Retirement Anxieties shared

[atmsmshr]

Amazing to see how your replies demonstrate the similarities of our FIRE anxieties. However, there were some I had not thought of yet (best in class -old man scratching ).

My last work day is 20 June and good progress made towards wrapping up projects. No successor named - subject to speculation, but not my problem since 4 weeks is plenty of notice for a mega with a good succession planning program.

A week has gone by and every day someone new congratulates me for 'getting out' so young (for crying out loud 58 is not young) and healthy. To those that expressed genuine worry about continuity of business, I thanked them for the kind words and then tell them about the organizational change analogy of a hand being removed from a bucket of water. One congratulatory handshake was followed up with 'You're an $$$hole for leaving us so early.'

To those that are similar in age bracket, I say - you are next and closer than you realize. Some of the notable anxieties shared from these highly educated and highly paid professionals:

- Can't believe you are leaving before me. (He is older and has a higher salary, but left the company for a promotion elsewhere only to come back but lose retiree medical in the process. Also owns a Porches, Tesla, and sent both daughters to private university.)
- Can't retire - ex spouse wants more money.
- Can't retire - lifetime alimony (ouch)
- Can't retire - who else would support my three ex wives?
- Did not save enough, but sure had fun when younger.
- No retiree medical available (x3)
- Gotta get the kids out of college first (x2)
- Have to get DS off the payroll.
- Too many life resets to be able to retire early.
- Scared to retire (extrovert)
- Don't want to retire - love my job (older than me but that's great for him. He is also extremely extroverted)
- Programmed myself to be a working professional and to save money - don't know how to stop. (That's ok - someone has to keep propping up social security).
- My financial 'guy' says I am not ready. (which I interpreted as a form of financial illiteracy).
- Don't have my million yet and Fidelity says that's what I need before even thinking about it (He's 63)
- Too scared - don't know how finances work.

And my favorite - Won't be able to retire until the zombie apocalypse comes. (I laughed too hard to ask why).

All of which reinforces to me that this forum is a non-representative select group. For the most part we tend to be financially literate people who plan ahead and look forward to retirement. And of course we are better looking.

Maybe I should start another forum for the Unlucky and Financially Dependent and Retiring Late types. The UFDaRL movement has to be a much bigger population.

 

[atmsmshr]

I have never been inclined to feel my own prostate. It's appalling enough when the doctor does it once a year.


I heard it's stamped on the prostate. I don't intend to confirm.

Lost a little coffee through the nose when I read this today. Guess my style of prose leaves too much to the imagination.

Just to be perfectly public about this private prostate problem - I deny having ever having self examined, preferring to pay several men with stethoscopes outrageous sums to do the dirty deed.

Thank you for prompting the clarification Mdlerth.

 

[audreyh1]

Congratulations on you retirement! As for the prostate, my husband had a procedure called PAE (Prostate Arterial Embolization) done in March of this year. He is already seeing a major reduction in his BPH symptoms. This procedure is basically minimally invasive in that the doctor passes a catheter up the artery of one of the arms, goes down to the prostate and releases little silicon beads into the microvasculature of each lobe of the prostate. This blocks a percentage of the blood supply to the lobes and the prostate shrinks over the course of six months or so. The doctor that pioneered the wrist approach is Ari Isaacson from UNC in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Look him up!

Wow, yep, sounds just like my uterine fibroid embolization (UFE), although they entered at the groin.

 

[RobLJ]

OP pretty much iterates my concerns 4 years ago when I pulled the cord at almost exactly the same age (and marriage length), although I should add a concern about moving from Houston to Reno and should subtract the concern about the prostate.

It's all good, although I admit I continue to work part-time online (but on the other hand convinced younger DW to retire completely instead, rather than her continuing to work to 58 as in the original "plan.")

I admit I'm still concerned about a market peak, but considerably less so than I was 4 years ago. We're celebrating 35 years of marriage by hiking the Kerry Way in Ireland at the end of June and first week of July, then a week in Dublin.

 

[IrishMoss]

I retired at age 57 after getting laid off, which I was expecting to happen. For me it was such a relief because I had been very unhappy at work and was trying to hold on as long as possible.

The relief of not having to try and look busy at work and continually wait for "the other shoe to drop" was incalculable. The last 10 yrs had been a real slog, full of disappointments and soul-sucking environments. Just stopping all of that pain has brought joy.

I'm single with no kids and life isn't so very different. I'm kind of a homebody so just hanging out has been nice. I feel no pressure to be busy-busy-busy like many do. I feel I'm in a big transition even in my second year of retirement, but I haven't figured any of that out yet so I'm just coasting and being.

And really, that's good enough and feels just fine!

Happy Retirement!

 

[atmsmshr]

I retired at age 57 after getting laid off, which I was expecting to happen. For me it was such a relief because I had been very unhappy at work and was trying to hold on as long as possible.

The relief of not having to try and look busy at work and continually wait for "the other shoe to drop" was incalculable. The last 10 yrs had been a real slog, full of disappointments and soul-sucking environments. Just stopping all of that pain has brought joy.

I'm single with no kids and life isn't so very different. I'm kind of a homebody so just hanging out has been nice. I feel no pressure to be busy-busy-busy like many do. I feel I'm in a big transition even in my second year of retirement, but I haven't figured any of that out yet so I'm just coasting and being.

And really, that's good enough and feels just fine!

Happy Retirement!

Irish hits a home run on this observation. Like others, I have noticed that it is the extroverted crowd that has difficulty with FIRE. Plenty of money in the bank, but just can't imagine life outside of Mega. Of course these are the workaholics. On the other hand, the INTJ types seem to be the ones most yearning to retire.

My wife and I are between the two extremes as 'midtroverts'. She is a DJ and minister just as happy at home as mixing with a crowd. I have been a mid level manager forever (think of the career for Crash in Bull Durham).

So what to do has been a mild anxiety for DW and myself, but its not something that is holding us back from FIRE. We are looking forward to a new beginning with the luxury of time to go chase some dreams.

 

[workmyfingerstothebone]

Retired at 57 and something... wife still teaching for a few more years.
It's her second career and she enjoys the kids ... most of them, lol.

Going on my third year and things are going as planned.
That's what we strive for, make a plan and then work the plan.

We've always been making plans for the businesses we worked for so they helped lay the foundation for our retirement planning, so many years ago.

I have an older post where I put our retirement plans out there in the forum and asked for community input, I did not get the go ahead at that time so just kept working our plan.

Our plan has a worst case scenario and a best case one. Health is toughest event to plan for in the future.

So, if you have a plan for the future and you're working that plan then relax and enjoy, it's the most many of us can do.

 

[Alvin Tostig]

Great post. I'll add my 2 cents since I am retiring this month (after several false starts)


Did we retire too early or too late? (Also known as – have we saved enough?)
I'm 63, later than most on this board, earlier than almost all of my peers, so all is good.

Is it a mistake to turn off this fabulous paycheck (knowing I can’t go back)?
I think that's why I added OMY at least 2-3 times.

What is our expiration date, and when will decent health be forever gone?
Yes, this is my biggest concern. I have pre-existing conditions. My company will cover me for 6 months at the same rate after i'm gone, then COBRA or ACA, then on to Medicare. My wife, 4 years younger, will be on ACA for awhile - hope it's around or something better.

DS and DD are doing great for now, but will some event send them home?
Same here. Both run their own businesses, but things can always happen. My kids live far away, and I don't see them enough. They can always come back for a short time if things change.

Is the next great recession just around the corner bringing on the dreaded SORR apocalypse?
There will be a recession at some point either soon or later. It's a given.

What is the best AA for us in retirement (currently conservative)?
I was about 83/7/10 about 5 years ago. now at 52/36/12 and I can sleep at night with that AA.

Will our marriage become more or less fulfilling (pretty darned good after 31 years)?
It's god now and hopefully better.

Do we really know our own bucket lists at this point or will they change?
Don't have a bucket list yet. Maybe i'll do one after I think through it.

For the men only – why did god give us prostates and why the heck does mine feel the size of a Georgia peach sometimes?
I hear you!!! I have an oversized prostate, with side effects, including a slightly elevated PSA. I think green light therapy is in the near future.

 

[38Chevy454]

Here were/are some of my bigger anxieties – What were yours?

At 58, did we retire too early or too late? (Also known as – have we saved enough?)
Corollary- Is it a mistake to turn off this fabulous paycheck (knowing I can’t go back)?
What is our expiration date, and when will decent health be forever gone?
DS and DD are doing great for now, but will some event send them home?
Is the next great recession just around the corner bringing on the dreaded SORR apocalypse?
What is the best AA for us in retirement (currently conservative)?
Will our marriage become more or less fulfilling (pretty darned good after 31 years)?
Do we really know our own bucket lists at this point or will they change?
For the men only – why did god give us prostates and why the heck does mine feel the size of a Georgia peach sometimes?

Regards - atom

58 is not too early, I retired at 53.5 and it's been a great almost 2 years so far.
I was an engineer, so the math part of the financial calculation is the easy logical part for me. The emotional part is what took a little faith in the logical part.
It would be a lot easier if we knew an exact expiration date. All you can do is pick a number and work to that.
No children for me, but do have a sister that requires my guidance.
Just have to rely on the math and enough AA to weather the storm.
I am currently 70/30, but will likely go to 60/40 soon.
Retirement has been good for my marriage.
I have bucket list items, but also revise as I see fit.
I just rely on being more on preventative side for hopefully catch things before they become a bigger problem.



My biggest fear is if some big medical related issue comes up for DW or me. Up to now we both have good health, not perfect but not impacting life or plans.

 

[atmsmshr]

The Big Medical issue

Oh yes - this anxiety really sucks, and scares us all. Ranks up there with having to eat cat food and live under a bridge.

Closely followed by the need to have access to good medical care with decent insurance.

Then, off in the distance, the LTC bogeyman is standing in front of the grim reaper.

Got a checkup after suffering from some indignities awhile back. Just got my second round of PSA results back today - down to 4.3 from 4.9 over six weeks. Still high. DW and I have been losing weight by eating Keto. I've also been taking Prost 10X natural remedy. The stuff contains bee pollen, saw palmetto, eye of newt, wing of bat and the like. This supplement has improved my symptoms but it is a friggin $100/month.

Interesting therapies that others have described never heard of before. I feel like I am on a watchlist. Next PSA is in 3 months.

 

[atmsmshr]

12 days to go

The 20th of June will be here before I know it. one month vacation follows and then FIRE!

Steps to tame some anxieties.

Taxes. To avoid missing out on the benefit of 401k max contributions with a mid year retirement, calculated to the penny a step up in contributions to reach the $19k limit plus $6k over 55 catch up. Don't want to pay 22% to the feds when I have a savings account worth a year of expenses. Except Fidelity thwarted my efforts. Logged in this week and saw FIDO retired me while still working. Called and politely asked them what the heck? Error on their part - reset to 1 August and last paycheck. Crud. Now missing deductions for one paycheck and likely company match in the 401k. I can still recalculate deductions and get the max 401k contribution - but is this not what these people are paid to do? For the rest of the tax situation, looks like I have enough cash that we can stay out of the 22% bracket for at least 3 of the next 4 years.

Sequence of Returns Risk - Rode the bull longer than most advised and did not get off until last year. Got lucky pure and simple. Put 8.5 years expenses into a MM last year because the feds were jacking rates. When they stopped, put 3/4th of that into short term treasuries first quarter. Which is ultra conservative, except all of my equity ensure is with mega stock. The capital gains on this stock is too good to pass up - so I have gone conservative on everything else. Won't be able to roll the 401k to an IRA until age 60 and start realizing NUA capital gains after that. We will ramp up our equity exposure percentage with the approach of SS at FRA and divestiture of mega stock.

Definitely feels odd getting ready to leave. I will miss the people but not the stress.

 

[trumpeting_angel]

Miss the people...

But not the stress. You said it!

I’ve been thinking about volunteer work, group activities, committee work (I’m joining my town’s Aging in Place committee). I live far from my buddies at work, and we all know how that goes after retirement.

I also think of part-time w*rk of some sort. Mostly to allay anxiety!

 

[atmsmshr]

Update for odds and ends

Four days left until I go on 'vacation' and never come back. Feel fortunate that mega allows PTO to be observed so I can collect a month of benefits. However, I have seen instances after a retire letter is sent HR telling someone no thanks, we will sever ties on the last work day. Mega can be a cold mistress.


Odds and Ends
- Changed my 401k contributions for the remaining paychecks to fully fund the 401k and catch up contribution for the year. Nice tax savings here. Have enough cash on hand to avoid the 22% tax bracket for several years. The snafu described earlier was caught in time to not miss any company match.
- Changed my group auto insurance to withdrawal from checking instead of a paycheck. Did not think I could keep group auto policy but pleasantly surprised at keeping the discounted rate.
- Also able to port group life term insurance to individual policy without underwriting. Nice perk, I will take advantage of that.
- Company phone - got authorization to keep my phone number ported to an individual plan, which is convenient because its been 'mine' for nearly 20 years. Of course I am changing carriers, so it makes things more convoluted. Turns out Verizon has discounts for vets and geezers (over 55).
- NUA - FIDO has helped me to solidify that strategy. Key point is after 59.5 there are no more 'trigger' events, so there is only one shot at rollover 401k to an IRA and paying taxes on the cost basis. Any withdrawal from the 401k after that age and you lose the whole capital gains tax advantage.
- Mega credit card surplus. One of the more exasperating things with the expense account has been the slow reimbursement, necessitating me to pay the card balance (which is in my name) prior to the due date. Then mega pays the CC issuer. So I had a sizable surplus on my balance. Not wanting to risk being retired and the account balance 'swept', I have been using the CC for personal use lately because neither mega or the issuer have proved worthy of sending me a refund.
- For instance, just got a Freedom Boat club membership yesterday using the CC for upfront dues after we did a one month trial. DW and I had several boats over 20 years; can't wait to have the time to get back aboard on a regular basis. (Only this time around I did not want to own.) They also have a 10% vet discount. And a father's day sale.
- Sleep. Did not really expect this, but having a bit of trouble sleeping lately. Separation anxiety, fear of the unknown, excitement of new horizons? Change is hard.

Anyway, after being 'buttoned down' for so long, I see shorts, sandals, beard and a ponytail in my near future.

 

[atmsmshr]

Cyber anxiety

Ok - work your whole life and some punk in Uzbekistan hacks your accounts and cleans you out.

Ouch.

Got a long way to go on this one, but made some baby steps yesterday. Bought a stand alone laptop with virus protection. Will have a separate email account referenced to the 401k, pension, and credit union. No other use for this laptop, and our house router is encrypted. Not bombproof, but helps. However, the salesman talked me into a Lenovo. Of course, realized later it is a Beijing company, designed and assembled in China. . At least it has an AMD processor and Windows 10 operating system. Have not taken it out of the box yet.

I am not impressed with cyber security features with FIDO or my credit union. Still have to dig more, maybe I am missing something.

SIM card attacks. That is one that worries me. We use online banking to deposit checks. Have to research this one.

Debit card. Saw DW use debit card to make a purchase at PETsMART. We talked about cyber security after that.

Might take awhile to get into shape on this one.

Anyone have a solid cyber plan to share?

 

[24601NoMore]

Anyone have a solid cyber plan to share?

Might want to make sure the answers to your "secret questions" (to reset your password) are not obvious. Like, dog's name..mother's maiden name..those things are pretty easy to find nowadays.

We use randomly generated strings of gibberish for those, and a password manager with strong encryption to manage it all..of course, it makes for some interesting conversations when you have to call in to a CSR..

Also suggest using something non-obvious for your login ids. I have one financial institution that insists on email for login id..I'm closing that one ASAP..

 

[Unpaintedhuffhines]

Ok - work your whole life and some punk in Uzbekistan hacks your accounts and cleans you out.

Ouch.

Got a long way to go on this one, but made some baby steps yesterday. Bought a stand alone laptop with virus protection. Will have a separate email account referenced to the 401k, pension, and credit union. No other use for this laptop, and our house router is encrypted. Not bombproof, but helps. However, the salesman talked me into a Lenovo. Of course, realized later it is a Beijing company, designed and assembled in China. . At least it has an AMD processor and Windows 10 operating system. Have not taken it out of the box yet.

I am not impressed with cyber security features with FIDO or my credit union. Still have to dig more, maybe I am missing something.

SIM card attacks. That is one that worries me. We use online banking to deposit checks. Have to research this one.

Debit card. Saw DW use debit card to make a purchase at PETsMART. We talked about cyber security after that.

Might take awhile to get into shape on this one.

Anyone have a solid cyber plan to share?

I'm in the cybersecurity industry, and so I deal with this every day. If the bad guys want you enough, they will get you. Your goal should be just enough of a PITA that they move to the next guy. In practice, that means:

• Don't use public wifi. It's trivial to sniff what is going over the wire.
• Make sure your systems are up to date with the latest bug fixes (use Windows 10 if you're a PC person)
• Use a password manager (I use Lastpass, but there are several of this ilk). Make all your passwords strong AND different. One of the first things I'll do if I get your Fidelity credentials is to try those same credentials at BofA, Lloyds, Citi, etc. until I get a match. And I will usually find a match)
• TURN ON TWO FACTOR AUTHENTICATION. This is a no-brainer and will protect you most of the time.

Also, monitor your credit card/bank accounts for suspicious behavior at least weekly. Set text alerts at the lowest $ amount possible - often times the first thing a fraudster will do is buy something for $1 just to see if the card is good. If it is, they hit you hard and fast. You're usually protected (at least in the US), but good to catch it early.

And no, Microsoft support will not call you at home telling you that they have detected suspicious behavior and can fix it for just $49.95.

 

[rk911]

there’s careful and prudent and then there’s paranoid. our *plan*:

- we generally don’t use public wifi
- we have Lifelock accounts on both of us
- the few paper checks we get are mobile deposited without fear. everything else is direct deposited.
- except for a few that don’t offer it all bills are auto paid.
- we have our credit card alerts set to $1 and we use them for virtually everything.
- when we travel we use cellular data only.
- we keep our anti-virus, anti-malware and windows OS up to date
- we practice good internet habits..no clicking on unexpected links from unknown senders, etc.

been remote and mobile banking for years with no issues. have had the CC replaced several times due to *suspected* hacking. the CC company has been superb to deal with. i did get a call from *Microsoft* a few months ago and played with him for a while before he hung up on me! that was fun.

in short...do the best you can but don’t live in fear.

 

[Carpediem]

- Sleep. Did not really expect this, but having a bit of trouble sleeping lately. Separation anxiety, fear of the unknown, excitement of new horizons? Change is hard.

I gave my retirement notice this past Tuesday and I've been experiencing similar feelings and weird dreams. I'm sure they will subside as we start to live our new retirement life. Best of luck and congratulations!

 

[trumpeting_angel]

I'm out in two weeks, and the anxiety goes up and down. I'm going to meet with my trusted accountant (who is now a CFP) to figure out Roth conversions and best withdrawal practices. I read about it, but panic sets in and my head starts to swim. Things that require a lot of bookkeeping and planning have never been my strong suit, so I'm going to buy some guidance on that one.

I have plenty to do - gardening, hiking, and my new chickens - but I moved here to Vermont two years ago (I live with my partner) and don't have much of a social network. That worries me. I fear hibernating and getting depressed (partner still working). I've volunteered for my town's Aging in Place committee, and I'm thinking about getting some little paid or volunteer job where I'll meet lots of people. I have a group of close friends living about two hours away, and my daughter, SIL, and granddaughter live 3.5 hours away.

Other sources of anxiety include when to take SS. Firecalc says it doesn't much matter (I'm at 100% either way). Most of the advice is to wait until 70. But withdrawing from my savings is anxiety-provoking! How do you get used to that after saving like crazy all your life?

I'm used to anxiety. I think this will get better after my visit with my accountant/planner. And after I quit going to the hospital (office), which I'm only doing 2 days/week now. Cutting down slowly has helped.

 

[atmsmshr]

Thank you for the cyber tips!

 

[24601NoMore]

OP - congrats! Only a few more days to go..

Anxiety from turning off a regular paycheck was a very big deal for me. I'm still struggling with it, frankly. Those regular paychecks enable your doing a whole lot of things that are easy to take for granted - paying for fairly significant house repairs, remodeling, nice vacations, etc. And even the best, most well thought out budget can't always predict those things with any certainty..and when they happen, it's added anxiety from having to pull $ from this now "not limitless" piggy bank you've built up over the years.

Another thing I hadn't considered is what it'd be like ER'ing when most of the people living around me haven't. Those folks still have regular paychecks coming in, and are doing all sorts of improvements to their houses, remodeling, taking extravagent vacations, etc. We just went to a high school graduation party last night at someone's house who's still working..and while I don't know for certain how much they spent on this party, I wouldn't be surprised if it was > $5K (catered with high end food..had a live band..) and maybe more. It was SO over the top that I can't even begin to describe it..another neighbor next to them just remodeled..pretty much their entire house. I'm guessing > $100K. Then, we came home and it reminded me that when you have fairly sizable regular paychecks coming in, you can do those things (not that we would - as you guys know, I shop at Kohls, drive average cars and clip coupons..). Hard to describe, but the shift to being more frugal than we already were and realizing we don't have a "limitless" piggy bank - and what we do have needs to last us the rest of our lives, is definitely in my "top 3" areas of ER anxiety..candidly, even though I probably don't "need" to, I've thought quite a bit about if I should maybe go back to w*rk for another year or two just to fund some of these big purchases (need to downsize and get to a new house, fix the one we have, etc) without it being such a big dent to the piggy bank..

 

[IrishMoss]

If the anxiety of spending down is that great and it causes much distress, then go back to work at least part-time. There's no law that you cannot work some more.

I worked with a guy who was on contract at the company I was employed by and his contract there was ending and he was retiring altogether. We all had lunch on his last day. He swore up and down he'd not be working anymore. He was in his 60s and was done, blah, blah, blah.

Well, his "retirement" lasted about 4 months and he was back looking for a new contract job, and he finally landed one working with/for the same people he had before but at a different company, and they hired him to run some projects there. And back he went and is still employed a year later.

Spend down and retirement doesn't always make sense for some folks, even if they could afford it, they can't really stop working or earning $$$. And that's okay. Embrace what feels right and go for it.

For me, at the time that guy was leaving I was waiting to get laid off. I had nothing to do, the job had been a bad fit for me and I hung on for 2.5 yrs I managed to stay there, socking as much $$$ away as I could so I hopefully would never have to work again. I was miserable so was ready to have my 35 yrs of corp America cubicle confinement come to an end.

It was weird starting to spend down my savings, but I took baby steps and got more comfortable and decided I'd be just fine no matter what.

 

[Buckeye]

I'm in the cybersecurity industry, and so I deal with this every day. If the bad guys want you enough, they will get you. Your goal should be just enough of a PITA that they move to the next guy.

Also, monitor your credit card/bank accounts for suspicious behavior at least weekly. Set text alerts at the lowest $ amount possible - often times the first thing a fraudster will do is buy something for $1 just to see if the card is good. If it is, they hit you hard and fast. You're usually protected (at least in the US), but good to catch it early.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a text message come through for $1 purchase on a Wells Fargo Amex. I called to cancel the card because the purchase was not made by me. The reps were very thankful I had called immediately to head off that larger fraudulent charge that you know was coming. Wherever I can, I have alerts sent for every transaction no matter how small.

 

[Octogirl]

thanks for the good tips on cyber security.
it is one of my fears.......DD was hacked in 2018 for $9,990.

 

[Go-NoGo]

OP - congrats! Only a few more days to go..

Anxiety from turning off a regular paycheck was a very big deal for me. I'm still struggling with it, frankly. Those regular paychecks enable your doing a whole lot of things that are easy to take for granted - paying for fairly significant house repairs, remodeling, nice vacations, etc. ..

I had the same anxiety, I am planning on pulling the plug in about 9 months or so (assuming all goes well).

Not having a paycheck come in twice a month fills me with dread. I got some tips on this board and I am planning on accumulating dividends/cap gain for about 6 months to fill my Vanguard MM account, then after retirement I will setup the MM account to make 2 deposits a month into my checking account with which I plan to pay my bills.

Now I get a "paycheck" and as an added bonus I know I am within budget if I don't overspend this account.

After 1 or 2 years I will manage the bi-monthly deposit to go up/down depending on market conditions or my burn rate