Random acts of kindness

[NYEXPAT]

Several times up around the Salem area I've been caught up in a pay it backward coffee line at a drive up coffee joint - make your order, when you get the order find the person in front of you paid for your order, so you pay for the person behind you in line. I'm told the chain often lasts for hours.

In NYC we call that "Gorilla marketing"!

 

[samclem]

This falls into the very small act category: When I go to the supermarket, Home Depot, etc, I look out for folks who are almost done unloading their carts into their cars and I ask them if they are done with the cart. Then I take it with me into the store. It's no trouble for me, saves them a trip (sometimes quite a distance) to the cart corral, and reduces the need for the store to round up the carts quite so often. Folks seem to appreciate it, and it's very easy.
When I do it at Aldi, I have to be ready to pay the person their .25 cart deposit.

 

[Sunny]

I actually sort of did one last week! We were in Texas and pulled into a beach just south of Padre Island national seashore. I was hoping to find more beach to drive on since it is fun and we don't have that many in the midwest.

There was a car stuck in the sand with a guy trying to use 2x4s to get it out for the young lady...who by her attire and shirt mentioning a sorority at a college, was perhaps out of her element. Anyway, this other guy (a stranger to her) had a beat up truck, but only a chain he was afraid to use (for fear it'd pull her bumper off). I grab a nylon recovery wrap I've carried for quite some time out of my vehicle. Wrap it around and tie underneath, he tied it to his hitch...and it didn't work. So in for a penny, in for a pound, I start also pushing the front of her car. Either he gave it more juice or all that spinach I've been eating helped, and her car moves and we get her out of the deep sand and back to the harder packed sand.

I lost a bit of skin when I tripped on the board he had been using when the car started moving, and we had to cut my nylon strap to get it off his hitch since the knot he tied wasn't coming lose, but sorority girl saved! She barely said thank you and jumped into her car...I wasn't expecting anything and was already walking away once the strap was cut, but that guy had been trying to get her out for the better part of an hour. If she would have been my daughter I would have been disappointed she didn't at least offer him $20 or something. Instead barely a thank you that didn't really even sound sincere. I actually feel bad that I didn't offer the guy $20 myself, even though I didn't know either of them.

Over the years I've helped push a lot of snow stuck, battery dead vehicles, secretly sneaked in a few gifts to people who were down on their luck, and other small acts. Just the good neighborly thing to do.

This thread actually gives me the idea to actively try to do some random acts of kindness (hopefully anonymously), but that candy bar video above surprised me. I would have guessed most people would have been afraid to eat it (poison, razor blade in the chocolate, etc.).

 

[Ronstar]

I plow my neighbors entrance to the street and clear snow that snow plows miss at mailboxes whenever I'm out plowing my drive. Also change flat tires for people on occasion.

Working outside as a land surveyor provided me with a lot of opportunities to help people. Lots of great memories - help out at car accidents, robberies, and other incidents where I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. I gave an elderly lady a ride after she exited a medical center, saw me, and said "I need a ride". I don't know if she thought she knew me or not, but I gave her a ride to Walgreens to get her prescription.

 

[ERD50]

Lots of nice acts here, and I mentioned a few myself, but I have to take exception to these "pay for the guy behind you in line" routines.

When the line ends, only one person was helped (the last, by the first). Everything in between was just feel good fluff. Or maybe even peer pressure guilt? Are you gonna be the guy to break the chain? Doing good should be out of a sense of true helping, not out of guilt. And maybe that last guy didn't need the help any more than the first guy in line. I guess I feel it actually denigrates the real sense of doing good for others.

No way does it compare to a random helping of someone in actual need, or even temporary need, because they forgot their wallet or something. Or helping someone with a flat tire, or load their car, shoveling their drive, or anything that actually helps that person a bit.

OK, just a thin slice of curmudgeon among the great stories. Carry on!

-ERD50

 

[Bestwifeever]

This falls into the very small act category: When I go to the supermarket, Home Depot, etc, I look out for folks who are almost done unloading their carts into their cars and I ask them if they are done with the cart. Then I take it with me into the store. It's no trouble for me, saves them a trip (sometimes quite a distance) to the cart corral, and reduces the need for the store to round up the carts quite so often. Folks seem to appreciate it, and it's very easy.
When I do it at Aldi, I have to be ready to pay the person their .25 cart deposit.

Sometimes I just leave the quarter in the Aldi cart. I'm such a big spender

 

[travelover]

Lots of nice acts here, and I mentioned a few myself, but I have to take exception to these "pay for the guy behind you in line" routines.
..........

Have you ever considered getting a second log in name, say, 50ERD, and just post stuff to rile people up?

 

[ERD50]

Have you ever considered getting a second log in name, say, 50ERD, and just post stuff to rile people up?

I seem to do enough of that with only one name. 05DRE-

 

[CardsFan]

Lots of nice acts here, and I mentioned a few myself, but I have to take exception to these "pay for the guy behind you in line" routines.

When the line ends, only one person was helped (the last, by the first). Everything in between was just feel good fluff. Or maybe even peer pressure guilt? Are you gonna be the guy to break the chain? Doing good should be out of a sense of true helping, not out of guilt. And maybe that last guy didn't need the help any more than the first guy in line. I guess I feel it actually denigrates the real sense of doing good for others.

-ERD50

I agree with you. This is not a random act of kindness, just a thing to make everyone feel good.

Back to topic: These are not really random, but DW will always make more chili, stew, chowder, soup than we can eat, and will give a meal to one of our older neighbors (I almost said elderly neighbors, but realized someone 45 could put me in that category). I'll do the same with a smoked pork butt.

And we have a neighbor up the street that really cannot walk his dog. We, and several others, have volunteered to take her out ( we have the morning shift but are on call for anything). Great dog (greyhound), his best companion since his wife past away about a year ago.

In my mind it is a simple return for the favors shown to my folks by neighbors when they were older, and the help provided to MIL now by her's.

Call it Karma, or just call it being a decent human being.

 

[ER Eddie]

Occasionally, I will be nice to someone. It's not really in my character, but I do it anyway. Sometimes I'll even do it to someone who can't do me any favors in return! I know, it sounds crazy. It makes me realize what a great person I am.

 

[JPatrick]

I prefer to do them anonymously, usually for things I observe or hear about. I do get a thrill of seeing someone surprised in that way, and them not knowing who did it. For example, over the years I have bought meals in restaurant for folks by telling the server to bring me their bill but do not let them know who did it. I have stuck gift cards in mailboxes, under doors, or in envelopes on windshields.

.

Sort of reminds me of my Cub Scout/Momma upbringing.
At one of my very early cub meetings I was taught what a "good deed" was and why we should do them. Homework was to do a good deed and report on it at the next meeting. So next week we all stood up and talked about our good deed. I went home and told my Mom all about it and she told me all good deeds are good, but the best are the ones you keep a secret.

We required our own kids to go forth and help someone in need before we got around to opening our Christmas presents. They still do something similar.
Tossing aside the secret mode for my DW, she recently encountered an elderly lady in an airport check in line who had not counted on some of today's extra fees and had come up about $40 short. Her (a-hole) son had just dropped her off and hit the trail. She called him and apparently was told it was too much trouble for him to return. As she counted out her money it became apparent that she was about $22 short. DW picked up the whole tab so the lady would have some cash at her destination. Good girl!!

 

[homestead]

This is a sad story...
Noticed one of our elderly neighbors was no longer driving as we saw him walking to the bus stop. His wife had passed a few years earlier. My wife was driving into town one day and saw him walking towards the bus stop so she stopped and asked him if he wanted a ride. He got in and she started towards town but he couldn't remember where he was going so after driving around for a while she took him home. A few days later I was driving to work in the morning and I saw him walking towards the bus stop so I also stopped and offered him a ride. He was upset, his son was taking him to court that day to have him declared incompetent. He didn't understand why. I dropped him off at the courthouse. They moved him into a facility and a week or two later we heard he had died. So sad but we were happy to have been a little help to him in his final days.

 

[Midpack]

Lots of nice acts here, and I mentioned a few myself, but I have to take exception to these "pay for the guy behind you in line" routines.

When the line ends, only one person was helped (the last, by the first). Everything in between was just feel good fluff. Or maybe even peer pressure guilt? Are you gonna be the guy to break the chain? Doing good should be out of a sense of true helping, not out of guilt. And maybe that last guy didn't need the help any more than the first guy in line. I guess I feel it actually denigrates the real sense of doing good for others.

I get your drift, but doesn't it miss the point of an act of kindness? If I pay for someone in line behind me, it's only because I want to, I don't do it expecting anything from the 'guy behind me in line' or others after. Frankly I'd rather not know. Before iPass, I used to pay tolls for drivers I didn't know behind me at toll booths, just because I knew there was no way they could say thanks - I just wanted to brighten their day, and restore their faith in people that tiny bit.

Kindness is not about keeping score.

I wish you'd have quit at your post #22, that was in the spirit.

 

[ERD50]

I get your drift, but doesn't it miss the point of an act of kindness? If I pay for someone in line behind me, it's only because I want to, I don't do it expecting anything from the 'guy behind me in line' or others after. Frankly I'd rather not know. Before iPass, I used to pay tolls for drivers I didn't know behind me at toll booths, just because I knew there was no way they could say thanks - I just wanted to brighten their day, and restore their faith in people that tiny bit.

Kindness is not about keeping score.

I wish you'd have quit at your post #22, that was in the spirit.

My 'problem' with it kind of goes to your comment "Kindness is not about keeping score." It just strikes me that the 'thing', the 'spectacle' of this act becomes many, many times bigger than the act itself. It seems as if people are keeping score, 'how long did the chain last'? Understand?

I've been told that in the Jewish faith, there is some codification of the levels of giving. The highest level being totally anonymous on all sides - the receiver doesn't know who gave the gift, the giver never tells anyone, etc. Then it goes down to maybe some people know, and the lowest levels is when the giver goes out of their way to let people know, where the acknowledgment is larger than the gift itself. It's kinda like that.

I think my comment is in keeping with the spirit. But I don't find the 'spirit' in a showy, mostly empty act. As you like to say, "YMMV".

-ERD50

 

[Nemo2]

Do things have to be anonymous? Not too long before we moved from B.C. I found a bicycle, in good condition, abandoned in the bushes at an island park. Took the bike up to the local RCMP Detachment where I was told that if no-one claimed it within a month or so it was mine.

Prior to leaving the island I took the bike to a guy who lived up the street, (he suffered from exposure to chemicals from some job he'd undertaken, and was unable to work), and said it was for his young son, (who'd soon be big enough to ride it).

Just before we left, the son came down with a bag of frozen pierogies that his dad had cooked for us.

They didn't expect the bike, we didn't expect the pierogies.......just spontaneous interactions that made us all feel good.

 

[JPatrick]

I've been told that in the Jewish faith, there is some codification of the levels of giving. The highest level being totally anonymous on all sides - the receiver doesn't know who gave the gift, the giver never tells anyone, etc. Then it goes down to maybe some people know, and the lowest levels is when the giver goes out of their way to let people know, where the acknowledgment is larger than the gift itself. It's kinda like that.

I think my comment is in keeping with the spirit. But I don't find the 'spirit' in a showy, mostly empty act. As you like to say, "YMMV".

-ERD50

+1
Can't confirm the source of this scoring system, but I think it is spot on.

 

[ERD50]

+1
Can't confirm the source of this scoring system, but I think it is spot on.

Ahhh, it came right up with a search. Here's a condensed version, more detail for each level at the site ( I didn't want to push the copyright guidelines, so this is a summary):

Eight Degrees of Giving - Chassidic Thought

Human nature is to desire to be self-sufficient. Most of us are uncomfortable being takers and prefer earning our own keep. If, due to dire circumstances, we find ourselves on the receiving end, our reaction is generally one of mortification.

The Torah is acutely sensitive to the precarious dynamic between patrons and their beneficiaries. The Torah's word for the act of giving to the needy, tzedakah, although commonly translated as "charity," more accurately means "justice." ....


Level Eight: Giving grudgingly, with a sour countenance.

Giving grudgingly is certainly better than not giving at all, ....


Level Seven: Giving less than you can afford, but doing so pleasantly.

The benefit of a friendly response is so powerful that it even offsets the sting of an underwhelming donation. ....

Level Six: Giving generously, but only after being asked.

While it's certainly preferable to be proactive, at the very least, don't give a cold shoulder to those who approach you for help.

Level Five: Giving before you are asked.

Learn to anticipate the needs of others even before they approach you.

Level Four: The recipient knows the giver, but the giver does not know the recipient.

In levels five through eight, the recipient and the giver are both known to each other. So even when the giving is done with utmost sensitivity and happiness to help, theirs is a relationship of superiority: the giver's ego is gratified, and the recipient feels shame and inferiority because of his dependency. ....

Level Three: The giver knows the recipient, but the recipient does not know the giver.

In this level of tzedakah -- which is the converse of Level Four -- the donor's ego has some room to express itself. Since the giver knows who is receiving his bounty, there is room for some sense of one-upmanship or dominance over the receiver. However, the beneficiary is unaware of who the donor is, and so his dignity is preserved. ...

Level Two: Giving anonymously, where the recipient does not know the giver and vice versa.

Receiving mutually anonymous tzedakah takes much of the sting out of being on the receiving end. It is far better when we lend aid to others unconsciously -- when we give ourselves over to others so completely that our egos merge with theirs, and neither is conscious of being in a superior or inferior position. ....

Level One: Helping someone become self-sufficient.

The most basic need of a human being is to feel needed and capable. Thus, the highest form of tzedakah is to help someone find a job or set them up in business. This preserves their dignity, and at the same time transforms them from being a recipient into one with the capacity to give to others. ....

Tzedakah is actually a cycle -- the gifts that we give to others will eventually return to us. Furthermore, G‑d is acutely tuned in to our small acts of goodness and kindness. Our acts of giving stimulate G‑d's blessings to shower down upon all of us, the giver and the receiver alike.

Though I'm not religious, I found that to be a very insightful view of the whole 'giving' process. Take from it what you will.

-ERD50

 

[Bestwifeever]

I get your drift, but doesn't it miss the point of an act of kindness? If I pay for someone in line behind me, it's only because I want to, I don't do it expecting anything from the 'guy behind me in line' or others after. Frankly I'd rather not know. Before iPass, I used to pay tolls for drivers I didn't know behind me at toll booths, just because I knew there was no way they could say thanks - I just wanted to brighten their day, and restore their faith in people that tiny bit.

Kindness is not about keeping score.

I wish you'd have quit at your post #22, that was in the spirit.

Speaking of tolls, the first time DS drove several hundred miles home from college by himself he found himself on a toll interstate with $0.75 in his pocket, not enough to pay the first toll, never mind the rest in that state (a long time ago, no cell phone, no debit card--yeah, kids). Toll booth people told him to pull over and wait. A few minutes later they sent him on, toll paid, and gave him a little cash, all from the trucker behind him in the toll line who had asked the toll taker what happened. That was nice.

 

[calmloki]

Ahhh, it came right up with a search. Here's a condensed version, more detail for each level at the site ( I didn't want to push the copyright guidelines, so this is a summary):

Eight Degrees of Giving - Chassidic Thought



Though I'm not religious, I found that to be a very insightful view of the whole 'giving' process. Take from it what you will.

-ERD50

That is a great parsing of the act of giving - thank you. Is giving good? Is encouraging the act of giving good? Is only the highest expression of giving worthwhile? In the line of cars at a Starbucks drive-up it is obvious that the customers don't need the gift of a cup of high priced flavored water - they are already in line to buy it. Nonetheless, discovering that the double chai latte was paid for by the people in the car before you - that an anonymous person has given you a gift - is pretty cool. Sure made my day. And yes, it effectively cost nothing to choose to pay for the car behind me, and as I drove away it tickled me to think they would experience the happy surprise I did. And yes, for some period of time a line of people got their spirits lifted by both receiving and giving and were reminded how good giving can feel. And all for the cost of one cup of coffee by the first person in the chain. Not a bad return on investment.

 

[Midpack]

My 'problem' with it kind of goes to your comment "Kindness is not about keeping score." It just strikes me that the 'thing', the 'spectacle' of this act becomes many, many times bigger than the act itself. It seems as if people are keeping score, 'how long did the chain last'? Understand?

I think my comment is in keeping with the spirit. But I don't find the 'spirit' in a showy, mostly empty act. As you like to say, "YMMV".

Not important, but that's where we disagree. I, and most people I know well, wouldn't seek to know or care about how the person behind them, much less people further down the line. I'd be long gone since I'd already paid. How they may interact has nothing to do with the original gesture, which was intended as an act of kindness.

IMO it's not a random act of kindness anyway if you know or care about the other person(s) reaction. It's just some sort of quid pro quo.

 

[kcowan]

Not exactly in the spirit of this thread. My neighbor was dialing for dollars since he went bankrupt. He always was close to the line. One day he said they had cut off his phone so he could no longer work the phone. I said no problem and put it on autopay on my CC.

I paid it until he moved to a seniors home. He still calls me once a month just to say Hi. He is 84.

 

[ERD50]

... In the line of cars at a Starbucks drive-up it is obvious that the customers don't need the gift of a cup of high priced flavored water - they are already in line to buy it. Nonetheless, discovering that the double chai latte was paid for by the people in the car before you - that an anonymous person has given you a gift - is pretty cool. Sure made my day. ...

Not important, but that's where we disagree. I, and most people I know well, wouldn't seek to know or care about how the person behind them, much less people further down the line. I'd be long gone since I'd already paid. How they may interact has nothing to do with the original gesture, which was intended as an act of kindness.

IMO it's not a random act of kindness anyway if you know or care about the other person(s) reaction. It's just some sort of quid pro quo.

To be clear, I was responding to this:

Several times up around the Salem area I've been caught up in a pay it backward coffee line at a drive up coffee joint - make your order, when you get the order find the person in front of you paid for your order, so you pay for the person behind you in line. I'm told the chain often lasts for hours.

There was the comment of the chain lasting for hours - I dunno, it just kind of strikes me as showboating, and since really only one person benefits on the receiving end, it just strikes me as silly. It would be better if it didn't last for hours - if there were 10 separate events during the day, 10 people would benefit. I believe in results, not 'feel good fluff'.

And we have no idea if the last person in line was in any need, so what's the point?

Now I have to ask - how does this even work? How do I know how much the guy behind needs to pay? Does the cashier need to juggle the two bills, sounds like a pain? What if it's less than my bill, did I get a break I didn't ask for? So was I a 'giver' or a 'receiver'? Seems needlessly complex! To be honest, I'd actually be annoyed if I got caught up in this. I don't need someone to pay my bill, and I don't need the complication of figuring out how to pay the next guys bill, and I don't appreciate the 'guilt trip'. Just give me my coffee please, I'll pay for it myself thank you, have a nice day.

That's not curmudgeon talk, I give to charity, I do real random, and not random 'acts of kindness'. Those are real, this 'pay it backward' just strikes me as fluff. Heck, it might even be counter-productive, maybe someone feels so good about taking part in this non-charity, that they skip a real opportunity to do some good, thinking they 'did their share' today!

Again, I'm just not a fan of phony symbolic acts over real results. I think that's a good thing, not a negative at all.

-ERD50

 

[SteveNU]

Really, what happens if there is a carload of people who order $5 coffees and breakfast sandwiches? I'd be pissed if ended up with a $15 or $20 bill for coffees......

 

[sengsational]

The other day, while leaving the store, I was asked if I wanted any "girl th-cout cookieths?" I don't eat cookies, but I did give her $5 as a donation to her troop.

 

[Midpack]

Really, what happens if there is a carload of people who order $5 coffees and breakfast sandwiches? I'd be pissed if ended up with a $15 or $20 bill for coffees......

You break the chain. I've never heard of people paying forward for coffee for hours, but I don't doubt it's happened. Even then, as long as people aren't coerced in some way, what's the harm? Any one can break it whenever they want...