It’s harder to leave than it seems

[ModestNestEgg]

I didn't realize this thread was over a year old, but it looks like it is being revived.

In some ways, I can understand what the OP is going through even though I have a good bit longer to go before retirement than they do. It could end up easier to retire from a job if someone absolutely despises the job, or worse yet, the people around you than it is if both are at least moderately pleasant.

One way perhaps to reframe it is to look at it not so much as a departure, which feels like you are rejecting or "breaking up" with someone, but as a graduation. As much as you may love your grade school, high school, or college, it wouldn't make sense or be a mark of success to spend your entire life at that place and in that phase of your life. By moving on, you aren't sending the message to those that you are leaving that they are a failure. It's the direct opposite. Nor would it make sense if a doctor had cured you of a serious ailment and you kept going to that doctor when you didn't really need it. Both journeys were successful and you have people to thank along the way, but it is time to graduate and move on to a phase that those people and that situation hopefully prepared you to handle well.

The people you are leaving behind should see themselves as a success because they helped you get to where you are and still being in great spirits at the top of your game when you can move on to the next wonderful phase of your life in great spirits. They should realize that they were actually a positive influence on you in many ways, because not everyone is in a work setting. So they should feel uplifted by that.

 

[SJhawkins]

Thanks for coming back with an update, it's very appreciated. Full circle threads with a ribbon on them makes for a good and helpful read.

 

[LateToFIRE]

I....Money seemed on target. Plenty of motivators re health and time left on earth, aging loved ones, etc. And I was feeling all kinds of burnout from the domino effects of the pandemic at work and in general being WAY done with people up
the chain/at the top. As an optimist, I was struggling to bring a positive attitude into the workplace, which just isn’t me.

Fast forward to January - I tell my boss I’ll be leaving this summer. So now it’s real. And my attitude about work begins to change. I get energy and enthusiasm for my work again, like some of my burnout has disappeared. Yes, the people up the chain still annoy the sh*t out of me. But I don’t focus on them. It is like because I know how finite the remaining time is, I have so much gratitude for it, and for my team, even though we are navigating a hard time with some stuff going on. I feel joy solving problems and helping clients and sharing what I know with my team. I see the impact I’ve made over these many years with them, and I see that I could have found this same gratitude, this same attitude, some months earlier if I simply had chosen to take a different perspective...

I've been where you're at at exactly your age - I'm about 60 now - had a breaking point after reaching an unsustainable level of exhaustion and burnout, but in my case decided to stay on. The more I realized retirement was a viable option, the better I could handle the stress. I started making changes in my work - giving more priority to lifestyle and wellbeing, delegating more to eager subordinates, investing more in prepping the next generation to replace me.

I figured what the heck, I'm gonna make this job work for me instead of me working for this job, and if they don't like it they know exactly how to show me the door. So, I stayed on a few more years longer than I thought I would. It's been really good to feel that empowered. But, it's also kind of bittersweet to realize I'm aging out now and being pushed out the door in spite of being ridiculously productive, so feels kinda like leaving on a sour note.

Do I wish I'd left sooner at age 50? Tough to say - those last few years were ones of huge professional accomplishments and extraordinary experiences. And not for nothin, but my assets nearly doubled in the intervening years of not drawing on nest egg and adding to savings. So, whereas at age 50, I could have retired but maybe would have needed to make some lifestyle adjustments, I'm now in a fairly airtight financial standing.

I'm not advocating one way or another, don't know you or enough about your situation. Just offering a perspective that may not be very common in this forum. For me, given my own priorities (and anxieties), I'm glad I waited, but I'm also really, really glad it's time to hang up the cape and cannot wait to move on to the next chapter. My work is still awfully consuming though I'm much better at the stress management.

I should add that I don't have some huge retirement bucket list to finally get to - was able to do and experience a lot of cool things, travel and such during my work years. So, retirement for me will be more about spending more time with friends and family, using my professional skills in a more altruistic way, and pursuing some academic interests.

 

[brett]

My spouse could not imagine that when I retired at 58/59 that I was serious. She felt certain that 3 or 4 months after the golden handshake I would be back at it in some form or another. Phone calls from former colleagues convinced her that I would succumb.

I did not. The reality is that I never looked back. Never regretted it. It was the right time for me. I could have done it a few years earlier but I was not ready.

What made it work for me? Probably our personalities. I worked for a multi national IT firm. I loved and thrived on change. Whether it was technological, career, location, increasing responsibility or just plain curiosity in how technology impacted our customers over the years. I worked with wonderful people and great customers from all walks of life, all professions.

I believe that this love of change made it easy for me to walk, for us to give up our home, and travel like nomads for a just under a year.

Flexibility and change has been the hallmark of the last 12 years or so of travel. Perhaps because I was brought up in a 'why not' /'what have you got to loose' environment'. Our travels have been primarily independent and very spontaneous. My other advantage is that I have a one in a million spouse who seems willing to be dragged around the world to parts unknown for weeks at a time with nothing but a carry on bag.

I believe that when making you early retirement escape or your retirement plans you really do need to match those goals and habits to what has impacted you in your past. My spouse noses around my area looking at what I was looking at in the atlas. Last month it was Tanzania/Zanzibar for a snowbird trip. You mean Thailand/Vietnam again is out? Her only comment was why not followed by as long as we can do another safari. And how do we get there? So there is a match in our outlook toward retirement. No doubt it may differ from that of others but at the end of the day it matches both our personalities.....I think that alone is halfway or more towards a retirement goal.

It is not about what you are giving up. It is all about what you are gaining. Time is short, time with good health could be even shorter.

 

[Koolau]

My spouse could not imagine that when I retired at 58/59 that I was serious. She felt certain that 3 or 4 months after the golden handshake I would be back at it in some form or another. Phone calls from former colleagues convinced her that I would succumb.

I did not. The reality is that I never looked back. Never regretted it. It was the right time for me. I could have done it a few years earlier but I was not ready.

What made it work for me? Probably our personalities. I worked for a multi national IT firm. I loved and thrived on change. Whether it was technological, career, location, increasing responsibility or just plain curiosity in how technology impacted our customers over the years. I worked with wonderful people and great customers from all walks of life, all professions.

I believe that this love of change made it easy for me to walk, for us to give up our home, and travel like nomads for a just under a year.

Flexibility and change has been the hallmark of the last 12 years or so of travel. Perhaps because I was brought up in a 'why not' /'what have you got to loose' environment'. Our travels have been primarily independent and very spontaneous. My other advantage is that I have a one in a million spouse who seems willing to be dragged around the world to parts unknown for weeks at a time with nothing but a carry on bag.

I believe that when making you early retirement escape or your retirement plans you really do need to match those goals and habits to what has impacted you in your past. My spouse noses around my area looking at what I was looking at in the atlas. Last month it was Tanzania/Zanzibar for a snowbird trip. You mean Thailand/Vietnam again is out? Her only comment was why not followed by as long as we can do another safari. And how do we get there? So there is a match in our outlook toward retirement. No doubt it may differ from that of others but at the end of the day it matches both our personalities.....I think that alone is halfway or more towards a retirement goal.

It is not about what you are giving up. It is all about what you are gaining. Time is short, time with good health could be even shorter.

And here I left because there WERE GOING to change my w*rk assignment!

 

[DrRoy]

Glad it has worked out well.

 

[madman]

Not sure if you would want to but you could always go part time as a consultant for a year and then FIRE. I was planning to FIRE May 2024 at 44. I have been mentoring my replacement but boss does not know I plan to leave yet. I plan to let him know in Jan and tell him I am willing to work 15-20 hours a week at 50% pay for 1 year as a consultant to my replacement. Remote, no in person meetings, no pressure or I walk. Just an advisor to the person taking over my role to work direct with him. Over my career I had a lot of managers take me under their wing to help in my success and I am trying to do the same thing before I fully FIRE. If my boss pushes back at the proposal, I am out!

 

[madman]

Ignore my last post, did not realize this was an old post that popped up!

 

[brett]

I loved my job, worked for a great company, and was well compensated.

It certainly was not hard for me to leave.

I was ready to leave 16 months or so earlier however I knew that a golden handshake was coming. I did not want to miss it.

I got the heads up six months prior to the actual date. Never told a soul until the last two days.

It was a doddle. Gave me time to wind down and finalize some financial and retirement plans.