People saying funny (awkward) things

[HadEnuff]

We have five children. The wife and I had one child, and we adopted four others. Of the four adopted children, two are white and two are black. One time, a young waitress in a restaurant asked us, "how did ya'll do that?".

I have to ask, did you think it was funny when she asked that?

 

[HadEnuff]

Working in my dental office, a hygienist, super-sweet, very pretty, asked me to check a spot on someone's tongue. I did, and it was normal, and we got on the subject of tongues served in delicatessens, and had any of us ever tried it.

In her young, innocent , chipper voice she said, loud enough for everyone in the office to hear, "Oh, I've been slipped some tongue in my day"....you could have heard a pin drop.

 

[MooreBonds]

I was making airline reservations from LA to Hawaii. My friend asked me "Is it non stop?" I sure hope so.

Well, quite a few flights from LA to Hawaii (the big island) make you change planes in Honolulu.......

Not just that, but (except for Southwest) the legacy airlines fly to hubs. It could be very possible that the flight would depart Los Angeles and stop off somewhere else before arriving in Hawaii - Phoenix, Houston, Dallas, Denver, Seattle, etc.

 

[seabourne]

Myself, after Thanksgiving this year. I don't even remember what the topic was, but it was something commonly said but untrue (something related to treating bronchitis, which I managed to get that week and have had many times over the years). Said by my MIL while at the table with my FIL, DW and me. When I called it an "old wive's tale" and corrected it, I could hear FIL choke. No choice but to power through and explain what treatments are involved and pretend that I hadn't just stepped in it and that no-one else had heard anything of the sort. Oops.

 

[EastWest Gal]

This happened to my dad (he's 84)....

A few months ago while shopping, dad glanced up to see a lady he's known for decades. When she saw him, she blurted..."Oh my gawd...I thought you were dead!"

Without skipping a beat, he said "Boo"

It sounds like your dad is pretty sharp!

 

[frayne]

I've stuck my foot in my mouth so many times my breath smells like shoe leather.

 

[doneat54]

Watching a co-worker of mine giving a presentation on a new, third party designed and manufactured product, back in my HP days. He was consoling concerns about the company selling a 3rd party designed, but HP logo'ed product. He said "The product will have and HP Quality, HP look and feel, and an overall HP-ness about it."

I think I chuckled first, then everybody did....

 

[Amethyst]

Watching a co-worker of mine giving a presentation on a new, third party designed and manufactured product, back in my HP days. He was consoling concerns about the company selling a 3rd party designed, but HP logo'ed product. He said "The product will have and HP Quality, HP look and feel, and an overall HP-ness about it."

I think I chuckled first, then everybody did....

 

[Amethyst]

Best comeback ever!

This happened to my dad (he's 84)....

A few months ago while shopping, dad glanced up to see a lady he's known for decades. When she saw him, she blurted..."Oh my gawd...I thought you were dead!"

Without skipping a beat, he said "Boo"

 

[Taxman59]

Years ago, while working late in the tax bull pen. We had one computer to run the returns, and 5-6 people sharing it. One woman (very attractive and somewhat shy) had been on the computer for about an hour (way too long). about 12:30 am, she announced "I'm getting off now". The guy at the cubical next to me said in a soft voice "Can I watch?".
The woman ran from the room, called another woman to go get her coat and purse and she came in late the next morning!

 

[ls99]

Years ago, while working late in the tax bull pen. We had one computer to run the returns, and 5-6 people sharing it. One woman (very attractive and somewhat shy) had been on the computer for about an hour (way too long). about 12:30 am, she announced "I'm getting off now". The guy at the cubical next to me said in a soft voice "Can I watch?".
The woman ran from the room, called another woman to go get her coat and purse and she came in late the next morning!

Consider a shrink showing Rorschach inkblots to a client. Ten or so shown, the client exclaiming each time that the blots showed some version of fornication. A few more with the same result. Whereupon the learned shrink says, man you have a dirty mind.

The client without missing a beat, me? You the one showing me the dirty pictures!

 

[O2Bfree]

My first boss, years ago, was someone who didn't like chocolate. One day a coworker returned from a Hawaiian vacation with a box of chocolate covered Macadamia nuts. When my boss said he liked Macadamia nuts, but not chocolate, I piped up, "Well, in the spirit of teamwork, I'd be happy to eat the chocolate off of your...." Stunned silence ensued.

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

We have five children. The wife and I had one child, and we adopted four others. Of the four adopted children, two are white and two are black. One time, a young waitress in a restaurant asked us, "how did ya'll do that?".

Jeff Foxworthy's here's your sign would be a perfect response for that waitress.

 

[haha]

All these microaggressions!

We need to demand a safe space!

 

[Amethyst]

We're in one, right here and now! I keep coming back to this thread and chuckling at each new entry.

All these microaggressions!

We need to demand a safe space!

 

[TromboneAl]

In grad school, I had a roommate named Ed Chan who was extremely shy around women.

Once, he went across the hall to ask something of a girl who lived there. We both knew her well.

When she answered the door, he said, "Hi, this is Ed."

 

[TromboneAl]

Please tell me this wasn't awkward: I saw my doc once when she was eight months pregnant. When she said goodbye, I said, "Good luck with the birth!"

That was okay, right?

 

[pb4uski]

I have a friend (no filter on his thoughts ever) We were visiting someone in the local hospital. A nurse walked in and he said: "Oh, I know you....you're so and so's daughter....I remember your mom got pregnant with you AFTER your dad had a vasectomy!!..."

The nurse was stunned, turned purple and then said: "WHATTTT!!!" She had no idea.

My idiot buddy then doubled down and said: "Oh yeah...everyone in town knows that..."

Awkward....

 

[O2Bfree]

Please tell me this wasn't awkward: I saw my doc once when she was eight months pregnant. When she said goodbye, I said, "Good luck with the birth!"

That was okay, right?

I think that these days you're not suppose to acknowledge a woman's pregnancy unless she brings it up because there's the chance that she's not pregnant, just overweight.

At eight months though you were probably ok.

 

[Koolau]

Salesmen (yes, in the day, they were all men) often stopped into my parents' small business to sell their wares. One salesman's name was (let's call him "Joe") Wynn. Joe was quite a talker and my parents (as well as the other associated small business owners) called him "Windy Joe" behind his back. One of my parents' new employees greeted joe one morning and said "Oh, you're the one they call Windy Joe."

 

[latexman]

OMG...what was your response? (If you had one!)

The young lady was from a different culture where the number of children a family can have is highly restricted, so I suspect adoption is much more rare there than in the USA. So, at that instant, it wasn't particularly funny or awkward or anything really. I explained adoption to her and it seemed to refresh her recollection that she had heard about adoption, but did not have much personal experience with it. Now she does.

Afterwards, away from the reality and specificity of the moment, it was terribly funny to my wife and I.

 

[mystang52]

I committed a major, unintentional, faux pas once. I had a diametrically opposite approach to a w*rk issue with my (attractive) female counterpart. Since we were of equal rank, it was a Mexican stand-off. After considerable back-and-forth discussion, I said, "it's getting late in the day. Let's sleep on this and discuss again in the morning." It was truly an innocent statement, but her look of horror had me scared I was going to be summoned to HR.
I apologized several times, explaining my truly literal meaning of the statement. To this day, I think she probably presumed I was hitting on her. I never did get a call from HR.

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

I committed a major, unintentional, faux pas once. I had a diametrically opposite approach to a w*rk issue with my (attractive) female counterpart. Since we were of equal rank, it was a Mexican stand-off. After considerable back-and-forth discussion, I said, "it's getting late in the day. Let's sleep on this and discuss again in the morning." It was truly an innocent statement, but her look of horror had me scared I was going to be summoned to HR.
I apologized several times, explaining my truly literal meaning of the statement. To this day, I think she probably presumed I was hitting on her. I never did get a call from HR.

Based on what you wrote I really don't see what you did wrong. That's a common saying. Some women think if you look at them you like them. When you can't be yourself around the opposite sex it certainly is a sad comment on society.

 

[Amethyst]

As a sad coda to this - many years ago, I complimented a female coworker on her terrific new figure (she had been very obese, and now had a striking waistline, accentuated with a new red belt). She replied, "It's none of my doing. I have terminal cancer, and I can't stop losing weight." She died a few months later.

So yeah, never ever comment on anything related to weight unless you know the person's exact situation. About the only thing that's safe is "Wow, you look great!"

I think that these days you're not suppose to acknowledge a woman's pregnancy unless she brings it up because there's the chance that she's not pregnant, just overweight.

At eight months though you were probably ok.

 

[Amethyst]

And then there's Amethyst, who would hear later on from another colleague that "He was hitting on you" or "He went a little far with that remark," and go, "Uh - he was?"

I can be so oblivious. The "I'm getting off now," "Can I watch?" remark would have gone right under my feet. In fact, I had to think about it for a while on the thread.

Some women think if you look at them you like them. .