Inappropriate Hugging?

[MarieIG]

I may well say something though I’m pretty sure it will break up my regular Friday golf foursome. I am pretty sure he’ll never forgive me for calling him out, but he’s totally out of line IMO, and I’m just not comfortable with that. She always wears tight clothes and tiny shorts, but that doesn’t give (old) men license to touch her IMO.

No, it doesn't. (In a land long ago and far away, I was required to wear less than voluminous outfits as an exercise instructor, cocktail waitress, and waitress.)

 

[disneysteve]

I may well say something though I’m pretty sure it will break up my regular Friday golf foursome. I am pretty sure he’ll never forgive me for calling him out, but he’s totally out of line IMO, and I’m just not comfortable with that. She always wears tight clothes and tiny shorts, but that doesn’t give (old) men license to touch her IMO.

Continuing to play with someone who is sexually harassing the staff would not be on my To Do list.

 

[foxfirev5]

General lack of decorum in our current society. Lying and cheating and even going to jail is no longer a stigma. I give up.

 

[Car-Guy]

General lack of decorum in our current society. Lying and cheating and even going to jail is no longer a stigma. I give up.

Now let's not get into politics on this thread too.

 

[foxfirev5]

Now let's not get into politics on this thread too.

Now how does human decency involve politics? I guess the problem is worse than I thought.

 

[Sunset]

No, it doesn't. (In a land long ago and far away, I was required to wear less than voluminous outfits as an exercise instructor, cocktail waitress, and waitress.)

True, I had to wear Speedo's to work and stand around so people could gawk at me being nearly naked.

 

[Car-Guy]

Now how does human decency involve politics? I guess the problem is worse than I thought.

My poor attempt at humor.

 

[Jerry1]

Dirty old man. Maybe say casually and privately, "Hey Bob", she's a bit young for you, isn't she! Maybe then he will realize he's making a fool of himself and making the girls uncomfortable too.

No doubt the girls are talking about him behind his back. Not sure why they put up with it.

Even just yanking him back with "Geez can't take you anywhere" might work.

But you know him best

I would try something like the comments above. Try to keep it light, but get him to think of the young lady’s feelings.

I may well say something though I’m pretty sure it will break up my regular Friday golf foursome. I am pretty sure he’ll never forgive me for calling him out, but he’s totally out of line IMO, and I’m just not comfortable with that. She always wears tight clothes and tiny shorts, but that doesn’t give (old) men license to touch her IMO.

If you say something directly to him to knock it off, I would do it in private before the round. While he may deserve it, there’s nothing to be gained by embarrassing him in front of the others in your group or the young lady.

Good luck. I’ve seen similar behavior on the course. It’s sad that these guys think they’re actually impressing these young ladies.

I remember my daughter coming home from work (retail) and was complaining about some old guy trying to pick her up. I think she was 17. She said something like “eeew, he must have been around 40.” Being around 40 at the time, that hurt a little bit but it was a blunt reminder of how that stuff plays out in the young lady’s mind.

 

[foxfirev5]

My poor attempt at humor.

Yeah I get it. I'm just a little sensitive about the subject.

 

[ShokWaveRider]

Perhaps, being a little over Sensitive, unless he touches something he should not, or has a reputation for being weird, I would get over it. JMHO I could be wrong. If they do not appreciate the attention, they can always say something. We do a lot of it in Europe, hugging that is, and it is considered normal. Americans seem to be oversensitive to this type of thing.

 

[Aerides]

Perhaps, being a little over Sensitive, unless he touches something he should not, or has a reputation for being weird, I would get over it. JMHO I could be wrong. We do a lot of it in Europe, hugging that is. Americans seem to be oversensitive to this type of thing.

He shouldn't be in touching anything period, so glad you agree.

 

[Amethyst]

Bear in mind, most teenagers can't judge ages over 30 very well - it's just "not old" (teen to 30) "old," (30-45, unless in extremely great shape) and "really old" (50 and up). They truly do not see us as we see ourselves.

As a former teen girl, I can attest that men in their 40's and 50's are perceived as [-]worm meat[/-] romantically unattractive. I didn't appreciate being kidded, flirted with, etc. by such. Naturally, my viewpoint adjusted with age. But I still wouldn't want them to grab me!

I'm serious and respectful toward teens of either sex. They seem to appreciate it, coming from the old dear.

I

I remember my daughter coming home from work (retail) and was complaining about some old guy trying to pick her up. I think she was 17. She said something like “eeew, he must have been around 40.” Being around 40 at the time, that hurt a little bit but it was a blunt reminder of how that stuff plays out in the young lady’s mind.

 

[tulak]

I would say something. He needs to realize his behavior is not appropriate and by not saying anything, you’re validating his behavior.

I would try and be tactful, maybe bring it up when you’re alone with him to avoid embarrassment?

If he can’t take it, then good riddance. I would look for a new member for your Friday golf group.

And I suspect it’s hard for young women to deal with this directly for a variety of reasons.

 

[CardsFan]

I may well say something though I’m pretty sure it will break up my regular Friday golf foursome. I am pretty sure he’ll never forgive me for calling him out, but he’s totally out of line IMO, and I’m just not comfortable with that. She always wears tight clothes and tiny shorts, but that doesn’t give (old) men license to touch her IMO.

Have you talked to the others in the foursome? What is their reaction?

Personally, I would make some kind of snide comment to him. Trying to embarrass him a little. If he decides to leave the foursome, well, that is his decision. I have never played a round of golf without a little kidding going on, and usually, a lot of it. If he can't take it, maybe he knows he has a problem.

The tight clothes and tiny shorts are pretty much standard wear for cart girls (sorry if using girls is offensive, but that is what everyone calls them, including them). And most, that I have seen, will tolerate some mild "old man" flirting. And by this I mean, smiling, some just slightly off color comments.

But touching, hugging? No way. If she ever hauled off and slapped him, I would give her a standing ovation.

 

[Jerry1]

Perhaps, being a little over Sensitive, unless he touches something he should not, or has a reputation for being weird, I would get over it. JMHO I could be wrong. If they do not appreciate the attention, they can always say something. We do a lot of it in Europe, hugging that is, and it is considered normal. Americans seem to be oversensitive to this type of thing.

This isn’t someone coming to see you that you are greeting however you feel is socially acceptable. This is a young lady at work. Do people in Europe hug their waitress, the bar tender . . .? I doubt it.

 

[Car-Guy]

He shouldn't be in touching anything period, so glad you agree.

So you made me stop and think. Is it okay to shake hands with a younger women (not girls) on occasions?

No different that I do with men that I know well, and I certainly don't hug them either.

 

[Ian S]

We do a lot of it in Europe, hugging that is, and it is considered normal. Americans seem to be oversensitive to this type of thing.

Really?! An elderly man hugging a young female server like that would be acceptable in Europe? A young female he doesn't even know? Is it OK if he cops a little feel too? IMHO, it's disgusting behavior no matter the continent.

 

[bobbyr]

The more I think about it, the more I think something should be said before Mr. Creepy starts patting rear ends, or worse.

It's usually best to deflect to an authority, such as a head server. I guess if the head server laughs it off, you have your answer: Your chosen watering hole is a place where sexual harassment in the workplace is tolerated. Then you have to decide whether you keep going there.

agree, something should be said

 

[Jerry1]

So you made me stop and think. Is it okay to shake hands with a younger women on occasions? (Not girls)

Would he shake the hand if the cart girl was a young man? I’m guessing not.

 

[Midpack]

Have you talked to the others in the foursome? What is their reaction?

Personally, I would make some kind of snide comment to him. Trying to embarrass him a little. If he decides to leave the foursome, well, that is his decision. I have never played a round of golf without a little kidding going on, and usually, a lot of it. If he can't take it, maybe he knows he has a problem.

The tight clothes and tiny shorts are pretty much standard wear for cart girls (sorry if using girls is offensive, but that is what everyone calls them, including them). And most, that I have seen, will tolerate some mild "old man" flirting. And by this I mean, smiling, some just slightly off color comments.

But touching, hugging? No way. If she ever hauled off and slapped him, I would give her a standing ovation.

I happen to know the girl is a Brazilian Jim Jitsu Purple Belt and assistant coach for juniors at her Dad’s martial arts studio. I am sure she could put him down if she wanted to.

As for the other guys, all three have daughters and granddaughters BTW including the offender. I haven’t asked the other guys, but they’ve seen it too and would never try to hug her (again it’s not just one young woman, just the one I saw again today). But I’m pretty sure they’d rather not do anything, one has outright said he avoids conflict at all costs.

I may say something, but I suspect it won’t change anything, it’ll just break up a regular foursome. We socialize with wives occasionally as well, so that will probably end as well. But I’m not comfortable with the status quo.

 

[badatmath]

So you made me stop and think. Is it okay to shake hands with a younger women (not girls) on occasions?

No different that I do with men that I know well, and I certainly don't hug them either.

It is okay but women may not shake hands in a situation even where the men do. They more just nod politely. Last saw this at a funeral for a coworker FWIW.

 

[Car-Guy]

It is okay but women may not shake hands in a situation even where the men do. They more just nod politely that I have seen anyway. Last saw this at a funeral fwiw.

Agree, shaking hands depends on the situation. Judgement call. But I may think twice now. I guess if the women offers her hand first it's ok?

As Charlie Brown would say, AAUGH!!!

 

[ShokWaveRider]

Maybe he expected more as a result of "Tipflation". JUST KIDDING, get over it.

 

[albireo13]

He needs to be called out.
Someone needs to step up and tell him ... "Hey, maybe relax on the hugging thing. It is a bit over the top".

 

[ShokWaveRider]

Really?! An elderly man hugging a young female server like that would be acceptable in Europe? A young female he doesn't even know? Is it OK if he cops a little feel too? IMHO, it's disgusting behavior no matter the continent.

I never said I agreed with it. The recipient of unwanted behavior should make it known, if it does not stop then, that is a different story.

Americans are notoriously oversensitive to this stuff is all I meant.