Spouse not wanting to travel?

[brett]

What do you do with your car?

When we are gone for two months or more we park the car in the garage, remove all insurance except fire and theft. During our winter trips I pull the battery and store it inside.

 

[brett]

I believe the difference for us is that we have always traveled since marrying. We delayed having children for 11 years because we were not ready, we wanted to travel, and DW wanted to be a stay at home mom.

During our working lives we made travel a priority over a new car etc. So when retirement came we both had an extensive list. Our first trip post retirement was 7 months. It started with a trip to Africa and a safari....the top of DW’s bucket list.

The only compromise was limiting our trips to two months duration. By the end of that DW wants to get home and see her own ‘things’ again. We travel with carry on only so by the end of two months she is tired of her travel clothes.

 

[Chuckanut]

The moral of the story is: travel while you can! Eventually, you may not be able to!

+1

I would add 'enjoy whatever activity you prefer' into the above sentence also.

In early 2019 I did a 3 week tour around Eastern Europe with my bad, painful knee. In July I had the knee replaced thinking I would return to my normal traveling in 2020. I remember thinking I should have planned my Eastern Europe trip for 2020 also, since the new knee was so much better than the old damaged knee. I could have done a few things I stayed away from because of the damaged knee.

I learned my lesson in 2020. Today I am glad I limped about Eastern Europe when I did. I was thinking of moving a Spring trip planned for this year to Fall so I could see the Fall colors. Then a certain former FDA official warned we could see Covid raise its ugly head in Fall thanks to these new variants. Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. But, I am going to do the trip in Spring. If Covid stays in its place, I'll possibly do another in the Fall.

 

[grayparrot]

try Pickleball

I'm thinking there won't be much to do at home once the kids move out or otherwise gain more independence.

If you are even moderately athletically inclined, try the fast growing sport of pickle ball! friendly pick up groups exist all over the country, the demographic skews retirement age, but all ages and skills play together, rotating partners between games. The small court keeps the mobility challenges reasonable, skill and subtle ball control and strategy can trump power playing, and as retiree myself it’s been a delightful way for me to spend time several days a week with folks from many walks of life...great community spirit, kept me sane through the pandemic.

 

[PoorOldCountryBoy]

OP, I had a cousin in a similar predicament. Eventually they got up to a few weeks in FL to escape the winter cold. Usually fear of traveling is due to either ignorance of the delights of travel or a bad childhood experience (i.e. Dad drove us crazy in the car as kids, etc etc). So start small and make sure the experiences are enjoyable for your loved one.

 

[Dtail]

If you are even moderately athletically inclined, try the fast growing sport of pickle ball! friendly pick up groups exist all over the country, the demographic skews retirement age, but all ages and skills play together, rotating partners between games. The small court keeps the mobility challenges reasonable, skill and subtle ball control and strategy can trump power playing, and as retiree myself it’s been a delightful way for me to spend time several days a week with folks from many walks of life...great community spirit, kept me sane through the pandemic.

+1
I play 5/6x weekly. It is a great sport, plus it a more of a workout than it appears to be.

 

[Music Lover]

OP, I had a cousin in a similar predicament. Eventually they got up to a few weeks in FL to escape the winter cold. Usually fear of traveling is due to either ignorance of the delights of travel or a bad childhood experience (i.e. Dad drove us crazy in the car as kids, etc etc). So start small and make sure the experiences are enjoyable for your loved one.

Some people just don't like traveling and it has nothing to do with a bad experience or ignorance. If there's one thing this thread (and other similar travel ones) has proven, it's that some people who like traveling refuse to accept that others may not feel the same way as they do.

The OP said that their partner does NOT want to travel for an extended period, but they're okay with short trips. There is no fear or ignorance, they just don't want to be away for an extended period.

 

[ivinsfan]

Some people just don't like traveling and it has nothing to do with a bad experience or ignorance. If there's one thing this thread (and other similar travel ones) has proven, it's that some people who like traveling refuse to accept that others may not feel the same way as they do.

The OP said that their partner does NOT want to travel for an extended period, but they're okay with short trips. There is no fear or ignorance, they just don't want to be away for an extended period.

I often see not wanting to travel being portrayed as a character flaw.. like you somehow need to be "fixed"...

 

[Nemo2]

I often see not wanting to travel being portrayed as a character flaw.. like you somehow need to be "fixed"...

Being travel bugs we encourage others not to travel....too many damn people out there already.

 

[ivinsfan]

Being travel bugs we encourage others not to travel....too many damn people out there already.

Exactly, part of the reason I don't like traveling as much as I used to..

We try to go off season but sometimes weather can be a real PITA. You have to give up nicer weather to avoid the crowds.

 

[jollystomper]

Jollystomper, I think it is wise that your wife be reluctant to travel during Covid times. The two of you may be careful, but others may not. Once Americans are vaccinated at the 60% population rate, I think it will be fairly safe to travel. Specially as the two of you are vaccinated with both doses. I work in, and I have already received my first vaccination, however DW has not received either of her vaccinations. We are both in very good health, save a blip on the radar for me last year which turned out to be a lifesaver. Our oldest daughter lives in Texas and has our year and a half old grandson. Our first grandchild. I’m sure my wife is very anxious to visit. I plan on using this to coerce my wife into a trip to the south west.

I understand. I am not yet ready to hop on a plane. We traveled last year on a plane once, when Covid rates were down, to attend BIL's funeral, and we found then the airport/airplane (short 2.5 hour flight)/rental car/ hotel very safe as so few were traveling. But while I would not get on a plane now without being vaccinated (or if there guaranteed to be less than 25% capacity), I would safe driving to a resort hotel on a lake/beach and walking around masked outdoors.

 

[Nemo2]

We try to go off season but sometimes weather can be a real PITA. You have to give up nicer weather to avoid the crowds.

We figure we can always put on extra clothes - it's easier than taking off extra people.

 

[brett]

We travel to Europe on shoulder season each year to avoid the crowds. Either April/May or late Sept/Oct/Nov.

Harder to do in the winter. So we tend to spend time in areas that are are less populated and frequented by locals more than tourists. Especially in Thailand.

Everyone has a different perception of extended. For some, it is four weeks. We have a different view. The thing is, after years of marriage would someone's travel preferences or desire to be a homebody be surprising to their spouse at retirement?

 

[Music Lover]

I often see not wanting to travel being portrayed as a character flaw.. like you somehow need to be "fixed"...

 

[Rocket Man]

Clearly, everyone has a different appetite for travel. My DW is a nester who prefers not to fly. A winter trip to Florida for a month in one place is plenty for her. I could probably do three months in one place. Sightseeing trips, constantly on the go, I would probably limit to 10 days max. When I read about the people who travel for 6 to 9 months a year, constantly on the go, it does not excite me at all. Living out of a suitcase and eating in restaurants every day sounds like torture to me. I would almost rather take a beating. I may have been up for that in my 20’s or 30’s, but not my 60’s! However, that is what makes the world go round, and I admire the people who have the energy for the extensive travel.

 

[skyking1]

+1 Rocket Man. I did not pursue the commercial pilot job for the same reason, the life out of a suitcase plus away from my family. Cruises take a whole lot of that suitcase feeling off for us. At least you have the same bedroom and can settle in for a couple of weeks.
We do plan on some extensive travel around the country in our own truck and travel trailer. I suppose after a few thousand miles of rough road we will get our fill

 

[Rocket Man]

+1 Rocket Man. I did not pursue the commercial pilot job for the same reason, the life out of a suitcase plus away from my family. Cruises take a whole lot of that suitcase feeling off for us. At least you have the same bedroom and can settle in for a couple of weeks.
We do plan on some extensive travel around the country in our own truck and travel trailer. I suppose after a few thousand miles of rough road we will get our fill

We are on the same page Sky! Cruises and campers you get to sight see, but you have the same bed the whole time. I have not tried the camper or motor home trip, but I think I could enjoy it for a more extended time. You are in your own mini nest!

 

[skyking1]

We can go with our elderly dogs and that is a huge thing, not having to arrange pet care. Neither of us care for the really hot weather, so that helps with keeping them cool too. We just avoid travel to the hot places in the hot part of the year.

 

[Finance Dave]

I love to travel, wife not so much. Like many have said, she likes short 3-day driving trips. Due to the increased inconvenience of air travel, we have started driving on most trips. I used to say "If it's more than a 4 hour drive, we'll fly". Not any more! Two years ago we drove to Philadelphia...a 12 hour drive for us. Flying is such a pain!

We went to Hawaii 3 years ago and our flight was delayed by one full day. Had to sleep in the airport terminal, and no refund on hotel...it was horrible.

I'm trying to talk my wife into me driving somewhere and "vacationing" for 3-4 days, then having her fly to meet me for 2-3 more days. That would give us both what we want...but she doesn't want to go through airport on her own.

 

[NoiseBoy]

We travel to Europe on shoulder season each year to avoid the crowds. Either April/May or late Sept/Oct/Nov.

That's what I try to do too. Lucked into some terrific weather in Athens in mid-March two years ago. No crowds anywhere in part because the cruise ships were not sailing yet. Also the museum/site pass was cheaper out of season. I try to travel when the kids are still in school over there, but the major cities and places seemed to be busy all of the time, at least pre-Covid.

I've always wanted to visit Florence, but it's not the easiest city to fly to directly, so I'm going to start (slowly) planning a Milan -> Florence trip for next year. I need something to look forward to.

 

[Teacher Terry]

From looking at pictures of Europe it seems like it is much more crowded than in the past. We always went in the off season also. We were in Italy in 2003, 2007 and Poland in 2009 and 2015. Especially Italy seems more crowded but maybe because airfares have become so reasonable.

 

[Jakob]

All good posts. As for DW, she has always liked her home and it is her “rock.” Even when we were first married, I would want to go out and she would say “go ahead, I’ll stay home.” She is not opposed to travel, but needs to “return to the nest.” I suppose we will work thru this. But I am ears for anyone who has suggestions. We will probably wait to travel until DW gets vaccinated and there is a reasonable level of COVID herd immunity. I just got my 2nd vaccine injection on 2-25-21. I work for a large Health organization in the North east. Only side effect of either injection was a sore shoulder.

 

[Nemo2]

I think that some people, such as Dorothy Gale, have always wondered, and are always wondering, "Why, oh why, can't I?"

In others, DW as an example, circumstances decree that they are unable to take travel into consideration until conditions permit and there's a catalyst; then they transform, as her daughter noted, into "Peripatetic Junkies always searching for that next hit".

Cicadas are 'dormant' for seventeen years, but when they're ready to emerge...lookout! (Just got me wondering, are there some Cicadas who say "Naah, you guys go ahead, I'll just stay home"?)

As Popeye the Vegetarian noted "I yam what I yam".

 

[Music Lover]

All good posts. As for DW, she has always liked her home and it is her “rock.” Even when we were first married, I would want to go out and she would say “go ahead, I’ll stay home.” She is not opposed to travel, but needs to “return to the nest.” I suppose we will work thru this. But I am ears for anyone who has suggestions.

People who love travel prefer a solution where their partner wants to travel just as much but that's neither realistic or fair. There needs to be a reasonable compromise, although that can be hard when one person wants to go for 2 weeks and the other wants to go for 2 or 3 months.

Look at it from her perspective for a while...what would it take for you to want to travel less?

 

[brett]

We made that compromise. I wanted 4-5 months. She wanted 2-3. We compromised at 2 months, twice a year. No problem. But with some smaller ones in between. As it turned out that agreed with our out of country medical and evac coverage.

There are a few places on my bucket list that do not interest her so I will do it solo. She goes a week early to visit her family, I arrive later, stay for a few days, and then we depart on our travels. It is all good.

We have been married for 45 plus years. We hardly have to be stuck like glue to each other 24x7, 365 days a year. Absence makes the heart grow fonder!