Spouse not wanting to travel?

[pacergal]

OP--Your wife may change her mind over the years, as you say "its years away".
Keep talking together about how you each see your retirement, what you both want to do when your work life is done. Communication is still the key.
We like to travel, but about 2 weeks is our limit. We are only 5 years into retirement, and we both are thinking more time might be fun, but not now. We don't like to leave our "fur baby"!

 

[The Cosmic Avenger]

Yeah, we've actually seriously discussed the 6-12 month cruises, since we've found that cruises are the easy way to make a lot of stops, and find places you might want to go later. One thing we dislike about multi-stop trips is the packing/unpacking/transit, but with a cruise all that is basically gone or just more vacation time. Now we know that we love Bruges and Nuka Hiva/Hiva Oa in French Polynesia. If we stay in a place for at least 4-5 days, maybe more, that's enough to make packing worth it, but it's hard to tell where you'd rather spend your time if you haven't been there. That's also why we often buy a circulator bus ticket if they have them and ride it all the way around once, or a guided food tour of the city if there is one, on our first day.

 

[brett]

One thing that made our travel more enjoyable was switching to carry on only.

Now we each leave home with a 20" roller. We try to keep it down to 8-10KG.

It was a challenge at first but now it is the only way we would do land based trips. It was partly due to physical restrictions. We decided that we should only pack what we could each physically handle. Carrying bags up stairs, on to ferries, luggage racks on trains, etc.

 

[anothercog]

After downsizing, we changed our lifestyle to accommodate travel-planned and last minute.

No plants, no pets, lawn and snow removal done by HOA. We turn off the water, cancel our auto insurance, a kind neighbour collects our mail and checks on our house every week or so. We are always 'good to go' as it were.

I’m expecting that at least one of our kids will live at home through young adulthood so hopefully they can keep our plants alive.

 

[anothercog]

Count yourselves lucky. DW and I had planned to do fairly extensive travel when we retired but her health now precludes that.

Might be something you want to mention to your spouses. Do it while you're able because once it's gone, it's gone.

This is definitely on my mind as I see my parent’s physical limitations in their 70s. DW is a cancer survivor too so there is always a concern about a return (currently 3 years cancer free). I want to travel as much as we can before 65 knowing we will have to slow down after that. I don’t really expect any grandkids until at least our late 60’s so that would also keep us home more too.

 

[Music Lover]

If one spouse is a 'nester' would some long term stays help? For example, rent a small apartment or house...

I think that most nesters want to be at their home base. Even if you rent a house or apartment it's still not "home".

Luckily we both agree on one 4 - 8 week trip every winter but we know people who can't agree and it's an ongoing source of tension. As much as some people love traveling, it's just another form of recreation that may not interest everyone.

 

[Katsmeow]

....

However, DW is not too keen on travelling more than a few weeks at a time because she likes coming home to her nest. I'm thinking there won't be much to do at home once the kids move out or otherwise gain more independence.

My travel preference would be to buy one way tickets and then explore a region for awhile until we got bored of it and then fly home or to another continent when were ready. It's going to take long time to see the world if we can only go a few weeks every few months.

I imagine there are other couples are in this predicament and wonder how you have compromised.

I am honestly sort of dumbfounded by that not much to do at home once the kids are grown. Our kids are grown and, honestly, there is more that I want to do every day at home than there is time to do it in. I guess it just depends on your interests and hobbies (and a lot of mine I only got into after retirement). There is so much that I do every day that I really couldn't do while traveling.

To me your idea of traveling is actually painful for me to even imagine it is so negative to me. If I was married to someone who felt as you did, this is what I would would be willing to do:

1. Let you take trips on your own to the parts of the world that I am not interested in or don't want to spend a lot of time there. Maybe I would travel with you to the destination at times and then after a few weeks, I would fly back home. Or, maybe some trips would just be yours start to finish. This would absolutely for me be the best compromise. You get to do what it is important to you and I get to do what is important to me.

2. Also in the spirit of compromise I would be willing to travel a little more each year than would be my preference. What would make it easier would be to find a place to stay that could be the home base and we would perhaps foray from there for side trips. Maybe you would be the one doing some of those by yourself.

3. If I had to give up a future pet to facilitate vacations, that would be a dealbreaker. It may not be for your wife. But, if my DH told me I couldn't get a new cat after the other pets had passed on because he wanted to travel, we would have a serious issue. I would be willing to compromise on vacation. I'm not compromising on having a pet.

 

[Chuckanut]

I think that most nesters want to be at their home base. Even if you rent a house or apartment it's still not "home".



Luckily we both agree on one 4 - 8 week trip every winter but we know people who can't agree and it's an ongoing source of tension. As much as some people love traveling, it's just another form of recreation that may not interest everyone.

Often the reluctant partner is the male. For every married guy I have met traveling overseas with a brother, cousin or buddy, there must be dozens of married women traveling with a female friend or relative.

I don’t mind if we travel together and from time to time choose a different itinerary for a day. It’s fun to meet for dinner and share the day’s adventures.

 

[Bamaman]

Your situation is similar to mine. My DW is also a nester, and on top of that, she does not like to fly. The last three years we spent one month in Florida (not this winter due to Covid), but that seems to be the max for her at the present time. International travel will probably always be a no go. That is mainly why I still work part time in my self employment. I would prefer to move to a low or no tax state somewhere south. We live in Illinois where the state taxes will probably go through the roof in the near future. Maybe if we get hit really hard in the pocketbook DW will consider moving, but at that point our house would probably be unsellable. LOL. The only other way is if one of our two children move south, she might want to be closer. I wish I had the answer for you.

Come on down here Rocket Man as we live 10 miles outside the Rocket City--Huntsville.

Homes are half the price of much of Illinois, and property taxes on our 3900 square foot home are $1300 per year. Defined pensions and social security are not taxed either. Sales tax on cars/boats are 2.75%. It's a high quality place to live in an ultra low cost of living place.

What's nice is having so many great cities that are weekend trips. And half the population of the U.S. is within a day's drive. Many of our friends have places down on the Gulf Coast too. It's an easy all interstate drive up to Illinois too.

 

[Bamaman]

The Covid has my wife and I grounded, and we're simply bored to death.

I started traveling to Europe 50 years ago, and she's been going with me the last 37 years.

In retirement, we've been averaging going every 6 to 9 months for 2 weeks. That's about as long as we can get away. We're raising a 9 year old granddaughter, and she's now going with us too. Last trip, she just had to see the Eiffel Tower.

 

[Souschef]

DW and I have been on trips as short as 2 days, or a 32 day cruise. In our opinion, and this is just us, we felt that cruise was too long, but a 15 day cruise would be ideal. We did one to Hawaii a few years ago, and one to Alaska in 2019.
Unfortunately, our 2020 cruise was cancelled 2 days before we were to leave.

 

[grasshopper]

That's also why we often buy a circulator bus ticket if they have them and ride it all the way around once, or a guided food tour of the city if there is one, on our first day.

We always do a guided food tour when possible. Gives us a chance to see the lay of the city with a local guide. Plus a lunch tour usually means we won't need dinner.

 

[Nemo2]

That's also why we often buy a circulator bus ticket if they have them and ride it all the way around once, or a guided food tour of the city if there is one, on our first day.

We don't do tours, but I recall in Budapest buying a 24 hour local transit authority pass.....day one we rode the oldest and then the newest subway, crossed the river and went uphill on the cog railway, then finished the day with a ferry ride upriver.

Next morning we hopped on streetcars and traveled aimlessly until our ticket expired.

(Rinse & repeat in Sofia, Bulgaria - Prague, etc, etc.)

 

[Teacher Terry]

My husband liked to go for longer than I do. In a RV with the dogs a month was the longest I could stand. Travel without the dogs was 3 weeks. Now that we are divorced and I can do what I want I am going to Europe with my kids for 2 weeks in 2022. That will be my 5th trip to Europe and probably my last. I intend to take 7 day cruises to places I still want to go.

 

[skyking1]

We only just discovered cruising, we had really panned the idea without good input.
Now a two week cruise sounds just about right. Like you, Teacher Terry it is time away from our dogs that is a problem. We will be RV traveling for a while for that reason.

 

[ivinsfan]

OP I think you are confusing traveling and lifestyle change. They are two different things in IMO.

What you want is a lifestyle change involving travel. Take snow birding for example, I know some people who snowbird so they don't live in cold weather. But, they live exactly the same at their snowbird location. It's like they just moved their house someplace warmer. Others like to be more active and do day trips or travel the general area or hike and such and such.

 

[Nemo2]

I know some people who snowbird so they don't live in cold weather. But, they live exactly the same at their snowbird location. It's like they just moved their house someplace warmer.

Back when my late wife & I were fulltime RVing we encountered a couple from Canada while in Texas.....story, (unconfirmed, from other people), was that they lived in a park in Ontario until it closed for the winter, and then drove straight to Texas, (no deviations, we heard), and reversed the procedure in the Spring.

 

[ivinsfan]

Back when my late wife & I were fulltime RVing we encountered a couple from Canada while in Texas.....story, (unconfirmed, from other people), was that they lived in a park in Ontario until it closed for the winter, and then drove straight to Texas, (no deviations, we heard), and reversed the procedure in the Spring.

We a few snowbirds that winter in an RV park or home and come it MN as soon as the Mom and Pops resorts on the lake open and live there until Fall. They just drive their cars back and forth.

If we didn't farm, this would be at the top of my wish list. One of our DD has a place on a little resort at Lake Mille Lacs that would be perfect for this.

 

[Rocket Man]

Come on down here Rocket Man as we live 10 miles outside the Rocket City--Huntsville.

Homes are half the price of much of Illinois, and property taxes on our 3900 square foot home are $1300 per year. Defined pensions and social security are not taxed either. Sales tax on cars/boats are 2.75%. It's a high quality place to live in an ultra low cost of living place.

What's nice is having so many great cities that are weekend trips. And half the population of the U.S. is within a day's drive. Many of our friends have places down on the Gulf Coast too. It's an easy all interstate drive up to Illinois too.

Thanks Bamaman! We actually prefer driving through Alabama when coming or going to Florida. Much less traffic and a prettier state. We have never driven into Huntsville, but have always heard great things about the area. Those real estate taxes are fantastic! Also, the people we have met traveling through have always been friendly! Great to hear about the state tax!

 

[6miths]

First I have to convince DW to retire. She loves to travel but then it will be a chore to convince her that the kids can thrive without her for extended periods. And once grandkids start arriving I will be have to decide regarding traveling sans her.

 

[brett]

We are snow birders for two-three months each year. But not to the same place.

We have a bucket list. During our winter months we select warm places from our bucket list. So far it has been one or a combo of Africa, South America, Central America, SE Asia, Australia, Mexico, and some Florida, AZ, LA,TX, and Hawaii. The very last thing DW wants is to stay home in the cold and snow. By herself...

Still lots on our bucket list and we keep returning to our favorites. At some point we will get serious and rent a condo for two months. Most likely in Mexico. Just not right now.

We like spring and summers at home. So we typically travel in Sept/Oct to Europe.

 

[socca]

Often the reluctant partner is the male. For every married guy I have met traveling overseas with a brother, cousin or buddy, there must be dozens of married women traveling with a female friend or relative. ...

A relative used to travel internationally with her mother, leaving her long-time couch-potato husband home to watch football. She met a newly divorced rich guy on a luxury cruise and quickly dumped her DH, much to his surprise and disgust. I've never been married, but it seems like it might be a good idea to keep an eye on your spouse.

 

[Nemo2]

I've never been married, but it seems like it might be a good idea to keep an eye on your spouse.

An even better idea would be to keep an eye on your relationship.

 

[razztazz]

A relative used to travel internationally with her mother, leaving her long-time couch-potato husband home to watch football. She met a newly divorced rich guy on a luxury cruise and quickly dumped her DH, much to his surprise and disgust. I've never been married, but it seems like it might be a good idea to keep an eye on your spouse.

I've never been married either but something just like this happened to me back in 2017. I was neither surprised nor disgusted. Just proved to me I was right the first time. I know what I like and I want what I want. I accept no substitutes and I do not expect anyone else to accept substitutes. We only win when everybody wins.

We tried to compromise with fewer/shorter trips but everything she proposed required a 2 or 3 day drive or a 2 week train excursion. Then I found out that every place she just had to see, she'd already been to at least a half dozen times in the last 40 years. Seems were were both a little "pathological" about traveling.

 

[Bamaman]

My husband liked to go for longer than I do. In a RV with the dogs a month was the longest I could stand. Travel without the dogs was 3 weeks. Now that we are divorced and I can do what I want I am going to Europe with my kids for 2 weeks in 2022. That will be my 5th trip to Europe and probably my last. I intend to take 7 day cruises to places I still want to go.

I had a couple of aunts that were widows, and they were fortunate to find travel partners to share their trips into their 80's. They were always looking forward to the next trip.

I've been traveling to Europe for 50 years, and my wife's been going with me 37 years. Don't overlook repositioning cruises in April and October when they move ships back and forth to Europe. Those 11-13 day trips are ridiculously cheap and they drop you off in great places.

We've been on 20+ cruises too. Our favorites were throughout Scandanavia and 2 days in St. Petersburg. We also loved cruising to Malta, the Greek Isles and Turkey. We'd like to go back to either.

I'm just sorry future international travel is on hold right now. We still need to visit Portugal, the Ukraine and Berlin/Dresden. Our go to city presently is Budapest where you can stay in an apartment for $65 a night and the food's great.