S.O. With High Debt / What to do?

[haha]

The recent PC refusal to use pronouns with gender has pretty much ruined the intelligibility of much writing.

"Their SO got so mad at them that they planned to leave them."

Ah, ok, now I understand.

Ha

 

[JustCurious]

The recent PC refusal to use pronouns with gender has pretty much ruined the intelligibility of much writing.

I agree. It has also exposed the tendency of some people, myself included, to assume that couples are heterosexual when reading stories about SO's. I have learned to be more careful.

 

[Nemo2]

The recent PC refusal to use pronouns with gender has pretty much ruined the intelligibility of much writing.

Newspeak, you say?

 

[couch]

I haven't read through this thread so apologies in advance if this was covered. At least where I am from, if you are your SO live together for sufficient time to will be considered common law.

Once you are married your house will be considered the matrimonial home and your SO will automatically own half of it.

Be careful.

 

[Rianne]

I haven't read through this thread so apologies in advance if this was covered. At least where I am from, if you are your SO live together for sufficient time to will be considered common law.

Once you are married your house will be considered the matrimonial home and your SO will automatically own half of it.

Be careful.

Yes, just ask Lee Marvin. RIP

 

[athena53]

I haven't read through this thread so apologies in advance if this was covered. At least where I am from, if you are your SO live together for sufficient time to will be considered common law.

Once you are married your house will be considered the matrimonial home and your SO will automatically own half of it.

Be careful.

Every state has different laws about what constitutes common law marriage, but I believe that they nearly all require that you actually PRESENT yourself as married. If the OP and SO continue to make to clear that they're not married, I don't think the law will treat them as married.

As for automatically owning half the house in the case of a divorce- not always. Depends on whether it's a community property state. When I divorced in NJ I got 40% but it was part of a property settlement we'd negotiated which the court accepted, and I was happy with the overall deal.

 

[Teacher Terry]

You can be married in a community property state and keep your house if you have your spouse sign a quit claim deed at closing or when you marry.

 

[aja8888]

You can be married in a community property state and keep your house if you have your spouse sign a quit claim deed at closing or when you marry.

You can do this anytime after you are married, too.

 

[sheehs1]

I've read thru the entire thread and think all of the responses have got the original OP covered. I can't add much else. Good job everyone!

 

[Aegis1961]

Same situation

I share your pain. Unlike you, I didn't realize the debt my partner had until we moved in together. Prior to that there was a lot of smoke and mirrors when we talked about finances. I am currently subsidizing his debt (he pays a few $ a month toward household expenses. Rough 1/4 of the real cost). I have to remind him every month, and he only grudgingly transfers the money.

The real problem is he has gotten used to me paying more because I made more. When I ask him to pay, he bristles. Its an effort to get any $ out of him, yet he spends plenty of bucks on what he wants.

Now I've lost my job (company closed) and his attitude hasn't changed a bit. He still expects me to pay because I have a "bundle" of money set aside for retirement. He knows it would provide only 35K/yr, but that doesn't seem to matter.

It should be no surprise that we are breaking up. I think I'm done with the whole partner-stuff. I have a very active social life, love my friends and value my alone time.

Good luck to you - but I would cut my losses and consider the mortgage you'll be paying alone as an asset for your retirement rather than an unexpected burden.

 

[Rianne]

I share your pain. Unlike you, I didn't realize the debt my partner had until we moved in together. Prior to that there was a lot of smoke and mirrors when we talked about finances. I am currently subsidizing his debt (he pays a few $ a month toward household expenses. Rough 1/4 of the real cost). I have to remind him every month, and he only grudgingly transfers the money.

The real problem is he has gotten used to me paying more because I made more. When I ask him to pay, he bristles. Its an effort to get any $ out of him, yet he spends plenty of bucks on what he wants.

Now I've lost my job (company closed) and his attitude hasn't changed a bit. He still expects me to pay because I have a "bundle" of money set aside for retirement. He knows it would provide only 35K/yr, but that doesn't seem to matter.

It should be no surprise that we are breaking up. I think I'm done with the whole partner-stuff. I have a very active social life, love my friends and value my alone time.

Good luck to you - but I would cut my losses and consider the mortgage you'll be paying alone as an asset for your retirement rather than an unexpected burden.

The benefit of falling in love with SO who is as poor as you are, with the same goals. I got nothin, you got nothin, let's make something together. That's our story and I'm sticking to it.

 

[Aegis1961]

I Love that! Thanks Rianne.