keep asking me to make? Penang curry, spicy coconut soup, Pad Thai, Pineapple rice...and make it like we have it in Thailand!

 

[anothercog]

anothercog, what kind of traveling have you done up until now? I have a similar problem, although right now I can't get my spouse to go anywhere for more than 10 days at a time, but they say it's because of responsibilities at work. I would advise aiming for 4-5 weeks, stretching what you've done so far, but say it's open-ended and you can come back any time they feel like it. They may need a few "shorter" trips before they feel ready for one measured in months. Once you have gone through the travel routine of planning for mail pickup/house sitting, etc. a couple of times, those will be much easier to think of as handled rather than as uncertainties.

We have really only done 2 week trips at the longest. DW were able to do a couple kid free trips to Europe and she was always eager to get back. That was understandable as she wanted to get back to the kids and her routines. But when the kids are grown and our dog passes, I don’t see much need to stay home for so long (except for DWs plants). This is still years away but DW mentioned her preference not to travel for too long at once because I watch a lot of YouTube videos of people retiring early and living overseas and/or traveling full time (usually staying a month or more in one spot before moving on).

 

[brett]

After downsizing, we changed our lifestyle to accommodate travel-planned and last minute.

No plants, no pets, lawn and snow removal done by HOA. We turn off the water, cancel our auto insurance, a kind neighbour collects our mail and checks on our house every week or so. We are always 'good to go' as it were.