FIREd @ 26, bored to absolute tears!

[Blue Collar Fire]

I have a friend that is a semi-retired building contractor. Has done very big commercial projects and a ton of residential work. His biggest frustrations over the years were getting/keeping reliable help. Now, he lives in a shore area and does handyman work on his own. Tons of maintenance needed on shore houses...and lazy people with money to burn! So, he does an occasional bathroom or kitchen reno but mostly he's replacing siding, painting, cleaning out gutters, etc. He's happy as can be. It's all word of mouth. The phone rings and if he gets any sense that the client will be difficult, he says he's too busy. Just another possibility for you.

Pretty much exactly what I'm doing currently. 2 or 3 customers left that I haven't blacklisted for being a PITA, and an occasional well vetted referral. If I don't know someone or know someone that knows them, I'm very hesitant to work for them. Any hint of causing me grief, I'm out. Seems our tolerance for headaches heads for the basement once we no longer need the work. It works out well for the summer, but for the 6 months of winter there's nothing going on. It's no coincidence that I'm reaching out for help with these issues in January. This happens every year, with increasing severity. FL is great for the weather, but I don't know many people there, so there's no work, making it pointless to be there. Just thinking out loud with all of this. Sure appreciate everyone's kind and thoughtful replies. I'm sure a solution will become apparent.

 

[Blue Collar Fire]

Oh my, I have found my people! While I didn’t retire at a young age, so can’t speak to that particular piece of it, the rest of what you’ve described really resonates with me and the ability to dive deep down the rabbit hole of a new interest is a big motivator to retire.

That said, I go through periods where nothing sparks. I’ve found a few hobbies that have stood the test of time, mainly because there is just so much to learn that I’m not sure you ever truly master it. But even those wax and wane. Personally, I had to escape the cold, gray winters of the Midwest—that for me was a guaranteed slip into depression.

To get out of the slumps, a few things come to mind. One is forcing yourself to just start a new project or hobby, even if you’re not feeling it. That, interspersed with lots of long walks or runs in the sunshine, helps.

You didn’t mention travel at all, but getting out of my element in a physically active way always gave me a jump start. In spite of being an INTJ, we still need social interaction. I may be reading between the lines, but you sound very socially isolated, which is also a road to depression for me. One route might be to book a group adventure travel type of trip. I’ve found kayaking trips to be great for this because you’re outdoors, physically active, get lots of alone time, but can still have a somewhat social experience at the end of the day. There’s a fantastic group that runs one in Belize if you’d like a suggestion

Another thought would be to take up a sport that is solo, but somewhat interactive (Eg tennis or surfing). Art/maker type classes can also be a good outlet, though I usually end up just wanting to build a studio in the garage... It was mentioned above, but fwiw, pottery gives me the feeling you described with the fence posts. And the great part is that it’s a hobby that is very complex and very difficult to master, from throwing, to glaze chemistry, to firing—lots of rabbit holes to learn about!

While you said you weren’t interested in volunteering, I too thought of habitat for humanity or ngo work. It sounds like you need to get out of your head and mix things up a bit. The latter could be especially helpful. Feeling useful/helpful is a big booster for me—I also love to teach, so probably a tie in to what evrclr mentioned above.

I might caution against a YouTube blog or that type of thing, only because for me, the more internet/screen time, the worse the slumps get and the more inward I focus.

This is a really interesting thread and I’m glad you posted. It’s helpful for me to hear from others with similar traits and it’s made me reflect back on times I had that flow vs not.

Seems there are an abundance of INTJs here. I should've known that would be the case, but what a pleasant surprise!

Midwest winters have been a festering issue for me for several years with each year getting worse than the last. The writing seems to be on the wall that a move to the south is appropriate. Nothing stopping me from doing that other than apprehension.

Forcing the start of a new project sounds like a good idea, just need to find a new interest that has a practical application. Something hands on, a skill to learn that has a purpose and not something to do just for the sake of doing it. The whole climbing arborist thing was fun to learn, for example, and it has a purpose that can be monetized if one so chooses. I'll have to poke around and see if I can find another skill along those lines. Thank you for your input, glad to connect with you. Nice to know we're not alone.

 

[Blue Collar Fire]

If I were in the situation of the OP, I'd go to law school. Not so much to start a law career, as to learn a useful skill. If I was 10 years younger, I'd do it myself.

Of course, if he doesn't already have a 4 year degree, that might be too much.

Absolutely crossed my mind. It would be a valuable skill and a pleasure to soak up all the useful knowledge. I'm just not one to sit in a classroom, and certainly would struggle taking a bunch of unrelated, useless, but necessary prerequisites before I could get busy learning what it is I showed up to learn. If I'm paying for a law degree, I don't want to have to take underwater basketweaving 101 first just because it's a pre-req.

 

[Blue Collar Fire]

You need to start thinking like a Rich Person. They are not encumbered by the need to "feel useful." They do what they want and only what they want simply because they can. And to them always and everywhere whatever they do is useful and productive in this world just because they are living. Much more important and useful than cab drivers, for instance or electricians, or plumbers, or teachers. They don't worry about what other people think of them because the other people are jealouse, lazy, and not rich. You don't hear of them sweating these details because they don't.

I've been doing what I want and only what I want for many years. The issue is, I've now pretty much done everything I wanted to do. It's a purposeless and unfulfilling existence. Those who are wealthy and satisfied with their daily life no doubt have something meaningful to do each day. I hope to find whatever that is in my case, sooner than later. If anyone out there has yet to FIRE and plans to, hopefully my example will lead them to find something to retire TO in advance, as that is indeed mission critical.

 

[gwraigty]

I agree with the suggestions that you may need new friends/acquaintances and/or a different atmosphere, even with being introverted, which I completely understand. I've been struggling with wanting to say more, but I'll just leave it at that for now.

 

[Blue Collar Fire]

OP, you mentioned that you don't fit in with family since no one wants to hear that you have problems too. You may have outgrown your hometown and need to move somewhere more affluent. Find a community where your wealth isn't an issue and source of envy and resentment. Even though you are an introvert, you still need friends and some human interaction.

Excellent point, love the idea. The key would be finding the right balance where one isn't surrounded by poverty, but also isn't surrounded by look-at-me elitists. It would probably be a trial and error exercise until the sweet spot on the spectrum was discovered. Thanks for your input!

 

[ER Eddie]

I have a hard time relating to someone who retired at 26, but I'll share my two cents anyhow. I retired at 57, six months ago, and I'm in a somewhat similar position as you, wondering what my next project will be.

However, the difference is, I'm not thinking about it or analyzing it or trying to come up with the right solution. I did plenty of that pre-retirement, and many of those ideas didn't pan out. I'm taking a different approach and, instead of trying to figure it out, I'm relaxing, trying to dethrone my analytical mind, and let the answers bubble up from within. I have faith that there is a wisdom inside me that I can use for guidance, if I can get my own thinking out of the way.

Instead of imposing plans and goals or "shoulds" on myself, I'm trying to put all that aside (since it hasn't produced much so far) and waiting for insight, intuition, or inner wisdom (whatever you want to call it) to point the way forward. In the meantime, I'm just doing what I always do -- go for walks with my dog, read, take classes, watch Youtube, goof off, take little trips, etc. -- and being patient. I think the answers will bubble up from inside, but I need to get out of the way. It's a bottom-up approach rather than top-down, or an inside-out approach rather than outside-in.

One reason I mention this is that you keep referencing your M-B type and I get the impression that you're very much in your head about this, analyzing and trying to figure it out, which may be part of your style. Perhaps if that hasn't worked, you might give a different approach a try, one that isn't so head-focused. Remember your experience fixing the fence? One reason that felt good is that it got you out of your head.

I should add, though, that I'm new to retirement -- six months in -- and you are 10+ years into it, and a very different age. I am very comfortable doing nothing and taking it easy at this point. I've worked all I need to, have nothing left to prove, nothing I feel that I have to accomplish anymore. I could die right now and I'd be fine. I think you're at a younger phase and feel differently. So what I'm saying might not fit for you, I don't know.

 

[Blue Collar Fire]

I have a hard time relating to someone who retired at 26, but I'll share my two cents anyhow. I retired at 57, six months ago, and I'm in a somewhat similar position as you, wondering what my next project will be.

However, the difference is, I'm not thinking about it or analyzing it or trying to come up with the right solution. I did plenty of that pre-retirement, and many of those ideas didn't pan out. I'm taking a different approach and, instead of trying to figure it out, I'm relaxing, trying to dethrone my analytical mind, and let the answers bubble up from within. I have faith that there is a wisdom inside me that I can use for guidance, if I can get my own thinking out of the way.

Instead of imposing plans and goals or "shoulds" on myself, I'm trying to put all that aside (since it hasn't produced much so far) and waiting for insight, intuition, or inner wisdom (whatever you want to call it) to point the way forward. In the meantime, I'm just doing what I always do -- go for walks with my dog, read, take classes, watch Youtube, goof off, take little trips, etc. -- and being patient. I think the answers will bubble up from inside, but I need to get out of the way. It's a bottom-up approach rather than top-down, or an inside-out approach rather than outside-in.

One reason I mention this is that you keep referencing your M-B type and I get the impression that you're very much in your head about this, analyzing and trying to figure it out, which may be part of your style. Perhaps if that hasn't worked, you might give a different approach a try, one that isn't so head-focused. Remember your experience fixing the fence? One reason that felt good is that it got you out of your head.

I should add, though, that I'm new to retirement -- six months in -- and you are 10+ years into it, and a very different age. I am very comfortable doing nothing and taking it easy at this point. I've worked all I need to, have nothing left to prove, nothing I feel that I have to accomplish anymore. I could die right now and I'd be fine. I think you're at a younger phase and feel differently. So what I'm saying might not fit for you, I don't know.

Beautifully written. Thank you for taking the time to explain your thoughts on the matter. Excellent point about the fence project and how it sort of quieted the constant over analysis. Hadn't thought of it that way, but you're spot on. I'll give that a shot, just going with the flow like you have been.

In a way, I can very much relate to the "content to die now, not missing anything" sentiment that you alluded to. In a way I feel like I already have, just waiting for my body to catch up... Nonetheless, I love the way you articulated your thoughts and appreciate it muchly.

 

[socca]

I guess my question for those of you who have happily FIREd at a young age is this: What do you do to fill your days with purpose, fulfillment, and meaning?

I'm FI and semi-R. The implicit question might be: "what breaks if I were to die today?" Some answers:
• the partnership I manage would fall apart. The business would have to be shut down and the assets sold off.
• my house and grounds would degrade rapidly. Houses are high-maintenance items!
• my parents would lose someone who is positioned to help them as they weaken and become more vulnerable with age.
• the little research projects in math and comp-sci that I like to conduct would never pay off, either for myself (personal satisfaction) or for the world.

The folks who take the conventional route to happiness: spouse, kids, and a good job, don't have to ask THE QUESTION - it's 'obvious' what breaks if they die. Those of us who take the road less traveled have more of a challenge.

There is a lot more that could be said on this topic, but I'll leave it at this for now. Good luck!

 

[Dtail]

On a location reference, you state that it is pointless in being in Florida, but Midwest winters are a festering issue and a move down south is appropriate.
Perhaps you wish to consider a different southern state.

 

[Bryan Barnfellow]

I may have missed it in the comments and your responses, but do you have a life partner? For me, that is the key to making a life.

-BB

 

[omni550]

P FL is great for the weather, but I don't know many people there, so there's no work, making it pointless to be there.

I'm spending my seventh winter season in SWFL (Naples/Fort Myers area). People here are always looking for someone handy to do something big or small. The biggest issue I hear about is that there aren't many reliable workers, as they seem to be pulled into a million different directions (or they don't have a strong work ethic) as there's so much available work.

One critically important thing is you need to be licensed in Florida, as they are always checking snowbirds and carpetbaggers (who come down after hurricanes). Other than that, there's as much work as you can handle. And you're right, once people learn of you, they will share your name and number with their friends and neighbors.

Social media sites like NextDoor and local Facebook sites are places where snowbirds are always asking for referrals for someone to do "x". And many contractors respond to those requests.

As an aside, I thought the contracting work here might slow down/dry up in the summer, as the snowbirds go back "up north". Au contraire. The Big Money folks here don't want contractors messing up their homes in Season, so they hire the contractors in Season to come back in the offseason to do the big remodeling & renovation jobs.

Best of luck as you wrestle with what you want to do.

I, too, thought I needed a passion. After lots of years and doing some research, I found that only some people end up with passions, and some of us are dilettantes. I'm happy to be a dilettante, dabbling at this or that, then moving on to the next thing that captures my fancy.

omni

 

[Starsky]

It sounds like you could use a companion/relationship. Having someone to share your days with can make life a lot more fulfilling.

 

[Maenad]

Besides talking to a therapist, which I think could really benefit you, I advise checking out some info about "old money" folks. A lot of people who come into serious wealth at a young age and never have to work go through much of the same ennui you've mentioned, and the successful "old money" families have learned how to address it. It's not foolproof, but there may be techniques that could help you.

 

[Aerides]

You are 37 with no spouse/partner/children (non mentioned, so that's either a no, or a misleading omission) no goals, and no post-high-school education, but enough money for the rest of your life. And yet you are bored and listless to the point of not actually wanting to do anything?

In your shoes, I would go back to school, and go into therapy. Commit to both for at least a year.

 

[pacergal]

Maybe I am not understanding here, but you say you made your money over 10 years ago in construction, in the middle of the worst housing crash in the US? in your early 20"s, with a high school education, no less.
Well, thats pretty remarkable.

At this point in your life, I agree with Aerides. If you are to the point of boredom and not wanting to do anything, Depression is a strong indicator in your life. Therapy would definitely help you in our search for meaning and goal for happiness.
Best of luck to you in your future. Keep us posted.

 

[ncbill]

Nothing wrong with you that a few years in the military wouldn't fix...

Cheap health insurance too...under $50/month individual for those in the (active, not IRR) Guard/Reserves.

 

[Extra Medium]

You might want to give further education a rethink. A university education is not only learning something to be prepared for the workplace. It can be a really deeply fulfilling endeavor for it’s own sake.

There’s something about getting into the “beginner’s mind “ that allows growth you might not find in all the instructional videos on YouTube. Take a few classes and find out if anything is interesting!

I went to college for a couple years before taking time out for the military, then returned again at age 25, finishing grad school at 32. School was so much more interesting and easy once I was a real grownup. Auditing classes is one of the things I look forward to when I retire!

 

[KenZ71]

@Blue Collar & other INTJs I get the feeling I too have similar thoughts.

A few random thoughts....

This idea https://www.citylab.com/environment/2015/10/a-13235-mile-road-trip-for-70-degree-weather-every-day/411406/ sounds fantastic to me, only thing holding me back is the kids. Gotta get them too / from school, fed, etc.

Reading fence repair & outdoor stuff makes me think approach a family farm and tell them your story and you want to help out.

Another thought buy rundown homes, fix up at leisure then sell or find a charity to run with finding a buyer.

For the idea to teach kids approach a local Boy Scout troop and ask to be a merit badge counselor. Could share your diverse knowledge. Or other youth groups YMCA, Girl Scouts, etc.

To the naysayers who say / think the OP is a lucky SOB and would trade - the grass is always greener somewhere else.

 

[Blue Collar Fire]

@Blue Collar & other INTJs I get the feeling I too have similar thoughts.

A few random thoughts....

This idea https://www.citylab.com/environment...-trip-for-70-degree-weather-every-day/411406/ sounds fantastic to me, only thing holding me back is the kids. Gotta get them too / from school, fed, etc.

Reading fence repair & outdoor stuff makes me think approach a family farm and tell them your story and you want to help out.

Another thought buy rundown homes, fix up at leisure then sell or find a charity to run with finding a buyer.

For the idea to teach kids approach a local Boy Scout troop and ask to be a merit badge counselor. Could share your diverse knowledge. Or other youth groups YMCA, Girl Scouts, etc.

To the naysayers who say / think the OP is a lucky SOB and would trade - the grass is always greener somewhere else.

Love the road trip idea in your link, thank you for sharing that. Would be neat to see the country and stay warm doing it.

Funny you mention farming.. For about 6 years, I've been helping a friend who runs a small family owned grain farm. I just run equipment.. plant in the spring, run the combine in the fall. It's fun and helps their family a lot. Learned a lot too. That's only a couple weeks twice a year, but still something to look forward to. My pride and ego gets in the way of accepting the ten bucks an hour they're able to afford to pay for help, so I just do it for nothing to help them out.

The whole buying and selling of houses routine, I've been doing for years. Started when I was 19, and still do it occasionally. Doing that during the recession of 08/09 was how I fired, actually. It wasn't intentional and I didn't realize it until after it happened, but that's what took place. Houses were a dime a dozen, and I had a ball doing it. Struggling with the gumption to do much of it anymore, and in our current market, it's really hard to find anything to buy that has any meat on the bone in terms of clearing enough to make it worthwhile. My risk tolerance has also plummeted as I've aged. I know I'm still young, but I'm not 20 with nothing to lose anymore. Things change, as I'm sure everyone can relate with. If a slam dunk presents itself, I'm in. Otherwise I take a pass.

I work with a local scout troop occasionally when they need a demonstration on something I'm interested in and proficient with. The last time was a little show on knot tying. Clove hitch, square knot, etc. Need to poke around and see what other organizations I could work with to help with youth education & enlightenment.

All great ideas and I appreciate your input. Thank you for the bit of defense as well... I didn't come here for criticism or ridicule, just wanted to join a group of like minded folks who might have experienced the same thing I have such that we could all help one another. It's been a mostly pleasant experience so far.

 

[Markola]

I appreciate your thought-provoking post. So few people at your age are both self-made and so “Time Rich” as you and your story is a window into some of the benefits and real challenges of it. Thanks for sharing and good luck!

 

[Kroeran]

Some ideas,

Move to Florida where there are more people like you to connect with

Buy a small farm and figure it out

Focus on a societal problem and work on a solution.

No mention of family? Find a woman (or whatever) worthy of your service, and devote your life to serving them and any children.

Travel radically until you get an idea for something that interests you.

Dip a toe in the arts. Do some life drawing or learn a musical instrument.

Filling the time is indeed the base problem of being human.

As a general direction, I would invest in social intensity with
like minded people, pets, nature, good weather.

 

[ER Eddie]

Find a woman worthy of your service, and devote your life to serving them

Noooooo!

 

[Ablatus]

Hi all! Long time lurker, first time poster! Glad to finally be a participant in this wonderful community.

FIREd @ 26 through a self started small construction business, the profits of which were wholly rolled into income producing real estate during the Great Recession, all the while living very frugally. The timing was impeccable and my story couldn't be duplicated today nearly as easily. The money part of the FIRE equation is solved. Turning 37 this year and realizing I've more or less wasted the last decade of life doing nothing meaningful. I came to realize the motivation for my success was extrinsic, specifically the goal was to make Dad proud. Goal Accomplished! When he passed on 8 years ago, I sort of sat down and said "ok, now what, and why bother.... nobody to celebrate with anymore". The rest of my family is broke, so they don't want to hear about it, and we all know money is taboo and nobody wants to see you succeed or celebrate with you without envy or jealousy. So at this point the boredom is getting intense, to the point of depression. (First world problems here... don't lynch me for my apparent complaints, but consider it all in context. I know it could be much, much worse) It's turned into a constant paradox. Miserable doing nothing, but contemporaneously don't want to do anything. Don't like the cold, so I set sail for the sunny south in the winter only to get even more bored and end up going back to the Frozen Wastelands of the Midwest after about a week. Rinse and repeat several times per season. Bought a house down south to rehab, get there and don't even want to work on it. The grass looks greener until I'm there, then the grass looks greener back in the other location. Not much interest in starting or growing another business unless I can do it alone, because good help is nonexistent. Don't really want a J-O-B. Very little interest in volunteering. I'm an introvert by nature (hardcore INTJ, for those of you who are interested in Myers-Briggs), and becoming more so with each passing day due in part to isolation, so anything involving a bunch of people doesn't sound pleasant. Again, paradoxically, I love educating young people 1-on-1 about the wonderful world of FIRE since our culture of consumers is so woefully undereducated in personal finance, but having attained it myself I'm incredibly dissatisfied. Thought about a y-tube channel or something along those lines to spread the FIRE gospel amongst the youth, but I don't want to get nailed for "giving financial advice" and the material is all out there already anyway.

TL,DR I guess my question for those of you who have happily FIREd at a young age is this: What do you do to fill your days with purpose, fulfillment, and meaning? I don't want to look back when I'm 47 and have this same feeling of having wasted another decade of life without having done something worthy of inclusion in the obituary.

Open to your thoughts, and thank you for the warm welcome!

Things I have been doing:
Mondays sing in a chorus
Play with/train dogs
Try to understand the kabbalah
Learning to play the harp
I was on a Julia Child kick but gained 40 lbs so I hired a trainer and now at the gym for an hour or so every day.
Read books and sip ice tea
Binge watch tv shows that have ended.
Invite friends out for lunch
Never bored!

 

[Rambler]

Wow...I get it. I really do. I retired at 51, to our home on 2 acres in California that needed landscaping, a poolhouse, a shop, and a few other things done. Did them. Was busy most of the time, and enjoying it. In 2018, we decided to leave California because of 1) the political climate, 2) taxes on my upcoming deferred income distributions that would have put me in an 11% state tax bracket for those distributions.

We bought a nice home in AZ, about the same value as our California home. Property tax is 1/3. My marginal income tax is about 40% of what it would have been in California on the above distributions. Everything else is cheaper, from car and home insurance to food, electricity, to gasoline. But, the home we bought is on a city lot, not 2 acres. And, I’m now bored to tears.

So, I’m considering going back to w*rk. But the prospect scares the crap out of me. In my career, I was a regional chief executive over Asia Pacific, with several billion dollars of revenue and several hundred million in operating profit responsibility. I have ZERO desire to return to that lifestyle...away from home two weeks out of the month, constantly battling corporate over targets that were often set ridiculously for our markets, and over legal and cultural implications for our services that Corporate could never understand.

And...we like to travel...sometimes deciding just the day before to go to a Hawaii, or Disneyland, or wherever. So we do have some things that are enjoyable, so don’t get me wrong...I like the freedom of retirement.

So, that’s where I’m coming from...retired sr executive, still young at 58, had something to do that I enjoyed most days, but no longer have that, and still have a very high marginal tax rate.

One of my hobbies has been tinkering with my guns. My local gun store is always looking for help...in fact, every company and store around here is hurting for help. So, I considered applying for some part time work there and enquired. The going rate seems to be $15 an hour, and they want people who will work full time, on a fixed schedule. So that’s out. First, since my marginal fed rate on my deferred income is 35%, and my AZ rate will be 4.54%, and SS/ Medicare taxes will be 7.62%, add in a percent or so for disability, and I’m paying the government just as much as I earn myself for trying not to be bored...and that at a very low hourly rate. So this is out both from a pay and a schedule perspective.

The other thing I’ve always had an interest in is being a real estate agent. Now, this one might work, and I’m still doing the research and trying to network a bit to see if it would work. I also consider myself INTJ, but I’m able to pretty efficiently get around the introvert to get the job done. On top of that, I’m quite competitive. I like to win. I won all the time during my career...always found a way to reach or exceed targets. So, the tax question aside, real estate may work for me if my wife and I figure out how to better plan our travels in advance, so I can schedule work with clients around that. On top of this, in the past 3 years, we’ve bought and sold several homes, and have had the opportunity to observe agents who were great, and some who really can’t call themselves agents, and I have ideas based on those observations that would help me be a better agent.

So, what I’m trying to say here is, there is probably something out there that you could do and enjoy, but you may need to do some research into it to find out if it is really for you. The hard part is done. You are already FI. Once that is achieved, RE, or not RE or semi-RE is really up to you. Cheers!