Eye for an Eye

[yAyA]

I was recently stabbed in the back by a friend During this whole drama I had decided that I would not provoke anything even though her playing the victim had me biting my tongue. I didn't talk about her to anyone and decided since we do work together that I wouldn't let it affect work. Well, apparently this girl only wants to portray an image of maturity but not actually live it. She has the nerve to be extra rude to me, while forgetting she was the one who started the drama, plant'd it, water'd it, and made a big drama tree out of this because I told her I would let it go. Anyways, I decided to confront her about not let'n her personal feeling towards me affect work and she again was so arrogant and rude. Well, I have had it with her and I want revenge. I can't help it. I subscribe to the eye for an eye school and thought maybe I can just let karma work itself out but she broke the camel's back. Plus she has done this over and over to others in this work place and in the past. It is a habit of hers to **** on peeps and then play victim. I just feel she needs to be taught a lesson.

She's really big on keeping her image a certain way. You would not pick this girl out of a crowd as someone who would be so childish. I plan to send the emails she sent me talking mess about co-workers and her family out. I just wish I had an email about her talking mess about her 1 yr old nephew.

I was wondering is this too much and I should try to get over it or is there something better I can do

 

[JPatrick]

If I say so myself,  I'm pretty skilled at working out work place squabbles, but after reading your post I may be losing my touch.

I'm thinking mudwrestling in this case yaya. How bout it? 

 

[laurence]

Are you planning on quitting your job? Because once you forward those emails, your career is probably over. Sure, she was the one who said it, but as time moves on, details get fuzzy. A better choice would be to schedule a closed door meeting with said person, and start off with, "I have something to say so sit down and shut up!". Have a prepared speech, don't let her drag it off topic, use phrases like, "that's not what I'm here to talk about." and repeat the last sentence and keep plugging. If she blows smoke and refuses to come around, and is willing to throw your friendship on the fire, simply end with "Do not ever do that to me again, watch your step, if you engage in this again I will take it to management, I have already collected substantial documentation and will continue to do so. " and walk away. Let her think about things like, "what has she documented? What does she have me over the barrel with?"

If she's not on her best behavior for at least a while, she's recklass or an idiot.

Now I'm not advocating this plan per se, you have a lot of long term ramifications, group lunch events can get really awkward, she'll obviously begin whispering in dark corners to her office allies etc. But if you have to blow someone away, direct confrontation is always better on so many levels.

 

[SteveR]

I'm with Laurence on this one.

Old Chineese proverb....when on a quest for revenge....start by first digging two graves.

You never, never, never come out ahead trying to take revenge on someone; especially in the workplace. Trying to teach someone a lesson will not only not teach them anything, it will make YOU look like the agressor. Not a good thing in a work environment. As Laurence said, you will have to deal with this person on many work-related levels in the future so doing something you most likely will regret, is not in your best interest.

Do as Laurence suggested....a private room where you control the discussion. Tell her she is making the working environment unpleasant and why is she doing this? Tell her you want her to stop what she is doing and that you are asking her to do so as an adult. Don't whine and don't demand.

Just be firm and calm. IDo not get pissed and do not raise your voice. Speak in a normal but firm manner and if she starts to attack you verbally then ask her "why are you attacking me? The issue is not you as a person it is how you treat me and that is what we need to discuss. Your behavior is causing me to distrust you and I don't want to feel this way. What can we do to change this?"

This may or may not work but I have used this technique to get around being confrontational by trying to address the behavior as the issue without attacking the individual. This may all seem a lot of psycho BS but it does work most of the time.

Do not send the emails. That is a sure way to screw your career. Working with people is one of the toughest parts of working.

Good luck on this but please keep your cool. Some people just suck at group dynamics and they have to weed themselves out over time.

 

[retire@40]

When I read posts like this, I am reminded how grateful I am to be self-employed.

When I go to work, all my energy is directed at making money.

 

[WhodaThunkit]

Old Chineese proverb....when on a quest for revenge....start by first digging two graves.

This is right on! Listen to Steve . . .

 

[Spanky]

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
~ M.K. Gandhi

 

[Outtahere]

I have to agree, don't send the emails and definately take the high road on this one. Can you talk to your supervisor about it? Let them know the kinds of problems she's causing and how difficult she's making the workplace for everyone? If she's toxic enough they will have to do something with her.

 

[cube_rat]

Very good suggestions here, Yaya.

Take it from an old broad that's been working for almost 30 years. Leave it alone. This is the workplace and you don't want to burn your bridges. Not specifically with the co-worker in question, but others around you who will view your actions as vindictive and immature. You never know when you'll run into your other co-workers in an entirely different venue or a prospective work situation.

 

[Eagle43]

No! No! No!  Revenge is sweet.  Let's see, how can we fix this?

You say she's very worried about her image.  So...

If your organization is large enough start a rumor.  If she's straight, the rumor is she's gay;  if she's gay, vice versa.  If she's married, she's having an affair.  Leave porno on her desk, just before everybody comes in.  If you can get it on her computer, so much the better.  In the middle of a meeting, comment about her weight or her clothes.  Be subtle, make it in the form of a compliment:  "You look really nice since you've lost that weight." Everytime she completes a project, compliment it critically.  "Good thing you did this right this time, because you remember how it was the last time."  Never miss a chance to sabotage her, but be sly about it. 

Anyway, you get the idea.  Just don't take it personal, don't stress out about it.  That's what you're doing now.  Make her stress a little; no make her stress a lot.  Never never blow your cool.  That's what she wants you to do.  Make it a game.  You gotta be there 8 hours, anyway.  Might as well have some fun. I like the idea of turning the other cheek; after victory, that is....  Oh, if you are digging two graves, just make sure she gets in hers FIRST. 

 

[Andre1969]

One thing I've always learned, is to never let them see you sweat. If they see you getting angry, upset, emotional, etc, then they've "won". They've gotten the reaction out of you that they want, and they get off on that. Best to keep calm and cool about it. By all means have the talk with her and let her know that her behavior won't be permitted anymore, but don't let her see you get unraveled.

And revenge is a very tricky thing. Kinda like back in school where the kid that throws the first punch gets off scott free, but the one that throws the second punch gets caught by the teacher and punished. I agree about sending the emails out, too. Don't do it. Unfortunately it would end up making you look as trifling and petty as her in the eyes of your co-workers.

Good luck! I have one of those toxic people in my office, and often the best thing to do is just ignore her and say as little to her as possible!

 

[grumpy]

I hope you all are joking. Go to work, do your job, keep your head down, and keep repeating "this is only a job, not my life". I worked for 32 years in large gov't agencies and I NEVER allowed myself to get into that kind of personal confrontation. There were all kinds of annoying people in those offices but I just did my job well and pretended that they didn't exist.

Grumpy

 

[Jarhead*]

No! No! No!  Revenge is sweet.  Let's see, how can we fix this?

You say she's very worried about her image.  So...

If your organization is large enough start a rumor.  If she's straight, the rumor is she's gay;  if she's gay, vice versa.  If she's married, she's having an affair.  Leave porno on her desk, just before everybody comes in.  If you can get it on her computer, so much the better.  In the middle of a meeting, comment about her weight or her clothes.  Be subtle, make it in the form of a compliment:  "You look really nice since you've lost that weight." Everytime she completes a project, compliment it critically.  "Good thing you did this right this time, because you remember how it was the last time."  Never miss a chance to sabotage her, but be sly about it. 

Anyway, you get the idea.  Just don't take it personal, don't stress out about it.  That's what you're doing now.  Make her stress a little; no make her stress a lot.  Never never blow your cool.  That's what she wants you to do.  Make it a game.  You gotta be there 8 hours, anyway.  Might as well have some fun. I like the idea of turning the other cheek; after victory, that is....  Oh, if you are digging two graves, just make sure she gets in hers FIRST. 

Eagle 43: Your mental health does seem to be improving. (Those 3 times a week session with your "shrink" are paying off.)

Your buddy, Jarhead

 

[Eagle43]

Eagle 43:  Your mental health does seem to be improving.  (Those 3 times a week session with your "shrink" are paying off.)

Your buddy, Jarhead

It's the pills, Man. If I take enough of them, I will start golf lessons.