golftrek
Recycles dryer sheets
My mother (a widow, age 85) recently visited me for a few days over Christmas. Mother's mind seems OK but she is getting frail and seems to have balance problems and is having difficulty going down steps (even just a couple). Mother also has hearing problems, she wears a hearing aid but still has difficulty hearing. Mother lives alone in a small house in a small town. Mother still drives, but I am getting concerned about her driving and continuing to live alone.
A couple of years ago mother and I toured the only Continuing Care Retirement Community in her town and it seemed nice and gets good ratings. The cost of this CCRC seems very reasonable. Mother has said several times she might like to move there but that it "costs too much". The crazy thing is that mother is well off and could easily afford the entrance fee and monthly payment. (My husband and I have our names on the waiting list of a CCRC where we live which is substantially more expensive than the CCRC in mother's small town). Mother also has some Long Term Care Insurance that would help with some of the monthly payments if mother needs more assistance.
After I took mother home from her visit over Christmas I decided to make an effort to encourage mother to move into the CCRC. I called the facility, found out there is a current opening and got all the details. The CCRC cautioned me that mother needs to be independent and in good physical and mental shape to move in so she should not wait too long. I am 65 and the oldest of 3 daughters. I live about 2 hours from mother. My youngest sister lives about an hour from mother and the middle sister lives near mother in the same town.
I sent my 2 sisters an email detailing all the CCRC information and suggesting that the 3 of us discuss all this and then meet with mother. My younger sister immediately emailed me back and said she too had noticed that my mother was declining physically and thought the CCRC was a good idea.
My middle sister (the one that lives closest to mother) called me the next day after I sent the email and yelled at me for 15 minutes (I had always thought we got along OK before this). She said my mother was in great shape physically, had no balance or hearing problems, was a great driver and had no need to move into a "place". She said she would fight me on it and that I could not make mother move (which was certainly not my intent--if mother does not want to move I certainly cannot "make" her do it). My sister said she would check on mother everyday (to my knowledge she had never checked on her before). My middle sister also called mother and told her what I had said about the CCRC and got my mother upset at me. I was surprised at my sister's reaction since it had seemed to me she had not been much interested in my mother's welfare before. (For example, if my mother needs someone to meet with her doctor I have always been the one to drive to her town and meet with the doctor). I am at a loss to explain my sister's reaction.
I have read several threads on this Forum about CCRCs and people moving their parents into a CCRC. Has anyone had the situation where one of their siblings was against the parent moving into a CCRC and set out to block it?
Does anyone have any advice for me?
Thanks for any help, Jo Ann
A couple of years ago mother and I toured the only Continuing Care Retirement Community in her town and it seemed nice and gets good ratings. The cost of this CCRC seems very reasonable. Mother has said several times she might like to move there but that it "costs too much". The crazy thing is that mother is well off and could easily afford the entrance fee and monthly payment. (My husband and I have our names on the waiting list of a CCRC where we live which is substantially more expensive than the CCRC in mother's small town). Mother also has some Long Term Care Insurance that would help with some of the monthly payments if mother needs more assistance.
After I took mother home from her visit over Christmas I decided to make an effort to encourage mother to move into the CCRC. I called the facility, found out there is a current opening and got all the details. The CCRC cautioned me that mother needs to be independent and in good physical and mental shape to move in so she should not wait too long. I am 65 and the oldest of 3 daughters. I live about 2 hours from mother. My youngest sister lives about an hour from mother and the middle sister lives near mother in the same town.
I sent my 2 sisters an email detailing all the CCRC information and suggesting that the 3 of us discuss all this and then meet with mother. My younger sister immediately emailed me back and said she too had noticed that my mother was declining physically and thought the CCRC was a good idea.
My middle sister (the one that lives closest to mother) called me the next day after I sent the email and yelled at me for 15 minutes (I had always thought we got along OK before this). She said my mother was in great shape physically, had no balance or hearing problems, was a great driver and had no need to move into a "place". She said she would fight me on it and that I could not make mother move (which was certainly not my intent--if mother does not want to move I certainly cannot "make" her do it). My sister said she would check on mother everyday (to my knowledge she had never checked on her before). My middle sister also called mother and told her what I had said about the CCRC and got my mother upset at me. I was surprised at my sister's reaction since it had seemed to me she had not been much interested in my mother's welfare before. (For example, if my mother needs someone to meet with her doctor I have always been the one to drive to her town and meet with the doctor). I am at a loss to explain my sister's reaction.
I have read several threads on this Forum about CCRCs and people moving their parents into a CCRC. Has anyone had the situation where one of their siblings was against the parent moving into a CCRC and set out to block it?
Does anyone have any advice for me?
Thanks for any help, Jo Ann