I'm Not That FB Friendly, Really ...

[Amethyst]

I have never used my real name on the Internet, and use a different handle for each application. So nobody can look me up on FB by name. This limits my friend circle to people who actually like me and/or share interests, which is fine with me. (And, of course, the occasional catfisher, who is carpet-bombing for emotionally vulnerable older women and is easily identified and reported).

 

[marko]

I expect there will be replies about how folks don't like and don't use FB. I admire you. But for those who do, how to you manage if you have a ton of friends on FB?

I held off for years to join FB. I feel it is a very dangerous place; people give out waaay too much information. YMMV My SIL abuses FB to the point of telling the world just about everything, including photos of me/DW, when WE are on vacation, when WE are coming home, etc without our permission.

BUT! I joined yesterday for one reason: Our gated community has a 'group' site that uses it as the main vehicle to inform each other of what's going on: strangers in the area, the latest new baby, need help with X and so on.

What I did was set up my account with a bare minimum of information and only friended ONE person in the group. That gets me into the group postings etc.
I could've friended hundreds of names who I know but that would put me out there. No thanks.

 

[easysurfer]

I held off for years to join FB. I feel it is a very dangerous place; people give out waaay too much information. YMMV My SIL abuses FB to the point of telling the world just about everything, including photos of me/DW, when WE are on vacation, when WE are coming home, etc without our permission.

BUT! I joined yesterday for one reason: Our gated community has a 'group' site that uses it as the main vehicle to inform each other of what's going on: strangers in the area, the latest new baby, need help with X and so on.

What I did was set up my account with a bare minimum of information and only friended ONE person in the group. That gets me into the group postings etc.
I could've friended hundreds of names who I know but that would put me out there. No thanks.

Yeah, I have a brother (who I just put on 30 day snooze) who posts everything.

I just tweaked my FB settings and information to give off less info. I was using both a Friend list and Acquaintance list so only only Friends to see my friendlist and not Acquaintances. But come to thinking, why show a friendlist at all except common friends. So now, I only set as I can see my list, everyone else only see common friends.

As, to leave list open is like back in the day of paper address books (little black book ) to leave that out in the open.

I guess some folks either don't take time to adjust privacy settings (FB defaults to open I believe, so user beware) or some folks maybe like to show off their friends. I prefer the lower profile .

 

[lrip]

I've found that lots of former acquaintances, like high school classmates, just want to read what's on your page and you don't hear from them again after friending them. I guess they want to reassure themselves that they are doing ok relative to others.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I've found that lots of former acquaintances, like high school classmates, just want to read what's on your page and you don't hear from them again after friending them. I guess they want to reassure themselves that they are doing ok relative to others.

I think that for a lot of people, FB is a never-ending high school reunion type deal. They strive for the "good 'ole days" of being the star football player instead of being a shoe salesman (re: Al Bundy). I *had* a few "friends" from HS on my page but almost all of them have been "defaced"...I have no desire to relive my high school years.

 

[Scuba]

I like FB as a way to see what’s going on in others’ lives without keeping in close touch. While I also have no desire to relive my high school or college years, I reconnected with several people I’d lost track of via FB, including my college roommate.

I also like it for finding out about certain travel destinations. The USVI has some excellent FB groups that have really helped us when planning trips there.

One thing I don’t really understand is when people post things like very personal anniversary tributes to their spouse, telling them how much they love them on FB. I might post a picture of us enjoying time together on our anniversary, but I keep the mushy messages to DH to the card I get him. Yes, I still buy hard copy cards.

 

[ugeauxgirl]

I like FB as a way to see what’s going on in others’ lives without keeping in close touch. While I also have no desire to relive my high school or college years, I reconnected with several people I’d lost track of via FB, including my college roommate.

I also like it for finding out about certain travel destinations. The USVI has some excellent FB groups that have really helped us when planning trips there.

One thing I don’t really understand is when people post things like very personal anniversary tributes to their spouse, telling them how much they love them on FB. I might post a picture of us enjoying time together on our anniversary, but I keep the mushy messages to DH to the card I get him. Yes, I still buy hard copy cards.

I think those birthday/anniversary tributes to "my amazing spouse" are weird too. Someone recently asked my why I hadn't wished my DH happy birthday in FB and I was speechless for a moment. Because he was in my living room and I wished him happy birthday in person?

 

[Aerides]

One thing I don’t really understand is when people post things like very personal anniversary tributes to their spouse, telling them how much they love them on FB. I might post a picture of us enjoying time together on our anniversary, but I keep the mushy messages to DH to the card I get him. Yes, I still buy hard copy cards.

I think those birthday/anniversary tributes to "my amazing spouse" are weird too. Someone recently asked my why I hadn't wished my DH happy birthday in FB and I was speechless for a moment. Because he was in my living room and I wished him happy birthday in person?

Yeah they are icky. And the same couples do it over and over - every bday, anniversary, their kid's bdays.. ugghhghghghhgfgh and then you find out in person he's an problem drinker, she's bitching about him all the time (or vice versa), and their real life is a train wreck.

 

[Amethyst]

They don't bother me, although I guess they might, if I thought hypocrisy was involved. Some people's feeds really do consist of friends, who like to see happy things about each other.

Right now, my feed has a husband bragging on an "amazing wife and mother," who really is pretty amazing when I think about her. And a man I've known for 25 years is congratulating his wife on their 40th anniversary and posting photos of their wedding, which was outdoors, and everyone looks awesome. I think it's nice.

What I'd consider weird, is someone asking you why you didn't congratulate someone on FB.

I think those birthday/anniversary tributes to "my amazing spouse" are weird too. Someone recently asked my why I hadn't wished my DH happy birthday in FB and I was speechless for a moment. Because he was in my living room and I wished him happy birthday in person?

 

[Markola]

Some people's feeds really do consist of friends, who like to see happy things about each other.

Sometimes it’s just disorienting. My sweet aunt posts 95% family stuff about my cousins, the kids and grandkids, which I’d never get to see and enjoy otherwise; and 5% extreme, bat sh*t, whacko conspiracy political stuff she picks up on a certain cable channel and parrots. What are ya’ gonna do?

 

[frayne]

FB restores my faith that mankind is truly doomed.

 

[easysurfer]

In FB, there is that element of keeping in touch with family many miles away. Which is a positive.

Also, there is that element of FB (and other social media) being a "keeping up with the Jones" thing. How many FBs posts we see some pictures of people relaxing, kicking back showing their legs and feet? I rest my case .

I guess a matter of how one views FB. A tool to keep in touch or a tool to say, look at me .

 

[Markola]

^^^^^^ Yeah, +1, Frayne. After 15 years or so in this new, unprecedented social media world, I rule it a net negative, in my opinion. The algorithms that were intended to be helpful by feeding users ever-more tailored content and advertising work too well. Intentionally or not, the algorithms backfire and damage society by enticing lonely and disturbed people who are craving real human connection down false, increasingly extreme, unregulated rabbit holes. The rest of us just end up sorting ourselves into tribes, with damaged real relationships. Some act out their deranged tribal fantasies in public. Q-Anon is only a bad taste of the future, I fear.

The only reason the ER Forum social media platform works is because the human mods work to keep things civil. Unless FB and other platforms achieve the same, I agree, we’re doomed.

 

[Music Lover]

I grudgingly created a FB account a couple years ago as it was easier to tell people when one of my bands was playing. I rarely go on it though I do check out Marketplace every now and then. I never comment and have no personal information on it.

One lady from work who I thought was normal kept posting every single nutbar conspiracy theory and outright fabrication from a couple of mainstream news channels well known for their lack of journalistic ethics and accuracy. For fun I once corrected her on something so ridiculously untrue that no one would ever believe it and she immediately insulted me and then unfriended me

 

[easysurfer]

I grudgingly created a FB account a couple years ago as it was easier to tell people when one of my bands was playing. I rarely go on it though I do check out Marketplace every now and then. I never comment and have no personal information on it.

One lady from work who I thought was normal kept posting every single nutbar conspiracy theory and outright fabrication from a couple of mainstream news channels well known for their lack of journalistic ethics and accuracy. For fun I once corrected her on something so ridiculously untrue that no one would ever believe it and she immediately insulted me and then unfriended me

I had a (very nosy) friend of my sister who tried really really hard to have me add her as a FB friend. Knowing all too well, she'd be trying to spy on my profile and posts. When I said no thank you, she then tried to have me friend a caretaker that visits her often so she could spy.

But I told her that I like my privacy. After being pestered so much I relented and offered her my email and said if you need to contact me, use that. Oh, or just call on the phone. But no FB .

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I had a (very nosy) friend of my sister who tried really really hard to have me add her as a FB friend. Knowing all too well, she'd be trying to spy on my profile and posts. When I said no thank you, she then tried to have me friend a caretaker that visits her often so she could spy.

But I told her that I like my privacy. After being pestered so much I relented and offered her my email and said if you need to contact me, use that. Oh, or just call on the phone. But no FB .

Easy solution for this with Facebook. When someone sends a friend request, just let it be. Don't deny it, don't accept it, just leave it in "friend purgatory" then they will constantly see "friend request pending." I have a few that have been in there for YEARS.

 

[easysurfer]

Easy solution for this with Facebook. When someone sends a friend request, just let it be. Don't deny it, don't accept it, just leave it in "friend purgatory" then they will constantly see "friend request pending." I have a few that have been in there for YEARS.

Good idea. Unfortunately, with this person, she was my sister's roommate at their apartment so when I visited my sister, this person would try to corner me and ask for a FB friend request.

 

[Amethyst]

Yep, I have a few friends like that, posting guano as fast as they can hit the "share" button. We are friends because we share a needlework hobby, which, being a traditional art, tends to be more popular in areas that have a certain political slant.

Me, I got my love of embroidery and other fiber arts from my Irish mom, Nana, and (so I'm told) Great-grandma, so American politics doesn't really figure into it ;^>

Sometimes it’s just disorienting. 5% extreme, bat sh*t, whacko conspiracy political stuff she picks up on a certain cable channel and parrots. What are ya’ gonna do?

 

[martyp]

After 10 years I have 137 FB friends. I cull some occasionally and I am stingy about accepting Friend requests. I am always mystified by Friend requests from people I don’t know. I think they are friends of friends. If someone has a specific question then they can message me otherwise I don’t need to be sharing my FB life with people I don’t know.

 

[troutnut1]

I guess everyone wants to think they have more friends than they actually have. Here is how to tell the difference…

Tell everyone that you are moving next weekend and see who shows up to help. Those are your “friends”.

You can delete the rest.

 

[38Chevy454]

I mostly use FB groups for things I have interest in. Also FB marketplace to sell stuff. I rarely go to individual pages. Have only small number of friends. I don't use my name.

In general I agree FB can be good and bad. To me the main benefit is the information available in the group pages.

 

[aja8888]

I have no time for FB. I'd rather play golf, etc.

DW has it and is on it during the day. I have no idea what she does on it.

 

[RunningBum]

I ran the Boston Marathon in 2013, the year of the bombing. Fortunately I had finished 1/2 hour earlier and was well away from the finish line. One of the first things I did was to post on Facebook that some kind of explosion had happened, didn't know what, but I was safe and clear. I had a lot of people say that FB was the first place they checked to hopefully see that "safe" status message from me. This was by far the best way for me to let people know, so I've always seen value like this in FB.

And then there's crap like today, where I got a friend request from a former neighbor, who I am already friends with. And he passed a few years ago. Someone faked his identity and tried to friend his existing friends, for whatever reason. I hate this to begin with, and to have it happen to someone deceased is even worse.

 

[Scuba]

I think those birthday/anniversary tributes to "my amazing spouse" are weird too. Someone recently asked my why I hadn't wished my DH happy birthday in FB and I was speechless for a moment. Because he was in my living room and I wished him happy birthday in person?

Exactly! And my DH isn’t even on social media so it would be super weird for me to post something like that!

 

[Amethyst]

So you're saying, only people who live in the same state as you can be friends?

(Past a certain age, very few people are going to be helping anybody move).

I guess everyone wants to think they have more friends than they actually have. Here is how to tell the difference…

Tell everyone that you are moving next weekend and see who shows up to help. Those are your “friends”.

You can delete the rest.