Ed_The_Gypsy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Leo,
This is a subject upon which even the most worthless people can have an opinion, maybe even a useful one. In that spirit, and since you asked, I offer the following comments.
Many things are going on here.
There may be a big difference between the way you look at these things and the way most of us on this forum look at the same things because of cultural differences. Please keep this in mind. We [OK, I] may not understand the differences.
I see two issues: Will you two stay together as spouses, and will you both be happy with children?
Educational differences between spouses can be important. We know what you have been doing, but we don't know what she has been doing. Is she also a university graduate?
Here is another stability issue. I have heard about this and even seen it myself: Marriage after long courtship or living together for a long time sometimes does not last. Marriage is not the same thing as living together. Something to think about, but it is only a generality and all generalities are false, including this one (quote from Pogo—an ancient philosopher from Florida).
It is important that you are talking about these things at 22. I sense that you like the idea of being a father, but clearly, intellectually you know the costs. Your partner, when young, said she wanted children but has had time to grow up with you and learn your heart. You and your partner listen to each other, which is a very good sign. In the balance, I think you both would be very happy with children.
If you have children early, you pay for them early. Have them late, and you will still be paying for college when others are funding their retirement. Kids cost money and they are a lousy investment. They are also the most important thing in the world for those of us who choose to be parents. Older parents are mellower, less excitable. Younger parents feel the stress more, but they have the most energy.
As far as having teenagers, nobody said it would be easy, but sometimes it is. If you start now, you will be 36 when the first one becomes 13. You can handle it. About ten billion parents before you managed somehow.
Believe it or not, you can take courses in parenting, and believe it or not, they can help a lot! Strongly recommended! Both of you should go together and both of you should expect to share the burdens of parenthood. (Here is where some of the cultural differences come in. I recommend that you be fully involved as a parent and share the load with your spouse as is popular up here. This is not very Latin or European, but you will have a lot more fun and your kids will turn out better, too. For example, it is great fun reading stories to one's kids. This may be foreign to Brazilians, who on the average do not read much as a country. So, start a new trend.)
My wife and I were 38 and 40 when our kids were born. We are both college graduates and had been married for 16 years before our first was born. I built my career (such as it is) and we traveled and partied and eventually got around to wanting children RIGHT NOW! I would have been a terrible father when I was young. We are 58 now and haven't a prayer of retiring early. We could have, if I knew then what I know now, even with children. If we could change anything, we would have spent less money, saved more and invested better, but we still would have had children. It isn't the end of the world, though.
I would suggest getting married first (like, right now!) to see how you both handle the changes (commitment and responsibility). Then think about having kids. Ask yourself are you grown-ups yet? If not, don't even think about children.
Cheers,
Ed
This is a subject upon which even the most worthless people can have an opinion, maybe even a useful one. In that spirit, and since you asked, I offer the following comments.
Many things are going on here.
There may be a big difference between the way you look at these things and the way most of us on this forum look at the same things because of cultural differences. Please keep this in mind. We [OK, I] may not understand the differences.
I see two issues: Will you two stay together as spouses, and will you both be happy with children?
Educational differences between spouses can be important. We know what you have been doing, but we don't know what she has been doing. Is she also a university graduate?
Here is another stability issue. I have heard about this and even seen it myself: Marriage after long courtship or living together for a long time sometimes does not last. Marriage is not the same thing as living together. Something to think about, but it is only a generality and all generalities are false, including this one (quote from Pogo—an ancient philosopher from Florida).
It is important that you are talking about these things at 22. I sense that you like the idea of being a father, but clearly, intellectually you know the costs. Your partner, when young, said she wanted children but has had time to grow up with you and learn your heart. You and your partner listen to each other, which is a very good sign. In the balance, I think you both would be very happy with children.
If you have children early, you pay for them early. Have them late, and you will still be paying for college when others are funding their retirement. Kids cost money and they are a lousy investment. They are also the most important thing in the world for those of us who choose to be parents. Older parents are mellower, less excitable. Younger parents feel the stress more, but they have the most energy.
As far as having teenagers, nobody said it would be easy, but sometimes it is. If you start now, you will be 36 when the first one becomes 13. You can handle it. About ten billion parents before you managed somehow.
Believe it or not, you can take courses in parenting, and believe it or not, they can help a lot! Strongly recommended! Both of you should go together and both of you should expect to share the burdens of parenthood. (Here is where some of the cultural differences come in. I recommend that you be fully involved as a parent and share the load with your spouse as is popular up here. This is not very Latin or European, but you will have a lot more fun and your kids will turn out better, too. For example, it is great fun reading stories to one's kids. This may be foreign to Brazilians, who on the average do not read much as a country. So, start a new trend.)
My wife and I were 38 and 40 when our kids were born. We are both college graduates and had been married for 16 years before our first was born. I built my career (such as it is) and we traveled and partied and eventually got around to wanting children RIGHT NOW! I would have been a terrible father when I was young. We are 58 now and haven't a prayer of retiring early. We could have, if I knew then what I know now, even with children. If we could change anything, we would have spent less money, saved more and invested better, but we still would have had children. It isn't the end of the world, though.
I would suggest getting married first (like, right now!) to see how you both handle the changes (commitment and responsibility). Then think about having kids. Ask yourself are you grown-ups yet? If not, don't even think about children.
Cheers,
Ed
Since when is a dog an "experiment"
