8 months in and struggling

[street]

I agree. Dogs keep me going. They always listen, come by to check on me and fun to hang out with. Picture below is there way of saying "come on old man get off the couch and play with us"

I worked a high pressure job for years where I was always multi-tasking to solve problems for the large programs I managed. I thought I would have a hard time with retirement (6 months now), but I haven't. Sure there are times I get bored, but I then think of stuff I could do. Like I have been researching Heat Pumps and dual fuel HVAC systems so I can make an educated purchase next year. I have a 50 year old Land Cruiser (avatar) I play with.

Lots of youtube videos to figure out how to do things or projects. Is there an Old car you always wanted? Learning while working on it can be fun and challenging.

On my 50 year old vehicle. I was having some issues with the fuel system and I had paid someone to install it. It just wasn't right so I spent time learning about fuel systems, my specific components and figured out they made a mistake in their install which I then corrected. The point here is there is something you are wondering about, or is annoying you or you want to know how something works, you can stretch yourself to do that.

Volunteer is good suggestion.

My wife talked me into buying a Kindle and you can download books from the library when ever you want them. I started reading a lot

A lot of things are about routine. Everyday I get up
Have my coffee while reading the Wall Streat Journal and local paper (on line). I then take the dogs on walk to the local Dog Park. From my front door that is a 4 mile roundtrip daily.

I try and do something inside or outside for at least an hour for maintenance, improvement or to just make sure they are working well. Some times these turn into multi day projects

I spend some time surfing the Internet or watching stuff on TV

My wife and I go to a movie, lunch or shopping. Doing this during the week is awesome with no crowds

I visit my kids, or other family or friends

I read my Kindle for an hour or two

Sometimes I sit in the chair in my study staring out the window thinking I am bored. There are things I could do I(advantage being a homeowner), but then I think about what a privilege it is to be bored and that I could choose to do something else if I wanted to. My choice to be bored or not. Not sure that makes sense, but knowing it is my choice to be bored makes it relaxing and then I choose to go do something else when I dont want to be bored anymore

A very nice read and especially like that last paragraph. We have choices to be bored or not to be bored. It is easier for introverts to adjust but we need to be self-motivated to not to be bored. If I'm bored, it is my fault because there is so many things I need to do and should do and new things I could search out to do. I think we can become lazy and feel sorry for what we gave up. I struggled the first year but not from boredom but lack of being around people. I made a change and that isn't an issue now.

 

[vafoodie]

I posted a thread similar to yours --"Sad in Retirement"--a few months ago and, in fact, was going to post an update. I think there are those of us whose identity is just too tied to work and earning a paycheck. You mentioned teaching. That was my career, and it consumed me. My life was dictated by that school schedule, and when I no longer had those "swimming to Thanksgiving or Christmas or Spring Break" deadlines, I felt lost. Like you, I tried to regulate my day with gym visits, reading, cleaning, but so far that planned routine has not stuck.
Sooo, I have been substitute teaching a lot, and that's the cure for me. But my caveat, and I'm not proud of this, is that I am subbing at the fanciest private school in my area. I taught at and attended public high schools, and sadly, the difference is staggering. I get a really nice "chef-curated' free lunch in addition to the play money pay, and the kids are fantastic. It's what teaching should be. Based on what I saw in public schools when I retired the first time two years ago, subbing there is not so pleasant. And you have to monitor many more kids. It gives me a reason to wake up and get dressed. The teachers would have to cover each other's classes if I didn't come in, so they are really nice and appreciative. I have also learned that I love middle school kids. Their enthusiasm and curiosity is boundless.
This is what works for me. You will find your groove.

 

[Bamaman]

I totally get what you are dealing with.

We do need a purpose in life, and those that say that they don’t need a purpose- I salute you.

You have won they game and have achieved FIRE, but that doesn’t mean that you can never work again, rather, you now have the luxury to work on you own terms if you so choose.

I sold my dental practice and “retired” over 4 years ago. But i still continue to work part time, 6 hours a week, because I still enjoy being a dentist, and I am able to work on my own terms (relaxed schedule and as much time off as I want to travel).

I enjoy the social interaction and I enjoy the opportunity I have to help those around me, and now I get the best of both worlds as every week I get a 6 day weekend to pursue my other interests.

My close friend was a dentist, and he was about 65 years old when he sold the practice on contract to a young dentist that had been working for a couple of years at a large practice.

My friend has been going on mission trips for a number of years, and so much of that work made him a better dentist. Few dentists outside of surgeons could pull teeth as well as he could because his experience in Central America.

My relative retired at 30 years and age 55--to golf just about full time. He got bored and joined the National Guard as a dentist. He had tours in Afghanistan and a year in Iraq--and really enjoyed it. He had a second retirement at age 70 that was mandatory.

There are some large Christian clinics in big cities that could use dentists, even if just part time. And they often do very good work for the truly poor.

There are a lot of opportunities for dentists to do good work in retirement--as they see fit.

 

[COcheesehead]

I found that having goals helps too.

 

[Car-Guy]

I have several friends who went back to work part time. They fall into 2 groups. Those who missed the social interaction of the workplace. And those who missed feeling as important as during their working years.

Introverts can easily handle the solitude that retirement sometimes gives. But I think it’s tough for some to give up the feeling of being important or sense of purpose that work provides.

Interesting comments.... For me, I never missed the social interactions... Matter of fact I was glad to get away from all the "office politics" which I had to play to get ahead like I did. Seems like playing the game was much more important than doing the job, especially at Mega corp #2...

Looking back I realize that I liked/enjoyed working at my first mega corp much better. I was an individual contributor and could see the benefits of the work I did almost immediately. My second mega corp was all about meetings, emailing, presentations, conference calls and managing folks... No "regular" sense of accomplishments but it paid about 5X more than mega corp #1... Go figure!

 

[vafoodie]

5 years into retirement and still depressed. I should have never stopped working but this helps me.. THANKS!..

1. Get a dog
2. Get some meds
3. Go back to some kind of work!
I get it though. I'm one who is struggling in retirement. Apparently work was my identity.

 

[TripleLindy]

When I read the topic heading, I thought it would be about the market downturn and finances. I was surprised to read that it was more about life fulfillment. I retired at 55 five years ago. My last year was ultra high stress, probably the worst of my career, and left me with PTSD, so going back to work is the last thing I’d want to do, but that’s just me. My most boring day in retirement is exponentially better than working, but I have found some great activities, primarily pickleball and golf, but those assume relatively good health. I also started cooking, mostly in the outdoor kitchen, and my wife (a great cook!) has taught me a lot. My wife and I love to travel, but it has gotten really expensive lately. I toyed with an RV on multiple occasions, but could never make the economics work, at least not for the RV that we wanted. Plus, my wife wouldn’t want to spend weeks at a time in an RV the way I would, so that probably would have led to some “disagreements” We’ve talked about getting a dog, as we had at least 1 until the kids were grown, but the hair and hassle when traveling have kept us from getting one.

As others have said, don’t worry about feeling like you have to fill every day with being busy. I love reading, watching movies, or even just sitting in the backyard enjoying the weather on a nice day. Given that you’re only 8 months in, you’ve just barely touched the edges of retirement. But if working is what brings you fulfillment, by all means, do it. Only you can determine what brings you happiness.

 

[vafoodie]

I was retired at 58 and within 7 months was offered a job teaching a online college class which was a new career for me. I also did some consulting in human services my old job. That dried up after 5 years and teaching lasted one more year. I would still be doing it if I could. I sometimes have trouble filling my days so belong to 5 online forums. I walk my dogs, help friends that need it, see my kids, spend time with other friends, on the hoa board and read. I also belong to a meetup group.

Teacher Terry--where does one find these online classes to teach, or did they find you? If you liked teaching, consider subbing. Schools desperately need subs and while the pay is nonsense, they are having to raise it to get people in. It has afforded me self-care money I wouldn't bother with if I didn't have it--facials, massages. Honestly, I also cover hubs and my health care premiums too if I want to hustle.

 

[freedomatlast]

The cure for me was going back to the same line of work but on a consulting basis. This could be a solution if you like the work you did, and just didn't like the environment or structure it required. I have as many hours as I want every week in a great environment with good people and the pay is outstanding. I've also been offered an adjunct professor position at the local college campus but had to pass on that due to the present consulting gig. May try that down the road some day. You'll find what works for you in time.

 

[Souschef]

I am sitting here, looking out the window at the Pacific Ocean a couple hundred yards away. In the distance I can see 2 of the Channel Islands. I have a small set of binoculars to people watch on the beach and bike trail.
We moved here in February, and love the amenities of this apartment complex.
I have my Kindle, and have a bunch of favorite authors.
We are in the 13th year of retirement and are satisfied with the pace of our life.
Early on, we traveled quite a bit, but have slowed down as our bucket list is filled.

 

[rodi]

Like W2R mentioned - some of us need some structure. I was an engineer, mom, dog-mom, wife before I retired. Mornings were up early so I could walk the dog before getting the kids to school and heading to work. Rinse and repeat in the evening (while hubby cooked dinner, thank goodness).

After retirement I made adjustments. Still had to get the kids to school (for a few years till they started driving), and the dog needed walking - so I took the dog with me to drop the kids - then walked the dog on the beach. Less rushed, a better/more pleasant place to take the dog. But it was still a routine. But a routine adjusted to my enjoyment. I literally just got back 20 minutes ago from my dog/beach walk.

I found a few opportunities that I had interest in - mostly in community planning... No pay - but enough technical details, and tricky personalities to deal with, to challenge me. I'm a volunteer on various city working groups for the city... Sometimes it's frustrating - but not nearly as frustrating as work, and I'm not as burnt out as work.

I've also rediscovered some of the pleasures I never had time for - for me reading novels has become a happy enjoyment. Planning travel adventures (I love the planning stage of overseas and domestic travel.) And I've upped my cooking game. Hubster is a great cook - but now we take turns cooking and like to try to outdo each other. So searching out interesting recipes to try can be fun.

And I've learned that downtime can be a wonderful thing.

So - get a dog (lol) and add some structure. The dog's needs add to the structure part.

Do you think part of your unhappiness in retirement is because your partner is still working so you aren't doing this together?

 

[pacergal]

OP--I remember you posting about your struggle with making the decision TO retire.

As others have said, a successful retirement is doing what you want to do. Could be going back to work in any capacity, could be taking lessons, mentoring others, or doing nothing but relaxing--read a book, have coffee on the porch, watch the birds.

I am almost 6 years in. Did go back and work on call several times when asked-- always on my terms as far as hours, job, pay. This past year is the first year I have not done "formal" work at all. And I love it!
But, I, too, sometimes struggle with "what will I do today?". It's OK.
At the end of the day, I am satisfied with how my day went.

Best of luck to you as you continue with your retirement. Do what makes you happy, not what you think others expect of you.

 

[tmitchell]

I'm grateful for all of you who've chimed in on this post so far, and for the various suggestions. Much of this is helpful.

@rodi I'm giving your question about my working partner some deep thought. I think there is a bit of a snag there since I'm not 100% free to go wherever I want, but we are generally happy together. It's a good point though and I'll continue to reflect on how that may be affecting me.

@pacergal you're right I struggled with the decision to retire! But when it came down to it I knew that I needed to move on. I do want to work in some capacity but I haven't found what it is yet. Or maybe it hasn't found me? I think what I miss is problem solving and hobbies don't quite get me there yet.

@FLSUnFIRE I appreciate #5, which accounts for much of what the others here have suggested. It's good to hear from you and others who are a few months or years ahead of me.

@Ronstar I'm also sitting with your thought about retirement being about enjoyment rather than purpose. Some others here agree. I can definitely see a life long habit of pushing myself for success. It worked, but somehow letting go of that is a bit hard. I'm going to try to slow down and really enjoy the fruits of my labors and see how that feels. It's almost like I'm stuck in between the two poles.

Also I clearly need to get a dog!!

Thanks again everyone.

 

[Logits]

Hey all. I’m 8 months beyond my job and struggling a bit. I know so many of you are deeply satisfied with early retirement, but I’m having difficulty finding my way to the "new normal."

I heard the advice to “retire to something” and I admit I didn’t do that. I just had to get off the hamster wheel before I broke. My employer was of no help when I brought it to their attention. I also felt I had done all I could in that career so I don't have any regrets about moving on.

Over the past few months I’ve kept myself busy with lots of extra travel (which is a pretty costly way to avoid boredom!), studying a foreign language, reading a lot, and exercising daily. Additionally I've been experimenting with a number of projects like teaching/mentoring and starting a new business, but so far those haven’t lit me up as being a new "purpose." I don't have kids, so there's no family social net to keep me busy. All of my friends are still working, and most have kids, so my social diary is a bit thin during the week as well. My partner still works, but from home so we are able to share plenty of good times.

I do feel a little worried about retiring into a down market, so maybe it's nerves? My numbers are still holding fine despite the current choppiness. I try not to look.

I worked really hard to get to FI, which included a ton of OT over a couple of decades in a dynamic career. Maybe I just don't have the personality for FIRE? I remember listening to the MadFientist and he struggled for a couple of years before he found his footing, so maybe this is just par for the course?

One last thing: I have some voices in my head pointing me right back to work as a solution. I’m fighting that because I know it’s what’s most familiar to me, but I’m not sure how long I can deal with this in-between phase.

Have any of you gone through this?

Thank you so much tmitchell for posting this OP. This thread is now such a wealth of experiences on the transition from traditional work to RE. I am so grateful that I came across this rich stream of perspectives and experiences. It made me join this forum.

You ask - Have any of you gone through this?
Yes, am also in it. I am 3 months in, and I state that I am in a 'sabbatical', but at the same time, I also see it as good practice for RE. This thread has given me comfort that I am not alone, crazy for some of my concerns

Again, thanks for the OP, and for everyone who has contributed so far.

 

[ugeauxgirl]

Before I retired, I couldn't imagine that there would be any sort of adjustment, but there is! I think it was a bit easier for me because I still (2 years after I retired) have one teen at home- the other left for college last month. But there is still the cooking, shopping, cleaning, yard work etc to do on a daily basis.

My husband who vowed never to retire, has taken much more time off than he ever has before- and that was an adjustment too. I did take a volunteer position one day a week that indulges my love of horses and also qualifies as a workout (I walk at least 12 miles that day). I also lunch with girlfriends to make up for the social time I'm not getting at work. I thought I would want to teach at the local university, but I haven't pursued it yet. Maybe after I finish my pottery class.

I have used my extra time to teach myself skills I always wanted to learn (making soap, baking bread, propagating plants...). Oh and travelling. My retirement activities have surprised me, and they're certainly not everyone's cup of tea, but you'll find things you never knew you loved to do if you keep looking!

 

[vafoodie]

OP—when you get your dog, I strongly recommend some havanese in there. Ifbyou live near VA, I can hook you up with a breeder.

 

[RobbieB]

Go to the local dog pound and save another one.

 

[Katsmeow]

OP - I fall in the category of those who wonders how I ever had time to work.

My biggest anxiety about time and retirement is that I always have more things I want to do each day than I have time to do.

I did not have a big purpose to retire to. I was just completely burned out and highly stressed.

Honestly, I mostly do things during the day that I enjoy doing. Some of them are things that I did before retirement but can spend more time on now. Some of them are new things that didn't even exist before I retired.

They probably don't sound all that time consuming, but they are. I enjoy reading. There are always more things I could read than I have time to read. I enjoy doing stuff on my computer (like visiting here!). I am a big video game player. I do some stuff with genetic genealogy where I help searches of other people (this didn't exist when I first semi-retired but now is a major activity of mine - purely voluntary). I have other things I wish I had more time to do! I tend to be introverted so don't need a lot of outside social contact. I do want some but a little bit goes a long way.

The point is I suspect you haven't had time yet to develop your interests. Maybe there are things you liked to do before but didn't have enough time to do. Maybe there are things you wanted to try and never did. Now you can. You won't like everything you try. But, you won't find what you do like until you try.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Vafoodie, it was really a good gig as it paid extremely well and I had no one to answer to. Most adjuncts make very little money and often are micromanaged with online courses being told when to be online, how often, having to call students a lot, etc. What I liked about online teaching was that I didn’t have to be anywhere and set my own schedule. I even taught on cruises and on other vacations. There was no live teaching so I checked my messages, answered emails, participated in discussion groups and graded. The university actually found me.

 

[FLSUnFIRE]

OP - I fall in the category of those who wonders how I ever had time to work.

My biggest anxiety about time and retirement is that I always have more things I want to do each day than I have time to do.

I relate to this a bit. I didn't have the energy or option to do many things and now it all really is a choice (it was always a choice but options were limited by the choice to be working). Now I do have FOMO somewhat regularly and step back once in a while when I feel myself "burning out" from trying to do it all! -Nice problem to have but I can't do everything with my still limited time/energy and money. I've found that there are waves and valleys in activities and I relish the few weeks with NOTHING going on almost as much as the fun stuff.

 

[old medic]

I don't have any answers, but your not alone. I'm 9 months in and feel lost at times.

 

[tmitchell]

I don't have any answers, but your not alone. I'm 9 months in and feel lost at times.

Curious how that manifests for you?

 

[COcheesehead]

I planned for almost three years before pulling the plug, not just the financial, but the mental. I had lists of things I wanted to do all based on my values. I valued learning, physical challenges, giving back, travel, etc.
Then I retired, got a job at a local winery working weekends, made new friends, upped my daily hiking and biking, took road-trips (on one right now), add in chores, social time with friends, long trip planning, family, etc… it all just works. I don’t think I ever looked at all the lists I made. I just did what felt right and I just kept moving forward. I still challenge myself, I still have goals. Maybe that is a big part as well. I also know who I am and it wasn’t the guy I played at work. That was just a role. I feel comfortable in my own skin. People who know me after I retired have no idea who I was before. The people I worked with might be surprised at who I am today. Someone told me my Facebook page should be a blueprint for retirement because we are so active. LOL

 

[rodi]

One more thought that falls into the 'needed structure' transition for me.

Because I was worried I needed structure, and because I wanted to reward my retirement with doing something I never had time for prior to retirement... I signed up for an in person community college course in Italian. I took 3 semesters... then took an accounting class (why not)... then decided I didn't need the structure. I still work on my Italian via duolingo because my husband and kids are Italian duel citizens and for me to get spousal citizenship I need to pass the 'livello b1' exam... I'll probably do an immersive month at an italian language school in the next few years.

But taking a class that met 2 days a week, and working for an A+ grade definitely helped me transition. And I'd always wanted to learn Italian. I became the 'mom' of the class of 18-20 year olds - but wasn't the only retiree for these 3 semesters.

 

[Toast]

Serious dog lover here. Many folks have mentioned getting a dog. Please don't adopt a dog unless you truly love dogs, consider them members of your family, and understand that the commitment is for the life of the dog. Too many people get dogs and then think they are disposable.

Wishing you well as you make decisions and find what is best for you.