OP - Update
I was not just 'venting'...I'm a busy woman who is not on social media on a daily basis
I'm looking for jobs, had to go to a funeral in Dallas (miles, $0), and am back to mountains of laundry, etc....
Thank you (well, most of you) for the positive recommendations and advice I will read the books mentioned; I have read the Millionaire Next Door years ago.
We do not live in OK; Duncan is a small town outside of Greenville, SC but we are in the Charlotte NC area now, for the better job prospects.
No, the $100k I took out for the land purchase was not a loan; this is why I withheld an additional $20k out. The property had 3 dilapidated mobile homes on it and one cannot get a mortgage with a property with technically 3 homes on it. Thus it was a foreclosure and although I was quite nervous to do so, buying the land for our 'forever home' was a good investment for our family and for our future. The area is growing very nicely and property values are appreciating accordingly.
I'm giving a lot of thought to so many of you saying that we have a spending problem. Maybe we do, but we do not buy a lot of 'things' or clothes, or whatever people spend their money on. In fact, we didn't have much consumer debt at all until we built this home and most of the money has gone toward this endeavor... $2500 for a pond pump (the pond was green and slimy!), $6k for concrete at the shop, $10k in extra closing costs, $6k to pay one of the vendors outside the mortgage, another $3k for a new well pump, $7k for shop materials and $7k for window coverings (THAT's a good business to be in!! Geez; the windows on the back half of our house are still naked!). If asked, I would have said that we may spend more on eating out at times (though we try to find 'kids eat free' places), but we just don't buy to be buying. It doesn't make me feel good to buy stuff and in fact, I despise shopping. But, here we are with lots of debt so we MUST have a spending problem right??
I may mention that I have been dealing with a health issue for about 4 years that had me focused on just getting through the days and nights, and I hadn't 'looked up' so to speak until fairly recently. Corticosteroids (like hydrocortisone but stronger) are bad news, but that's for another post.
I'm thinking we just took on too much of the house-related debt too fast. It will all be gone in the next 3 years, if not sooner, and then we will have only the mortgage and possibly one car. I've driven the same car for 7 years and have no plans to replace it.
It's interesting to me that many here have also jumped to the conclusion that my husband and I are on rocky ground with our marriage. We really are happily married and he is committed to getting out of debt as well. He will not building a plane any time soon, if at all. He's very focused on getting his pilot's license, but not until I'm working, our debt is paid off (save for the house) and he's agreed to max out his retirement savings. Only then will he pursue his license. Neither of us would make a decision that would jeopardize our marriage, and we are both committed to never getting into this situation again.
If we are making over $250k again soon, there is no reason to think that we can get on track with our finances soon. I'm struggling with the question of 'do we build the pool' or what exactly to do with our back yard, as it still looks like a construction site... Yes, it's easy to say NO Don't Do it...but we want to live life as well and our kids would love it. We are very close with our kids btw - someone mentioned we should spend more time with them. I guess they thought we were too busy out shopping or something...LOL.
Anyway, thank you for your thoughts on all of this!! I can't stand the debt so saving that money isn't going to work I think... I want to get rid of the credit card debt entirely, and pay off the personal loan and then for the rest, either the appliance loan or the IRS. They're both over $700/mo.