Talking to 'regular folks'

[Andre1969]

Casual acquaintances, and sometimes even F&F, tend to speak in code when they know the real words will make them seem smaller.

Here are some translations:

"You look too young to be retired" = "I wish I could retire/have retired when I was/looked that age".

"I would get bored if I retired" = "I'd do it in a heartbeat if I could even come close to affording to do it".

"You are lucky" = "Now how come I never got that lucky?".

And so on. In other words, envy. Stay away from those people is my motto.

As for the "what do you do?" question, this is nosiness combined with "let me see if I can make that work for me". Basically, also envy.

I dunno, that sounds like you're projecting, or putting words in other people's mouth. Sometimes, it is exactly what it is.

Some people are just so used to working a set routine, and really don't know what they would do with themselves, if they suddenly had a bunch of free time. My Grandmom retired from the federal government at the age of 56, and could have stayed retired if she wanted to, but whe went back to work doing part-time on call, where she could basically set her own schedule. She did that until she turned 70. She enjoyed her work, but towards the end, they started computerizing things at work, and the old saying, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" kind of rang true. I think she would have kept working if she could, but I also remember her saying that at 70, it just seemed like you're "supposed" to do it.

My Mom and stepdad both retired back in 2011. Her at 61, him at 57. After being workaholics, they both regretted it quickly, and kept talking about wanting to go back to work as consultants or something. But, over time, those urges faded.

As for "you are lucky". Well, in the strictest sense, you are. On one hand, you were smart enough to make the financial decisions over life, that allowed you to retire early. But, life sometimes has a way of throwing curveballs. You could have gotten a serious illness that took you out of the workforce early, gotten into some kind of situation where you got the pants sued off of you, etc. Heck, you could have been carjacked at some point while at that gas station, and been shot. There are plenty of landmines that life can throw your way. If you've managed to dodge them, or at least NOT have them thrown at you, well, there can be some luck in that.

And "What do you do?" can be simply curiosity. When they find out what you do, did, whatever, they might simply be like "oh, that wouldn't have worked for me.

Life, and people, are simply too complicated to warrant simple, boilerplate responses.

 

[EvanC]

I'll say again what I've said before. Other people do not think about you nearly as much as you think they do. They have their own problems and their worries to give your life much thought. Don't lie to people. That is what they will remember. Just be honest without being smug and change the subject.

Agreed! I retired at age 51. Honestly, most people don’t care it’s just conversation. Be honest without being smug.

 

[Fielding]

I'm mid fifties, retired for a few years now. I generally just say I'm retired. But it depends on the audience.

With fellow retirees of any age, I'm always straightforward about it. If retirement is a good thing for them, I congratulate them and compare notes.

If they are peers-in-age and not yet retired, I sometimes say I'm taking time off and make vague references to life changes that could be interpreted as serious illness or mid-life-crisis, although I don't specify what, and feign shame or worry. Hardly anyone follows up when I take this tack. I'd rather they assume I was broke and sad than rich and happy, which probably says something interesting about me.

With a very young audience (19-25), I've realized it is usually safe to just say I'm retired. I look old enough to them that they have no clue I've retired early.

The emphasis differs with all these, but I try to keep them factually compatible so I'm never caught out in a lie if people compare notes.

 

[Jeb-NY]

I used this or a variation for the first few years then they stoped asking. Retired at 57 now 75.

I wake up each day with nothing planned and at night, fall asleep having only accomplished half of it and I’m OK with that.

 

[jollystomper]

"You are lucky" = "Now how come I never got that lucky?".
.

I would differ with this one. In my encounters, "You are lucky" = "you did not do anything yourself at all to put you in your situation" .

 

[maestro]

Well, ....I was prepared to just say that I had a good job, worked hard, lived below my means, saved alot and that my investments did well... and leave it at that.

This, +1. You've got to just NOT CARE what others think on this issue. Don't let others' envious nature get into your soul and mindset. It's poison. Peace.

 

[Gumby]

I would differ with this one. In my encounters, "You are lucky" = "you did not do anything yourself at all to put you in your situation" .

It has never hurt me one bit to say "Yes, I am lucky."

People will believe about me whatever they believe about me. I can't be bothered to care.

 

[Rdub]

I retired at 47 and am now 53. I used to feel kinda guilty saying I am retired, now I don't really care. Just say it matter of fact.

 

[lem1955]

I just went to my 50th high school reunion - yes, I'm 68. Everybody was asking, "Are you retired?" of everybody else. But they weren't much interested after Yes or No, to know what we used to do. It's what are you doing now that they wanted to know.

 

[Lron58]

How to answer "retired"?

You have earned the title "retired" so don't feel shy. I now lead a service organization helping others in job transition better their interviewing skills so that is my new job. I've heard other early FIRE'd people say, "I find ways to serve others."

Whatever answer you land on do it with humble pride that you have achieved the ability to have vocational freedom and God now has another plan for you.

 

[Koolau]

I just went to my 50th high school reunion - yes, I'm 68. Everybody was asking, "Are you retired?" of everybody else. But they weren't much interested after Yes or No, to know what we used to do. It's what are you doing now that they wanted to know.

That you're still alive at the 50th has a certain level of accomplishment implied. I think we had lost just shy of 20% at ours. It's getting worse, fast as we approach 60 years! YMMV

 

[Maidensong]

This...

I tell people I’m unemployable, which is true nowadays.

So old now no one asks.

My DH likes to say he's unemployable. What he means by that is that there isn't enough money anyone could offer that would induce him to sell his life to someone else again.

 

[folly]

I think some truly wonder how you did it. I know for many years everytime I drove across the state on those lonely highways, I would look across the horizon and see scattered houses in the distance and wonder "how do they live out here", "how do they make enough money in this seemly empty area", wishing I knew the answer because I was so sick of the city and the life I lived there. I felt trapped. I found my way out.
I still enjoy my youngest very thrifty daughter's answer to a similar question about how she manages to work part time and still maintains a simple, but comfortable lifestyle. "I shop at thrift stores and resell at consignment stores, drive my grandmothers 25 yo subaru, ride the bus and my bike, cook at home, limit myself to 1 beer when I go out, only own a cat who doesn't eat much.

 

[slsdog]

Sometimes I tell them I am a Personal Wealth Manager

 

[doneat54]

When someone asks "What do you do?"


I say "Whatever the hell I feel like doing when I wake up in the morning."

It is that easy.

 

[audreyh1]

I once got a “well, you are obviously still working” and it wasn’t a question as they had other unrelated things to say. I left it alone.

 

[tmm99]

When I told my coworker that i was returing, she said, "I didnt know you were that old." I was 55. [emoji2955]

 

[marko]

If someone is really rude about it, how about: "I was in prison for the last 45 years and just got out"

 

[Lewis Clark]

If someone is really rude about it, how about: "I was in prison for the last 45 years and just got out"

... and also add "I am looking for a quick way to get back in." : )

 

[MRG]

If someone is really rude about it, how about: "I was in prison for the last 45 years and just got out" [emoji23][emoji23]

I worked with a guy who used that line. He was only in for 14 years before the murder conviction was overturned. RIP.

 

[Music Lover]

If someone is really rude about it, how about: "I was in prison for the last 45 years and just got out"

I once said to someone that criticized my early retirement, "enjoy work tomorrow, I have a 10:30 tee time."

 

[Andre1969]

Mmkay, I have to confess, I did something kind of D-baggish at work a few weeks ago, that's relevant to this thread. Had a little 1-on-1 annual video meeting with my supervisor. I'm 53. She has to be in her early 60's.

Well, she has a somewhat vague notion of my financial situation, and that I'm not going to stick around forever. She brought this up, but the way she phrased it was "I think you're around the same age as me, and I know retirement is on the horizon. So all I ask is that you give me some notice, when you get to the point that you want to retire. Or scale back to part time.".

Well, I told her that I'm actually fairly happy with the way things are at the moment, so that the only way I'd quit on the spot was if they tried to change things too radically at the office, or if someone royally pissed me off. But, at this point, most of the people I work with/for are pretty decent. The ones I couldn't stand have either gotten fired, laid off, transferred to another department, retired, or died.

So then she asked, "Sooo, do you think, maybe five more years?"
That's when the D-bag in me surfaced. Without thinking I blurted out something like "oh HELL no. There is NO WAY in HELL I intend to still be working when I'm in my late 50s!"

Of course, now that I threw that out there, watch Karma come back and bite me on the butt.

 

[Koolau]

Mmkay, I have to confess, I did something kind of D-baggish at work a few weeks ago, that's relevant to this thread. Had a little 1-on-1 annual video meeting with my supervisor. I'm 53. She has to be in her early 60's.

Well, she has a somewhat vague notion of my financial situation, and that I'm not going to stick around forever. She brought this up, but the way she phrased it was "I think you're around the same age as me, and I know retirement is on the horizon. So all I ask is that you give me some notice, when you get to the point that you want to retire. Or scale back to part time.".

Well, I told her that I'm actually fairly happy with the way things are at the moment, so that the only way I'd quit on the spot was if they tried to change things too radically at the office, or if someone royally pissed me off. But, at this point, most of the people I work with/for are pretty decent. The ones I couldn't stand have either gotten fired, laid off, transferred to another department, retired, or died.

So then she asked, "Sooo, do you think, maybe five more years?"
That's when the D-bag in me surfaced. Without thinking I blurted out something like "oh HELL no. There is NO WAY in HELL I intend to still be working when I'm in my late 50s!"

Of course, now that I threw that out there, watch Karma come back and bite me on the butt.

You never know. Maybe the boss will try to make your life easier so you'll stay longer. It could w*rk to your advantage. BUT, I'd watch my back.

 

[Callitaday2022]

This reminds me of my final months. My supervisor got promoted, so I got a new to me manager. I had known him for years, and he came in and said, "I'm not going to rock the boat." I scheduled patients 0700 to 1620 for the previous 10+ years. Two weeks later, he says I have to start seeing 1700 patients. I said I'm not going to, and if he wants, I can quit now, or he can leave me alone, and I'll finish 4 to 6 months more. I'm coming up on my one year retirement date, and do a little PRN coverage once in a while because it's actually fun. I set the day and hours worked, and can work half or 3/4 day, but never 10 hrs again.

Sent from my SM-N986U1 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app

 

[Koolau]

This reminds me of my final months. My supervisor got promoted, so I got a new to me manager. I had known him for years, and he came in and said, "I'm not going to rock the boat." I scheduled patients 0700 to 1620 for the previous 10+ years. Two weeks later, he says I have to start seeing 1700 patients. I said I'm not going to, and if he wants, I can quit now, or he can leave me alone, and I'll finish 4 to 6 months more. I'm coming up on my one year retirement date, and do a little PRN coverage once in a while because it's actually fun. I set the day and hours worked, and can work half or 3/4 day, but never 10 hrs again.

It's so nice to suddenly be in the driver's seat at w*rk! I didn't have that option but I did have the option to leave which is almost as good. I'm happy for your "freedom" to choose!