50 office-speak phrases you love to hate

omni550 said:
I remember workplace use of this phrase and also "Having them by the short hairs" (which I always thought meant the hairs at the nape of the neck). Boy, was I surprised when my then-SO gently told me what that phrase really meant. I was so embarrassed. :blush:

omni
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I'm getting an EDUCATION.:ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
 
Nords said:
The nukes in the submarine force avoided this one when we were little student nukes by forbidding us to use acronyms. Every time we saw one we had to speak it out instead of pronounce its letters.

This worked OK when you had to say "reactor plant manual" instead of RPM, but it was a real hassle when you had to ask a question about "self-saturable burnable poisons" or "main coolant cut-out valves".

Then the non-nuclear submariners would torment the nukes by pronouncing the acronyms as words instead of speaking the words they stood for. I once listened to two sonar technicians talking about the noise made by equipment that they kept referring to as "tiglops". After about 20 minutes I finally admitted my ignorance (I had a lot of practice at that) and it turned out that they were talking about turbine generator lubricating oil pumps: "TGLOPs".

Over 27 years after nuclear power school I still find myself sounding out acronyms and hesitating over whether to write them out or just use the initials.
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This sure brings back memories. Try saying "Starboard Ship's Service Turbine Generator" three times fast. The nuke training was certainly thorough, as I too am reluctant to use acronyms, even 25 years later.
 
These phrases bring back memories. I'm so glad I'm retired!!!
 
I glanced at the list and did not see my pet peve. I always cringed when a boss of mine said that we were a "family." I never hesitated to jump in and advise him that I only had one family and could not support another in the manner that I support the current one.

I have no problem with terms like "team" but not family.
 
Walt34 said:
Mission Statements

For every division, unit, or section.

That was idiotic. We're a police department. We arrest bad guys. Any kindergarten kid knows that.
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:duh::LOL::clap:
 
Gumby said:
The nuke training was certainly thorough, as I too am reluctant to use acronyms, even 25 years later.
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I've also been traumatized by the Submarine Interior Communications Manual. It's going to be decades before I can not only shut doors & windows but "close" them too. And I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to use "increase/decrease" along with "raise/lower"...
 
Nords said:
I've also been traumatized by the Submarine Interior Communications Manual. It's going to be decades before I can not only shut doors & windows but "close" them too. And I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to use "increase/decrease" along with "raise/lower"...
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And I thought USAF & IT speak was confusing.
I recall many years ago attempting to explain to Mother what I did for a living.
 
"Meeting in my office in 15 minutes"... uttered not by my immediate supervisor but the fellow over her. My boss is a dear... late for everything and sweetly scatter-brained (altho very smart). After her uptight superior finishes with one of his angst filled meetings and harangues concerning dictums from the higher ups, she (arriving at the tail end, coffee mug in hand) tells us "just do everything the way you've been doing it because you are doing a good job" (done sotto voce after he has stalked out).
 
Meadbh said:
How can we operationalize this? (i.e. How can we get it done?)

The business planing proces is is all around accountability.... AARGH!
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For extra points, when nearing FIRE, start to mix in buzzwords from non-overlapping disciplines.

"We view the Marketing Department's functional specification as a blivit, and are concerned that specification and planning process may initiate a circular run."

"You really think this will work?"
- "Yes"
"Gedunk?"
- "Huh?"
"Six pack?"
- "Um..."
"Case of Chevas?"

"What we have here is a loss of situational awareness."
 
My favorite from my old boss is, "Let's take a bio break."
 
Let's take it "off line＂
Let's do a "deep dive"
 
Agree with ReWahoo. This thread reminds me of what a top manager likes to write - This is OTT. (Over the top).
 
mickeyd said:
I glanced at the list and did not see my pet peve. I always cringed when a boss of mine said that we were a "family." I never hesitated to jump in and advise him that I only had one family and could not support another in the manner that I support the current one.

I have no problem with terms like "team" but not family.
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I completely agree. You can't fire your family so let's not pretend. The only time family enters into it is that i have to take of mine, so i can't tell you what I'm really thinking.
 
Where I woriked, when someone would finally get serious and share the real scoop, it was "opening the kimona". Sometimes people would act this out in meetings and led to some interesting looks.
 
I know it´s off the topic, but......there is something to be said about the politically correct way of saying some issues/things....:whistle:
 
vicente solano said:
I know it´s off the topic, but......there is something to be said about the politically correct way of saying some issues/things....:whistle:
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Oh yes, the fine art of office diplomacy.

From a Thursday project status management meeting, between alleged project managers:

"So, how long will it take you to make these changes?"

- "Roughly five man-days to complete the changes, test, and have everything ready for integration."

"OK, so Monday then."

- "No, this will take five man-days of effort, and we'll have to add that to the existing workload and shuffle people about."

"Well, it's Thursday, and... Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday... So it'll be ready Monday night, correct?"

- "That turns out not to be the case. You see, there's a difference between man-days and calendar days..."

A certain amount of patience is required. :whistle:
 
I can add some color here. To your point, I find that communication about anything other than low-hanging fruit is rarely value-add on a go-forward basis. At the end of the day, net net, we just need to focus, double-click and get out in front of our deliverables, while management needs to keep their powder dry to have the bandwidth to deep-dive and ramp-up on our go-to-market challenges.

BTW, I'll be out of pocket for a few days, so let's take any followup offline.
 
dizzy said:
I can add some color here. To your point, I find that communication about anything other than low-hanging fruit is rarely value-add on a go-forward basis. At the end of the day, net net, we just need to focus, double-click and get out in front of our deliverables, while management needs to keep their powder dry to have the bandwidth to deep-dive and ramp-up on our go-to-market challenges.
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Are you the Antichrist?
 
dizzy said:
I can add some color here. To your point, I find that communication about anything other than low-hanging fruit is rarely value-add on a go-forward basis. At the end of the day, net net, we just need to focus, double-click and get out in front of our deliverables, while management needs to keep their powder dry to have the bandwidth to deep-dive and ramp-up on our go-to-market challenges.

BTW, I'll be out of pocket for a few days, so let's take any followup offline.
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Wow. I had no idea I'd worked for you, Dizzy, from 1997-2002, until I saw this. How ya been?:LOL:
 
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