Career path for daughter?

[robdwny]

My daughter is finishing up 10th grade in high school. She does very well in school she is in English and social studies AP classes. Her belief for a long time was that she had to go to a top school for what you never knew. She recently came home and was upset that she had no idea what she was going to do in her life and everyone else that she knows had a plan and knew what they were doing. All I could do was hug her and tell her I don't know what I'm gonna do in my life how do they know what they're going to do at 16 lol. Not a very easy thing, this is new to us this is our oldest. I think going to talk her into just start by going for required courses. Need some help!!!!!


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[REWahoo]

Show her this:

...some studies suggest a figure as high as 80%, change their major at least once. The average may be as high as changing majors three times during the college years.

When Your College Student Changes Majors | College Parents of America

 

[chris2008]

At that age they do not have to decide what to do in their lifes. The task is too big.
They should decide what to start with, maybe how to use the next year.

Encourage her to explore some job areas, maybe by summer jobs or internships.

Being a good pupil she may also have to learn to fail at one point.
Most grown ups have some turning points in their life.
The turning points are often more beneficial than the straight routes.

 

[pb4uski]

Some job experiences in areas she thinks might be her life's calling would be good for her... it would give her insight as to what she wants to do or as importantly, what she doesn't want to do. Beyond that, keep pursuing higher education both generally and with an eye to a profession she enjoys where she can provide for herself but knowing that things can change so it is wise to be flexible.

DS has had similar issues and it has been frustrating for us. After an failed attempt at college (he wasn't ready) he is now very hesitant about committing 2-4 years to a course of study since he "doesn't know what he wants to do". I've pointed out to him that of me and my 5 siblings, only 2 of us work/ed in the fields we trained for in college.... the other three have still used their educations and work experience to get good jobs that they enjoy. He's working, enjoys his work and earns enough so he can provide for himself, but not really on any career track but until he is ready to change things there isn't much we can do... you can't push a rope.

 

[robdwny]

Thanks for the replies that was one of the things I told my daughter. I can make a list of all friends & family that changed mind on what they were going to college for 5 times.




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[EastWest Gal]

Your daughter's brain won't be fully developed for another 10 years. Most of her friends who know what they want to do will probably change their minds before they finish college. Then they won't get jobs in their field anyway.

Let her know that by being unsure of what she wants to do she is being entirely honest with herself and leaving herself open to more possibilities than her friends. Reassure her that not deciding at this time shows she has greater wisdom and self determination than her friends, who have decided based on what their parents have told them or someone they know, rather than actually exploring the field.

 

[NanoSour]

My oldest is also a Sophomore in HS and in the same boat. I like this response. Thanks EastWest Gal

Let her know that by being unsure of what she wants to do she is being entirely honest with herself and leaving herself open to more possibilities than her friends. Reassure her that not deciding at this time shows she has greater wisdom and self determination than her friends, who have decided based on what their parents have told them or someone they know, rather than actually exploring the field.

 

[BTravlin]

Your daughter's brain won't be fully developed for another 10 years. Most of her friends who know what they want to do will probably change their minds before they finish college. Then they won't get jobs in their field anyway.

Let her know that by being unsure of what she wants to do she is being entirely honest with herself and leaving herself open to more possibilities than her friends. Reassure her that not deciding at this time shows she has greater wisdom and self determination than her friends, who have decided based on what their parents have told them or someone they know, rather than actually exploring the field.

+1 Excellent advice!

Also, atll her to try and expose herself to many different fields so that she can see what truly interests her.

 

[kcowan]

She should also be encouraged to take personality tests to show her suitability for various professions. This should lead to a relatively stress-free occupation.

 

[Katsmeow]

As others have said, she doesn't have to decide now.

I will say that with 2 of my kids we took them to Johnson O'Connor for aptitude testing and I can't emphasize enough how helpful it was. This is aptitude testing (not interest testing). Our son had been drifting through college changing majors every semester. After the testing, he switched to computer science and immediately found that this was where his talents really were and is a happy senior now. (His switches of major did add to how long it is taking him to finish, but that was OK since he ended up in a much better choice for him than some of the others he had thought about).

Another thing I did with my daughter (who was emphatic she did notwant a 4 year degree and wanted to go to community college to learn more practical courses) was to go through the programs offered at the community colleges nearby and just to go over each one and what the courses were and figure out what she was interested in. Then we researched careers and salaries in the fields she had some interest in. After that she narrowed it down. When she started community college she had really narrowed it down to 2, slightly favoring 1 program over the other. After a few courses (the 2 programs had a few overlapping courses) she was sure what direction she wanted to go in.

 

[Bestwifeever]

She might look for a university in the size that appeals to her that offers many majors and requires core classes for all students. She sounds like a good student with her AP courses. She can double major or get a minor or two in something that interests her, too.

She will be fine, and I am very impressed that she shared her worries with you. I think you handled it perfectly!

 

[robdwny]

Thanks everyone all this information is helping out a lot and really setting us on the right path. I'm actually looking into that Johnson O'Connor testing. But the closest one to me is at least 8 hours away.


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[Big_Hitter]

I "backed into" my profession of almost 30 years when I was in grad school studying applied mathematics (I originally wanted to be a math professor). I think kids stress too hard on this issue. I'd suggest doing general studies for 2 years until she finds out what she's good at or what she likes studying.

 

[Masquernom]

If you don't know what you want to do, start at the local, cheapest, community college. Just take general education classes till you figure it out. I have a co-worker who's daughter went three years to college then decided she didn't like her major. Almost nothing she took would transfer to her new major. Her father was ready to kill her. The dad then made the younger son start lots of aptitude/interest work before he started college. That made the younger son ready to kill the older daughter too!

 

[Texas Proud]

I will throw in a few thoughts looking at nephew and nieces... my kids are still in HS and elementary.... one is already choosing right now and the other is too young...


I had a niece who did not know what she wanted to do... was not that smart... drifted a lot and took basic courses... dropped out most of the time... she found a guy and got married... struggled for awhile, but he got lucky and received training in the O&G industry and now makes more than anybody... the problem is that if he died, she would loose everything since she had no skills....


Another niece is very smart... almost a perfect SAT... bounced around college for awhile and eventually got a law degree... did not do the necessary things to get in with a good firm even though she was at the top of her class... does not have any ambition at all... takes on part time and temp jobs... as my sister told me one time, her interests are a mile wide and an inch deep... she will be OK since she does have skills, but never did make a choice... kinda fell into where she ended up...


My son is looking at engineering... he is taking some classes in HS and has entered some competitions and won state on a couple... he enjoys doing this and is spending a lot of time doing a project on a train terminal... he knows what he wants to do going forward... he has not yet chosen which university he wants to attend, but knows which group he will choose from...


To me, as long as they are happy and can pay their bills they can do whatever they want... there are some jobs I would frown upon such as porn start or stripper.... but who am I to say that if that was the life they really wanted to leave that they could not.... (not saying I would not have a lot to tell them if they were going that route... just that in the end they have to live with their decision)....

 

[Walt34]

Your daughter's brain won't be fully developed for another 10 years. Most of her friends who know what they want to do will probably change their minds before they finish college. Then they won't get jobs in their field anyway.

Let her know that by being unsure of what she wants to do she is being entirely honest with herself and leaving herself open to more possibilities than her friends. Reassure her that not deciding at this time shows she has greater wisdom and self determination than her friends, who have decided based on what their parents have told them or someone they know, rather than actually exploring the field.

Yes, yes, yes!

She should also be encouraged to take personality tests to show her suitability for various professions. This should lead to a relatively stress-free occupation.

Well, be careful with those results and take them with a wide view. While presumably they have improved since the mid 1960's I took one and it said I should be a farmer. A FARMER?? I had zero interest in that.

Years later I figured out where that came from. I liked being outside. One of the attractions for me of police work was that it was outside and moving around - I loathed the idea of working in an office building.

 

[xyz]

I would like to start with I have three very successful sons (each in their 30's now two are millionaires already).... but the third as successful in his life as the others. My advice to them was 1.) Get a college education .. preferably a masters degree 2.) follow your passion ... they all chose different routes but ultimately were successful in their fields .. I never pushed a direction just pushed on excellence. I really did not care what they studied (things change as you learn) but I was insistent on school. It worked and they are all living very happy lives ... and isn't that what life is all about?

 

[CCdaCE]

Pretty good discussion going on over at Bogleheads on the subject of what to tell an 18 year old.

Bogleheads View topic - Career and college advice for current HS students

As others have said, an online Myers Briggs test. http://www.quora.com/What-is-the-most-accurate-free-online-Myers-Briggs-test

-CC

 

[chris2008]

But the closest one to me is at least 8 hours away.

Make a summer trip with her. What 's 2x 8 hours in a lifetime?

 

[robdwny]

Make a summer trip with her. What 's 2x 8 hours in a lifetime?

That's exactly what we would do. She loves the big cities. She just got back from France and Spain for 10 days. It would not be an issue to do this and fun for us all.



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[target2019]

Start with a walk in the woods. That's what we did. Find out what makes her happy, what she feels secure about.

 

[fishndad42]

I am in IT (for another year, then ER for me!) and I do a lot of career days at high schools. What I tell students is that everything I work on today didn't even exist 10 years ago. In the 70's you couldn't even find a robust computer science curriculum. College is to get you ready for the unknown, not the known. And it's not just an IT thing. Almost any career you can imagine has changed drastically over the last 10 years. Medicine has had many breakthroughs. World culture is fundamentally different in a much more global economy. My daughter is a teacher and the way they now teach is different. Several of my nieces and nephews graduated from college with degrees that the university doesn't even offer any more, even they are changing at a phenomenal rate. So college is all about exploring *and* about learning to be part of that change, whatever it might bring. If the world is going to change, then picking the exact path is impossible anyways. Hang in there and don't stress about it!

 

[EastWest Gal]

Sorry for the long post. My DS ended up doing a double major in disparate fields, so he ended up taking slightly over five years. He will be a credentialed music teacher but also have a separate degree in video and sound editing and web design. Much of the software they are using didn't exist when he started college. He's also teaching himself programming languages as needed to fill in the gaps.

Another thing I wanted to share is the general education requirements have greatly expanded since I was in college in the 70s and the course offerings are more relevant and robust. I am impressed with the multiple skills and interests DS has developed in college.

Lastly, do not underestimate your influence as a parent. I call DS about once a week. I share with him some new tidbit on investing I learned from a book or from Bogleheads, or here, and then listen to him for the next 30 minutes about the exciting things he's learning and doing. It's clear both majors were suited to him, but the media stuff fits his INTJ personality much better than teaching, and there's probably more $$ for him in that field.

Ultimately a parent's job at this stage is to be the audience for the play that is the young adult's life. Bits of coaching are powerful. Take that 8 hour trip to the testing center for the Myers Briggs test. It could be a summer weekend trip. Get two adjoining hotel rooms. The trip could turn into a priceless memory. Don't expect the test to be as important as the journey and the time together. Just the two of you. When it's both parents, the kid feels ganged-up on. Let her learn more about you, a little bit.

One of the highlights of my parenting life was being stuck on I-81 in a Virginia blizzard in Snowmaggedon 2010 in the middle of a multi-car pileup with DS returning from his college audition. He studied, I read, we talked, we ate the chips and carrots we brought along, we turned the rented SUV on for the heated seats when needed. Planning for the trip by renting an AWD vehicle was another lesson for DS. The mature behavior exhibited by all the stranded motorists was also a powerful teacher.


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[Katsmeow]

Thanks everyone all this information is helping out a lot and really setting us on the right path. I'm actually looking into that Johnson O'Connor testing. But the closest one to me is at least 8 hours away.

I can honestly say that the Johnson O'Connor test was life altering for my son. Until then, he was switching majors almost every semester. After it, he switched from a non-science major to Computer Science and is doing very well and is very happy with the change (and we save money as he is now taking only courses that actually relate to his degree rather than flitting around every semester). My daughter was younger (still in high school) when she did it so it didn't cause as great a change for her, but it was helpful to her in choosing her course of study.

EastWest Gal - Johnson O'Connor doesn't do Myers Briggs. It does 2 full days of aptitude testing. It is way more valuable than Myers Briggs testing (I do think Myers Briggs is interesting as well but that is easily obtainable usually without traveling).

 

[Bestwifeever]

I think the OP should first ask the local high school and nearby colleges for aptitude counseling they offer.. A general aptitude test might be all the OP's daughter needs right now to reassure her that she doesn't need to stress out so much.

DD took these tests as a sophomore-and-a-half in college, at her college's career counseling offices. A bonus was how she connected with her counselor for the next two years. Her results were quite different than they would have been in high school, considering how much she was exposed to in the interim and how her interests changed:

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
Different people are motivated and satisfied by different jobs and activities. Understanding your natural way of working will help you choose suitable work and work environments. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®) assessment, the most widely used personality assessment in the world, can help you discover your preferences. It also offers a foundation for understanding individual differences and applying that understanding to the ways people think, communicate, and interact. Versatile and dependable, the MBTI tool sets the stage for lifelong learning and development.

Strong Interest Inventory
The most respected and widely used career planning instrument in the world, the Strong assist students in selecting a path that’s right for them. By giving students insight into their interests, preferences, and personal styles, the Strong enables them to identify specific courses, jobs, internships, and activities they’re likely to enjoy.

DS on the other hand had no interest in taking them. Kids....