Feeling lost after FIRE

[Koolau]

I am 67 and still working but have long surpassed FI 10+ years ago so I'm working with FU money and for the enjoyment and stimulation of working. That said, I am most fearful of what you have described as feeling lost more than anything else. I have two hobbies I have a passion for (amateur/ham radio and writing code) and a few others of high interest (home improvement projects and working on cars) and I'm making big plans for staying active and stimulated once I retire for good. I just feel that being a corporate guy for my entire adult life, always taking care of deliverables for someone else and always being dependent on someone or something being an underlying motivator that I may also feel lost once I have nobody to answer to.

Your thoughts here have been eye-opening and great food for thought. I will absolutely retire on my terms and my terms only and the date will be set to optimize leaving as little on the table as possible (it is quite substantial). I have colleagues who recently retired and have the same challenges as it is very difficult to walk away from substantial amounts of money that I earned the rights to through hard work and intellectual curiosity. It just seems like a waste but it has to be done.

I don't have the travel bug like many here as I was a road warrior for almost 20 years when I was in my 20s and 30s and burned out on airports. I have no problems taking road trips but I despise airports, TSA and airlines. I don't have a wish list as whatever we need or want we just get it. That part is also a factor of feeling lost once we acquired FI. Walking through a high-end mall or looking at local car dealerships is much different these days than it was when I was younger and trying to acquire enough wealth to afford those things. Now that I can just write a check for whatever, it is a feeling of being lost since the pursuit of money to acquire things is no longer there.

I never had those thoughts like, "If I ever hit the lottery I would do this or do that," when I was poor and working hard. I just worked hard and saved and one day it just happened when I realized we had FI. One young engineer who works for me is always talking about what car he is going to buy and his next trip somewhere to a tourist destination. I smile and see the joy and anticipation in his eyes as he has these dreams. Well, for myself, I guess I am lost for that, as my main dream these days is to maintain good health and achieve happiness through seeing family members being happy.

Congratulations on your FIRE and don't let others influence your decisions. Only you can ignite that fire that FIRE allows you to execute on your wants.

Have you ever tried a lengthy vacation from w*rk? Maybe 6 or 8 weeks away would let you know if w*rk is that critical to your well being. At 67, you have to be realistic about how much time you will have to "be" retired once you elect retirement.

I really do understand about w*rk being very important to some folks as my dad was that way. From the moment (at 65) he was "forced" to retire from the family business, he was out looking for a j*b - any j*b. Until he was 80, he w*rked - until he physically could not. I felt sorta sorry for him, but he enjoyed his life, so who was I to say otherwise?

I enjoyed the 7 years between FI and FIRE at w*rk. I was doing exactly what I had prepared for all my life and I looked forward to going to w*rk each day. I knew I could walk out any time I wanted to. The day they told me I had to do something else, I said "No, I don't - I'm leaving in a week."

Maybe I'm just suggesting you try the waters of free-time for a couple of months and see how it feels (C. Howitt Feeles ) Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Route246]

I am my father and your father in terms of work being fuel for self-esteem. I grew up in the '60s and my mother drilled it into me that someday I would probably be responsible for being the breadwinner in a family structure like Leave it to Beaver or Donna Reed. I grew up with that and it was socialized into my thinking. I believe I achieved that goal successfully and my mother told me as much before she died. So, from that standpoint, objectives achieved. My problem is I have never taken time off other than 2-3 weeks vacations for my entire adult life. At the end of those I was always chomping at the bit to get back to being the breadwinner and provider for my family.

I don't have a problem with being away from working as there are plenty of things that I have teed up to do when I retire. I am consciously planning on not being a couch potato that watches too much Netflix, overeats and becomes sedentary the way that most of my now retired workaholic friends have transitioned to.

I believe my problem is I fear a loss of self-esteem with no income coming in, no longer contributing materially to GNP and drawing SS to top it off. It is certainly not financial insecurity since we have many times FI in assets but somehow it is that paranoid insecurity I lived with my entire life of being put out to pasture with no marketable skills and forced into retirement. Many ex-colleagues fell into this and just withered away, I don't see that as the issue. I meet with retired friends and so much of their time is spent trying to fill the same gap I am concerned with except in their cases they did not acquire hobbies and did not really plan on filling that void. It is a workaholic paradox in many ways. I can see it in their body language, a little more slouching, a little more timidity and much less confidence and bravado when they had something to think about, something to worry about and something to look forward to.

But, this forum is extremely helpful for level-setting my concerns and insecurities. I'm getting copious amounts of inspiration here, thank you to all who offer it. My wife is very supportive of any decision I make and she told me my fear and greed will just need to subside and she is sure I will know when it is time.

I am also coming to realize that work is like an addictive drug and difficult to quit, at least it is for me.

Have you ever tried a lengthy vacation from w*rk? Maybe 6 or 8 weeks away would let you know if w*rk is that critical to your well being. At 67, you have to be realistic about how much time you will have to "be" retired once you elect retirement.

I really do understand about w*rk being very important to some folks as my dad was that way. From the moment (at 65) he was "forced" to retire from the family business, he was out looking for a j*b - any j*b. Until he was 80, he w*rked - until he physically could not. I felt sorta sorry for him, but he enjoyed his life, so who was I to say otherwise?

I enjoyed the 7 years between FI and FIRE at w*rk. I was doing exactly what I had prepared for all my life and I looked forward to going to w*rk each day. I knew I could walk out any time I wanted to. The day they told me I had to do something else, I said "No, I don't - I'm leaving in a week."

Maybe I'm just suggesting you try the waters of free-time for a couple of months and see how it feels (C. Howitt Feeles ) Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[brett]

71 now. Retired at 59/59. Could have retired earlier, wish I had.

We like to travel and have been doing lots of extended international trips. Came back from Mexico last month. Flying to Morocco next week for a month of independent travel. Looking at Scotland for Sept.

What has struck me is how forturnate we are. I have friends who retired at 65 or 68, others who retired earlier but had no plans, no activity post retirement. Time passes much quicker that we think. It seems like yesterday when I walked away from my previous work life.

Many of our friends are like us, in their 70's, but no longer have the options that they had at retirement. Parkinsons, cancer, brain tumours, heart issues, mobility issues, etc preclude them from doing many of the things that they dreamed about doing in retirement. Some can no longer obtain out of country medical insurance. Others are in the ground so to speak.

So my message is stay healthy, live as healthy as you can, and get out and do those things that you have always wanted to do. Get them in before something untoward happens to you or your spouse. Because that tomorrow or that next year might be different than you imagined.

Does not matter is if is travel, hobbies, volunteering...whatever. As the advert says....just do it! Before it is too late. Regret is not a good thing. No use sitting in a chair all day feeling sorry for yourself.

 

[AlabaMalaysia]

71 now. Retired at 59/59. Could have retired earlier, wish I had.

We like to travel and have been doing lots of extended international trips. Came back from Mexico last month. Flying to Morocco next week for a month of independent travel. Looking at Scotland for Sept.

What has struck me is how forturnate we are. I have friends who retired at 65 or 68, others who retired earlier but had no plans, no activity post retirement. Time passes much quicker that we think. It seems like yesterday when I walked away from my previous work life.

Many of our friends are like us, in their 70's, but no longer have the options that they had at retirement. Parkinsons, cancer, brain tumours, heart issues, mobility issues, etc preclude them from doing many of the things that they dreamed about doing in retirement. Some can no longer obtain out of country medical insurance. Others are in the ground so to speak.

So my message is stay healthy, live as healthy as you can, and get out and do those things that you have always wanted to do. Get them in before something untoward happens to you or your spouse. Because that tomorrow or that next year might be different than you imagined.

Does not matter is if is travel, hobbies, volunteering...whatever. As the advert says....just do it! Before it is too late. Regret is not a good thing. No use sitting in a chair all day feeling sorry for yourself.

100% agree. As someone in their late 30s I see many of my peers taking time for granted and not appreciating how great a time it is to be alive.

 

[Dtail]

Yup, we have friends at 70/66 who are still working. He quoted that it is great to get SS and a paycheck. I believe they are good to go for retirement at the same lifestyle.
She now has cancer and can't walk well at all. They have done some traveling, but........