8 months in and struggling

[cj1717]

Agrtee!

 

[cj1717]

Agree!

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Most of the people we know seem pretty happy in retirement and most are fairly involved in different clubs, sports, or community organization. Some of the organizations either we or are friends are involved in include astronomy, hiking, garden clubs, senior clubs, church / Bible study, pickle ball, happy hour group, opera group, dine out groups, dine in group (rotate hosting dinner parties), wine tasting, chess, walking, bowling, art classes, computer classes, ball room dancing, Zumba, live theater, cooking, travel, book club, gardens, photography, classic cars, Mahjong, bocce ball, poker, and foreign films. Many volunteer at places like the local public gardens, library, Meals on Wheels or food bank.

I know there are some posters here who are introverts and happy at home, but for many social connections are a big factor in happiness. Social connections were the number one factor in the longest running study on happiness by researchers at Harvard.

 

[FindingForward]

Go to the local dog pound and save another one.

+1000 Thank you for posting this Best pets ever are the ones whose lives you save.

 

[Out of Steam]

Hey all. I’m 8 months beyond my job and struggling a bit. I know so many of you are deeply satisfied with early retirement, but I’m having difficulty finding my way to the "new normal."

I retired in 2019, with my wife and I moving to a new city at that time. I had similar struggles for until early this year, which I blamed on pandemic-related problems in establishing routines. I had planned to take a year off, then return to work. That was scuttled by health conditions that increased our COVID risk, and limited remote opportunities related to my experience--plus my own discomfort with a fully remote job.

My wife returned to doing some remote work to her former company, and I have gotten involved in managing two volunteer groups. My wife also replaced her car, making it easier for her to return for visits to our former area. She has also decided to take Social Security in the new year.

 

[Exchme]

After a year, I realized we were never going to be big travelers, I don't enjoy woodworking, golf, gardening, etc. DW has a bunch of hobbies so likes retirement, but I wasn't adjusting well.

There were parts of the job I enjoyed, so I negotiated a part time position where I can work from home and mostly just do the fun part of the work. Keeps the health insurance, pays some bills and gives me some structure. Maybe I will feel different later in life, but a bit of work is a better balance for me right now than either full retirement or full time work.

Everyone has to find their own path, don't feel pressure to do any one thing.

 

[vafoodie]

After a year, I realized we were never going to be big travelers, I don't enjoy woodworking, golf, gardening, etc. DW has a bunch of hobbies so likes retirement, but I wasn't adjusting well.

There were parts of the job I enjoyed, so I negotiated a part time position where I can work from home and mostly just do the fun part of the work. Keeps the health insurance, pays some bills and gives me some structure. Maybe I will feel different later in life, but a bit of work is a better balance for me right now than either full retirement or full time work.

Everyone has to find their own path, don't feel pressure to do any one thing.

Holy mackerel--that sounds like a dream. Part-time work that pays for healthcare? I need to see if I can find one of those!

 

[vafoodie]

Another big problem I have with retirement is that, thus far, I no longer have a tribe. As a former teacher, my work family and the lives of my students took up a lot of my emotional energy. Probably why I spend too much time on this board! I get together with former teacher friends once a month for lunch, but that's about it. My husband has 3 infirm golf buddies. He just retired this year, and frankly, I still find it odd to be spending so much time together. He doesn't seem to miss his work family at all though his ailing golf buddies were all part of that group, so he has some contact.

 

[tmitchell]

Another big problem I have with retirement is that, thus far, I no longer have a tribe. As a former teacher, my work family and the lives of my students took up a lot of my emotional energy. Probably why I spend too much time on this board! I get together with former teacher friends once a month for lunch, but that's about it. My husband has 3 infirm golf buddies. He just retired this year, and frankly, I still find it odd to be spending so much time together. He doesn't seem to miss his work family at all though his ailing golf buddies were all part of that group, so he has some contact.

Yeah I definitely see the difficulty in making new friends. My former "work" friends haven't turned out of have any lasting rapport, and my "real" friends are all busy with kids & jobs etc.

We are exploring New England at the moment, but when I get back home I may try some meetups or something. I have taken a couple cooking classes and that hasn't yielded any connections. It's tough for sure.

 

[Koolau]

Yeah I definitely see the difficulty in making new friends. My former "work" friends haven't turned out of have any lasting rapport, and my "real" friends are all busy with kids & jobs etc.

We are exploring New England at the moment, but when I get back home I may try some meetups or something. I have taken a couple cooking classes and that hasn't yielded any connections. It's tough for sure.

Typical good places to meet/make new friends are clubs (especially those with a service orientation) and churches. DW wanted more service opportunities and participates in a couple of church sponsored food pantries/homeless shelters. She has met many folks with similar interests. YMMV

 

[Speculator]

I’m having difficulty finding my way to the "new normal."

Like you, I experienced similar difficulties when I retired. I solved the problem(s) by becoming a volunteer for several organizations, which helped me learn about things I had limited knowledge of, as well as fill the hours in my day. Volunteering also enhanced my social life because I met many like-minded folks who I never would have met. And, in my case, it led me into a second career doing something I had never expected to do and which I still find fulfilling today, at age 71.

As an aside, I agree with some other posters that there are some folks who can "kick back" and enjoy relaxing for most of their days, without the need for a "purpose" in their lives. My early retirement at age 50 taught me I am not one of them. Good luck on finding what suits you!

 

[Out of Steam]

As an aside, I agree with some other posters that there are some folks who can "kick back" and enjoy relaxing for most of their days, without the need for a "purpose" in their lives. My early retirement at age 50 taught me I am not one of them. Good luck on finding what suits you!

I was just telling a friend today that I don't think I could have been happy with retiring much earlier than I did, at 60.

 

[Gocubsgo]

I retired 18 months ago at the tender age of 49. I’m divorced with no children and had allowed work to fill in all the gaps over the years. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize this until after I was home for a few months. I agree that a lack of structure and purpose had left me feeling empty and a bit like the greyhound that caught the rabbit.

My former employer had kept in touch and called again a month ago. Offered me part time work (24 hours/week) with a generous salary and full benefits including health insurance. We negotiated a deal and I started back this week. It solves the insurance need for awhile and gives me time to (re)consider what I really want out of life… and maybe get a “do over” on retirement.

It seems ironic that I felt like I had won the game and had finally received my reward for decades of hard work and sacrifice only to “fail” miserably at retirement in 18 months.

 

[Lewis Clark]

It seems ironic that I felt like I had won the game and had finally received my reward for decades of hard work and sacrifice only to “fail” miserably at retirement in 18 months.

Don't think of this as a failure. To me, "winning the game" means you have the freedom to do whatever you want to do. If you are happiest working (full or part time) then you should work. If you are happiest doing other things, then do those other things.

Financial independence = freedom to choose what you want to do, when you want to do it.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

How about working say like an hour or two a day which also brings income? This has to be fun.

 

[Koolau]

I was just telling a friend today that I don't think I could have been happy with retiring much earlier than I did, at 60.

I've mentioned before that I stayed as long as I was enjoying what I was doing. It had little to do with the age. I had built a c@reer and an assignment that I really enjoyed. When that was changed, I retired. Fortunately, I was financially independent long before I desired to retire. YMMV

 

[EastWest Gal]

Working part time at something you basically enjoy doing allows you time to decide what you want to do with your time when you do retire.

Part-time is a good way to develop the rest of your life outside of work, while still having structure and the social contact that work provides.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Working part time at something you basically enjoy doing allows you time to decide what you want to do with your time when you do retire.

Part-time is a good way to develop the rest of your life outside of work, while still having structure and the social contact that work provides.

I would also add that part-time w*rk or similar commitments can help affirm one's choice to retire. In my case, I have taken on a few legal-related projects or pro bono cases since retiring (mainly during the height of COVID when leaving the house wasn't in my best interest) and at the conclusion of each one, I am reminded of the freedom that retirement brings.

 

[street]

I retired 18 months ago at the tender age of 49. I’m divorced with no children and had allowed work to fill in all the gaps over the years. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize this until after I was home for a few months. I agree that a lack of structure and purpose had left me feeling empty and a bit like the greyhound that caught the rabbit.

My former employer had kept in touch and called again a month ago. Offered me part time work (24 hours/week) with a generous salary and full benefits including health insurance. We negotiated a deal and I started back this week. It solves the insurance need for awhile and gives me time to (re)consider what I really want out of life… and maybe get a “do over” on retirement.

It seems ironic that I felt like I had won the game and had finally received my reward for decades of hard work and sacrifice only to “fail” miserably at retirement in 18 months.

I have never considered a PT job after one has retired from their career job as unretired. If you won the game than retirement is about doing what you want to do and to have new challenges and do different things. It is all about what makes you the happiest. If a PT job is something you want to do and enjoy it that is great and I see it as you are a retired person doing a side gig, nothing about failing in ER.

 

[W2R]

I have never considered a PT job after one has retired from their career job as unretired. If you won the game than retirement is about doing what you want to do and to have new challenges and do different things. It is all about what makes you the happiest. If a PT job is something you want to do and enjoy it that is great and I see it as you are a retired person doing a side gig, nothing about failing in ER.

That's what Frank did. He worked as an engineer in the defense/aerospace industry. But after he had been retired from that career for a few years, he got a part time gig doing sound and lights for live music shows in bars down in the French Quarter. Very different working environment, and something he had always wanted to try, so it was fulfilling some past dreams. He quit about a year ago but I think he's glad he got a chance to do that type of work.

 

[Gocubsgo]

Thank you all for the kind words and helping me reframe the situation. You’re right that P/T work will allow me to keep the socialization and structure but on my terms. It might be a moot point, though.

I finished my first week with a worried phone call from my team lead. Corporate has issued a mandatory recall to the office effective January 1. No remote workers, no exceptions. He knows my thoughts on “suiting up” and commuting to the tower downtown.

I won’t do it.

My offer letter even included that I was to be 100% remote. So it should be interesting to see how they handle it. Looks like I’ll probably be retired again at FYE. [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

Sometimes life helps you out with your decisions.