What's Your Greatest 'Comeback Line'

[ownyourfuture]

Unfortunately, my greatest comeback line was directed to my own Mother, who I love dearly BTW.

Sorry I made this so long, but it's cold & miserable outside today & I had nothing else to do.

Scenario: I had a tooth that was beginning to bother me.
The pain would come & go.
Having a slight phobia with dentist visits, combined with the fact that I was working long hours, 6:00 AM To 6:00 PM (My Ex-Employer had an absolutely draconian attendance policy) I put it off for about a month. ((too long))

It was a Friday morning and it was time to make the call. Unfortunately I got a recording. They weren't open that day & wouldn't be open until the following Tuesday. I made it through Saturday, Sunday, Monday & called them as soon as they opened Tuesday morning.

I went in, pointed out the tooth that was bothering me, & the dentist took some x-rays.

He said something looked a 'little bit off' , but he couldn't be absolutely sure. He gave me a prescription for pain medication in case it got worse. I think it was vicodin.

That night about 8 o'clock I had something to eat, then went to the bathroom to floss my teeth. The second I started removing the floss from the tooth in question & the one next to it, searing white hot pain started in the tooth itself & down to my lower jaw.

I have no idea what my pain threshold is ?
I just know it was pain like I've never felt before in my life. I was kind of in a panic, I thought maybe I just got something caught in between the tooth so my first instinct was to gargle. This helped for about five or six seconds, then the pain would come back.

After about the fourth time gargling, the little light bulb began to Flicker.
It wasn't the gargling that was helping, it was the cool water on my tooth.
I ran to the freezer to get some ice cubes. They we were too big to fit properly, so I ran to the garage, got a hammer and started pounding them into smaller pieces.

I have my dentist's home number, so I started calling him at around 8:20. There was no answer. I even called the emergency room at the local hospital to see if there was anything they could do for me. I asked them if they could give me some Novocain to get me through the night. The answer was no.

I had completely forgotten about the vicodin. My next thought was alcohol.
It was about 8:40 PM by this time, so I tried my dentist one more time with no luck, then went to my local liquor store & bought a 12 pack of michelob.

The cashier immediately knew what was going on when she saw me walk in with a glass of ice. I went home & downed 2 of the michelob's in about 20 minutes. Except for the temporary relief that the cold provided, the real pain was as bad as ever. So I went back to putting the ice on my tooth, & kept trying to contact my dentist.

Finally, about 9:30 PM, he answered. He was not enthused about the idea of coming to his office at 9:30 PM, but he finally agreed.

So right about 10 o'clock he took another x-ray, & told me he still couldn't be absolutely sure. I said "just do something for me now"
So he drilled a small hole in the tooth. The pain went away immediately.
The next day he would start a successful root canal on that tooth.

The following week, I went to Timber Lodge Steakhouse, bought a $50 gift certificate, & gave it to him. He was very appreciative.

The following week I was out visiting my Mother & other family members.
I told them about the gift certificate.
My mom calmly started in, saying, "why would you do that, he was just doing his job, he's probably got plenty of money already" & she closed with the following.

"He's not God after all"

I replied immediately

"He was that night"

 

[lampshade]

Perfect response!! I would have never thought of that!

 

[marko]

Back early in my career, my territory included Paris, the French Alps and all the way down to Monaco.

One day, at a full/packed sales meeting, our CEO (not known for his patience) barked at me, and only half joking said: "I've looked at your territory...how the hell do you know when you're working or on vacation?"

I said: "I look down at the credit card, boss...when you're name is on it, I'm working".

He loved it!

 

[travelover]

I was hiking at the local park on the horse trail where it parallels a hiking trail for a distance. Someone on the hiking trail called to me , "I think you are on a horse trail". I replied, "thanks, that explains all the hoof prints and horsesh!t".

 

[ownyourfuture]

Back early in my career, my territory included Paris, the French Alps and all the way down to Monaco.

One day, at a full/packed sales meeting, our CEO (not known for his patience) barked at me, and only half joking said: "I've looked at your territory...how the hell do you know when you're working or on vacation?"

I said: "I look down at the credit card, boss...when you're name is on it, I'm working".

He loved it!

Nice!!

 

[mystang52]

Unfortunately, in my case I always have great comebacks...........hours after the fact.

 

[ownyourfuture]

I was hiking at the local park on the horse trail where it parallels a hiking trail for a distance. Someone on the hiking trail called to me , "I think you are on a horse trail". I replied, "thanks, that explains all the hoof prints and horsesh!t".

Excellent!!

 

[ownyourfuture]

Perfect response!! I would have never thought of that!

Thanks!

 

[travelover]

One day I was walking my whippet and a lady leading a Sheltie asked me, "is that a greyhound?"

I replied, "No. Is that a Collie?

 

[LitGal]

My first week of teaching high school English, facing a room full of rambunctious sophomores, waiting to get class started. A girl in the back raises her hand.

"Is this your first year of teaching?"

"And did you brush your teeth this morning?" I ask her.

She stops. The class turns around to look at her.

"Well, what does that have to do with anything?" she demands.

Her rowdy peers go quiet.

"Exactly," I say.

We start class.

 

[Meadbh]

It was 1994. My father refused to eat his broccoli. "It's good for you!" said my mother. "George Bush (Sr.) doesn't eat broccoli", said Dad. My response: "George Bush didn't win the election."

 

[LitGal]

It was 1994. My father refused to eat his broccoli. "It's good for you!" said my mother. "George Bush (Sr.) doesn't eat broccoli", said Dad. My response: "George Bush didn't win the election."

Ha! Ha! Ha!

 

[Meadbh]

My first week of teaching high school English, facing a room full of rambunctious sophomores, waiting to get class started. A girl in the back raises her hand.

"Is this your first year of teaching?"

"And did you brush your teeth this morning?" I ask her.

She stops. The class turns around to look at her.

"Well, what does that have to do with anything?" she demands.

Her rowdy peers go quiet.

"Exactly," I say.

We start class.

 

[tmm99]

My first week of teaching high school English, facing a room full of rambunctious sophomores, waiting to get class started. A girl in the back raises her hand.

"Is this your first year of teaching?"

"And did you brush your teeth this morning?" I ask her.

She stops. The class turns around to look at her.

"Well, what does that have to do with anything?" she demands.

Her rowdy peers go quiet.

"Exactly," I say.

We start class.

WOW! What a fast comeback! LOVED IT

 

[braumeister]

I was in the yard raking leaves when a new neighbor walked over and asked if I was going to "recycle" the leaves.

"Sure. I have a big box of safety pins and in the Spring I'll paint them green and put them back on the trees."

He never bothered me again.

 

[Nemo2]

Wow, you guys are fast......."Oh Yeah?" is the best I can come up with.

 

[Sarah in SC]

DH borrowed my toothbrush once when we were still dating and I yelled at him for it. He said "wait, but you kiss me and that seems to be okay with you" and I responded "yeah, but I'm drunk then".

 

[pb4uski]

Not a comeback line but a funny pickup line I used in my youth was to ask a young lass who have caught my eye "What winks and f__ks like a tiger?". Typically they would ponder the question and eventually give up and say "I don't know, what?" at which point I would tilt my head and wink at them.

 

[Pbkmaine]

Did this ever work?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[pb4uski]

Absolutely. Funny icebreaker.

 

[Chuckanut]

Unfortunately, in my case I always have great comebacks...........hours after the fact.

The French have a saying for that: "L'esprit de l'escalier". It's used when one thinks of the perfect reply too late.

This name for the phenomenon comes from French encyclopedist and philosopher Denis Diderot's description of such a situation in his Paradoxe sur le comédien.[1] During a dinner at the home of statesman Jacques Necker, a remark was made to Diderot which left him speechless at the time, because, he explains, "a sensitive man, such as myself, overwhelmed by the argument levelled against him, becomes confused and can only think clearly again [when he reaches] the bottom of the stairs".


In this case, “the bottom of the stairs” refers to the architecture of the kind of hôtel particulier or mansion to which Diderot had been invited. In such houses, the reception rooms were on the étage noble, one floor above the ground floor.[2] To have reached the bottom of the stairs means to have definitively left the gathering.

 

[MichaelB]

The French have a saying for that: "L'esprit de l'escalier". It's used when one thinks of the perfect reply too late.

Sure describes me. I always have the best retort, but not until the next morning. The few times I knew exactly what to say at the right moment were either at work or with DW, and without exception, in all cases, I would have been much better off if I just STFU.

 

[Closet_Gamer]

Not my line, but I have a co-worker who has sums up the challenge of managing people quite succinctly. Whenever we're talking about a dept that is under-performing or we need to go in a new direction and we're discussing how we get everyone rallied he sums it up as:

"Well, we're either going to CHANGE people or we're going to change PEOPLE."

 

[chris2008]

Once I came home from work very early.
DH always was home much earlyer than me, so I opened the door and called "I am back home, where are you?".
He called back from upstairs: "I am in bed".

My instant reply: "I hope alone"



(It turned out that he had come home with heavy headache and tried to cure that by sleep.)

 

[Idnar7]

In college a friend set me up on a blind date to double date with he and his girlfriend. We went to a movie and then went walking at a park. At the end of the night I walked her to the door and said I would like to see her again. Her comeback "I think we've been seeing too much of each other". All I could do was laugh.