gauss
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2011
- Messages
- 3,615
Are there any other husbands on this forum with DW working? While she says she's fine with it, I believe there is likely an underlying questioning of this which could lead to resentment. It may not happen, but I'd hate to go the next several years with that possibility. I've thought about potentially getting a part time job and would be doing the housework that we currently share.
Not looking for someone to make the decision for me, but rather I'd like to know if others have been in this situation and how it worked out. The same goes for husbands whose wives ER'd. Don't want to be sexist!
Oh, man does this ever sound familiar. DW gets a big pension bump after 30 years (on the order of additional $0.5M in present value) and subsidized retiree health care until 65.
My Megacorp decided to stop all pension accruals back in 2012.
DW said she thought she would be cool with it -- but could not be sure until it happened. Giving her some words to offer to the curious I think may have helped -- "Seems to be working, but still evaluating it...." or something to that effect.
I knew that I was going to have to own my decision on this and be able to communicate it to others when questioned. Would not be honorable to try to hide this or avoid the question while DW is still working IMHO.
I was able to take a one year dependent care leave of absence to care for DM after her fusion spinal surgery. No pay, no benefits, BUT the wonderful chance to return to the job after 1 year.
This was like having my cake and eating it too.
We ran the year out. Everyone seemed quite happy with the situation, so when the company called and asked me when I was coming back, or if not please resign in so many words, I decided to resign.
I wrote the letter but asked for a meeting with the HR lady to talk about it before stating my intent to resign.
I told HR lady that I liked the company but things were working out for me now, and there was not a job that I would really want to come back to at this point.. I asked her if this would prevent me from ever working for the company again. She said "No", you are in good standing. We are not "paying you to leave" so there would be no block on future employment. She said that if I were to come back it would likely be contract as opposed to direct hire. I said that all sounds great.
I resigned and have not looked back.
I get up earlier than DW every day and make her breakfast. I do additional chores around the house to lighten her load. I am involved with several volunteer activities of the "white collar" nature that keep me engaged/challenged and busy. I don't watch TV, play video games or anything like that.
I am able to go out with DW during the week more often as well as go out with other friends/family.
I think everyone is cool with this and DW is now about 1.5 years out to hitting her 30 years and able to RE too. Time went quickly since early 2012 when I first went on the leave of absence.
We have had 2 parents pass away in the years since I ER'd. Being both only children, I was glad to be able to be unencumbered by a j*b during this time.
Hopefully my story will help you out and inspire you.
-gauss
p.s. One of DW conditions on this was that if things got really bad for her at work, she would have the option to join me at any point prior to her attaining 30 years. I responded that yes that would be possible. I think that helps her psychologically know that she is not trapped nor responsible to be the sole breadwinner. As it turns out she was promoted last year, but is still doing very similar work.
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