Did You Move Where You Did Not Know Anyone?

[rathgar]

We are considering a move to Florida. We do not have friends or family there. Anyone moved somewhere and had to start a new life in their 50s/ 60s? How difficult was it to make friends/ acquaintances?
Any and all advice appreciated.

 

[garyt]

We're thinking of doing the same. If you move into a 55+ community they have so many activities it seems it would be easy to meet new people.

 

[FFC1964]

Considering the same....great question!

I do know we bought a condo on a lake in Missouri about 7 years ago and we have made some good friends there....it did take a bit however. Obviously Covid has been hard on our socializing.

 

[Amethyst]

Yup. We're doing it now and one of us is way past his 60's. The pandemic really hit hard in terms of finding friends. Gym, church, and other standard gathering places became off-limits.

 

[rodi]

I wasn't in my 50's/60's... but I've done it 3 times. First to Bellingham WA in my late 20's, then Philadelphia in my early 30's, and to Atlanta a few years later (then back to Philly).

It is a bit intimidating. Especially if you aren't working - which is an easy place to meet people. I was able to make great friends everytime... well, Atlanta was a bust (bad job, crime issues, I bailed after 3 months).

My BIL is in process of moving to FL as I type this... He is not worried about making friends because his wife is very social... She'll have them networked in no time.

 

[aja8888]

Moved to Texas at 50 years old with no family or friends. Been here 25+ years and now have tons of friends, family, etc. Best move I ever made.

 

[Midpack]

Yes, in Jul 2019 we moved 750 miles to another state where we didn't know anyone at all. We knew it would take some effort on our parts to meet new people, and we were making progress until Covid-19 made that almost impossible. Obviously we would have made an even greater effort had we known, but no one did. I'm not sure what DW and I would have done without each other these past 11 months.

So we have a small community of friends (thank goodness!), which we hope to expand further once life returns to (a new) normal. We're not extroverts, but we've both moved many times, and we've always been able to make new best friends.

It does get harder as we age, and retirement takes away the work connection that can sometimes lead to friends, direct or (more likely) otherwise. It does take a concerted effort, join anything and everything of even remote interest and put yourself out there, or you won't find new friends - no way around it. 55+ communities are likely to help make new friends too, though we didn't go that route.

 

[ls99]

Yes. about 200 miles to a small town.

 

[braumeister]

I moved 11 times where I knew nobody. Military life is challenging, but the process is nowhere near as daunting as many people think. You'll be fine.

 

[grasshopper]

We moved 7 times in 11 years with Ms G's career, we seemed to make friends because she was the boss. almost 10 years at our last stop and had a lake community and party boats to make friends with. Retired 15 years ago and moved to a very small community where it was necessary to make friends just to have something to do. Covid has really put a dent on our social life.

 

[Dtail]

Yes indeed.
We moved to Tampa, FLA in our late 50's into a gated diverse all ages community. We didn't know anyone here, but decided on Florida, as retirement became available.

We rented the first year before buying a SFH the 2nd year. 3.5 years into retirement and except for Covid, we are totally enjoying our life here.

Perhaps we were lucky a bit, but didn't have the time to research for months on end.

 

[MichaelB]

We are considering a move to Florida. We do not have friends or family there. Anyone moved somewhere and had to start a new life in their 50s/ 60s? How difficult was it to make friends/ acquaintances?
Any and all advice appreciated.

Most of the people here in Florida are from somewhere else. Worked there, retired here. Or they live elsewhere and are seasonal residents here. You’ll fit right in.

Well, maybe not most, but certainly many. The rest are aliens.

 

[jcfradio]

Yes, in Jul 2019 we moved 750 miles to another state where we didn't know anyone at all. We knew it would take some effort on our parts to meet new people, and we were making progress until Covid-19 made that almost impossible. Obviously we would have made an even greater effort had we known, but no one did. I'm not sure what DW and I would have done without each other these past 11 months.

So we have a small community of friends (thank goodness!), which we hope to expand further once life returns to (a new) normal. We're not extroverts, but we've both moved many times, and we've always been able to make new best friends.

It does get harder as we age, and retirement takes away the work connection that can sometimes lead to friends, direct or (more likely) otherwise. It does take a concerted effort, join anything and everything of even remote interest and put yourself out there, or you won't find new friends - no way around it. 55+ communities are likely to help make new friends too, though we didn't go that route.

For all of the reasons that you have listed, we have decided to stay put in the community where we have spent the past 20 years. We moved 6 times over my working career and have no desire to go through all of those hassles again. Yeah, the weather here sucks in the winter, but most years we can go somewhere else for a month if we really need to. By staying where we are now, we are an hour from aging parents, in the same city as 2 of our kids, know the people that I golf and curl with, don't have to look for new doctors, are in a MCOL area with a teaching hospital. Either we are lucky or I was a good planner; I havent decided which.

 

[savory]

Yes, we moved twice since 2011. In both cases, our love for biking resulted in some great friendships. We found fellow bicyclists and became active in the local clubs and advocacy groups. That led us to other related groups. Also, gym membership helped. We did not belong to a religious institution but we thought that would have been helpful as well.

In one state, I found a 50+ basketball league and an old mans hockey program. Where we are now, people are much friendlier and becoming active with local government has allowed us to get to know many people.

I think the critical thing is get yourself involved in things you like. However in at least one case, I was hoping to connect with a home brewing group but that did not work out. So, I moved on.

After these two experiences, in very different cities and local personalities, it has been much easier for us to connect and develop great friendship groups than we expected. Having said that, it does take a bit of time.

 

[Yoheadden]

I think it is easier in a 55+ community where everyone is from somewhere else.

If I may extend this thread with another question. What about finding a new doctor, dentist, etc. in a brand new area ? We have done it back when I was in the military, but that is all provided for you.

 

[Mark1]

Yes, we were really worried about this issue when we moved to CO after retirement. Instead of buying we rented when we moved to town and while we were waiting for the landlord (and the key to the rental house), we went over and introduce ourselves to our future neighbors in their open garage. We told them about our concern and although their were moving to a new house very soon, they invited us to a party at their house on the next weekend. We are currently friends with many folks we meet that night and have grown our network even more now via friends of friends, etc.

The key is to make a point of meeting people and then make sure you nurture the relationships early on until your friendships are fully established. For the first few months, we literally changed our plans more than once to attend functions that we were invited to, just to become fully entrenched within the network of friends.

 

[catii]

Yes, moved to Hawaii, where we had exactly one contact, through Rotary. Glad we did, as we've been here for 30 years.

 

[Tom52]

We are considering a move to Florida. We do not have friends or family there. Anyone moved somewhere and had to start a new life in their 50s/ 60s? How difficult was it to make friends/ acquaintances?
Any and all advice appreciated.

Yes, indeed we can relate as we moved 1200 miles from the Midwest to Florida almost two years ago. We were in our mid 60s at the time. We were already retired and didn't know a single person. We visited here three previous winters so we were familiar with the area.

We have many new friends. I am fairly outgoing but DW not so much. We put in a lot of effort developing new relationships as that is important to us. We joined several clubs that combine our interests along with social activities. We both golf in couples and mens or womens groups. We also made a point to introduce ourselves and interact with close surrounding neighbors. We do card parties, driveway parties, lunch/dinner out with friends, club sponsered day trips to surrounding sites, monthly cruise nites with our old car, and a lot more.

People here are typically very social and accepting of new neighbors. We are in a 55+ community so everyone is from somewhere else with very little or no family close by. I think that makes it easier to make friends. I don't think we would be nearly as happy if we had just bought a condo on the beach, it would have been much more difficult to meet people and develop friendships. We can drive our golf cart to the Dr or even the hospital, to do your shopping and to probably 100 restuarants. We are never bored, we are very happy.

Many people have negative opinions on 55+ communities, but you might want to consider them. If you do be sure to research if it has an active lifestyle if that is what you are after. Also, don't believe all the BS comments you read from people that just don't know.

Good luck in your decision.

 

[irishgal]

Yes, I moved solo to middle Tennessee and I’ve found it easy to make friends.

 

[EastWest Gal]

We didn't know anyone near here when we moved from California to Pennsylvania in 1998-1999. We met some people through our son's school activities, and that was very nice, but all temporary, as the kids grow up, families move away. In 2002 our local shopper newspaper had an ad for a community choir needing an accompanist. That same year there was an article about a local community band.

Fast forward 20 years, those newspaper ads/articles started our adult social lives for real. Much better than we ever experienced in Silicon Valley.

Just make sure that when you arrive, you meet your neighbors, follow your interests, and you will make friends.

 

[FreeBear]

We are considering a move to Florida. We do not have friends or family there. Anyone moved somewhere and had to start a new life in their 50s/ 60s? How difficult was it to make friends/ acquaintances?
Any and all advice appreciated.

I love all these moving/relo threads! Does it seem like folks are interested than usual

I was reluctant to move in part because I had lived all my life in the city where I grew up. I never considered myself especially outgoing, although DW is much better, and worried about making new friends if we moved someplace new.

One day, a friend surprised us by commenting that we are so outgoing that we could make friends anywhere. We knew that he was probably right.

I realized that I had known all the people that were presently close to me for only a handful of years, except for DW. I had been growing into a new set of friends all my life, with the friend group partially changing with circumstances. A few friendships endured, but most were supplanted with life changes like new jobs, churches, hobbies, or moving, even to just a different part of town. Different friends for different seasons, although a few have persisted through several seasons.

Anyway, we suddenly moved to SE AZ to escape the 6+ months of cold and dark northern winters. We picked a new church and enrolled in their 4 week intro class, picking up 2 friends in the process, fortunately just before covid. Another week, several church clubs were recruiting members. We joined a club and over a few more weeks gained a couple of more friends.

In our neighborhood, we try to be friendly and make a little small talk. We now know most of our neighbors, one of whom watches our house when we are away. Another invited us to his son's big birthday bash at the community center, the last big party we attended before covid broke.

Equally surprising, we have deepened our friendships with a few from the Frozen North. We yak with a few on the phone regualarly. A handful are coming to visit us to escape winter for a week or so. We even have a couple booked for the fall!

Oh, we're in a regular all-ages generic suburban subdivision and we have friends of all ages, both neighors and through church. We'd have even more if we were even more proactive and were not covid-constrained. Moving to SE AZ has been a huge positive both for friendships and our outdoor-centric passions.

 

[pjm-7]

Yes. Made the move last year during the pandemic lockdown. I did not know anybody here in the Grand Valley of Colorado. I do not have a significant other for support.

I have made some friends through a volunteer group. My social group is fairly small, but then again my social circle has always been small. I am also involved in a small book club and hiking group. I'm hoping that as things improve that I will become more involved.

Things are going reasonably well.

 

[FreeBear]

It does get harder as we age, and retirement takes away the work connection that can sometimes lead to friends, direct or (more likely) otherwise. It does take a concerted effort, join anything and everything of even remote interest and put yourself out there, or you won't find new friends - no way around it. 55+ communities are likely to help make new friends too, though we didn't go that route.

Y
The key is to make a point of meeting people and then make sure you nurture the relationships early on until your friendships are fully established. For the first few months, we literally changed our plans more than once to attend functions that we were invited to, just to become fully entrenched within the network of friends.

+1 Exactly!

Got to be proactive and engaging if you want new friends. As others have mentioned, it helps if everyone is from someplace else, as in popular retirement locations in FL and AZ.

Here in Tucson, almost everyone is from someplace else, even if they have localized here for decades. Everyone asks were you are from. The answer is either the west coast or the frozen north. We're not even talking the snowbirds, just full timers.

Better yet, few ask what I do for a living. No one cares. One even asked if I was retired or still w*rking. When I answered "retired", he replied "great" and the conversation moved on, eventhough we still look like early retirees agewise. We have moved to the right kind of place, where no one cares what I did or do

 

[Teacher Terry]

Have done it many times. Moved here by myself 24 years ago for a job and love it. I would never move. One of my kids and his wife live here now. I have a big friend group that are supportive and helpful when needed. I also love the weather.

 

[Bamaman]

When we were in our 40's raising a young child, many of our friends were in our neighborhood. Our daughter and her school friends brought many parents into our lives. We also had many friends from our Sunday School class and we also had many square dance friends.

We moved in our early 50's, and again most of our new friends were made at church. We also had aunts/uncles in the area that started dying off of old age. Neighbors in our little town were not so friendly as 2 to 4 acre yards kept everyone separated.

We moved to town where homes ran from 5,000-10,000 square feet on our street. No one knew each other because they were self employed and worked all the time to pay for those big houses.

We moved an hour away when we were 68, and the pandemic hit. We too have essentially quarantined ourselves, but we've joined a big church that's having services and Sunday School classes. We're also meeting some younger parents of our 9 year old granddaughter's friends.

Even though we've moved, and many friends have also moved, we have maintained our best friendships thru social media.