I'm older than you but similar in circumstance. I have 2 kids in college which is a significant expense but can be planned for. IMHO tax planning is NECESSARY. During my career I harvested about 700K of LT capital loss and I consider that as one of my asset classes. I've used it over the years to re-balance tax free and in retirement I'm using it as a homebrew Roth since I always made too much money to subscribe to a Roth. I'm not going to take SS til 70 since I want to move money from IRA's to Roth's so I'm living off cash for 5 years while moving the money which allows me to control the tax bite. My 5 year cash is in VWSUX a short term Muni fund which again controls my taxes but has some yield. My monthly is about 10K which can easily expand to 13K as needed, but I'm trying to impose some budgeting discipline on my situation. It's actually less painful than I thought it would be
My wife is 9 years younger so that plays in as a longer time horizon and her family is very long lived. My post tax equities are tuned for maximum tax efficiency. I'm controlling medical cost with a Concierge plan which costs $399/mo for my wife and kids, is ACA compliant, has a $500 deductible per individual, they all are healthy with no pre-existing. I finally made it to medicare, so my costs are about $400 a month since they charge me double for Part B and I have a supplemental, so about $800 per month for top tier coverage. Before I retired I did all the capital upgrades to my property like a new Broward certified roof 140 mph windows and garage doors etc. My cars are 2 years old or newer low millage so I shouldn't have that as an expense any time soon. In other words I paid ahead a lot of my knowable retirement costs during my career.
I took out 5 years of living expense from my post tax acct and used my LT cap loss against it. For college I'm using FL prepaid and paying housing out of pocket about 1k per month, and the expense of 3 cars. My goal is to reduce my RMD to something that does not bracket creep my income which should be 42K/yr plus the RMD at my age 70 until my wife turns 67 when it will jump to 63k per year plus the RMD. By then the kids should be done with college. I'm not really counting on SS but it's in the plan. I intend to spend down my LT cap loss by converting post tax equities into Roth's which will allow money to flow through to my kids efficiently if I never use it and allows diversity into things like dividend paying stocks without worrying about tax consequence. I have no debt, though the write-off might be useful depends on what congress does.
The point is you simply need to make a rational plan and keep combing through it getting out all the tangles and planning for alternative eventualities. I work through a financial adviser, a guy named Phil DeMuth, you can google him. He writes for Forbes and has published 10 books. He is a fixed expense kind of adviser and does not sell anything. I got him because I read a couple of his books and bought into the concepts, and just called him up to see what we could do together. The advantage is I get access to institutional grade funds like DFA and ARQ funds and others which are designed for very high efficiency and low cost, as opposed to retail funds. The buy-in to ARQ funds is like 10 million minimum so I get access to pension fund grade funds with only a 50k or 100k stake. So I have a different take on diversity and risk management compared to a bogle style 50:50 or 75:25 account. A few extra tenths over a long time make a difference. The real advantage for me is in diversification. If you loose 33% instead of 50% you only have to make back 66% instead of 100% in a severe downturn. My account was setup like that in 2008 and I made it back to black in good time. I was 18% ahead when the S&P got back to even. My plan is largely my creation, customized for my lifestyle, and tax situation and investing style, but I have access to the thinking of people like Eugene Fama, Cliff Arness ,and Buffet through my manager. I did it myself for 20 years and personally for me working with a manager is better. My risk is less and I've made more money and sleep better at night and I'm a heck of a lot smarter about my choices. Not dissing anybody else's choices, just saying.
I was also in a high stress job, and thought I would miss it, but I wouldn't go back on a bet. This morning I woke up just predawn looked out my bedroom window which overlooks the Atlantic and watched Venus 15 minutes before the sun started to emerge on the horizon, you know that period when the sky is all baby blue and pink. Venus was massive in the morning sky, amazing. I had nothing else to do or worry about except be in the moment. In my old life I would have glanced at Venus as I rushed to take my shower and get out the door, missing the beauty.
Good luck or should I say Fare Well