Begging

[sheehs1]

Having someone approach me for money in my own driveway would scare the crap out of me no matter how convincing the sob story. I'm glad your DH called the police and I doubt they will return (they have probably been so many places they won't remember how to get to yours). I really hate the scam-handlers who create an elaborate stories because if the stories were true, they could find some real help.

I agree. It would scare me to death to be cornered in my driveway like that.
We have not had it recently but many years ago someone came off the street and I could tell they were going to ask me for "something" which meant whatever it was I didn't want it or didn't want to give it.

My deadpan answer was: "Did I invite you onto my property? The answer is "No" and you are trespassing. I'll give you one second to turn around and go back where you came from before I call the police. Soliticitation in this neighborhood is illegal."

 

[Milton]

I generally give to organizations that help the homeless rather than direct giving.

I prefer direct giving to the topless.

 

[brewer12345]

OTOH, I did knock on a stranger's door yesterday and ask if I could have the pile of cut up tree that had been sitting there all weekend. She seemed happy to be rid of it.

 

[Gatordoc50]

Just got back from a trip to Chicago where I noticed everyone walking with there head down. They all looked miserable. After three days there I realized that they were just trying to avoid eye contact with the beggars. I am more annoyed by those expecting tips for things I'd rather do myself. Like forced valet parking. I was in Orlando this weekend where they forced you to valet at 16 bucks per day and then had their hand out every time they brought your car to you when it was literally 50 feet away.

 

[Nemo2]

We give to the food bank

I recall, when I lived in British Columbia, watching a Vancouver TV news report on local food banks.........in an attempt to garner sympathy for their 'clients' one administrator trucked out a young couple, who, she said, had been availing themselves of the food bank's services for 5 years.......the female, who was heavily pregnant, was holding the hand of a two year old.

No more donations from me.

 

[rodi]

I give to various shelters/food banks. It's pretty much the only type of charity outside of educational 503(c)s that I give any money to.

When I was in college I lived downtown- before it gentrified... and panhandling was common. I was a poor college student. Didn't have any extra money... But I'd offer PB&J sandwiches, or a quesadilla. You could tell really quick who the scammers were - no interest in the food. But there were enough people sincerely appreciative of a peanut butter sandwich that it made me continue the offers.

We've taught our sons to not give cash to panhandlers. But we do have them choose charities to give to - and both boys give to the biggest food panty in town.

 

[timo2]

I recall, when I lived in British Columbia, watching a Vancouver TV news report on local food banks.........in an attempt to garner sympathy for their 'clients' one administrator trucked out a young couple, who, she said, had been availing themselves of the food bank's services for 5 years.......the female, who was heavily pregnant, was holding the hand of a two year old.

No more donations from me.

My father, when he retired, ran a church food bank in the Ozarks in Missouri. From listening to him, there were many people similar to you describe. But the lesson is that maybe they are already operating at the best they can do. Everyone is not created the same. Do we deny aid just because people are not that bright, or have any other list of issues. In a similar way, that is how I look at the driver that is in front of me on the road, driving very irritating, is probably driving at the height of their capabilities and if they drove like I want them to, they would crash, then I would have to stop and be even later at arrival.

 

[Nemo2]

But the lesson is that maybe they are already operating at the best they can do. Everyone is not created the same.

Great...a guilt and recrimination free response...."I'd love to help you, but it's above my operational grade".

 

[marko]

I seem to remember a 60 Minutes (? this was years ago) clip where they highlighted a guy who panhandled every day in SFO, took the train back to his hometown 30 miles away, got into his Cadillac and went to his middle class home. Seems he was making about $80K a year--tax free.

He never claimed poverty but just asked people for money and they gave it to him. This was his job.

 

[omni550]

This reminds me of a story.

At one of the plants of my former megacorp employer, there was a skilled-trades guy (aka among the highest-paid union workers in the plant) who was discovered by his coworkers to have been panhandling. He kept detailed records of dates, locations, and his "take".

This was corroborated by another employee who had seen him (looking disheveled and dressed to appear needy) begging at a nearby shopping center.

He was given a hard time by his coworkers, but he was quite smug and proud of his 'second job'.

Turns out, he had put his daughter thru medical school. She was mortified when she found out that her dad had been panhandling.

Last I heard, he was still doing it.

omni

 

[martyp]

An interesting story by SumDay. I first encountered aggressive panhandling back in 1976 when I moved from CT to CA. I grew up in a well off suburban neighborhood and never saw a panhandler. After a few encounters on the street I figured out what was going on and stopped giving. For a few years I would answer the door to solicitors but then got tired of listening to them and stopped doing that too. I only give to established charities.

What is interesting is not that there are still panhandlers out there but that someone is still unaware and surprised about it. I guess this comes with living in an urban area for so long. The information age hasn't leveled the playing field everywhere.

SumDay did the right thing calling the police but shouldn't have given the $. Live and learn and I am glad no one was seriously robbed or hurt.

 

[ohyes]

My parents live in a small Arkansas town and are only approached occasionally in parking lots. It is frustrating to my mom that my dad will always give some $$, but his response is always, "if they are lying, that's on them, not me."

Yesterday, DH and I were shopping in Little Rock when a nicely dressed young man walked out of a shoe store, shopping bag in hand, and asked for money for a meal. One of the few times I have felt no guilt in saying no.

I read DH some of the posts on this thread. Panera Bread customers this morning must wonder what could be so darn funny. Atlanta Chicago Sheboygan (or something like that) ....love it and hope to pull it off.

 

[scrabbler1]

In my final months of working back in 2008, a coworker/friend and I often went to eat lunch at the food court of the Newport Center Mall in Jersey City, New Jersey (near my office). The food was mediocre at best but it was quick and convenient in bad weather because we did not have to go outdoors to get there.

But a few times there was a panhandler going from table to table begging for money which made an already somewhat unpleasant experience even more unpleasant. So on the way out of the mall I stopped by the mall's management office to complain. I gave them a description of the man and they said they would take care of it. Never saw another panhandler there again but was happier to ER a few months later and never set foot in there again!

 

[Milton]

Yesterday, DH and I were shopping in Little Rock when a nicely dressed young man walked out of a shoe store, shopping bag in hand, and asked for money for a meal. One of the few times I have felt no guilt in saying no.

He could at least make an effort not to be so obvious! Talk about brazen.

 

[Nemo2]

Yesterday, DH and I were shopping in Little Rock when a nicely dressed young man walked out of a shoe store, shopping bag in hand, and asked for money for a meal.

Circa 1970 I returned to school in Toronto.....evenings, and in the summer I loaded freightcars.....got off the bus, after a long hot sweaty day, tired and dirty, and a young guy, wearing a leather jacket I couldn't afford, asked me for 'spare change'.

I was impolite to him.

 

[carnivalday]

One Christmas eve I had been working on the farm all day, and was dirty and grubby. This is in Florida, so it was like another beautiful sunny day. Late in the afternoon, I got in my old farm truck and ran to the local McDonalds to grab something to eat. Stopped at the drive thru...got in line...placed my order. When I got to the window, I handed the girl a few dollars. She smiled at me and said, the lady in front of you paid for your meal. Merry Christmas. I was totally stunned (and a little embarassed), but it left a lasting impression on me. Now I often do the same during the holidays, and if I sense the car behind me is a mom with a couple of youngsters, or some elderly folks, Ill do the same. However, I will not give to panhandlers, ever.

 

[Milton]

Good for you! I suspect that such modest gifts ('random acts of kindness') provide you with much more satisfaction than if you spent the money on some trinket or other: see generally Dunn et al., "Spending money on others promotes happiness", 2008, 319 Science 1687.

 

[eridanus]

A few years ago, coming home from the grocery store, a beggar at an intersection asked for some money. I told her I had food and gave her some yogurt. She clutched at it like it was the first meal she had had in days.

I remember this well because, a few weeks later, her picture was in the paper. She had frozen to death in an alley.

 

[haha]

A few years ago, coming home from the grocery store, a beggar at an intersection asked for some money. I told her I had food and gave her some yogurt. She clutched at it like it was the first meal she had had in days.

I remember this well because, a few weeks later, her picture was in the paper. She had frozen to death in an alley.

Terrible event. Doesn't your city have shelters? Here, a woman who wants in one can almost always get in.

Ha

 

[timo2]

Great...a guilt and recrimination free response...."I'd love to help you, but it's above my operational grade".

No no, you got it 180 degrees wrong. Some others had posted that they thought the wrong people were picking up free food, and wouldn't contribute any longer. My point was in support the concept of continued giving to the food bank because you don't know anything about the people you may be judging. Sorry for the confusion.

 

[eridanus]

Terrible event. Doesn't your city have shelters? Here, a woman who wants in one can almost always get in.

Ha

Yes, there are shelters but only enough for ~1300 in cold weather. She also may have had psychological problems or maybe didn't think it would get that cold (it only happens a few times a year). I don't know.

 

[Nemo2]

No no, you got it 180 degrees wrong. Some others had posted that they thought the wrong people were picking up free food, and wouldn't contribute any longer. My point was in support the concept of continued giving to the food bank because you don't know anything about the people you may be judging. Sorry for the confusion.

I was just pulling your leg....hence the winky face emoticon.

 

[kyounge1956]

I almost never give cash to panhandlers, but if asked for money to buy food, I sometimes offer to buy the person something to eat. The first time I ever did this, the man nearly inhaled the sandwich I bought him. Either he was a very good actor, or he hadn't eaten in a couple of days. The advice around here is not to give cash to people begging on the street, because it really doesn't help them overcome whatever brought them to that point. However, I figure you can't hurt anyone (or at least not much) by buying them a sandwich and a piece of fruit, or some hot food on a cold day.

 

[haha]

I almost never give cash to panhandlers, but if asked for money to buy food, I sometimes offer to buy the person something to eat. The first time I ever did this, the man nearly inhaled the sandwich I bought him. Either he was a very good actor, or he hadn't eaten in a couple of days. The advice around here is not to give cash to people begging on the street, because it really doesn't help them overcome whatever brought them to that point. However, I figure you can't hurt anyone (or at least not much) by buying them a sandwich and a piece of fruit, or some hot food on a cold day.

Aren't you concerned that walking with the person to a diner might expose you to other problems?

I wouldn't want to walk anywhere with the panhandlers downtown.

Ha

 

[kyounge1956]

Aren't you concerned that walking with the person to a diner might expose you to other problems?

I wouldn't want to walk anywhere with the panhandlers downtown.

Ha

I didn't think of that. I've only done this a few times and the person was not always with me. I've had a person ask for money outside the grocery store--I went into the store and bought them something to eat, they remained outside. Or I saw panhandlers outside the post office, which is across the street from the grocery store I was headed to, so I bought them something to eat while I was in the store and handed it to them on the way home. I have also done this downtown a couple of times, but there have always been people on the street and in the store or restaurant in addition to me and the panhandler, so it looked pretty safe. I guess I'm just naieve.