How many children?

[imoldernu]

Not a poll,but a subject for discussion about the effect of having children on personal finances.

The number of children per family has steadily decreased since 1976... at which time we had four boys.

Among Mothers, Family Size is Shrinking | Pew Research Center

What kind of effect do you see based on the number of children in the family, as regards the family financial situation?

I could find very little current information about the relationship of net worth in families based on the number of children. This older(almost incomprehensible) article (.pdf) was the nearest.

https://www.aeaweb.org/conference/2010/retrieve.php?pdfid=294

The current estimated cost to raise a child from birth to age 17,is $233,600.
(does not include college)

https://money.cnn.com/2017/01/09/pf/cost-of-raising-a-child-2015/index.html
................................................................................................
Other than taxes, what kind of pluses or minuses do you see that might affect net worth?

What does this mean for the future?
Do you see any societal effects, either in perception or action?
How does the number of children affect the likelihood of retiring early?

Your general thoughts... including "what might have been?"

 

[W2R]

I have one beautiful, intelligent, creative, 40-year-old daughter and she was an only child and the light of my life in so many ways.

I didn't think that having and raising a kid cost much at all. As one wise old lady told me when I was pregnant, "It costs what you are willing to spend." We didn't have much back then so we couldn't (and didn't) spend much on her.

HOWEVER... I had never been around kids before having my own, and I discovered that raising a kid was a whole lot more work than I had thought it would be (light of my life or not). My late ex felt the same way. Nobody told us beforehand how much work it is to do a genuinely good job as a parent.

So, my late ex and I decided that unlike that TV show "Eight is Enough", for us, "One was Enough". We were glad we had her, but one was enough.

 

[NW-Bound]

Two for us, and that was about right.

More than 2, and it was not just about money, but I would not have the time or energy to give them the attention that they need.

 

[NYEXPAT]

In my case if I adjust the cost of living (for my country) - Social security benefits of $324,000 (not including cola), it looks like a wash. Does not really matter to me as my two Son's love is priceless and would be enough for me to consider working for another year or two!

 

[Choices]

My DD waited to have children until they could afford them, she was age 39 and 41.
Fewer children obviously means fewer oars in the water to pay my SS. I encourage everyone to have at least 4!
No, I am not a good babysitter��

 

[candrew]

We had two kids, both boys. Almost a 3rd, but DW had a miscarriage early in the pregnancy.

For the sake of the planet - and humankind in general - falling birth rates seem a good thing. I'm of the opinion that there are too many humans trying to live simultaneously on the same rock.

 

[candrew]

I discovered that raising a kid was a whole lot more work than I had thought it would be (light of my life or not). Nobody told us beforehand how much work it is to do a genuinely good job as a parent.

D*mned straight! Not only is raising children a lot of work, but DW & I agree it was the most difficult challenge we've ever met. To top it off, babies aren't born with instruction manuals and everyone one of them is different.

 

[travelover]

Zero for me. I did greatly enjoy my interactions with my step-grandson, however. It was great to be able to spoil him for a few hours then hand him back to his mother.

 

[Gumby]

No personal experience, but from the sidelines it looks like a darned hard job. And I'm sure we are further ahead financially because we chose not to step onto the field.

 

[MichaelB]

I think it is extraordinarily difficult to raise a child today. So many people telling parents what they are doing wrong and shaming them on social media. An absolute invasion of conflicting and contrary advice.

At the same time, local public education, strapped for cash, is passing onto the parents the costs of many school and after-school activities that were covered by the school system for past generations of students.

 

[braumeister]

In developed countries sub-replacement fertility is any rate below approximately 2.1 children born per woman, but the threshold can be as high as 3.4 in some developing countries because of higher mortality rates. Taken globally, the total fertility rate at replacement was 2.33 children per woman in 2003.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sub-replacement_fertility

Therefore, IMHO, the number of children should be a little below this level.

 

[Teacher Terry]

We had 3 boys which was perfect for us. After the kids were grown we divorced. I met a man with 2 boys aged 8 & 10. Mine were 18, 21 and 24. I needed a break so wasn’t very involved. However, when the youngest was 13 we took custody because his brother was beating him up. We are very close today.

 

[scrabbler1]

Never had any interest in having kids, and I can't imagine how awful my life would have been if I had any. Being childfree (CF) is the biggest reason I was able to retire 10 years ago at age 45. It is the best and most important decision I have made in my entire life. No regrets whatsoever.

 

[travelover]

Never had any interest in having kids, and I can't imagine how awful [-]my[/-] their life would have been if I had any........... .

FIFY.... I felt the same way, sad to see kids grow up unwanted.

 

[Aerides]

Zero.

When younger I kind of kept waiting for the desire to kick in, but it never did. My sister always knew she wanted to be a mom, i never had that feeling. DH had the same ambiguity, and we discussed it very early on in dating so there were no surprises.

 

[ncbill]

Both of us are from a family of four, so we had two kids as well.

Creepily enough, they ended up spaced out the same in age as we are from our respective siblings, but with no conscious planning on our part.

 

[Fedup]

My husband and I didn’t worry about having kids, not regarding the cost of raising them. We planned 4, but reality set in and only had 2 and possible a miscarriage in between. So glad we had kids, money was never a problem, and we did spend boatloads on them. They turned out as they said themselves, fully functioning adults thanks to my husband, Best dad ever as they wrote every year in their Father’s Day card. Their love is unbeaten. We still managed to retired reasonably early, so not to worry for all those young adults out there. Kids are not a problem ever.

 

[Moemg]

For some of us the question "How many kids do you have " is painful and hard to answer . I had two children but my son died at 32 so when people ask me that I always say two but only one still living .

 

[JackJester]

0. We're DINKs. We focused on our careers early. Then when it got close to the make or break point regarding probability of bearing healthy children/healthy mother (35-40), we were not passionate about raising kids. You have to "want it" and not just do it because it is what society expects. Plus, the rest of world is doing much more to cover the loss of our reproductivity: World Population Clock: 7.6 Billion People (2018) - Worldometers
No regrets at all. We are very happy with each other and our 2 labs. I'm certain we would not be retiring early if we had children based on the financial cost our friends endure. That $233,600 will compound greatly over 17 years of investment. Plus I know the costs don't end at age 17. Having a college education is critical to success in today's society IMO, and it is very hard to obtain one these days without help from Mom and Dad; I have lots of co-workers dealing with college-aged kids right now.

 

[street]

One for us it would of been a blessing if we could of had one more. We took what was given to us and what a joy and an experience in life he has been.

 

[Monterey298sc]

0 for us Married 32 yrs last week. 6 dogs

 

[Rustic23]

We have two. One boy, One girl. That was the plan and we stuck to it. I figured from the start two was just about what we could afford. DW is happy with that decision. Both are in their 40's now. Did it have an effect on our finance, sure! However, I can't say our retirement would be any more secure if we had fewer, or anymore at risk if we had a couple more.

 

[Jerry1]

Two daughters. Now in their early thirties. One has three kids and the other has no plan on having kids.

As for $200K per kid, give me a break. It can’t be that much, especially if that doesn’t include college. I have no formal study to point to, but I don’t believe a middle class family of four, two kids, is spending a half million on their kids when that would represent a substantial percentage of their income.

 

[Gumby]

0. We're DINKs. We focused on our careers early. Then when it got close to the make or break point regarding probability of bearing healthy children/healthy mother (35-40), we were not passionate about raising kids. You have to "want it" and not just do it because it is what society expects. Plus, the rest of world is doing much more to cover the loss of our reproductivity: World Population Clock: 7.6 Billion People (2018) - Worldometers
No regrets at all. We are very happy with each other and our 2 labs. I'm certain we would not be retiring early if we had children based on the financial cost our friends endure. That $233,600 will compound greatly over 17 years of investment. Plus I know the costs don't end at age 17. Having a college education is critical to success in today's society IMO, and it is very hard to obtain one these days without help from Mom and Dad; I have lots of co-workers dealing with college-aged kids right now.

When we got married at 25/23, we assumed we'd have children. But I was in the Navy, which I can tell you from personal experience is not conducive to a good family life, so we waited. Then I left the Navy, but the young wife went back to graduate school to become a teacher. Not a good time to have kids, so we waited. Then I went to law school. Not a good time for kids, so we waited. Then we were both busting our butts in new careers. Not a good time for kids, so we waited. Then, one day, when we were 40/38 or so, we finally lifted our heads up out of the foxhole and took a good look around. We decided that we were happy enough as is, and that was that.

I applaud those who take the leap of faith and have kids. I see the hardship my young colleagues go through. I recall several years back, there was a young 30's mother who sat in the next cube over from me. Every morning, I could hear her weeping at her desk from the difficulties with her two very young children. She was exhausted and frustrated, and full of doubt that she was doing it right. I really felt bad for her. (She is much better now that the kids are a little older.)

 

[Ronstar]

None for us. DW made it clear when we were dating that she didn’t want any kids. I was ok with that, and I would have been ok with kids if she changed her mind later. But she didn’t. And work got hectic, and I built a few houses, and I went back to school. We were so busy that we never considered having kids.