Day to day money decisions - what would you do?

[Mdlerth]

Love conquers all, but it needs care and feeding

+1 On all the prior advice to make sure you and DW are on the same page going forward. Remind her that she is the most important person in the world.

Paying off the HELOC won't be to bad. My mindset is "pay it off in 6 months" instead of an easier "pay it off in a couple years" difference.

You now have fresh data with which to update your mindset; resolve to pay off the HELOC more gently and invest the leftover in your relationship with DW. Whatever you overspent on that rental is peanuts compared to what you will lose if it destroys your marriage. And I'm NOT just talking about losing money.

With that said, we don't have the best paying jobs in the neighborhood but we might be the wealthiest, but it doesn't look like it.

You are rocking the Millionaire Next Door lifestyle. Good work.

 

[karen1972]

I'm glad your wife is that understanding, as your story looks like a recipe for disaster. I'd have lost my mind if my husband said he was going to spend $40 and ended up spending 4 times that borrowing money to do it while our own home projects were left undone. My friends had a very similar situation and they are divorced because she felt she could no longer trust him, felt he had leveraged their future and had not consulted her sufficiently enough.

Honestly I think this has more to do with making decisions together as it seems like a lot of these decisions were kind of one sided. One can try to trust their partner to make the right decision but it doesn't mean "unlimited".

I am not married but we plan our finances together in Quicken even though our accounts are separate. We dont' make any large purchases without the others knowledge and we have monthly reviews of progress plus plans. When we sold our previous home we sat down and discussed how both of our halfs would be used, what portion would go to retirement, savings, shopping (as we knew the brand new home would need "stuff"), etc. Yes there were uncomfortable conversations as he wanted to spend more on "stuff" and I wanted to save more, but we worked it out, BEFORE the money was spent, not after. He doesn't want to get involved in the day to day or investments, but he does want to know what the plan is and get his input and feel its fair... What I've read thru this thread is that maybe this last part is what your relationship may be struggling with.

 

[MarieIG]

Update on the day, I got rent checks today, paycheck and a bonus.

I was able to send final check to contractor today.
Taking wife out to dinner tomorrow.

Tax refund will be coming soon.

Definitely seeing the light at the end of the tunnel which lowers the stress.

 

[reneeh63]

Contractor is a nice guy and he's been easy about the payments. I'm at the point now where I can send him one more check and he's paid off.

To me I feel worse about owing him than the interest bearing ones just because I don't like to owe people money. So despite no interest, he's been my #1 to pay off. (also, he handles minimal repairs for me on a moments notice).

I was thinking to aggressively battle the HELOC, but the differences in interest really aren't that significant if I pay it off sooner. Still real money, but the price of happiness is hard to predict.

This is telling...I've always resented when someone I'm close to is seeming to treat someone else "better" and with more consideration than me. You've already skipped one vacation and your wife is feeling it. It seems you're being a bit too extreme in making yourself feel better (and perhaps with little good reason or advantage) at her expense.

Compromise and do something fun for the both of you - it doesn't have to be a luxurious vacation but you've yet to even make up for last year's. Money is not everything as your wife will be teaching you.

 

[PointBreeze]

It depends on your agreement with the contractor. If he's being a nice guy and letting you stretch out payments past the time that you had initially agreed to, then you should pay him off as quickly as you can. There's just something unseemly about spending on luxury items when someone else is stretching their own finances to accommodate you. However, if you had this delay written into the payment schedule at the start of the contract, then I think it's fine to stick to that schedule.

For the HELOC, you can be a little less aggressive if it makes your marriage happier. Find a balance that lets you enjoy life now while still saving for the future.

+1 wise advise

 

[gooddog]

I agree with joylesshusband - Get rid of the wife. If she doesn't have enough common sense to see what that the efforts are paying off and is only concerned about the here-and-now you need to move on. Eventually, with a wife like that, you will move on anyway. Look forward to that post 5 years from now!!

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

I agree with joylesshusband - Get rid of the wife. If she doesn't have enough common sense to see what that the efforts are paying off and is only concerned about the here-and-now you need to move on. Eventually, with a wife like that, you will move on anyway. Look forward to that post 5 years from now!!

So much easier to just never be in that position in the first place.

Some choose marriage. Maybe it will last. The CDC says 67% don't.

Instead I chose to retire at 45, have more money than I'll ever need and be happy.

Life doesn't have to be complicated.

 

[brucethebroker]

But that doesn't rhyme.

Maybe "happy husband, crappy life?"

 

[dd564]

So much easier to just never be in that position in the first place.

Some choose marriage. Maybe it will last. The CDC says 67% don't.

Instead I chose to retire at 45, have more money than I'll ever need and be happy.

Life doesn't have to be complicated.

Certainly not the worst decision the worst decision these days.
Get past the societal stigma (which is eroding).

 

[Philliefan33]

I agree with joylesshusband - Get rid of the wife. If she doesn't have enough common sense to see what that the efforts are paying off and is only concerned about the here-and-now you need to move on. Eventually, with a wife like that, you will move on anyway. Look forward to that post 5 years from now!!

Wow. His wife has the audacity to want input on money issues, so it’s time to get rid of her?

If that’s his thinking, the wife is much better off being rid of the husband.

Marriage is a partnership. Partners are allowed to disagree, and neither partner’s opinion is more valid than the others.

 

[kgtest]

I understand people who make the "I don't care about net worth" comments, and I'm sure in the heat of the moment my wife has said something similar.


To me that would imply she does not care about the long term financial security and the options that financial security can provide. Usually my wife just want's to stay out of the long term planning all together, which is really quite difficult because it takes a lot of little short term maneuvers to get to that long term goal.


Would it help if she cashed the rent checks? Or if you humbly reminded her when you were on this year's family vacation by doing something special?


DW loves to do the bill paying and is absolutely compulsive about paying the bills, vs I am very compulsive about adjusting up savings rates when appropriate. This is tough because it creates a tug of war that I almost always initially end up in the mud on, but eventually we even keel and DW see's the benefits of all the short term planning...some time later.


If she does not pay bills, does not contribute to the household income and does not care about net worth, essentially a non-participant in finances, I know those folks exist as well. Just not the type for me but I guarantee plenty of folks are like this.





DW has painted soo many vacant units for me, god bless her. But I am willing to bet now that we have kids she wouldn't bother to offer.



My DW is still willing to purchase rental properties, even if the net worth takes a hit in the short term. But only if it was a deal, BUY LOW!

 

[Oakster]

I have not read all of the replies, but I definitely think you should pay off the contractor for his work. Not sure on what your deal is with him, but in my mind, its not fair that he has not been paid in full for the work he has done and I would make that my own personal goal, paying him off as soon as possible. I like to treat others fairly and as I would want to be treated. I would be very irritated if I helped you remodel a property and then began going on vacations etc while I was still unpaid. It was very generous of him to help you without you refinancing etc, but I would not take any more advantage of it than necessary.

 

[Oakster]

30 year landlord/real estate investor here.
Rehab and rental properties are tricky (and stressful) and both of you need to be on the same page-my DW is and we still have had our issues here and there. She may not like the leverage angle, or the always scraping by until the next thing.

You two need to have a long talk about your future plans involving the rentals. If you cannot reach a compromise, my advice is to find another way to build wealth that you can agree on.

There is some good wisdom here!

 

[dd564]

I have not read all of the replies, but I definitely think you should pay off the contractor for his work. Not sure on what your deal is with him, but in my mind, its not fair that he has not been paid in full for the work he has done and I would make that my own personal goal, paying him off as soon as possible. I like to treat others fairly and as I would want to be treated. I would be very irritated if I helped you remodel a property and then began going on vacations etc while I was still unpaid. It was very generous of him to help you without you refinancing etc, but I would not take any more advantage of it than necessary.

Hi,

He had no issue with our pay agreement and I have a very strong history of being a prompt payer with him, so the couple month delay was not an issue for him. (We agreed on a payment plan which I paid off sooner than planned) and as of the day after I started this thread, he's been paid in full.

 

[Timeisprecious]

It depends on your agreement with the contractor. If he's being a nice guy and letting you stretch out payments past the time that you had initially agreed to, then you should pay him off as quickly as you can. There's just something unseemly about spending on luxury items when someone else is stretching their own finances to accommodate you. However, if you had this delay written into the payment schedule at the start of the contract, then I think it's fine to stick to that schedule.

For the HELOC, you can be a little less aggressive if it makes your marriage happier. Find a balance that lets you enjoy life now while still saving for the future.

+1