Hiding Wealth from Your Wife

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tlahbanana

Confused about dryer sheets
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I am thinking of marrying a girl soon. I really like her. I have not told her at all about how much money I have, what my debts are, etc. I don't like to discuss these topics and keep it to myself. I was just wondering is there a legal requirement that you must disclose your financial details to your wife? My thinking is that because I am likely to marry her and because I think getting a prenup is too uncomfortable, there is a chance there may be a divorce, and if I tell her how much money I have she might be tempted to divorce me in order to get half my wealth. Therefore, if I keep quiet about how much I have she will not go through the divorce process because hiring lawyers, etc can be costly. However, I feel a bit dishonest about this. What is your opinion?
 
If you feel you can't trust your would-be bride, imho, you should seriously reconsider the subject of marriage.
 
If you do not trust her, do not marry (nor risk to fall under common law marriage rules).

Put her in your position. What would you think of her if you ever find out she hides her wealth or debt from you?

If you do not like to talk financial issues, practice this before marrying. There will be such and other uncomfortable issues regularly to talk about.

Not being able or willing to talk with spouse puts relationships at risk. But this can be avoided by training.
 
tlahbanana said:
I am thinking of marrying a girl soon. I really like her. I have not told her at all about how much money I have, what my debts are, etc. I don't like to discuss these topics and keep it to myself. I was just wondering is there a legal requirement that you must disclose your financial details to your wife? My thinking is that because I am likely to marry her and because I think getting a prenup is too uncomfortable, there is a chance there may be a divorce, and if I tell her how much money I have she might be tempted to divorce me in order to get half my wealth. Therefore, if I keep quiet about how much I have she will not go through the divorce process because hiring lawyers, etc can be costly. However, I feel a bit dishonest about this. What is your opinion?
Click to expand...

Do the girl you are thinking about marrying a favor and don't marry her. You have yourself divorced before you are even married. It sounds like you don't trust her. Nothing like starting married life by hiding information.
 
In Mexico is very common not to tell some one how much money they have.


They normally tell them that they have x and that is all. In time, if you feel comfortable
you can tell her. What about her side!!!
 
So how much money does she have? ... and debts? Is she being honest with you (if you don't feel comfortable being open with her...)? Etc., etc., etc. Way too many questions for marriage to even be on the table.
 
my wife wants nothing more than to have absolutely nothing to do with our finances. we have been married for 45 years and I tried a few times to get her involved in our finances, but no go. so you should at least discuss finances to find out how each of you feels about the subject and possible solutions to the problem.
 
Forget about marriage for now. Marriage is a huge commitment and you are not ready for it. Enjoy your relationship as it stands now. When you can talk to her openly about your finances and a prenup (if you want one) then you may be ready.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
 
Stay single.
The marriage contract is very clear about financial matters, with both parties coming in uneven or not. Check your state or country laws (Melbourne FL or Melbourne AU ?). Make an appointment with a legal professional to get the full story. Ask questions like separate assets before marriage, pre-nups, and what if ? for your residence.
Your concerns seem justified, so perhaps marriage is not in the cards for you. I am acquainted with a few lifetime bachelors, who seem content with a close lady friend.
I am a female, and the last thing I would do is marry a man for his money. But that's me. I had my own education almost complete when I met my late husband. We both graduated, got jobs, and grew our assets together.

Teamwork is critical for a successful marriage. :D
 
Be honest or do both parties a favor and leave. If you don't tell her now when will you; your deathbed?

?
 
I think you will feel much better about being honest up front, and if you still have a bad feeling after that conversation(s), may be moving on to someone you feel totally comfortable with would be better.
 
You need to be "open, honest and transparent" about your net worth. It may be smart to meet with a neutral 3rd party with a goal to get everything on the table and that person's suggestions about finances. I suspect that person would say you should have yours, hers and joint accounts. And, then decide what the pre-nup should be with the promise to update it after a few years. If you can't do this, stay single. If you can, you'll be starting out with a reasonable chance for marital success. Good Luck!
 
I think people are being too harsh on OP. If he's looking for a place to hide his money he can give it to us, we'll keep it safe and sound, promise not to say a word to anybody, and swear we'll give it all back when asked. :)
 
I mis-read the thread title and thought that was "Hiding Health from My Wife."

I wouldn't suggest that either :LOL:

The thought about hiding health/wealth brings up the question, "Do you believe in keeping secrets from your spouse or significant other?"

I don't mean to be deceitful and a pathological liar. But are there somethings, well, if the spouse or significant other demanded "I want the truth!" would the best answer be "You can't handle the truth!" so, you keep words unsaid.
 
1. You don't marry someone you "like a lot", you marry someone you can't imagine being without. I don't see from your post that you're there yet.
2. Marriage is full of difficult conversations. If you can't start having them now, when will you?
3. If you end up divorced, it doesn't matter how much or how little you've told her you have. The lawyers and the courts will find out the truth regardless, and she'll know anyway.
4. If she finds out you've been hiding your money from her, she'll wonder what else you've been hiding from her.

So yeah, what everyone else said. Don't get married.

Is this a troll? Cuz I'm honestly wondering what other kind of response the OP thought he would get. :mad:
 
tlahbanana said:
I am thinking of marrying a girl soon. I really like her. I have not told her at all about how much money I have, what my debts are, etc. I don't like to discuss these topics and keep it to myself. I was just wondering is there a legal requirement that you must disclose your financial details to your wife? My thinking is that because I am likely to marry her and because I think getting a prenup is too uncomfortable, there is a chance there may be a divorce, and if I tell her how much money I have she might be tempted to divorce me in order to get half my wealth. Therefore, if I keep quiet about how much I have she will not go through the divorce process because hiring lawyers, etc can be costly. However, I feel a bit dishonest about this. What is your opinion?
Click to expand...

Not telling her what your debts are (i.e., hiding your debts) before marriage is probably grounds for divorce or annulment on her part. And do you expect her to disclose to you how much money and what debts she has?

Why on earth do you want to get married?
 
I feel really blessed to have married a woman with many times my wealth at the time.... she had $3k.... no prenup ... got to love her.

I agree with those who tell you to check local marriage laws... and where ever you may move. I'm not sure if where you marry or live is more important. We have always lived with it all being ours. I know some that keep most of it separate... usually looks like power plays from the way it is done... at least from my view. Often one person in these couples don't what us to tell the other how we manage our money.

I don't know how I'd feel with a prenup... maybe not trusted? If you go with prenup or not telling.... determine how life is to be funded. What if she doesn't work or looses a job? If you start buying expensive toys.... how do you explain this to her within the context of the family budget?

You have some tough choices. The best part of our marriage is that we are both all in.... good or bad.
Your money may just be more important to you than marriage... as those above have suggested to stay single.

Assuming your pile of money is really stupidly large.... what do you plan on living on if you marry and hide your pile?
 
My first marriage was to a pathological spender who never paid his bills. I ended up bailing him out of a lot of things and paying for stuff I didn't care for but that he HAD to have. I know what you're trying to avoid.


My second marriage (after we dated 6 years!) was to a man who had little other than the equity in his house, but not debts other than his mortgage. I had a house with a swimming pool and a new worth of about $400K at the time, counting house equity. What I saw, though, was that he paid his bills on time, he had modest tastes, and we easily reached an unspoken system of who paid for what in which each of us was happy the other was doing his/her part. (We used a lot of my frequent flyer miles to go to Europe every year!)


I married him in 2003 and it was a great decision. Together we've had a good life but also built wealth that let me retire early. (He was 65 and I was 50 when we married.)


My long way of saying: give it time. See what her values are. See how she runs her own finances. Does she live below her means? And, if you decide to tell her what you have, see how she reacts. If she suddenly expects you to buy her nice things and go to better restaurants, better to find out now than after you marry her.
 
This sounds like you love your money more than you love her. That's fine, everyone has their priorities in life and yours are clear. So stay attached to your money and let the girlfriend find someone who would make her his priority, clearly it's not you.

You are feeling dishonest about this because yes, you are being dishonest.
 
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