I have 2 brothers. One was drinking very heavily, and I mentioned that he might be hurting his health and was certainly hurting his family. He paid no attention but just got very cold toward me. Then a couple months later he drove home drunk when my other brother was at his house. They got into a fist fight that went so far as the drunk brother having his head rammed into his brick house. Only thing that did was knock him out for a while. Slowed down his drinking as long as he was out but really not much beyond that. These are middle class, educated, job holding middle aged men.Dear Abbey had a column recently that dealt with same issue. I was kind of surprised that she lite into the writer for getting into someone else's business, no matter how good the intentions were.... I should have wrote to her 10 years ago and followed the advise. I have gotten nowhere with a close friend the past 10 years, and it's even worse now. Tried suggestions, hints, plans, and chewing his ass off. None of them worked. Though the friendship never suffered, I am more at peace with our friendship giving up, knowing it really isn't my problem or concern.
He never got mad at me, but I am sure he is happy I don't bring it up anymore as I am sure he was tired of listening!
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I have had very similar experiences. If personal finance comes up, I'm usually comparing various versions of LBYM and conservative investing or being confronted with someone that spends every penny and is looking for more. Discussions of index funds versus diversified individual stocks or bond funds versus CDs are probably more useful. We at least talked about things we generally understand.Even when people have asked for my financial advice, I've had exactly one convert and I married her. Beyond that, it has had either no or negative consequences to the relationship.
Wish it were not so.
DW went so far as to take actual possession of a flaky relative's check book so DW could pay the bills directly. When the checks started bouncing, DW found out she should have impounded the ATM card, too.......... I've even been asked to help someone set up a budget and investment plan. Neither was ever implemented.........
I explained 401K, ROTH and IRA to him and answered a few questions not lecturing. When he was home from college for Christmas he asked a few more things and told me he really used accounting in finance he was surprised.
I have given him about 11K so far for college so he is willing to talk to me about school. If he doesn't want advice or messes up at all I am done helping. If he comes home before April 15 I plan to buy him his first ROTH matching what he earned last year busing tables and teach him index fund.
DW went so far as to take actual possession of a flaky relative's check book so DW could pay the bills directly. When the checks started bouncing, DW found out she should have impounded the ATM card, too.
Looking for advice if I should confront brother on financial matters. Goal is to get him to change his ways, downsize, adopt principles of sound finances. Danger is he will rebel and we'll have strained relationship forever. It kills me that he is living with maxed out credit cards, paycheck to paycheck, raising 2 daughters largely on his own (divorced). Completely born into the American consumerism bs. He's 46 now. Do we let let the house of cards fall at some ponit or intervene and try to save him? Any advice?
I asked him "Does she have bit t*ts?" His answer was "Yes."
You can't help those that don't want to be helped.
If frugality fails, sex appeal is always a good fallback.I could help her with the checkbook but when she showed me the laundry basket full of months of unopened bills (multiple maxed out credit cards, utilities, bank overdraft fees, condo HOA fees) I knew it was a bigger problem. She solved that declaring bankruptcy (not my advice) and marrying the right guy.
If frugality fails, sex appeal is always a good fallback.
Ha
If it was me, most definitely not. Where I come from trips are discretionary luxuries, firmly in the category of "If you can't pay cash you can't afford it". End of discussion.
Now, others may have a more tolerant view.
Wanna trade?I run the entire financial life of a friend, as well, but fortunately he's a thrifty sort who definitely wouldn't knowingly bounce checks, just forgets to pay the bills! .............
I have a 45 year old nephew who is going on 15... gave up trying to help him..lost cause.
'You can't push a rope' kinda sums it up...
if you are close to the daughters and can afford it you might want to assist them with college, your brother probably didn't plan for that either, much more important then a trip to Europe
Not sure I understand. I can see having a lot to lose and little to gain.He's your bro. You owe it to him to at least give it a shot. Point out all the advantages first and just talk up to him. Be humble. You have have little to lose and lots to gain.
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Ok. I want to put a twist on this. There are 3 of us brothers. 2 of us are fairly well off (both of us will ER in our mid 50's). The younger brother is the issue. So, we have this fantastic trip to Europe planned for the summer. Affordable, not too over the top. Younger brother wants to increase his credit line on his credit cards so he and his 2 daughters can make the trip. Do you pony up $1k each to offset his expenses so his kids get the opportunity or do you leave him alone to figure out the finances on his own and possibly miss or mess up the trip for the rest of us?