Single men of ER...chime in pls

[Moemg]

I recently talked to a regular at the workout place I go too. She is 70 and considering to move away to find a better chance to find a significant other. She said "The only men around here that are a available either want a nurse or the purse".

I live in Florida so I know plenty of 70 year old women and they are all looking for a guy to take them to dinner frequently and of course pay for everything but not require anything in return.These are women who have a decent amount socked away .

 

[Fedup]

I live in Florida so I know plenty of 70 year old women and they are all looking for a guy to take them to dinner frequently and of course pay for everything but not require anything in return.These are women who have a decent amount socked away .

Interesting. Does one expect anything in return from women from 70 year old group? I like single men to chime in on this.

 

[Amethyst]

Can you quantify their success rate?

I used to try to pay for my own dinner when I was 21. Nobody would let me. I bet they would let me do it now and I'm not 70 yet.

I live in Florida so I know plenty of 70 year old women and they are all looking for a guy to take them to dinner frequently and of course pay for everything but not require anything in return.These are women who have a decent amount socked away .

 

[Music Lover]

I used to try to pay for my own dinner when I was 21. Nobody would let me. I bet they would let me do it now and I'm not 70 yet.

That's equality for you...

 

[Amethyst]

If it's equality now, what was it when I was 21? LOL Those who thought they were getting an "exchange" usually went away hungry, double LOL

That's equality for you...

 

[Souschef]

Good post. Healthy perspective in my opinion. Agree that almost anything is better than a toxic marriage, that's why divorce costs so much(it's worth it). Life ain't easy sometimes but you can't give up. Good luck.

+1 about toxic marriages. Mine was making me physically ill. I twas worth the hassle to go through a divorce.
I remarried a lady with no children, but my ex was a PITA until the DA told her to knock it off.
MY wife passed away in 2005, and I was blessed to meet a widow with 2 grown children. They have accepted me and I am part of their family.

 

[Hermit]

Any time I go out to dinner be it with friends or family, I expect to pay. I am in a position where it is not a hardship for me, but usually makes a difference to them. I haven't been on a "date" since DW has been gone, but I am sure I would expect to pick up the tab in that situation also. I guess that is just me.

It frustrates my SIL a bit sometimes so I let him pick up the tab on my birthday.

 

[aja8888]

Interesting. Does one expect anything in return from women from 70 year old group? I like single men to chime in on this.

This made me think.....(not single, though).....Around us in the 55+ community we live in are many widows/divorcees approaching or are over 70. I know many of them from my daily dog walking chore (DW unable to walk the dog due to illness). Thinking out loud, if I were single again and spending social time with individuals in the core group of women around here, I really wouldn't expect anything physical in nature in return, but would entertain some help with daily chores, if they were agreeable.

I know this is a small sample of the population, but it's all I have to base my opinion on.

 

[2017ish]

Interesting. Does one expect anything in return from women from 70 year old group? I like single men to chime in on this.

Not a single guy, and not yet 70, but objectively, it isn't as if there is something that makes sexual interest magically go away at 70. (From the phraseology, I inferred that was the crux of your question.)

Actually is an issue that is increasingly debated in the context of assisted living management (and liability). Tons of articles and studies, some of which are referenced in this light overview of the general topic: https://consumer.healthday.com/ency.../sex-and-seniors-the-70-year-itch-647575.html

 

[Mulligan]

There you go, Mul!!!

(Thanks Meadbh!!)

Aja, you laugh but Meadh is a bit too close already....In summer I try to stick to out of style cargo shorts....Between , phone, wallet, carmex, tissue to blow nose if an allergy sneeze hits, reader glasses I carry a full load anymore.. Probably could benefit from one of those...Except I would lay it down and lose it, leaving it somewhere with everything in it probably within a day.

 

[athena53]

I live in Florida so I know plenty of 70 year old women and they are all looking for a guy to take them to dinner frequently and of course pay for everything but not require anything in return.These are women who have a decent amount socked away .

I guess they're old-school, from the days when women had very little money of their own and it was OK for the guy to pay the tab just for the pleasure of your company at dinner. I'm 64 and would expect to reciprocate by picking up the tab on alternate occasions. Frequency and expense might be adjusted according to relative wealth. When DH and I were dating I made twice what he did. If I wanted an expensive place once in awhile I'd suggest it and I'd pay for it. If I were dating a guy with megabucks I might foot the bill less often or if he took me to a place with wine selections starting at $100 a bottle I might not reciprocate at that level.

If a guy expects sex if he picks up the tab I I hope he'll be honest up front so I can avoid dating him in the first place.

 

[SecondCor521]

Not a single guy, and not yet 70, but objectively, it isn't as if there is something that makes sexual interest magically go away at 70. (From the phraseology, I inferred that was the crux of your question.)

Actually is an issue that is increasingly debated in the context of assisted living management (and liability). Tons of articles and studies, some of which are referenced in this light overview of the general topic: https://consumer.healthday.com/ency.../sex-and-seniors-the-70-year-itch-647575.html

Single 48 year old male here, but I visit my 81-year-old Dad at his continuing-care facility regularly.

I've seen almost all variations there - widows/widowers who don't want to remarry, those who want to but can't find anyone, romances that remain separate, and marriages starting with parties in their 80's and sometimes 90's. The social environment sometimes resembles high school.

I think the physical aspect is something to be discussed and negotiated between the two consenting adults, just like any other relationship. At those ages, though, I know sometimes the man's equipment no longer works in all aspects, which would obviously be a factor.

Some people are healthier and more capable at that age than others. I'm sure it goes on among the able and interested.

 

[exnavynuke]

Interesting how this thread revolves a lot around "adventures in becoming not single" and gratitude of not having to participate in said exploits.

How about the experience of actually living a single life?

I've been "single" for the past ~19 years (dated some during that time, but nothing serious), and I'm only 40 right now. I've been fortunate to have a good friend who is also single to do stuff with (including travel) for most of that time, but I still do many things on my own.

I've done the online dating thing, the go to bars/clubs thing, the "just try to meet people where you do stuff anyway" thing, the "keep it casual thing, and the "don't look for it" thing. At this point, I rarely even think about trying to date anymore (every couple years I'll log on to one of the dating sites and update/activate a dating profile, but rarely does anything come of it).

So, to answer your question, what's life like as a perpetually single guy? Pretty darn enjoyable most of the time. It's a lot cheaper when I'm not dating someone (even dinner and a movie type dates once a week can add up quickly!), I'm practically guaranteed to enjoy all the activities I do (as I'm the only one I need to consult when deciding what to do!), I have multiple good friendships and close family on top of a decent sized network of other friends/acquaintances to socialize with when I want to, and I can choose to stay in when I feel like it or go out when that's what I want to do. I enjoy setting my priorities and never feeling the need to compromise what I want in order to accommodate someone else.

I still vaguely remember what being in a serious relationship was like during the good times (my last serious relationship included living with my then GF for ~9 months), but almost never miss the positive things about a serious relationship that I don't get since I'm not in one. Maybe "loneliness" will be a larger issue when my dog eventually passes and I'm actually going to an empty house (some have suggested that might be the case before), but for now I probably feel "lonely" less often than many married people. Sex isn't nearly as frequent as I'd prefer most of the time, but if I really want to get laid that isn't too hard to accomplish. The rare time when I want to go do something (like travel) and no friends are available to go, I tend to wish I had someone who could accompany me but I've always managed to enjoy such occasions anyway.

 

[Mulligan]

I guess they're old-school, from the days when women had very little money of their own and it was OK for the guy to pay the tab just for the pleasure of your company at dinner. I'm 64 and would expect to reciprocate by picking up the tab on alternate occasions. Frequency and expense might be adjusted according to relative wealth. When DH and I were dating I made twice what he did. If I wanted an expensive place once in awhile I'd suggest it and I'd pay for it. If I were dating a guy with megabucks I might foot the bill less often or if he took me to a place with wine selections starting at $100 a bottle I might not reciprocate at that level.

If a guy expects sex if he picks up the tab I I hope he'll be honest up front so I can avoid dating him in the first place.

This year a golfing friend of mine in his 60s met a 60 year old woman on line and met her for a dinner date. He said she was very attractive. But unfortunately one of her first comments on the dinner date was "I am sorry but I dont find you sexually attractive at all". He said he was very disappointed...But he will regroup I am sure.

 

[Fedup]

Not a single guy, and not yet 70, but objectively, it isn't as if there is something that makes sexual interest magically go away at 70. (From the phraseology, I inferred that was the crux of your question.)

Actually is an issue that is increasingly debated in the context of assisted living management (and liability). Tons of articles and studies, some of which are referenced in this light overview of the general topic: https://consumer.healthday.com/ency.../sex-and-seniors-the-70-year-itch-647575.html

I wouldn't say sexual interest goes away at this age, I know for a fact, after my grandmother died, my grandfather got a young 40ish pregnant, but the pregnancy didn't last. I was wondering about expecting anything in return after a dinner date, the expect part. Just curious.

 

[Fedup]

I guess they're old-school, from the days when women had very little money of their own and it was OK for the guy to pay the tab just for the pleasure of your company at dinner. I'm 64 and would expect to reciprocate by picking up the tab on alternate occasions. Frequency and expense might be adjusted according to relative wealth. When DH and I were dating I made twice what he did. If I wanted an expensive place once in awhile I'd suggest it and I'd pay for it. If I were dating a guy with megabucks I might foot the bill less often or if he took me to a place with wine selections starting at $100 a bottle I might not reciprocate at that level.

If a guy expects sex if he picks up the tab I I hope he'll be honest up front so I can avoid dating him in the first place.

When I was single, I would feel very uncomfortable about this. I was raised differently. My mom said her mom told her, perhaps old fashion, that she could only accept poem, flowers, etc. from a guy when she was growing up.
Apparently one of my SIL was taught the same thing, she alternatively paid for dinners when she went out with my brother. Which I thought was fair. They did end up getting married. But the ones who used my brother early on was told by our family until he's wise up.

 

[Moemg]

I guess they're old-school, from the days when women had very little money of their own and it was OK for the guy to pay the tab just for the pleasure of your company at dinner. I'm 64 and would expect to reciprocate by picking up the tab on alternate occasions. Frequency and expense might be adjusted according to relative wealth. When DH and I were dating I made twice what he did. If I wanted an expensive place once in awhile I'd suggest it and I'd pay for it. If I were dating a guy with megabucks I might foot the bill less often or if he took me to a place with wine selections starting at $100 a bottle I might not reciprocate at that level.

If a guy expects sex if he picks up the tab I I hope he'll be honest up front so I can avoid dating him in the first place.

This is exactly right . The women still believe in the guy always pays theory and they never want to pay ever .I don't think the guys expect sex just maybe a little smooching and some home made dinners though they would not turn down sex if offered .

 

[exnavynuke]

This is exactly right . The women still believe in the guy always pays theory and they never want to pay ever .I don't think the guys expect sex just maybe a little smooching and some home made dinners though they would not turn down sex if offered .

I've never ”expected" anything physical from a date. That said, if a woman isn't interested in me physically I think going on more than one "date" with a guy who pays for everything would seem like a somewhat dishonest thing to do as the basic premise of the guy picking up the tab is ostensibly that he's using his time and money to help convey his romantic interest. Wanna just hang out and be friends, go dutch..

 

[Fedup]

Ok a little smooching. Now I understand.

 

[aja8888]

Ok a little smooching. Now I understand.

Yeah, that just leads to the homemade dinners as Momeg stated.

 

[athena53]

I've never ”expected" anything physical from a date. That said, if a woman isn't interested in me physically I think going on more than one "date" with a guy who pays for everything would seem like a somewhat dishonest thing to do as the basic premise of the guy picking up the tab is ostensibly that he's using his time and money to help convey his romantic interest. Wanna just hang out and be friends, go dutch..

I hope the sexual part of my life isn't over but I think it's going to take a longer time to build up to a sexual relationship at this age- we're not as sleek and gorgeous as we used to be so the minds have to connect. I won't expect to be sexually attracted on the first date (although I sure as heck wouldn't volunteer that!) and would be happy to alternate paying for dates till we figure it out.

 

[frayne]

Be real and just face it, at our ages, for the man, it's lets make a deal and for the women, it's lets play wheel of fortune.

 

[Totoro]

Regarding paying in dates: it's a nightmare. My options are tricky:

• Guy pays: either sexist, gentleman or wants sex
• Guy offers to split: uninterested or equal opportunity
• Guy asks girl to pay, offers to pay next time: stingy bastard or clingy behavior (both bad)
• Bonus option: each pays his/her own: asocial, uninterested or equal opportunity

It's like Shrodingers cat: you don't know what you will convey until you actually observe the outcome.


Sharing the dilemma also doesn't work by the way, it just adds to the confusion.

 

[Danmar]

The last several posts have just reminded me again about how difficult dating would be for a guy (like me) who has been married for the last 45 years. Just would be so awkward.

 

[haha]

I think if one has no interest in sexual satisfaction, there must be things other than dating that would be more honest and less annoying.

While I was dancing I had female friends where if there was any sexual interest in either of us, it was unspoken. But I never bought more than a drink at a dance or club. And of course a quality dance partner is bringing something valuable to the table. Good follows are not thick on the ground.

Women hate to be rejected, especially if it is obvious. In Seattle, many dance communities have an ethic that suggests not turning down dance requests, from man to woman or woman to man, or same sex. But it is suggested, not mandatory. A woman friend of mine asked a guy to dance, he said no. She asked "why?" He said "I don't like your body." She (unwisely in my estimation) said "What don't you like about my body? " Whereupon he said "It is too fat."

She was pissed. OTOH, men get turned down a lot, unless they are flat out beautiful. IMO, best to play it like basketball. Keep shooting, some of your shots will go in. Rationally, you are after your point total, not your shooting percentage.

Alan Arkin made an all time great movie about an aging man who is interested in an active heterosexual life called "Slums of Beverly Hills". Any man who wants an accurate portrayal of what men face out there should see it. I own my own copy.

Ha