Reflecting on my first post - Almost 2 years on the forum

[mountainsoft]

November will make two years since my first post here on the ER forum:

http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f26/new-to-forum-dreaming-of-retirement-84164.html

It is hard to believe that much time has passed. It was interesting to look back at my early planning and how little I knew about the subject. At the time we thought we could retire in 12 years, but I was clearly off on many of our numbers.

Over the last two years I have learned a lot from members here, read lots of online articles and books, and continue to run estimations in every calculator I can get my hands on. That original 12 year estimate (would be 10 years now) is now looking more like 5 years. Short of inheriting a large sum of money from some unknown wealthy relative, that's a deadline we can't move up. My wife can't draw her pension till then, and I can't start making IRA withdrawals till then. So, it's just a matter of waiting and saving as much as possible to ensure our estimated date becomes a reality.

The last two years have been rather eventful for me. My mom, who hadn't spoke to me in 20 years, had a stroke. So we spent most of 2017 reconnecting, moving her to an assisted living, and fixing up her house so we could sell it. In May of this year my wife had a completely unexpected heart emergency, and had to have a pacemaker implanted. It was a very scary experience, and a reminder how quickly life can change.

I have enjoyed visiting this forum daily, both for information, support, and entertainment. It's about the only forum I visit anymore. Unfortunately, I've been involved in some topics that turned sour lately. Things I have said were misinterpreted, and the topics were closed before I could clarify. If I have offended anyone, I sincerely apologize. That is never my intent. It's all meant in good fun and to get a broader view of the world. It's probably best if I limit my discussions to finances and retirement and keep my broader questions and views to myself.

Anyway, I've enjoyed the ride and have learned a lot. Thanks to everyone who has helped me over the last two years, and for tolerating my sometimes off the wall thoughts. See you all on the next topic...

 

[Freedom56]

November will make two years since my first post here on the ER forum:

http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f26/new-to-forum-dreaming-of-retirement-84164.html

It is hard to believe that much time has passed. It was interesting to look back at my early planning and how little I knew about the subject. At the time we thought we could retire in 12 years, but I was clearly off on many of our numbers.

Over the last two years I have learned a lot from members here, read lots of online articles and books, and continue to run estimations in every calculator I can get my hands on. That original 12 year estimate (would be 10 years now) is now looking more like 5 years. Short of inheriting a large sum of money from some unknown wealthy relative, that's a deadline we can't move up. My wife can't draw her pension till then, and I can't start making IRA withdrawals till then. So, it's just a matter of waiting and saving as much as possible to ensure our estimated date becomes a reality.

The last two years have been rather eventful for me. My mom, who hadn't spoke to me in 20 years, had a stroke. So we spent most of 2017 reconnecting, moving her to an assisted living, and fixing up her house so we could sell it. In May of this year my wife had a completely unexpected heart emergency, and had to have a pacemaker implanted. It was a very scary experience, and a reminder how quickly life can change.

I have enjoyed visiting this forum daily, both for information, support, and entertainment. It's about the only forum I visit anymore. Unfortunately, I've been involved in some topics that turned sour lately. Things I have said were misinterpreted, and the topics were closed before I could clarify. If I have offended anyone, I sincerely apologize. That is never my intent. It's all meant in good fun and to get a broader view of the world. It's probably best if I limit my discussions to finances and retirement and keep my broader questions and views to myself.

Anyway, I've enjoyed the ride and have learned a lot. Thanks to everyone who has helped me over the last two years, and for tolerating my sometimes off the wall thoughts. See you all on the next topic...

Between you and the marriage proposal dude, you certainly made this forum entertaining. I wonder if he is re-thinking his approach to dating on this forum after reading your thread that has apparently disappeared as I awoke this morning.



I wish your mother and wife well.

 

[97guns]

I really don’t like seeing strained relationships with a parent rekindle because of sickness or an ailment, my brother did the same with my father and by then it was way to late to spend any kind of quality time with him, it was almost like he came back looking for a handout. Not saying this is the case here but if the intentions are true to spend time with a parent it should have never ceased, I really can not understand strained relationships with parents, without them we would not have life.

 

[target2019]

November will make two years since my first post here on the ER forum:

http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f26/new-to-forum-dreaming-of-retirement-84164.html

It is hard to believe that much time has passed. It was interesting to look back at my early planning and how little I knew about the subject. At the time we thought we could retire in 12 years, but I was clearly off on many of our numbers.

Over the last two years I have learned a lot from members here, read lots of online articles and books, and continue to run estimations in every calculator I can get my hands on. That original 12 year estimate (would be 10 years now) is now looking more like 5 years. Short of inheriting a large sum of money from some unknown wealthy relative, that's a deadline we can't move up. My wife can't draw her pension till then, and I can't start making IRA withdrawals till then. So, it's just a matter of waiting and saving as much as possible to ensure our estimated date becomes a reality.

The last two years have been rather eventful for me. My mom, who hadn't spoke to me in 20 years, had a stroke. So we spent most of 2017 reconnecting, moving her to an assisted living, and fixing up her house so we could sell it. In May of this year my wife had a completely unexpected heart emergency, and had to have a pacemaker implanted. It was a very scary experience, and a reminder how quickly life can change.

I have enjoyed visiting this forum daily, both for information, support, and entertainment. It's about the only forum I visit anymore. Unfortunately, I've been involved in some topics that turned sour lately. Things I have said were misinterpreted, and the topics were closed before I could clarify. If I have offended anyone, I sincerely apologize. That is never my intent. It's all meant in good fun and to get a broader view of the world. It's probably best if I limit my discussions to finances and retirement and keep my broader questions and views to myself.

Anyway, I've enjoyed the ride and have learned a lot. Thanks to everyone who has helped me over the last two years, and for tolerating my sometimes off the wall thoughts. See you all on the next topic...

It's good to hear from you about your RE moving up. I'm still toiling in my mid 60s. Poor planning.
I try to limit my exchanges here and stay above the fray. There are several conversationalists who start great topics that go into fertile direction. Other posters are very contentious. It's really up to you how you want to mix in with folks. There is an ignore button for threads, and a way to block those who consistently respond in a way you find not good for health.
Onward, and upward.

 

[Dtail]

I have found your latest posts entertaining and I do love when there is a variety of topics on this forum even if it against the grain.
Hoping to read more postings from you.

 

[gauss]

I really don’t like seeing strained relationships with a parent rekindle because of sickness or an ailment, my brother did the same with my father and by then it was way to late to spend any kind of quality time with him, it was almost like he came back looking for a handout. Not saying this is the case here but if the intentions are true to spend time with a parent it should have never ceased, I really can not understand strained relationships with parents, without them we would not have life.

Well, parents can bear 50% of the responsibility of this at times. That was certainly the case in my house.

My Dad could give you the silent treatment for months on end if he felt that you slighted him in any way. Didn't speak to his brother for over 30 years.

We were on the outs for a couple of months when he passed.

I tried to compensate by really trying to give him the funeral that he would have wanted.

-gauss

 

[Bestwifeever]

I really don’t like seeing strained relationships with a parent rekindle because of sickness or an ailment, my brother did the same with my father and by then it was way to late to spend any kind of quality time with him, it was almost like he came back looking for a handout. Not saying this is the case here but if the intentions are true to spend time with a parent it should have never ceased, I really can not understand strained relationships with parents, without them we would not have life.

Good for you. Fortunately for you, you never met my father. I imagine the OP did the best he could.

 

[ER Eddie]

I did something similar recently -- looked back at my first post and compared to where I am now. It was pretty interesting (at least for me). I saw how my knowledge and confidence had grown, how my stress in the workplace dropped, and how my retirement targets and goals shifted.

As for the "offending people," I wouldn't worry about it. Just realize that this forum has tighter prohibitions than most, in terms of what you can talk about. They like to cultivate a very congenial, easy-going atmosphere, so any posts that could be upsetting or contentious get shut down rapidly.

 

[97guns]

Good for you. Fortunately for you, you never met my father. I imagine the OP did the best he could.

My dad can shut down and go to silent mode too for the smallest and most superficial of reason, that’s exactly what happened between him and my brother, it was such a minute reason for anger and both sides would not give in. it did happen to him and I as well in my high school years. We did not talk at all during this time but after I finished high school I forced kindness and caring upon our relationship and would not let anything come in the way of that, even though it was one sided for a bit he finally understood that I could not hold a grudge and anger against him.

It’s understandable that every relationship is different but the way I saw it was that I could not be angry at my parent for any reason, now if he was a drunk and beat me and molested me that would be hard to forgive, I have a cousin/uncle under that circumstance and I can understand their decision to be estranged.

 

[97guns]

My dad can shut down and go to silent mode too for the smallest and most superficial of reason, that’s exactly what happened between him and my brother, it was such a minute reason for anger and both sides would not give in. it did happen to him and I as well in my high school years. We did not talk at all during this time but after I finished high school I forced kindness and caring upon our relationship and would not let anything come in the way of that, even though it was one sided for a bit he finally understood that I could not hold a grudge and anger against him.

It’s understandable that every relationship is different but the way I saw it was that I could not be angry at my parent for any reason, now if he was a drunk and beat me and molested me that would be hard to forgive, I have a cousin/uncle under that circumstance and I can understand their decision to be estranged.

I just find it disturbing that sickness and ailment brings two closer

 

[97guns]

Well, parents can bear 50% of the responsibility of this at times. That was certainly the case in my house.

My Dad could give you the silent treatment for months on end if he felt that you slighted him in any way. Didn't speak to his brother for over 30 years.

We were on the outs for a couple of months when he passed.

I tried to compensate by really trying to give him the funeral that he would have wanted.

-gauss

My dad was the same, had 2 brothers that he hadn’t spoken to in over 30 years. One side has to give in or it will be this way until the end, I was the one that gave in because i did not want it to go down like that.

 

[mountainsoft]

I really don’t like seeing strained relationships with a parent rekindle because of sickness or an ailment

That was her choice, not mine. She has battled mental illness much of her life and cut off contact with everyone, not just me. We tried for years to maintain contact, but it was always met with silence. We made the two hour drive to her house a couple of times and she wouldn't answer the door. Eventually we just stopped trying. I honestly never thought I would see her again, so it was a surprise when we got the call she was in a rehab center.

I visit her every week or two and she seems to be friendly and happy to see me now. I don't want to strain the relationship so I don't talk about the 20+ years we were apart. What's done is done. Enjoy what time we have left.

 

[gauss]

My dad was the same, had 2 brothers that he hadn’t spoken to in over 30 years. One side has to give in or it will be this way until the end, I was the one that gave in because i did not want it to go down like that.

I am happy that you were able to manage your situation.

In my case it was more cyclical. Perhaps 5 years of good relations followed by 18 months of cold war.

We had other common dysfunctional stuff going on in my household growing up.

What I learned is that you can't allow yourself to be a victim during all of this. Especially when the other party is skilled in manipulative behavior.

You have to be able to detach emotionally when necessary.

-gauss

 

[Dtail]

That was her choice, not mine. She has battled mental illness much of her life and cut off contact with everyone, not just me. We tried for years to maintain contact, but it was always met with silence. We made the two hour drive to her house a couple of times and she wouldn't answer the door. Eventually we just stopped trying. I honestly never thought I would see her again, so it was a surprise when we got the call she was in a rehab center.

I visit her every week or two and she seems to be friendly and happy to see me now. I don't want to strain the relationship so I don't talk about the 20+ years we were apart. What's done is done. Enjoy what time we have left.

Good to hear. Better late than never.
Going through some version of this with my son. He is stuck in a 32k yr job, after I warned/spoke with him for years to further his education and life.
So even though my ex and I had no falling out with him, he rarely communicates with us. I have learned to accept it and hope the future is better, but not ruining my retirement over it.

 

[Moemg]

I read your thread about your Mother and I give you a lot of credit for helping out after years of being ignored . You went above and beyond for your Mother .

 

[MRG]

I really don’t like seeing strained relationships with a parent rekindle because of sickness or an ailment, my brother did the same with my father and by then it was way to late to spend any kind of quality time with him, it was almost like he came back looking for a handout. Not saying this is the case here but if the intentions are true to spend time with a parent it should have never ceased, I really can not understand strained relationships with parents, without them we would not have life.

Wow.

Well my DF and I had a terrible relationship. One of the biggest issues was he hated my wife. Tried to get me to leave her at the altar. His dislike was very obvious but we, DW and I, continued to let it go and try to have a normal relationship with him.

Later when we moved 1100 miles away from home for opportunities, the old man hated that. He couldn't keep tabs on his 21 year old kid anymore.

My older brother committed suicide a while later, the old man told me it was my fault for moving away! My brother's suicide was all about my DF'S methd of treating him. The constant message was your wrong!

We continued to try to have a relationship until his death. It never got better with him. I spent a lot of time, emotion, and money forgiving the man after his death. My motivation wasn't about money. I was hoping the old man might realize his part in my brother's suicide.

If you talked with the people in the community you'd hear what a great guy the old man was. Haha. They didn't know the guy. Yeah the old man donated sperm, something most stranger's would gladly do.

You're certainly entitled to your opinion. Realize you have no idea about events in others families.

 

[mountainsoft]

I read your thread about your Mother and I give you a lot of credit for helping out after years of being ignored . You went above and beyond for your Mother .

Thanks. It took a lot of time and effort to get her house fixed up to a point we could sell it.

Fixing Up The Dallesport House

 

[JustCurious]

I really can not understand strained relationships with parents, without them we would not have life.

You haven't met my mother.

 

[gauss]

Thanks. It took a lot of time and effort to get her house fixed up to a point we could sell it.

Fixing Up The Dallesport House

Inspiring! Thanks

 

[bigcmagor]

Funny how a post partially apologizing for unintentionally stirring contention ends up contentious.