2ND Chances

[NYEXPAT]

Hmm, I was not just thinking of male-female relations. I just wondered if things would be better, or worse, for the single, older woman in one of the many beautiful, if lesser-developed, nations. Our U.S. culture is not as respectful or friendly as it could be to ladies over 50, has been my observation. Then again, maybe it is better here than it would be elsewhere.

Amethyst

I think the culture here is more respectful of "older people" in general and women in particular. In Latin culture the Women is the head of the family and commands respect. Sons,Sons in law are expected to take them to lunch on Saturday afternoons. Many charitable projects are run by "foreign women" and they have the respect of the community where they live. I do not think respect is automatic, like everywhere it must be earned.

 

[CuppaJoe]

Hmm, I was not just thinking of male-female relations. I just wondered if things would be better, or worse, for the single, older woman in one of the many beautiful, if lesser-developed, nations. Our U.S. culture is not as respectful or friendly as it could be to ladies over 50, has been my observation. Then again, maybe it is better here than it would be elsewhere.

Amethyst

This was posted 5/29/09 on Expatperu Forums by NatureGirl, a 26-yo moderator from the U.S. who holds a monthly women’s coffee, on a thread called, “Be Honest...How Hard is it to Adapt?”:

It's hard. There are things, like the lack of respect, that I will never get used to. I've lived in 5 other countries, plus my own before coming here. And it's been hard. Been here five years, but honestly, I think we'll be leaving soon.

Be honest...how hard is it to adapt?

 

[haha]

"It's hard. There are things, like the lack of respect, that I will never get used to. I've lived in 5 other countries, plus my own before coming here. And it's been hard. Been here five years, but honestly, I think we'll be leaving soon."

Note the plea, "be honest"? This is necessary because there is more whitewashing going on with this foreign living topic than almost any other.

I think it is true that if a woman happens to be a Latina mother of Latino children she will be highly respected, something that is often not common up here, more's the pity. And by her husband too, though they may not mean that he feels he should lay off the girlfriends.

Also the ageism of the US may not be so pervasive. Still, my Mexican friend calls me El Viejo.

In the early days of this board there was a middle aged woman from San Franciso who was an accomplished tango dancer. She had been visiting in BA for years, and had lots of close local woman friends. She retired down there, as she couldn't afford to hang on in San Francisco and she liked her life down there. I only had her work email, so I lost track of her, but I hope she is thriving

I met a 38-40 year old veterinarian, a very well traveled and experienced woman. She was living and working in the UK where she met an Argentine guy that she fancied. They were both involved with horses, so when he had to go back to BA she decided to go along. She lasted 3 months. She said, How can you take a nice charming guy from London, return him to Buenos Aires and have him morph into a total A-hole?

My experiences were mostly years ago so I wasn't sure if they still would apply. But from my POV, man-woman relations in Latin America seem very odd from an American's eyes, even this American man. Although they will certainly be different from country to country. We often think of South America as one place, but the regions and countries themselves are probably more different than similar. And class and ethnicity are stronger factors for the most part than they are up here.

Ha

 

[haha]

Great Link, Cuppa!

Here's one I like, I think from a Dude:

Esteban,
You will not like Lima. You asked for honest. I have a house outside of Dallas, Texas. In the US I golf, fish in the Gulf of Mexico, enjoy leaving windows open at home and the keys left in the car.

What I love about Peru and Lima is that for me, often the US is TOO quiet, TOO civilized, TOO relaxed and TOO boring. What I like about Lima is it is in many ways kind of like the Old West was in the US 150 years ago. In Lima, today, it can be dirty, chaotic, at times questionably dangerous, and police don't always catch every little violation. I LIKE THIS.

For me, and many like me, Lima can be a place to drop off the radar. Go under the radar. Have an adventure of sorts. Part of the fun of living in Lima is never knowing what will happen next. For me Lima is now normal like any other place. Driving in Lima is normal, like any other place. The governmental chaos and often times corruption is normal, but I know how to play the game.

If you are simply looking to relocate into a culturally rich, exciting, relaxing, interesting place where you can settle in and go to sleep each night in paradise -- Lima isn't it my friend.

If you're looking for adventure, smog, dust, traffic, noise and anxiety - and love adapting to these things which are surrounded by an amazing country (Peru), then you'll love it as so many do.

I love living in Peru, because it is the OPPOSITE of the US. I get a sense of reward knowing I can make it in a place that most others cannot. That is the bottom line.

This does have its appeal I agree. But maybe not for the typical older Anglo single woman.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Good thoughtful response, Ha. Very consistent with my thoughts. And nice research Cuppa. In my opinion, men go to these places looking for nice subservient women that aren't so uppity as the ones that disappointed them up here in the USofA.

The American women I knew in Belize had to deal with unbelievably bad sexism from the locals, with no support from local women. Of all the things we are exporting ideologically, equality ain't one of them.

Everytime I hear some guy talk about how great it is to marry some young thing in a foreign country, my ick factor goes up. Sorry, but that is the most common perception for equality minded conservative hippie ladies like myself.

 

[Moemg]

Everytime I hear some guy talk about how great it is to marry some young thing in a foreign country, my ick factor goes up. Sorry, but that is the most common perception for equality minded conservative hippie ladies like myself.

My ick radar also goes off and I think it is because these guys brag about the women's age so much . I'm sure they think this adds to their sexual prowess .If you go to another country to live cheaply and fall in love . That is great but if you travel to a country in the pursuit of women who would not glance at you in the US . That is slightly creepy .

 

[Amethyst]

My ick radar also goes off and I think it is because these guys brag about the women's age so much . I'm sure they think this adds to their sexual prowess .If you go to another country to live cheaply and fall in love . That is great but if you travel to a country in the pursuit of women who would not glance at you in the US . That is slightly creepy .

Hmm...I agree with the sense of your statement, although in this particular case, from the little avatar picture, I'd say NYEXPAT is every bit as attractive as his wife....then again, I like 'em older; always have. But I would have "glanced" at him, even at 25
Still, in all our years of marriage I don't believe my husband has ever told anyone how old I am[he better not]

 

[bbbamI]

Thinking about the age difference made my noodle churn. When I was at the proper (according to dad) dating age of 16...my parents would not let me date anyone more than three years older than me. I did date a boy a year younger, and quite frankly my friends thought that was weird.

I just don't think about age much anymore. Mine or his...

 

[Sarah in SC]

Oh, I should mention, in case you didn't see it on the bottom of my sig line--DH is 8 yrs older than me. We met when I was 18 and have been together ever since. He wasn't, ahem, extremely popular with Dad there for a while.

bbb, I think my Dad was hoping for that kind of thing, but they were too busy to notice for a while. I took advantage of the supervision gaps to my full advantage and then moved out of the house!

 

[bbbamI]

Oh, I should mention, in case you didn't see it on the bottom of my sig line--DH is 8 yrs older than me. We met when I was 18 and have been together ever since. He wasn't, ahem, extremely popular with Dad there for a while.

bbb, I think my Dad was hoping for that kind of thing, but they were too busy to notice for a while. I took advantage of the supervision gaps to my full advantage and then moved out of the house!

I was always under the microscope.

 

[NYEXPAT]

I did not mean suggest that retirees should move to a underdeveloped or developing nation and get "Married and have children". I am certainly not a believer in "marital bliss". Out of all my friends in Lima, I am the only one who is "Married"

Everybody else pretty much falls into the other two categories:
1.Serial monogamist - one girlfriend for a few months or years.
2. Serial dater-changes girlfriends like underwear.

For me (wanted children/residency/avoid taxes) it made the most sense and allowed me to achieve my goals as quickly as possible.

As far as Peru, I wanted to live on the Ocean with the weather of So.Cal and the nightlife/entertainment options of N.Y.C. My choices were rather limited to Lima/Rio/BA (Ba not really on the Ocean and they can get snow)

I had ruled out NA/CA locales (Mexico/CR/Panama)as they were "infested" with "Old Gringo's" and the money in RE had already been made.

I needed a country with a stable government,responsible fiscal policies and a growing economy.

Lima kept cropping up, although most of my friends were already heading for Colombia (Medellin) for the "Eternal Spring and the "Worlds most Beautiful Women"!

ME? I learned along time ago to Zig when everybody Zags!

Having left before the RE bubble burst and Financial Crisis(which Peru escaped)occurred, I count my blessings everyday!

In 2008, RE doubled and tripled in Lima! This is fact, but before I get flamed, I WOULD NOT SUGGEST BUYING RE IN LIMA TODAY!