My father-in-law (85) died 5 years back, my own father died last year (80), and my husband's uncle (83) died this month.
Each of these gentlemen left their wives with enough money to survive and even thrive -- NONE left his wife with the confidence to do so happily.
In my mother's case I tell her, her lawyer tells her,
everyone tells her she has enough money (at 87) to support herself into her 100's. But she worries incessantly anyway. This is a woman who can't write a check, can't read a utility bill, and can't comprehend a bank statement. Her life is decidedly unhappy because she can't understand enough to believe what we're all telling her.
I'm her primary caretaker, and I'm exhausted. Not by managing her finances, which are simple enough, but by her endless fretting, worrying, questioning, and distrust of issues she never took the time to understand. She's convinced that the utilities, the credit union, the repairmen, the dentist, the doctor, the grocer... everyone is out to rob her blind (myself excepted, my siblings not).
NO amount of explaining will convince her otherwise.
Why am I boring you with this? Because, while part of this is probably her natural disposition, a large part is ignorance. I've learned that it's not enough simply to leave a solid financial reserve for your surviving spouse, -- it's vital that they
understand it, also.
This may be a generational thing -- I hope so. But those who haven't educated their spouses, and / or are planning to leave their spouse's financial well-being to their children -- no matter how responsible those children are -- may be passing a
significant emotional burden on to everyone involved. Especially if and when that spouse enters his / her 70s, 80s, and beyond.
I love my mother and will always take care of her, but our last years together might have been so much happier and more meaningful if she'd taken the time to understand her finances, or if my dad had insisted that she do so.
I currently take care of finances for DH and myself also, and I was OK with that until Papa died. No more. I'm getting DH on board and educated
now -- for his own good and for my peace of mind.
End of lecture... if you got this far, thanks for listening...