EastWest Gal
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
What would you do?
I play in a community band that started up in person rehearsals 4 weeks ago. Before the pandemic, one of the players in my section was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia. It was obvious that her playing was slowly going downhill for a couple of years before her diagnosis. After she lost her driver's license, and I drove her to rehearsal for about 18 months, and during that time her family moved her out of her house and into a facility with independent/assisted living/memory care. The last few months I drove her from her facility to band rehearsal. It became obvious that her ability to follow the music was waning, and it was very stressful for me to try to point her to the page when she got lost, which became almost constant. The band director was angry at me for her problems. He couldn't very well direct his ire at her, as it would do nothing positive.
Our band started rehearsals up a few weeks ago. We were notified by email, but it was a bit hidden, so she didn't figure it out. I discussed what to do if she called me to drive her to rehearsal with band leadership, and they were not very helpful. She didn't call until late last night, a month later. I didn't pick up.
She can play, only a little, but will be ruinous for the band. What would you do:
1. Ghost her
2. Contact band leadership to tell her to not come back
3. Take her to a rehearsal and not help, and have leadership tell her not to come back
4. Other?
Frontotemporal dementia is very different from Alzheimer's, and is very difficult to deal with. Behavioral disinhibition and completely self-centered behavior, as well as language issues are features. I was stressed out about her before Covid isolation. She has no insight into her illness at all. I had very limited contact with her over the past year, and she is really going downhill. Here is a link to information about this type of dementia.
https://www.theaftd.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/FTD-Signs-and-Symptoms-bvFTD.pdf
I have no desire to bring her to rehearsal at all. We were never friends. She treated me inappropriately for years. I now know it was the beginning of the dementia. I want to support people with dementia, but this is not a person in my inner circle. What would you do?
All opinions are welcome.
I play in a community band that started up in person rehearsals 4 weeks ago. Before the pandemic, one of the players in my section was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia. It was obvious that her playing was slowly going downhill for a couple of years before her diagnosis. After she lost her driver's license, and I drove her to rehearsal for about 18 months, and during that time her family moved her out of her house and into a facility with independent/assisted living/memory care. The last few months I drove her from her facility to band rehearsal. It became obvious that her ability to follow the music was waning, and it was very stressful for me to try to point her to the page when she got lost, which became almost constant. The band director was angry at me for her problems. He couldn't very well direct his ire at her, as it would do nothing positive.
Our band started rehearsals up a few weeks ago. We were notified by email, but it was a bit hidden, so she didn't figure it out. I discussed what to do if she called me to drive her to rehearsal with band leadership, and they were not very helpful. She didn't call until late last night, a month later. I didn't pick up.
She can play, only a little, but will be ruinous for the band. What would you do:
1. Ghost her
2. Contact band leadership to tell her to not come back
3. Take her to a rehearsal and not help, and have leadership tell her not to come back
4. Other?
Frontotemporal dementia is very different from Alzheimer's, and is very difficult to deal with. Behavioral disinhibition and completely self-centered behavior, as well as language issues are features. I was stressed out about her before Covid isolation. She has no insight into her illness at all. I had very limited contact with her over the past year, and she is really going downhill. Here is a link to information about this type of dementia.
https://www.theaftd.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/FTD-Signs-and-Symptoms-bvFTD.pdf
I have no desire to bring her to rehearsal at all. We were never friends. She treated me inappropriately for years. I now know it was the beginning of the dementia. I want to support people with dementia, but this is not a person in my inner circle. What would you do?
All opinions are welcome.