Caroline said:
Just got word that my father-in-law's lung cancer has spread to his liver -- they're suspending chemo and radiation (after only 5 days of treatment) and calling in hospice.
I know each case is different, but does anybody out there have the misfortune of knowing what this might mean, generally speaking? If they end treatment, are we talking months, weeks...??
Caroline,
I'm very sorry for your family suffering. It's always hard.
You got it right when you said that every case is different, on top of which without technical detals speculation is not worth much.
That said, it is likely that progressive weakness will occur, poor intake (not worth trying to force nutrition - doesn't work), perhaps a level of somnolence. Maybe pneumonia will hasten things, or perhaps progressive liver failure with gradual coma. With good palliative care it can be managed with minimal pain, and even terminal sedation if that becomes necessary.
My suggestion to the family is to accept what is, enjoy the hours of meaningful exchange, and create no resistance. Many dying people really value company even if there is no talk, so just being there a few minutes at a time is helpful. Watch your MIL closely, and give her "permission" to leave, get some sleep, take a walk, and generally keep herself together - spell her once in a while.
Another thing is that many spouses in particular feel a need to be present at the moment of death. While this is understandable, it is a moving and unpredictable target - you can spend so much emotional currency on trying to time that moment that it interferes with the quality of what time you do have. Being there means generally being there, not literally being there every second, so that's another area where you can offer support and "permission" to not focus on that target.
Just some random thoughts. Hope they might prove helpful.