I guess I fall somewhere in between helicopter parent and letting consequences fly. I've got a 10 year old and 12 year old.
- I'm a big believer in giving kids life skills (cooking, laundry, etc)... so the boys are responsible for some meal prep, clean up, etc. I believe in modified natural consequences (I remind them in the evening to make sure their backpacks are loaded up - but don't check them to make sure the assignments/permission slips/etc are in there). If they forget something - it's their problem to work out.
- I have been a bit aggressive about their schooling. When my older son was bored out of his mind and had crappy grades - I was emailing the teacher regularly about why he was failing, despite getting perfect scores on the benchmarks and standardized tests. I didn't ask her to change the grade - but she became aware that I felt the problem didn't lie entirely with my son... if she can't provide differentiation to bright, but bored students, she's not doing her job. I didn't try to make excuses for my son, just asked a lot of pointed questions about how she determined the grades. Turns out he was getting all the right answers on the tests - but doing the math problems in his own methods, not the method she was teaching. And he never learned the preferred method since he pre-tested out of the modules and had entirely different homework. I disagreed with this - but let the grades stand... and made a decision to get him OUT of that school environment. I worked to get my kids transferred to a program better able to handle exceptional bright kids (Yes - we're from Lake Wobegon, lol). He's now being given math and writing work that is several years ahead of his grade level, and thriving. So some helicopter parenting got him to a good school program that matched his abilities.
- Now we're entering middle school, and I did research and found a program that seems appropriate for my boys. (international baccalaureate program) He's horrified that I'm sending him to a school that none of his friends are going to. But I feel it is the best fit for him. So I guess that makes me a bit helicopter-esque. But I'm not trying to modify the teachers or schools - just aggressively pushing to get him in the right school/program for him. It's up to him to fail or thrive.