On Death and Dying

[ExFlyBoy5]

A poignant article written by Jack Thomas (of Boston Globe fame) articulating his thoughts after receiving news that he has inoperable and terminal cancer.

Thomas is 82 years old and has led a good life, but nonetheless he has to face death at a time in his life he would prefer not to...and this piece is worthy of a few minutes to read.

https://www.bostonglobe.com/2021/07...only-have-months-live-this-is-what-i-want-say

 

[oaklanding]

Thank you for sharing. It's a beautiful article.

 

[pacergal]

wow, great writing, very articulate. His thoughts and feelings reach into my heart.

 

[38Chevy454]

It would be better if he didn't put such political bias in it.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

It would be better if he didn't put such political bias in it.

While I don't necessarily agree with his political position(s), I don't think it took away too much from the article and I found it pretty easy to ignore that part.

Some people are REALLY into politics and even include party affiliation or favorite politicians in their obits. I personally couldn't imagine such a miserable existence (or legacy), but I can't find fault in those who are so strongly political any more than those that are ardent sports fans.

 

[Letj]

It would be better if he didn't put such political bias in it.

I don’t see how you can read this article and come away with this. It’s not political bias; it’s a reflection of his life as he so lovingly reflects on the relationship with his father.

 

[gattara]

Beautiful, thank you for bringing it to our attention.

I need to keep this front of mind, to help guide me to focus on what is truly important:
"Filling wastebasket after wastebasket is a regrettable reminder that I have squandered much of my life on trivia."

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I need to keep this front of mind, to help guide me to focus on what is truly important:
"Filling wastebasket after wastebasket is a regrettable reminder that I have squandered much of my life on trivia."

That line was a gut punch for me. After reading it, I was able to spend a little longer outside this morning enjoying the wildlife and taking in all the beautiful sites around me in spite of the oppressive heat and humidity. A slight "reset" if you will.

 

[Major Tom]

I don’t see how you can read this article and come away with this. It’s not political bias; it’s a reflection of his life as he so lovingly reflects on the relationship with his father.

+1. I couldn't have put it better myself. He stated his political orientation in a humble and slightly self-deprecating way. In reference to his father,

"The only thing we argued about was politics. He was an ardent Republican. I am a boring liberal."

The second part of the same paragraph is a marvelous example of dry humor, which I could just as equally imagine coming from Bill Bryson or Fran Lebowitz,

"When my son was born in 1994, the doctor held him by his ankles, upside down, as they do in movies, and announced that it was a boy. “I know that,” I said, nervously. “Is he a Democrat?”"


The article is poignant and beautiful. I hope the rest of his journey on earth is a full and rich experience, with a minimum of pain.

 

[Car-Guy]

I've known two people in the past 10 years or so, that were given such a prognosis. Both were "seemingly healthy" beforehand and relatively young (late 50's to early 60's) when they got the "prognosis". I knew them both pretty well and both were told they had less than a year at the time of diagnosis.... One took all the medical treatments he could, the other refused to take or do anything. One had a deep faith, the other did not... Both lasted almost exactly 9 months and I think were able to function on their own until the last few weeks.

I kept in touch with them to the end (~weekly), and both seemed to deal with it pretty well... I hope when my time comes, if given such advanced notice, I can deal with it as well as they "seemingly" did.

 

[finnski1]

A poignant article written by Jack Thomas (of Boston Globe fame) articulating his thoughts after receiving news that he has inoperable and terminal cancer.

Thomas is 82 years old and has led a good life, but nonetheless he has to face death at a time in his life he would prefer not to...and this piece is worthy of a few minutes to read.

https://www.bostonglobe.com/2021/07...only-have-months-live-this-is-what-i-want-say

Would like to read this but can't get past the paywall?

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Would like to read this but can't get past the paywall?

Perhaps you hit the max number of "free articles" from The Globe? I didn't have any issues once I whitelisted it from my ad blocker.

 

[finnski1]

Perhaps you hit the max number of "free articles" from The Globe? I didn't have any issues once I whitelisted it from my ad blocker.

No. It didn't say that and I hardly ever go on the Boston Globe site?

 

[Car-Guy]

Would like to read this but can't get past the paywall?

Go to the first page (then hit refresh/reload) worked for me.

 

[Amethyst]

'I hope when my time comes, if given such advanced notice, I can deal with it as well as they "seemingly" did.'

When you come right down to it, what other choice do we have? Scream and wail all day about how unfair it is, until the boom comes down?

 

[gattara]

That line was a gut punch for me. After reading it, I was able to spend a little longer outside this morning enjoying the wildlife and taking in all the beautiful sites around me in spite of the oppressive heat and humidity. A slight "reset" if you will.

I don't know if you're familiar with the famous neurologist Oliver Sacks. He died at 82 in 2015 of melanoma in his eye. His essay in the NY Times is behind paywall (library gives me free access) but these paragraphs, the first in particular, have stuck with me:

"I feel a sudden clear focus and perspective. There is no time for anything inessential. I must focus on myself, my work and my friends. I shall no longer look at “NewsHour” every night. I shall no longer pay any attention to politics or arguments about global warming.

This is not indifference but detachment — I still care deeply about the Middle East, about global warming, about growing inequality, but these are no longer my business; they belong to the future. I rejoice when I meet gifted young people — even the one who biopsied and diagnosed my metastases. I feel the future is in good hands."

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/19/opinion/oliver-sacks-on-learning-he-has-terminal-cancer.html

 

[donheff]

Nice essay.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I don't know if you're familiar with the famous neurologist Oliver Sacks. He died at 82 in 2015 of melanoma in his eye. His essay in the NY Times is behind paywall (library gives me free access) but these paragraphs, the first in particular, have stuck with me:

"I feel a sudden clear focus and perspective. There is no time for anything inessential. I must focus on myself, my work and my friends. I shall no longer look at “NewsHour” every night. I shall no longer pay any attention to politics or arguments about global warming.

This is not indifference but detachment — I still care deeply about the Middle East, about global warming, about growing inequality, but these are no longer my business; they belong to the future. I rejoice when I meet gifted young people — even the one who biopsied and diagnosed my metastases. I feel the future is in good hands."

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/19/opinion/oliver-sacks-on-learning-he-has-terminal-cancer.html

I will have to read that, it looks like a worthy one.

As my Dad's health deteriorated and he finally realized that his last dance was upon him, his priorities changed...very quickly. He no longer was concerned with what was on the Evening News...it didn't matter anymore. Today, I try to stay abreast with what is going on, but I also recognize there isn't much I can do to change things so obsessing over these things is a fruitless passion.

Edit: Thank you for sharing this article. One of the things on my "to do" list since moving to Fly Over Country was to get a library card. I had put it off and put it off...reason after reason. Well, today...I went online to see what it took to get a card and well...it took about 45 seconds. With that, I was able to read the article you shared and thank you for that. It was indeed a worthy read and I am quite joyed to finally have access to the library.

 

[yhoomajor]

I've known two people in the past 10 years or so, that were given such a prognosis. Both were "seemingly healthy" beforehand and relatively young (late 50's to early 60's) when they got the "prognosis". I knew them both pretty well and both were told they had less than a year at the time of diagnosis.... One took all the medical treatments he could, the other refused to take or do anything. One had a deep faith, the other did not... Both lasted almost exactly 9 months and I think were able to function on their own until the last few weeks.

I kept in touch with them to the end (~weekly), and both seemed to deal with it pretty well... I hope when my time comes, if given such advanced notice, I can deal with it as well as they "seemingly" did.

Given your experience with that scenario.. if you were one of those two, which way would you have picked? Go with medical treatment? or on your own?

Just curious.

 

[Midpack]

"Filling wastebasket after wastebasket is a regrettable reminder that I have squandered much of my life on trivia."

The line above struck a cord with me too. Having just moved our entire household 750 miles, I had similar feelings while throwing away tons of 26 years worth of accumulated paper and other junk, though obviously not the same sensations as facing death. There were so many things we thought 'why did we ever buy this, why would we ever use it again?' At least we don't buy so mindlessly or focus on "things" anymore.

Well written, thanks OP. Just reinforces again what most of us know but repeatedly lose sight of - figure out what's really important and meaningful to YOU, and focus as much as you can on those activities. Easier said than done, but a worthwhile reminder. Don't let the ever present nonsense in the world keep you from who and what makes your life and your loved ones lives gratifying.

 

[Car-Guy]

Given your experience with that scenario.. if you were one of those two, which way would you have picked? Go with medical treatment? or on your own?

Just curious.

In the same scenarios that they were presented with, (which were almost identical) I'd "probably" opt for no treatment. (but that's my nature)... Both were told treatments "may" extend their lives by a few months but they needed to consider the "potential" side effects of treatment which "could" be significant...

I know the details of why they made their decisions and I think as it turned out, they both did what was best for them in their particular cases.

To me, I think my decision would get down to quality (and not so much quantity) of life.... YMMV

 

[Midpack]

In the same scenarios that they were presented with, (which were almost identical) I'd "probably" opt for no treatment. (but that's my nature)... Both were told treatments "may" extend their lives by a few months but they needed to consider the "potential" side effects of treatment which "could" be significant...

I know the details of why they made their decisions and I think as it turned out, they both did what was best for them in their particular cases.

To me, I think my decision would get down to quality (and not so much quantity) of life.... YMMV

Exactly for me. Between watching my parents end of life years, and The Atlantic article 'Why I Hope I Die at 75', DW and I don't want to live long after quality of life is diminished too much.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/10/why-i-hope-to-die-at-75/379329/

 

[yhoomajor]

In the same scenarios that they were presented with, (which were almost identical) I'd "probably" opt for no treatment. (but that's my nature)... Both were told treatments "may" extend their lives by a few months but they needed to consider the "potential" side effects of treatment which "could" be significant...

I know the details of why they made their decisions and I think as it turned out, they both did what was best for them in their particular cases.

To me, I think my decision would get down to quality (and not so much quantity) of life.... YMMV

Thanks for the reply... and I probably would pick the "let me be just me" as well. Although I don't know whether I would buckle under family pressure to get treated.

 

[skyking1]

Thanks for both of those articles.
My old tendency would be to run and get in that travel that we have put off, and I quickly realized that squandering my days in aluminum tubes and crowded airports and moldy museums, cathedrals and ruins and that perfect beach somewhere would be a waste of what I had left. Will be a waste of what we really do have left.

 

[Bamaman]

My mother had a terrible heart at age 74, but she lived a good life until age 91 due to superior healthcare and doctors. Her sister lived to 99 3/4 years, and she'd been in assisted living until 3 years in a nursing home.

God never put the thoughts into their minds that they were only going to be on this earth a short time. Both sisters lived their days as if they had years left. It was like Alfred E. Neumann's "What, Me Worry?" And both went very peacefully without pain.

In talking with the geriatric M.D. at my aunt's nursing home, they can easily tell when their days are numbered. Their calorie intake gradually goes down, and they just get quiet in the days up to their passing. And it's a blessing if they're not in terrible pain--and just check out quietly.