Divorced, now homeless (from the news)

[Frugalityisthenewblack]

It is interesting reading this thread that the frankest comments about this person's sense of entitlement.come from other women! Right now I am doing the "housewife thing". I've always done all the cooking and most of the domestic chores, nothing has changed since I started my one year "trial retirement". I enjoy cooking very much and have supper and dinner ready after my husband returns from puttering on his hobby farm. I wouldn't have it any other way. I differentiate my role as housewife from the stay-at-home mom job. My few experiences babysitting a toddler I found exhausting as they are very demanding of all your energy and time. I have a great respect for the effort it must take to be a good parent.With modern conveniences I find myself with lots of spare time after the housework is done. Washer/dryers, microwaves and dishwashers leave present day housewives (and househusbands) much more free time than homemakers of previous generations. An educated women with career experience demanding permanent support from a man based on only six years as the homemaker betrays the hard fought gains for gender equality that society values.

 

[mystang52]

Unless the laws are different in Colorado, the title of the article is deceptive and shows the clear bias on the writer's part. This isn't a bad...divorce...since they weren't married. My impression of this woman is she is a taker, and sees herself as a permanent victim looking for her next set of entitlements.

 

[grasshopper]

As Ms G always says "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle".

 

[haha]

Count me among the unsympathetic. She made stupid choices and choices have consequences.

He made a very stupid choice too. Her choice was not as dumb as his. Maybe this was her ER Extreme plan all along. People on this board have posted that they get along well enough on this kind of income.

Every male needs to know the Ha Rule. She gets bundled into her coach to go home to her house well before midnight, when the coach may turn into a pumpkin and her host be required to buy her a BMW to replace the disappeared coach.

Ha

 

[Mulligan]

He made a very stupid choice too. Her choice was not as dumb as his. Maybe this was her ER Extreme plan all along. People on this board have posted that they get along well enough on this kind of income.

Every male needs to know the Ha Rule. She gets bundled into her coach to go home to her house well before midnight, when the coach may turn into a pumpkin and her host be required to buy her a BMW to replace the disappeared coach.

Ha

Ha, your rule would be sound fiscally prudent advise. There are now judges granting alimony after 25 years of divorce. All property was distributed equally back in 1982. Fast forward 25 years, ex wive is suddenly decides she needs money and judge grants here $400 a week from the ex.

"This is insane," Mr. Taylor says, adding that the payments cut his after-tax pension by more than one-third. "Someone can just come back 25 years later and say, 'My life went down the toilet, and you're doing good—so now I want some of your money'?"

Here is the whole story and a few other examples in this WSJ article.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703399204574505700448957522.html

 

[Nords]

I agree here too Marita40. Not to get off topic or anything but woman should know better. This topic hits a little close to home. My daughter just got married 2 weeks ago to a fine young man who makes a good salary and is solid. He wants a family and she has said she will probably be pregnant within a year or two and doesn't want to work (teaches). While I understand that, I feel at her age (24) she may underestimate the risk of getting out of the work force. She has this view that "he has her back" and "will take care of her and their family". A wonderful view to have but....we all know "things" happen. When someone gets out of the labor market they are putting their financial stability and survival in someone else's hands and there are risks associated with that.

Who says she has to leave the labor market? If she's a teacher and has the self-discipline to regularly write then she can still earn a subsistence wage on her own. Take a look at:
House of Rose
(Warning: Disgustingly feminine blog design and topics.)
About Us
(More about the mechanics of their blogging.)

Her spouse is a CFP who got her started on blogging, but I suspect that her "mommy blog" is attracting more advertising dollars than his personal-finance blog. Your daughter is the perfect demographic/age to ride a hot trend.

 

[Frugalityisthenewblack]

Before anyone thinks my DH is a slouch at domestic chores (as I do all the cooking etc)...I must say when we were first married he offered to wash the dishes after every meal , he thought that would be fair as we both worked full time. Our kitchen was too small for a dishwasher so dishes were washed in the sink. That lasted one week. The man is handy at everything and figured out how to install an automatic dishwasher borrowing space from the adjacent laundry room. He can build/fix anything...but making even the simplest meals is not in his repertoire of skills!

 

[Dreamer]

I also do not know how some people think. I would never allow myself to get into such a situation, being totally dependent on someone. I also do not know how you could work and earn good money and not have anything in savings to fall back on. I do feel sympathy for her, but I also feel sympathy for the "husband" who has to pay the alimony.

I think that the second story that was posted regarding Mr. Taylor is outrageous. I can't believe that an ex can get alimony 25 years after the divorce and after the person is retired. That is ridiculous!!! I can now understand some of HA's comments that he has made regarding ever getting married again. I for one would be too nervous to ever get married again. I always say never again, if I were ever widowed. I think that I would have to go W2R's way.

 

[brewer12345]

What would I do without my daily free does of schadenfreude?

 

[H2ODude]

I guess it may be a little off topic, but this reminds me of the early nineties, as my daughter was finishing high school. I worked in a government office full of divorced or never married single moms, all doing basically admin work or trying to educate up from that. My takeaway was was that as a parent of a daughter, the most important thing we could do was to instill a need to become self supporting; get an education. Yes, you can drop out if your fortunate enough to be able to be a stay at home mom (and want to) but you better keep your parachute (and stash) in good shape. Daughter is currently raising three kids, doesn't work, but has a PhD in Chem e to fall back on. So I'm not worried about her showing up on doorstep looking to move in. OTOH given her marriage, I think that's highly unlikely, but still, having career capability is like an insurance policy; you hope you never HAVE to use it, but if you do, it better be a good one.

 

[Danmar]

Unless the laws are different in Colorado, the title of the article is deceptive and shows the clear bias on the writer's part. This isn't a bad...divorce...since they weren't married. My impression of this woman is she is a taker, and sees herself as a permanent victim looking for her next set of entitlements.

Agree. She sounds like my x. Who incidently earns multiples of what this woman makes as alimony. We have to keep in mind though, as Nords points out, these articles are usually biased, and only tell part of the story. There are always two sides to these issues. Complexity is not done well in the popular media. Thus I try to not get too excited about this kind of story.

 

[pb4uski]

Ha, your rule would be sound fiscally prudent advise. There are now judges granting alimony after 25 years of divorce. All property was distributed equally back in 1982. Fast forward 25 years, ex wive is suddenly decides she needs money and judge grants here $400 a week from the ex.

"This is insane," Mr. Taylor says, adding that the payments cut his after-tax pension by more than one-third. "Someone can just come back 25 years later and say, 'My life went down the toilet, and you're doing good—so now I want some of your money'?"

Here is the whole story and a few other examples in this WSJ article.
The New Art of Alimony - WSJ.com

Mr. Taylor is right - that is f-ing insane!! Particularly the part where a judge would look to joint income where the ex remarries. Mr. Taylor should move to NH and tell the the ex and the MA judge to go pound sand.

 

[traineeinvestor]

Ha, your rule would be sound fiscally prudent advise. There are now judges granting alimony after 25 years of divorce. All property was distributed equally back in 1982. Fast forward 25 years, ex wive is suddenly decides she needs money and judge grants here $400 a week from the ex.

"This is insane," Mr. Taylor says, adding that the payments cut his after-tax pension by more than one-third. "Someone can just come back 25 years later and say, 'My life went down the toilet, and you're doing good—so now I want some of your money'?"

Here is the whole story and a few other examples in this WSJ article.
The New Art of Alimony - WSJ.com

Message from the courts: don't get married. Don't co-habit. Don't have a long term relationship. Don't take responsibility for your own life.

 

[Nords]

What would I do without my daily free does of schadenfreude?

And, of course, e-mailing the URL of this thread to your spouse...

 

[Richard4444]

New alimony law is bad for women - CNN.com I googled Massachusetts new alimony law which ends lifetime alimony and specifies the number of months instead.
.

 

[Frugalityisthenewblack]

http://massalimonyreform.org/PDFs/Horror_Stories_MassAlimonyReform.pdf These stories are hard to believe! High time the law was changed in that state I'd say. I can especially imagine how incensed the second wife in these alimony-for-life cases feel, when her income is considered part of marital income and the ex-spouse can claim support from that income. Huh Why would a working woman want to marry a divorcee with alimony payments under that unfair situation? One man states "My ex-wife retired at 40"....and indeed the court imposed alimony-for-life becomes a successful early retirement strategy......legally!

 

[pb4uski]

.....Why would a working woman want to marry a divorcee with alimony payments under that unfair situation?

S/he wouldn't. In that situation it might be better to just shack up together to avoid enriching the money grubbing ex.

 

[web_diva]

I agree here too Marita40. Not to get off topic or anything but woman should know better. This topic hits a little close to home. My daughter just got married 2 weeks ago to a fine young man who makes a good salary and is solid. He wants a family and she has said she will probably be pregnant within a year or two and doesn't want to work (teaches). While I understand that, I feel at her age (24) she may underestimate the risk of getting out of the work force. She has this view that "he has her back" and "will take care of her and their family". A wonderful view to have but....we all know "things" happen. When someone gets out of the labor market they are putting their financial stability and survival in someone else's hands and there are risks associated with that.

+1

Well said, Sheehs1.

 

[Danmar]

http://massalimonyreform.org/PDFs/Horror_Stories_MassAlimonyReform.pdf These stories are hard to believe! High time the law was changed in that state I'd say. I can especially imagine how incensed the second wife in these alimony-for-life cases feel, when her income is considered part of marital income and the ex-spouse can claim support from that income. Huh Why would a working woman want to marry a divorcee with alimony payments under that unfair situation? One man states "My ex-wife retired at 40"....and indeed the court imposed alimony-for-life becomes a successful early retirement strategy......legally!

In Ontario alimony for life for long term marriages (20 years) is the norm. My X get's an astonishing $250k per year from me for the rest of her life! Not only that but if I die before her my estate(ie new wife) must continue to pay her until the X dies. Furthermore it took 15 years of bitter litigation to finally settle it This sounds unfair to most people. My new wife took a real risk with me given the baggage I was developing. She says it was worth it? Second marriage is 17years and going strong.

 

[kumquat]

WOW, Danmar. At one time I thought we had a similar net worth gathered from the same place (stock options). Never thought of trading in the first wife, she has always made me happy. At $250K/yr to someone else, I might last until I'm 85 or 90. Shoot me now.

 

[Bimmerbill]

CO has some of the worst alimony laws in the country. Lifetime alimony/spousal support is the norm.

 

[Danmar]

WOW, Danmar. At one time I thought we had a similar net worth gathered from the same place (stock options). Never thought of trading in the first wife, she has always made me happy. At $250K/yr to someone else, I might last until I'm 85 or 90. Shoot me now.

In my case getting shot wouldn't relieve my new wife of the obligation to keep paying the X. I did insist on the option of buying the X an equivalent life annuity at some point to get her out of our lives. Although very expensive, my divorce was the best thing I ever did. I think I am much happier than the X.

 

[MDJO]

She'll just have to suck it up and move on. When you are in tough circumstances, you do what you have to do.

 

[Mulligan]

In my case getting shot wouldn't relieve my new wife of the obligation to keep paying the X. I did insist on the option of buying the X an equivalent life annuity at some point to get her out of our lives. Although very expensive, my divorce was the best thing I ever did. I think I am much happier than the X.

Wow, thats an interesting story Danmar. I don't know anything about your ex, but I am positive she is a lot happier the first of each month being the ex Mrs. Danmar as opposed to the ex Mrs. Mulligan! 15 years of litigation also you had to endure? I imagine the wives of your lawyers appreciated the extended business, too. Its good to know it all worked out for the best for you with number 2.