Gifting to adult children

[Retch The Grate]

I think I've mentioned before, my parents started giving my brother and I the max annual gift each year about 12 years ago. They are going to transfer their wealth to us when they die anyways, and they wanted to start doing it while they are around to enjoy how it helps us out.

My brother works in management consulting, has made a LOT of money. I've spent my career making video games and have not made anywhere near what he has (there have been years where his income was literally 5x mine, and I live in the SF Bay area and get paid decently, though not engineer level). The gift money I think was a nice little bit of fun money for him and his wife, and some help with cash when they needed a lump sum a number of years ago for their house. In contrast, the money really boosted my ability to comfortably save and invest more than just the 401k + Roth annual limit and was instrumental to me hitting FI, and then un-hitting it by buying a bay area house.

I think at this point my brother and I have roughly similar net worths, and we both seem to deeply appreciate our parents' generosity and have had our lives positively impacted by it. But we were both in our 30s, established in our careers and living our lives well and responsibly before our parents started giving on that scale. My parents seem to be happy about the impact they have on our life, in a "getting to enjoy their wealth" way, not a "controlling the kids" way.

It does seem to be a deeply "it depends on the kids" thing how it turns out.

 

[steveark]

In my opinion, any kid that let's dad manage their investments is neither smart nor an adult.

 

[Sunset]

Good point. I agree. That’s my fear. That gifting too early won’t allow them to experience the consequences of their choices and impede their opportunity to learn from them. Rather than interfere with their character development I will have to accept the government will be getting more of my earnings than I’d like. Or find someone else with more maturity to gift to.

First of all, I think all parents of normal children should spend lavishly on themselves without regard to conserving the money for the children.
I always told my DM to go ahead spend my inheritance !!

If a person cannot figure out how to spend quite a few hundred thousand per year, then they are not putting in the effort. I don't have that much money so I cannot tell you what it would be like.

Lastly, if the concern is the death tax , remember it's only the money above the limit that is taxed (I think) so even if it reverts to just 5 Million, that plus the remaining ~60% will be PLENTY.

 

[iloveyoga]

My parents gifted me no money, and I have learned not to expect anything I didn't earn myself. I took this to be a good life lesson in self-reliance, tenacious persistence and delayed gratification...understanding any resulting pride can come with it's own flaws.

My parents gave me this gift and I tried to do the same for our kids.

 

[DawgMan]

As discussed, gifting kids $$ can be a slippery slope. There can be a fine line between creating a sense of entitlement and helpful gifting that may be different for all of us with our own kids. When my wife and I were first married, 33 years ago, my FIL gifted us $1K each year around Christmas. After a couple of years, we naturally thought it was coming and actually started mentally spending it before it showed up. Then after about 5 years, it stopped and it almost felt like we were getting short changed... like we were entitled to it!

Fast forward to today, we are playing around with the right kid gifting strategy we want to employ with our 4 kids (and soon to be 3 grandkids). The grandkids can can give you an opportunity to definitely burn some dough (i.e. 529 accounts, clothes, toys, baby misc.) which has a net affect of helping the kids. For now, in addition to the grandkid spend, we are choosing to be strategic by letting the kids individually make their own financial decisions based on their means and then come behind with a surprise gift. Eg, my married son is having his first baby and is upgrading one of his cars to a family vehicle, which he has shared with me he plans to finance. In his case, he is buying a car well within his means/good decision based on what I know about his whole situation/how he handles money. I will wait until he buys the car, maybe even makes his first payment, then come in and write a check and make his loan go away. He will be told this is a 1 time gift and not to tell his sisters as it will all even out over time. My thinking here is he made a decision within his means, he was prepared/able to handle the payments, but dad comes in and makes his life a little easier with no guarantees of any annual gifts. Alternatively, if I come to him first and say , "I know you are looking for a new car and I would like to give you $25K towards it", there is a natural tendency to say "supersize" your purchase as opposed to buying the car you would have on your own.

Anyways, that's our plan for now... subject to change at any time!

 

[Joylush]

In my opinion, any kid that let's dad manage their investments is neither smart nor an adult.

I think that’s too broad of a generalization. It would depend on the qualifications and experience of the parent/manager. It’s not something any old parent is suited for but very well may be the best choice ever.

 

[Joylush]

As discussed, gifting kids $$ can be a slippery slope. There can be a fine line between creating a sense of entitlement and helpful gifting that may be different for all of us with our own kids. When my wife and I were first married, 33 years ago, my FIL gifted us $1K each year around Christmas. After a couple of years, we naturally thought it was coming and actually started mentally spending it before it showed up. Then after about 5 years, it stopped and it almost felt like we were getting short changed... like we were entitled to it!

Fast forward to today, we are playing around with the right kid gifting strategy we want to employ with our 4 kids (and soon to be 3 grandkids). The grandkids can can give you an opportunity to definitely burn some dough (i.e. 529 accounts, clothes, toys, baby misc.) which has a net affect of helping the kids. For now, in addition to the grandkid spend, we are choosing to be strategic by letting the kids individually make their own financial decisions based on their means and then come behind with a surprise gift. Eg, my married son is having his first baby and is upgrading one of his cars to a family vehicle, which he has shared with me he plans to finance. In his case, he is buying a car well within his means/good decision based on what I know about his whole situation/how he handles money. I will wait until he buys the car, maybe even makes his first payment, then come in and write a check and make his loan go away. He will be told this is a 1 time gift and not to tell his sisters as it will all even out over time. My thinking here is he made a decision within his means, he was prepared/able to handle the payments, but dad comes in and makes his life a little easier with no guarantees of any annual gifts. Alternatively, if I come to him first and say , "I know you are looking for a new car and I would like to give you $25K towards it", there is a natural tendency to say "supersize" your purchase as opposed to buying the car you would have on your own.

Anyways, that's our plan for now... subject to change at any time!

I think this is a great idea. I did something very similar. Daughter asked for car buying advice and negotiation assistance. I thought she was making wise choices. She had however come prepared to pay cash for the car which after trade-in would cost her $20,000. I blindsided her by telling her to write her check for 1/2 the amount as I was covering the remainder. She insisted it wasn’t necessary and she never expected me to do that.

And I explained that’s exactly the reason why I want to do it. I believe in rewarding smart choices and not enabling bad ones.

My only objection is the part you said about “not telling your sisters”. I disagree with that completely. I fully disclose to both of mine any gifts to avoid any appearances of favoritism and simply tell them eventually everything will be evened out. Fast forward a few years:

Son needed a vehicle. I had an awesome truck that he loved and I didn’t really need. It was less than a year old with 4,000 miles on it that I’d paid $35,000 for. I offered to sell it to him for $20,000 and if he pitched in $10,000 cash I’d match the $10,000 as a gift so his out of pocket would be $10,000. Or he could opt not to use his own money and get a loan for $20,000 to pay for it. Either way he getting a deal.

Because his deal turned out to appear even better than his sister’s deal I ran it buy her and expressed my feelings that it seemed to benefit him more than her because of how much I’d discounted the truck. She reminded me that the car she’d traded in was our college graduation gift to her so I hadn’t accounted for the value that gave her in the deal. We determined I’d already made things pretty well even.

When they know you bend over backwards to be open, honest and as fair as possible it lessens the possibility of resentment. I just don’t like the idea of secrets at all.

 

[Joylush]

First of all, I think all parents of normal children should spend lavishly on themselves without regard to conserving the money for the children.
I always told my DM to go ahead spend my inheritance !!

If a person cannot figure out how to spend quite a few hundred thousand per year, then they are not putting in the effort. I don't have that much money so I cannot tell you what it would be like.

Lastly, if the concern is the death tax , remember it's only the money above the limit that is taxed (I think) so even if it reverts to just 5 Million, that plus the remaining ~60% will be PLENTY.

Yes of course it will be plenty. But knowing 40% any amount over that will be taken from me (yes, I’d dead) does not sit well with me. I see no justification in the government confiscating upwards of half of someone’s net worth just because they died. So I will do my best to avoid it. As I’ve mentioned, I believe in rewarding good financial behavior, not penalizing someone for it.

 

[DawgMan]

My only objection is the part you said about “not telling your sisters”. I disagree with that completely. I fully disclose to both of mine any gifts to avoid any appearances of favoritism and simply tell them eventually everything will be evened out.
.

Well, my thought is to be stealthy about it as 1 yr it may be a car for 1 kid, the next year a house down payment for another. My kids know I believe in keeping the score even over time. What I want to avoid is say my girls seeing I assisted in buying a car for my son and then they immediate think they are getting one too. When I say “don’t tell your sisters” it also comes with a “note, I will be doing something equitable with your sisters at the right time”.

 

[youbet]

I think that’s too broad of a generalization. It would depend on the qualifications and experience of the parent/manager. It’s not something any old parent is suited for but very well may be the best choice ever.

Here we go with that word "manage" again. Sometimes you sound like you're actually advising/teaching/mentoring your daughter in investments. But most of the time you sound as though you're literally "managing" her accounts. Which is it?

 

[Joylush]

Well, my thought is to be stealthy about it as 1 yr it may be a car for 1 kid, the next year a house down payment for another. My kids know I believe in keeping the score even over time. What I want to avoid is say my girls seeing I assisted in buying a car for my son and then they immediate think they are getting one too. When I say “don’t tell your sisters” it also comes with a “note, I will be doing something equitable with your sisters at the right time”.

Oh I completely understand your rational. It makes total sense. I’m just not comfortable with the secrecy aspect of it. I could see my son in particular having the mindset you worried about with your daughters. I guess my thought there is just “well that’s the way it is, you can trust me or not.”

 

[Joylush]

Here we go with that word "manage" again. Sometimes you sound like you're actually advising/teaching/mentoring your daughter in investments. But most of the time you sound as though you're literally "managing" her accounts. Which is it?

I’m not really understanding the question. I advise my daughter. I recommend how to balance her portfolio and make rebalancing suggestions when warranted. She has to be involved. If she were lazy and uninterested and just told me to make all the decisions she wouldn’t be learning anything.

So to me they’re both the same (manage, oversee, advise- pick a word). If I tell her I think she should consider closing, reducing, rebalancing or adding to a position I explain why, to include being sure she understands the rationale and any potential tax consequences. If she agrees she either does it herself or tells me to go ahead and do it on her behalf.

It’s not like she gives me her money and says “do what you think is best with it” while taking a hand’s-off approach. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that and she wouldn’t be learning anything.

 

[SecondCor521]

Well, my thought is to be stealthy about it as 1 yr it may be a car for 1 kid, the next year a house down payment for another. My kids know I believe in keeping the score even over time. What I want to avoid is say my girls seeing I assisted in buying a car for my son and then they immediate think they are getting one too. When I say “don’t tell your sisters” it also comes with a “note, I will be doing something equitable with your sisters at the right time”.

One way to avoid that is to tell your girls that you've assisted in buying a car for your son but that they are not getting one too. You can also say to your daughters that you will be doing something equitable with the at the right time.

This accomplishes your stated goal but also eliminates secrecy. I agree with Joylush that secrets within a family are generally something to be avoided.

 

[DawgMan]

One way to avoid that is to tell your girls that you've assisted in buying a car for your son but that they are not getting one too. You can also say to your daughters that you will be doing something equitable with the at the right time.

This accomplishes your stated goal but also eliminates secrecy. I agree with Joylush that secrets within a family are generally something to be avoided.

Don’t necessarily disagree about secrets in family, but i do think there is a natural tendency for kid 2, 3, and 4 to start counting the $$ as soon as they see what kid 1 got. With 4 kids, and in my case, 3 of them girls, the score card sometimes takes a few years to balance out., but it does and they know it. Eg my wife has taken our 3 girls on multiple girls trips over the years. I’m taking my boy to Pebble Beach this year. It all works out

 

[MarieIG]

I'm an outlier here and No Apologizes. I gave all of my kiddos a good start, equal opportunities so far as education, initial Roth contributions, the first car (or two) etc. Everyone had a roof over his head so long as he needed it. If someone chose to drop out of college; I don't own him a down payment on a house to compensate.

They don't need to advise or consult me before they make a major purchase or life decision; although advise is given freely upon request. And I don't have to consult them before I make a gift to one of their siblings. For the time being, at least, none of them is my conservator.

And - if I want to gift kid #3; who is working hard, responsible, but had lower earnings this year due to Covid $5,000 to fund his Roth; I don't have to gift kid #1 an equal amount so he can blow that dough on his fourth ATV; nor do I have to gift each of my other kiddos the same amount.

 

[Philliefan33]

I’m not really understanding the question. I advise my daughter. I recommend how to balance her portfolio and make rebalancing suggestions when warranted. She has to be involved. If she were lazy and uninterested and just told me to make all the decisions she wouldn’t be learning anything.



So to me they’re both the same (manage, oversee, advise- pick a word). If I tell her I think she should consider closing, reducing, rebalancing or adding to a position I explain why, to include being sure she understands the rationale and any potential tax consequences. If she agrees she either does it herself or tells me to go ahead and do it on her behalf.



It’s not like she gives me her money and says “do what you think is best with it” while taking a hand’s-off approach. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that and she wouldn’t be learning anything.

I think it is very odd for a parent to be this involved with as adult child’s financial business. I have two daughters, each of them married. I have no idea how much any of the four adults make, other than it is likely more than they made two years ago because three out of four of them have gotten new jobs or big promotions recently. I know they were well paid before so I assume it’s only gotten better.

I have no idea how their money is invested / saved / spent, other than the obvious purchases we see. They sometimes ask general questions about retirement accounts and I’ve always advised them to contribute at least enough to their 401K to get the maximum match, but I don’t know if they do. I also don’t know if they are invested in a balanced portfolio or Bitcoin. I feel that we’ve modeled good money behavior and it’s up to them, as adults, to manage their own affairs.

 

[Joylush]

I think it is very odd for a parent to be this involved with as adult child’s financial business. I have two daughters, each of them married. I have no idea how much any of the four adults make, other than it is likely more than they made two years ago because three out of four of them have gotten new jobs or big promotions recently. I know they were well paid before so I assume it’s only gotten better.

I have no idea how their money is invested / saved / spent, other than the obvious purchases we see. They sometimes ask general questions about retirement accounts and I’ve always advised them to contribute at least enough to their 401K to get the maximum match, but I don’t know if they do. I also don’t know if they are invested in a balanced portfolio or Bitcoin. I feel that we’ve modeled good money behavior and it’s up to them, as adults, to manage their own affairs.

I don’t think it’s odd. It all depends on what the parent’s forte is. If you were a builder and your adult child was having a house built and came to you for advice would you tell them they’re adults, to figure it out themselves?

 

[davidfin]

If it’s a gift....

My belief is that if it’s a gift, then no strings attached. If you are using the “gift” as an incentive, it’s not a gift. Your 30 year old whose money management skills leave you unhappy, is a fact of life. Get over it. It’s unlikely any external involvement is going to make her change and will possibly risk your relationship.

 

[SecondCor521]

I don’t think it’s odd. It all depends on what the parent’s forte is. If you were a builder and your adult child was having a house built and came to you for advice would you tell them they’re adults, to figure it out themselves?

I would.

I'm really good at preparing tax returns. Even so, I value my kids' independence and being adults more than my providing them with excellent tax preparation service into their adult lives.

So I'm teaching them excellently (because I'm pretty good at it), but I'm also actively shifting the responsibility, ownership, execution, and management of their taxes to them.

If they ask for advice or information, I'll always give that. And if they ask for help with something they haven't encountered before, I'll teach them about it. But I've set clear expectations with them that they need to be taking over this part of their adult lives. I'm trying to do similarly with other areas of adulting, like college, degrees, careers, dating relationships, investing, etc.

Believe me, I understand the desire to help and to manage my kids' lives. I'm sorely tempted myself every day, and I often fail at it. It's also tricky with teenagers and young adults to know when to be involved and when to back off. I've also realized that since we went through a divorce when they were young that I didn't get to be around them as much as I wanted to so I am "compensating" for that by staying involved now (mine are 26, almost 21, and 19).

It's especially hard as well when we think we know better than they do and think that our involvement will improve their lives. And it may even seem to in the short term. But I don't think it's best in the long term, even if I happen to be better at a particular thing than they are. My involvement beyond a particular point seems to be infantilizing and irritating. I think we need to hand off the reins.

If this train of thought interests you, the book "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend might be useful.

 

[bolt]

I never received any allowance or provided one for children other than educational costs, 3 hots and a cot.
It's the best way to instill self reliance & frugality imo.


Ask most Israelis.
Ever read Fortune’s Children: The Fall of the House of Vanderbilt.:
Cornelius Vanderbilt was the richest man in history, worth the equivalent of $250 billion. He left most of it to his heirs. Less than 50 years after his death it was virtually all gone, blown away in a generational contest among heirs to see who could live the most outrageous life – lives that almost all end in misery and disappointment. This book is full of so many lessons about what money can and can’t do for people.~ AFAIK.

Good luck & Best wishes.....

 

[Joylush]

My belief is that if it’s a gift, then no strings attached. If you are using the “gift” as an incentive, it’s not a gift. Your 30 year old whose money management skills leave you unhappy, is a fact of life. Get over it. It’s unlikely any external involvement is going to make her change and will possibly risk your relationship.

Yes, I believe a gift is a gift to be used as the recipient sees fit. I’ve given gifts regularly. Excessively large gifts can do more harm than good when given to someone who is prone to making poor financial choices.

I don’t consider an early inheritance to be a gift per se so I’ll be sure not to refer to it as such in the future to avoid any confusion. If additional early inheritance funds are offered they will be offered as teaching tool to see how they are managed. Depending on the results more will be forthcoming or delayed until more maturity has been demonstrated. If I had an adult child who proved to be completely worthless in the financial management department it would change the way their inheritance would be distributed. Giving them the opportunity to learn with smaller amounts before receiving a large inheritance gives them the best chance of success. And if they demonstrate an inability to make smart choices it will give me the opportunity to arrange things so as to protect them from their financially destructive nature.

 

[Joylush]

I would.

I'm really good at preparing tax returns. Even so, I value my kids' independence and being adults more than my providing them with excellent tax preparation service into their adult lives.

So I'm teaching them excellently (because I'm pretty good at it), but I'm also actively shifting the responsibility, ownership, execution, and management of their taxes to them.

If they ask for advice or information, I'll always give that. And if they ask for help with something they haven't encountered before, I'll teach them about it. But I've set clear expectations with them that they need to be taking over this part of their adult lives. I'm trying to do similarly with other areas of adulting, like college, degrees, careers, dating relationships, investing, etc.

Believe me, I understand the desire to help and to manage my kids' lives. I'm sorely tempted myself every day, and I often fail at it. It's also tricky with teenagers and young adults to know when to be involved and when to back off. I've also realized that since we went through a divorce when they were young that I didn't get to be around them as much as I wanted to so I am "compensating" for that by staying involved now (mine are 26, almost 21, and 19).

It's especially hard as well when we think we know better than they do and think that our involvement will improve their lives. And it may even seem to in the short term. But I don't think it's best in the long term, even if I happen to be better at a particular thing than they are. My involvement beyond a particular point seems to be infantilizing and irritating. I think we need to hand off the reins.

If this train of thought interests you, the book "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend might be useful.

I have no desire to manage my kids’ lives so I don’t really relate to you there. But if they come to me for help or advice on a topic I will certainly guide them as best as I can. And if it involves a topic I’m well versed in I wouldn't tell them to go figure it out themselves. So I disagree with your style in that regard. Just like I wouldn’t discourage them if they looked for advice from anyone experienced in whatever they needed guidance with. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Know yourself well enough to know when it makes sense to ask for help and guidance. In my experience the smartest people are the ones who recognize what they don’t know.

 

[SecondCor521]

I’m not really understanding the question. I advise my daughter. I recommend how to balance her portfolio and make rebalancing suggestions when warranted. She has to be involved. If she were lazy and uninterested and just told me to make all the decisions she wouldn’t be learning anything.

So to me they’re both the same (manage, oversee, advise- pick a word). If I tell her I think she should consider closing, reducing, rebalancing or adding to a position I explain why, to include being sure she understands the rationale and any potential tax consequences. If she agrees she either does it herself or tells me to go ahead and do it on her behalf.

It’s not like she gives me her money and says “do what you think is best with it” while taking a hand’s-off approach. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that and she wouldn’t be learning anything.

Emphasis added.

Yes, I believe a gift is a gift to be used as the recipient sees fit. I’ve given gifts regularly. Excessively large gifts can do more harm than good when given to someone who is prone to making poor financial choices.

I don’t consider an early inheritance to be a gift per se so I’ll be sure not to refer to it as such in the future to avoid any confusion. If additional early inheritance funds are offered they will be offered as teaching tool to see how they are managed. Depending on the results more will be forthcoming or delayed until more maturity has been demonstrated. If I had an adult child who proved to be completely worthless in the financial management department it would change the way their inheritance would be distributed. Giving them the opportunity to learn with smaller amounts before receiving a large inheritance gives them the best chance of success. And if they demonstrate an inability to make smart choices it will give me the opportunity to arrange things so as to protect them from their financially destructive nature.

Emphasis added.

I have no desire to manage my kids’ lives so I don’t really relate to you there. But if they come to me for help or advice on a topic I will certainly guide them as best as I can. And if it involves a topic I’m well versed in I wouldn't tell them to go figure it out themselves. So I disagree with your style in that regard. Just like I wouldn’t discourage them if they looked for advice from anyone experienced in whatever they needed guidance with. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Know yourself well enough to know when it makes sense to ask for help and guidance. In my experience the smartest people are the ones who recognize what they don’t know.

Emphasis added.

The emphasized parts seem inconsistent to me. But I'll bow out since you don't seem to be understanding my point and don't seem particularly interested in doing so. Still, I wish you and your children well.

 

[Joylush]

Emphasis added.



Emphasis added.



Emphasis added.

The emphasized parts seem inconsistent to me. But I'll bow out since you don't seem to be understanding my point and don't seem particularly interested in doing so. Still, I wish you and your children well.

Probably too many assumptions being made due to too little information understood or given to see the whole picture. . We seem to agree allowing them to stand on their own two feet is of utmost importance.

Mine stand to inherit an enormous inheritance. I will feel better knowing they will be able to handle it and that it helps, not harms them. Over 70% of inheritances of that size are lost by the second generation. My hope would be to beat those odds. I’m not convinced I’m there yet. One of the best ways to insure that doesn’t happen is to give them the tools they need to insure it doesn’t. Still learning on how best to achieve this goal. It’s a work in progress. Thank you for your input.

 

[splitwdw]

...One contributes fully to their Roth IRA as well as to their brokerage account and allows me to manage the account. The other tells me nothing. Not because I’m at all judgmental (only encouraging) but because they are likely embarrassed.
Anyway, to encourage savings I was trying to come up with a way to give them choices as far as my gifting was concerned. My thought was to offer them 100% match on any Roth IRA contributions they make. So they put in $3000, I match it with $3000. The other option is to choose a straight out $1500 gift, no requirements.
So they would be given the choice of doing nothing and with no oversight getting $1500, or saving $3000 and getting $3000 with some oversight. I suspect one would choose the higher value option and I have no idea what the other would choose. But if it was their choice and their sibling got more by doing more they couldn’t claim preferential treatment or favoritism. Does this sound like a reasonable thing to offer?

... Who wouldn’t take advantage of a free service like that? Oh, I know, a spendthrift sibling.

I don’t want to be an enabler. I would prefer to give each of them the maximum amount allowable per year without having to file a gift tax return, $15,000 each. But I feel stuck because I’d be 100% comfortable doing that for one and feel 100% foolish doing it for the other. So it’s like the responsible one is losing out in my attempt to be fair.

What is my goal? To reduce my estate size so as to avoid having my estate pay estate taxes in the future. To encourage financial responsibility and behavior in my offspring and not drop a boatload of money into the hands of one who will not manage it wisely.

The most financially prudent thing to do would be leave everything to one child and give them oversight of what is left to the other. But that would not benefit their relationship no matter how well intended so is not a consideration. If the less responsible one can show me they are responsible it would benefit them greatly.
I’ve seen the damaging effects of rewarding irresponsible behavior and I won’t go that route.

...My son can’t fix a thing. We recently tried to instruct him how to change out a dryer cord. When asked if he had a socket set, he said, “A what?”

Whereas his sister was just just telling me how she reset the thermostat on her water heater after troubleshooting it. When I asked her how in the world she figured that out she said I remember you had that issue after a power outage at one of the rentals and you told me there was a reset button so I watched a YouTube video and found where it was located so I didn’t have to ask you where it was.

Both kids were exposed to the same things, at the same times being the same ages. I don’t get it either. But one takes after me and the other takes after their father, an incredibly smart, unhandy, high risk personality type.

Joylush, You said you aren't judgemental in your first post but that's what you've done in almost every post. It doesn't matter if they "were exposed to the same things, at the same time", we are all different. If someone is not mechanical/handy you can't make someone handy. If someone isn't financially interested you can't make them interested. Your son may change on his own but at 30, a mother pushing at him, won't change his ways. It sounds like you have two great children. Give because you want to, not because you are trying to change what you see as bad financial decisions. Just curious, does your husband feel the same way about gifting to your children?