36 and dreaming of escape... advice appreciated

[drinkthepoison]

Hello. I've been lurking a while but haven't posted.

I'm single, 36, female in NYC, unhappy in my job and dreaming of escape.

When I look at my financial situation, I think I may be able to retire in 10-15 years, but I'm not sure and would be grateful for feedback.

Earnings:
Salary: 150k
Bonus: 25k (I usually get ~120%)
Stock (RSUs): 15k
Company also contributes 4% of salary to a pension, so ~$6k this year (when I retire, pension can be taken as a lump sum into an IRA, or as an annuity after a certain age)

Savings: 390k total, consisting of:

Roth IRA: $63k (I have been taking advantage of "mega backdoor roth" this year to roll over after-tax 401k savings into the roth.)
Roth 401k: $9k (I stopped contributing to it after I realized the traditional 401k tax benefits are more in my favor & I can fund roth IRA through the "mega backdoor" method)
Rollover IRA: $58k
Regular 401k: $152k
Pension: $24k
Brokerage: $47k
Emergency Fund: $35k
HSA: $2.5k

Asset allocation is balanced across accounts - NOT including the pension or the emergency fund (which is 25k in a 2% 1-yr CD and 10k in an ally savings account at 1.85%):

US Stock 59% (Large Cap 50%, Small/Mid Cap 9%)
International Stock 33% (Developed 18%, Emerging 11%, Frontier 4%)
REITs (SCHH) 6%
Commodities (GLTR & GNR) 2%
Cash for trading 1%

These are in index funds with low expense ratios wherever possible. There isn't a bond allocation because I already have so much cash in the emergency fund and I want to be aggressive. (I am fully aware that the stock market will crash again & these balances will drop, and I am confident that I will not panic sell and will instead continue to buy stocks "at a discount" according to my pre-defined asset allocation.)

Costs:

Yearly spend after tax is around $70k

1550/month rent - I have a rent-stabilized apartment which is both great and terrible. It's huge for NYC, has a great commute, in a trendy neighborhood, sunlight and a view, but the building is poorly maintained by a slum landlord who's trying to pressure me out and I'm genuinely afraid it will collapse one day / it's also surrounded by factories spewing pollution which I'm afraid will make me sick. I've been here ten years but this isn't a stable situation & I have to assume it could end any moment. My rent would likely double after moving. (I've considered buying, but I don't want to leave NYC anytime soon, and when I run the numbers, it doesn't make sense - costs here are so high that the "maintenance + taxes" costs as much as I'm currently paying in rent, and that doesn't even include the mortgage.)

The estimate of 10-15 years to retire is based on a 3.5% withdrawal rate & needing about $2.5 million. It's also assuming 5% rate of return (since some assets are cash or pension which return lower than stocks) and that I'll keep lifestyle inflation in check and put all raises/bonuses into more savings. It doesn't account for buying an apartment - assumes I'll rent forever. (Once I retire I could easily see myself traveling & living in cheaper places to take advantage of "geographic arbitrage" - though I'd have to be somewhere with good public transport because I don't drive.)

Questions I'm trying to figure out:

I'm miserable at my job, love to travel, love art, theatre, & culture - would be incredibly happy early retiring - anything I can do to kickstart it or to improve what I'm currently doing?

I have been focused this year on saving as much as I can, so my savings rate has dramatically increased (targeting to save around 75-80k this year including employer contributions) but I still don't see a light at the end of the tunnel anytime soon - probably around 15 years (I'll be 50) depending on the stock market.

I've looked at quitting my job and going back to school, but the things I love (the arts) don't pay. I'm currently in a technology management position - I could get back into coding (17k for good 6 month coding bootcamp) but it's a lot of work for something I don't adore and jobs may not end up paying more anyway. (Maybe worth it though to boost resume and escape from the current place, which is drowning in politics & stress...)

To throw a wrench in things - I would love to have a child - but being single, living in NYC, and biologically almost out of time doesn't look like this has much chance of being affordable. I don't have any family nearby so wouldn't have any help unless I paid a nanny (which I'd have to, to keep my job... but then what's the point of having a baby if you're not there to raise them?).

Current job does have great benefits and 6 month maternity leave... could have a baby while staying at this job for the health insurance and maternity leave but... then what??

I've been working nonstop since I was 18 (all the way through college) & at this point just feel absolutely burned out and like my life is passing me by and going to waste.

Would be grateful for advice.

 

[Helena]

.

Keep your job until you have enough money to retire. Stay in your cheap NYC apartment so you can squirrel away even more money. Live below your means and stay out of debt. After retirement move to a much less expensive part of the country. Your list of passions, "travel, art, theatre, & culture" sounds expensive so you will probably need more money than the average retiree.

I understand your desire to have a child. If you were happily married I would say, go for it! But being a single mom is very difficult, especially while you are working full time and trying to save money for retirement.

.

 

[Jonathan25]

@drinkthepoison I personally think that your thinking about life too much. You have to start living your only 36. Go out and meet a nice handsome man. Don’t think too much about money! Go travel and enjoy life because life is short. You are very smart you will be fine in the future. You can keep your job and do whatever you want. Just stop thinking about things and enjoy yourself!

 

[Aerides]

I started to focus on the financials, but you're smart enough and doing that well already. You'll meet your goals and probably shave a few years off, if you stay reasonably in place.

But, this:

To throw a wrench in things - I would love to have a child - but being single, living in NYC, and biologically almost out of time doesn't look like this has much chance of being affordable. I don't have any family nearby so wouldn't have any help unless I paid a nanny (which I'd have to, to keep my job... but then what's the point of having a baby if you're not there to raise them?).

Current job does have great benefits and 6 month maternity leave... could have a baby while staying at this job for the health insurance and maternity leave but... then what??

I've been working nonstop since I was 18 (all the way through college) & at this point just feel absolutely burned out and like my life is passing me by and going to waste.

Would be grateful for advice.

My advice based on this part: STOP. what do you really want to do here? You are running out of time, but you are also just running. I recommend you do a little soul searching and decide what you want out of life. You are single and have no children, and that will be the same when you retire. That's fine for a lot of people, but most of those people aren't saying "I would love to have a child". If you change course now, slow down and figure out what you really want, you have options.

I ask this as someone who never wanted children, and I've never regretted that decision: If you reach 50 have $3M, and retire, and you're still single and never had a child - will you be happy? Or will you have major regrets? You need to figure that out pretty quickly.

 

[target2019]

I swiped right. You have a lot of future to live.
I've known a few who went to NYC, and eventually moved to NJ or PA, withing commuting distance. NYC is very exciting, but I think overall the pressure is not sustaining.

Tech is pervasive, so time to look for other opportunities.

Do you have family in the area, kinda pulling on you to stay?

I have a short anecdote to post for you. Need to make a long story shorter.

 

[Jonathan25]

I started to focus on the financials, but you're smart enough and doing that well already. You'll meet your goals and probably shave a few years off, if you stay reasonably in place.

But, this:



My advice based on this part: STOP. what do you really want to do here? You are running out of time, but you are also just running. I recommend you do a little soul searching and decide what you want out of life. You are single and have no children, and that will be the same when you retire. That's fine for a lot of people, but most of those people aren't saying "I would love to have a child". If you change course now, slow down and figure out what you really want, you have options.

I ask this as someone who never wanted children, and I've never regretted that decision: If you reach 50 have $3M, and retire, and you're still single and never had a child - will you be happy? Or will you have major regrets? You need to figure that out pretty quickly.

I agree with @Aerides

 

[Helena]

.

My niece is a geologist whose profession allowed her to travel around the world and live in interesting places. But after she turned 30, she knew her biological clock was ticking and she still wanted to settle-down in one place, marry and have children. Today she is married, has a nice home and two beautiful children.

.

 

[HI Bill]

Sorry you are miserable at your current job. Would you be less miserable doing something you love, but earning 1/4 of what you do now? If not, keep the current job. A salary/bonus of $150 annually, puts you in the top 5%, I believe. Jobs like that aren't all that easy to come by (maybe they would be in your field).

Focus on saving 50% (first in 401(k), then ROTH IRA). That's the easy part. Then, focus on finding Mr. Right, and enjoy the ride. Work will always be work, but at your income level, you should be able to get out in ~10-15 years, maybe less if you really do find Mr. Right (and he has similar/greater assets). I was SO ready to retire at 47, but then I found my wife, and I found I don't mind working so much when I have someone to share life with! Strive for work-life balance. If you haven't, find something that you're passionate about (art, golf, diving, drone flying, whatever)!

Dreaming of escape won't get you there, but working hard towards it, will!

 

[dcoy]

I can relate to your post as I was in a similar situation years ago. I quit my job and traveled for 18 months where I was able to gain perspective on life and got to know “me” better. During that time met the love of my life, married and eventually had two wonderful kids. I sense you are in a rut, if you are get out. Take some time for yourself and hit the reset button. Focus on the now not what will be.

 

[MoneyChic]

I definitely think you should take some time to really evaluate what you want out of life. With an open mind, write everything that is important to you on a sheet of paper, and then rank them in order of priority to you. This may help you realize what you need to focus on.


You should make sure you are running towards something, and not just away from something. Running towards retirement is great, but remember that 10-15 years is a long time to be miserable. I'd rather work 20 years and enjoy my life along the way, than get to retirement in 10-15 years but hate my job and miss out on living life (having a baby for example if that is important to you).

 

[Retired Expat]

I think all the other responses have it covered for general advice about life and happiness. My suggestion is much more specific. LEARN TO DRIVE!

The world is a lot bigger than NYC and in most places you MUST drive. Besides which, driving will give you a kind of freedom in the future to explore other places and opportunities that you will not have otherwise.

 

[jetpack]

$70k in expenses. 20k for rent, but where is the rest going? LBYM. Not only will you save faster, but you won't need $2.5M to retire.

 

[kgtest]

Yeah 50k of expenses after paying rent is a little high IMO. Especially with none of that really including costs to own and maintain an automobile. That's like $4,166/month you can spend. This MIGHT be contributing to your unhappyness. I found as I spent less on ridiculous things, (Like alcohol, soda, dining out, buying pointless STUFF) I was actually a lot more happy. These things that I thought I OWNED, were OWNING me.



I might go back to a time in your childhood or youth where you were happy. Take up activities you enjoyed as a child, and if you can't remember what that was, ask mom and dad to help remind you.


Mainly, find some zen! This can't be bought.

 

[Mdlerth]

There may be a whole world beyond the Hudson

Welcome, fellow aspirant! Delighted to have you aboard.

I have a good friend who was born and raised in NYC. A brilliant guy who spoke several languages and appreciated arts and literature and high culture, he took a job that moved him down to Delaware. He earned a good salary, although in nominal $$ it was undoubtedly less than he would have grossed in NY.

But living in Delaware, he could afford a spacious house with a pool and a spectacular view of the Chesapeake Bay, a lifestyle which would have been impossibly expensive in the Big Apple. Also, there was enough dough left over that he and his wife could go back to The City on weekends to take in the cultural events they both loved. The two-hour trip was no more than what a lot of people in the metro area deal with as a daily commute.

He found that he got to enjoy so much more of what New York offers only because he didn't actually have to live there, while at the same time enjoying a much lower stress, lower traffic, less cramped life Monday through Friday.

As other members have noted, you have some competing interests that only you can prioritize. I look forward to reading your posts detailing what you decide, and the successful results of your consequent actions.

BTW, my friend retired at 51 and today is living on a Greek island in the eastern Mediterranean. A long hike from NYC, but a short walk to the ouzo!