I am not a very funny person, so bear that in mind but this is my feeble attempt at humor:
Guy-With-Mortgage during a bull market: "I'm so brilliant! I am making a fortune investing the extra money!!!"
Guy-With-Mortgage during a bear market: "I'm ruined. I wonder if I should sell everything, move to Mexico, or go back to work."
Guy-With-Paid-Off-Home during a bull market: "I may not have a fortune but it's wonderful to sleep as well as I do."
Guy-With-Paid-Off-Home during a bear market: "What's all the fuss about? Sure, I'm doing some belt tightening but it's wonderful to sleep as well as I do."
OK, I tried. If that wasn't very funny, then feel sorry for my poor brother who put up with my weird jokes for decades.
Funny enough for a smile, at least. And true to boot!